A/N: Hiiii everyone! I'm so sorry that this took so long, but I had the worst writer's block for such a long time, and the chapter was stuck at like 80%. Fair warning; this is a heavy chapter, and sort of like a turning point. I do feel like I've rushed this a little, but I'm just so impatient. Please let me know how you feel about this chapter. If it's too rushed (though the events have been planned for a while), I'll go back and change it.
And jeez, happy new year! I'm so glad 2016 is over. It couldn't end soon enough - in fact, it tried to add me to its kill list in 2016. So many of my idols died, and now me too? Nuh huh. But I'm alive and okay and here to bring ya the next chapter. As always, REVIEWS are hyper-appreciated and inspire me to write faster. True story! To those of you who continously show your support - whether it was in 2016 or this year - thank you so much, it means a lot to me.
Quick question; I usually reply to reviews whenever I update the next chapter, but as you've seen now, it can take some time. Do you guys prefer quick responses or do you not mind having me respond whenever I update the story?
Chapter 8: Declaration
"Ne, Kaname, are there any cute girls you like?"
The little boy shook his head vehemently. "Nuh uh! The girls in the village are so annoying; they always ask me if I like them and if I can accept their feelings. It's super annoying."
Juuri giggled at her son's antics as she brushed his hair. "That's because my Kaname is just as handsome as his father. No wonder the girls like you!"
"When will Father be back?" Kaname wondered out loud, oblivious to his mother's tensing shoulders. "I will ask him how to get rid of the girls! And then… He can teach me how to find someone that's as beautiful and nice as mother…" He blushed.
Shaking off her sadness, Juuri grinned, peeking over Kaname's shoulder. "Oh, Kaname! You are really too sweet to your mother. If you keep that up, Mother will never be able to let you go."
The boy turned quickly in her arms. "Kaname doesn't want mother to let go either!" The rosy blush faded from his slightly chubby cheeks. His eyes turned serious in a matter of seconds; transfixed, she watched her little boy turn into a replica of his father, the king himself.
"I wish Father could be here more often… Then, the three of us could be together. Kaname is the most happy when Father is around, because Mother smiles and laughs even more…"
"Oh," Juuri sighed, brushing his cheek tenderly with her hand. It seemed like yesterday she was holding him in her arms for the first time, and now he was already 7 years old. In their little bubble of happiness, time flew with unfaltering speed.
She almost wished time would stop.
"Kaname, you don't know how happy you make me," she said gently. "And yes, while I am very sad when Father is away, I understand why he has to go. And you know, he always returns to us because he loves us so much. It's just that… being King isn't easy."
"Father is the King… Will I be the king one day?" Kaname's garnet eyes widened as he watched his mother fumble with her words.
"Well…." Juuri trailed off. She hated this subject. How did one go about explaining to their seven year old boy that because his mother was a simple concubine, and not married to the king, he could never follow in his father's footsteps?
Juuri pursed her lips. "In my eyes, you are already prince charming!" She pinched his cheek playfully. "So cute! So handsome!"
Kaname blushed furiously, doing his best to free himself. "But I want to be king…" He pouted.
"Hmm… But if you were king, Kaname, you wouldn't have the time to be with your wife and children. If he could, your father would spend aaaaall his free time with us, but he can't because of his duties. Are you prepared for that?"
The little boy shook his head. "If I were King, I would make a law so that the king can do whatever he wants. That way, I could be with you and Father all the time, and… um, my… Queen."
Juuri's playful eyes sobered. Her voice lowered as she spoke.
"You really want to be king, don't you?"
"Hai!" Kaname nodded excitedly. "Just like my Father!"
Juuri forced a smile on her face as she hugged him tightly in her arms, willing him to not see the tears that threatened to fall.
I wish I could give you the world, my dear boy.
"What is it, Mother?" Kaname whispered. "You seem sad…"
But people like you and me… we are outcasts. No matter what we do, we will never rise above our ranks. Society won't allow it. You, who dream of being king and ruling the world, how I wish I could give all of that to you…
Juuri sniffled quietly, disheartened by her son's bleak future as the bastard son of the King. "I'm not sa-"
"Juuri? Kaname? I'm home."
Kaname sprung from her arms towards the door, rushing into the welcoming arms of the King.
"Father!" Kaname beamed.
Haruka hugged his son tightly, a smile claiming his lips as he held his son close. It'd been five weeks since he saw him last, and yet he still felt like the boy had grown far too much for his liking. His duties dragged him away from the place he wanted to be the most, and it pained him greatly to see the despair in his lover's eyes whenever he had to leave them.
"Haruka…"
Juuri rose from her seat, her eyes shimmering with joy and elation at seeing him again. Haruka gravitated towards her instantly, drawn by the fire in her eyes and the delicacy of her beautiful face.
Their lips met in silent greeting, expressing more than words could.
"My sweet Juuri," Haruka hummed, brushing her cheek tenderly. "You become more beautiful day by day."
"Flattery won't help you," she teased, tapping his nose when he leaned in for another kiss.
Haruka smirked, aware of how easy it was for her to see through him. "You know I loathe being away from the two of you. Unfortunately, the palace has been hectic recently, and much to my dislike my presence has been needed more so than ever. Rest assured, I've made the proper arrangements so that I can stay here with the two of you for an extended period of time."
He tipped her chin upwards, looking into her depths, which he so desperately loved.
"Happy now?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, trying not to smile. "Maaaybe…"
"Ne, Father, can you come and play with me?" Kaname tugged at his father's pants lightly, his patience worn thin having watched his parents reconnect.
Haruka ruffled his hair, smiling at his son. "When did you become so impatient? Hmm… I do wonder where you got it from."
Juuri rolled her eyes.
"Kaname waited a long time to see you!" Young Kaname declared, obviously annoyed by his father and mother's doting on each other. "You and Mother are always spending so much time together when you come back, but now I really want to play with you, Father! What if we never find the treasure?"
"I understand, son," Haruka nodded, "I've neglected our treasure hunt for far too long. I know it's upsetting."
"So can we go?" Hopeful eyes peered up at his towering father.
"You go ahead and I'll come after you. There is just a few things I need to discuss with your Mother," Haruka ushered gently. "Remember, the quicker you start searching, the better!"
"Haai!" Kaname yelled excitedly, needing no further encouragement to get out into the garden.
"A hidden treasure, huh?"
Haruka smiled sheepishly at his lover. "I plan on giving him his birthday gift this way. The boy loves a good mystery."
"I see," Juuri half-laughed and yawned at the same time. She could feel the energy in her legs dim slowly.
As Haruka moved to collect her in his arms, a bout of dizziness hit her all of a sudden. She swayed on her feet lightly, her hand sailing up to her forehead.
"Juuri? Are you all right?" Worry laced into Haruka's voice as he stabilized her.
"It's nothing," Juuri waved him off, shaking her head.
"How long has this been going on?" Haruka wondered, worry etched onto his face.
"Just a few weeks, it's nothing serious," Juuri assured him, "I haven't been sleeping well, that's all."
"And why is that?"
"So nosy…"
"Juuri," Haruka said, using his stern King's voice.
Juuri sighed, relaxing into his chest. "He keeps asking about you, and he's wondering if he'll be king one day. He doesn't understand why we can't be together all the time and why you're always away. Day after day, I have to come up with distractions but he always sees through my lies." She chuckled softly. "That boy is too smart for his own damn good."
"He takes it from you," Haruka said, petting the back of her head. "Our boy is growing up, and soon this little haven I created for us won't be enough for him. I understand that in due time I will need to explain to him the situation, and I will, Juuri, I will, but…"
"But?" Juuri said tiredly, still feeling dizzy.
"But the throne succession is rather complicated. There's no guarantee that Kaname won't be able to claim the throne if he wants to."
"What do you mean?" Juuri pulled back from his arms, searching his eyes.
"Rido…" Haruka said, noticing how Juuri still flinched at the reminder of his other family. "I do not trust him. I know he is my son and the rightful heir to the throne, but my instinct is telling me not to trust him. That boy inherited his mother's darkness, and I am afraid of what it will do to him as he matures."
Juuri sealed her lips shut, unable to fully address the matter. She had always struggled with the knowledge of Haruka's double-life; she'd once met the late queen, and the meeting had left her battling with guilt for years. When Shizuka killed herself, Juuri blamed herself eventhough Haruka reassured her constantly that it was not her fault.
No matter what he said, Juuri couldn't shake off the heartbreak she'd seen in the late queen's eyes. Like Juuri, she was madly in love with the king, but unlike Juuri he didn't love her back. Somewhere along the way, she decided that she couldn't live anymore with the pain, and ended everything.
Sometimes, the silver-haired queen would visit Juuri in her dreams and point cold, white fingers at her as she cursed her name. And lately, those dreams had become even worse.
"But these are not matters we should discuss right now," Haruka announced, "I came here to escape the tedious palace politics and I intend to do so. So, please, Juuri, do not worry about these things – I have it all under control."
Juuri nodded quietly, trying her best to ignore the ache that was forming near her temples.
Haruka cradled her face in his hands gently, his eyes searching hers. "You need to take better care of yourself. I spend enough time worrying over you and Kaname's safety – don't give me another reason to worry."
"Hai, you stubborn and nosy King," Jurri chuckled, nuzzling his nose. "You're absolutely foolish to think you'll get rid of me so easily. I am Juuri, a force of nature – stubborn like rocks scratching the hillside. You don't need to worry."
"Indeed you are, you wild woman," Haruka chuckled, kissing her forehead. "And though you insist you will survive anything, I am still going to protect you for the rest of my life. Come what may."
Juuri kissed his lips, savoring the taste of him. She recognized their mutual chant; words they'd used through difficult times when it felt like the world was ganging up on them. It was his promise to her, and her promise to him also, that come what may in their way, they would persevere and hold onto each other. So strong was their forbidden love.
"Come what way," she echoed, snuggling into her favorite chest.
"Must you go?"
The queen huffed, maroon eyes locked on the fabric in her hands. The silk flowed between her fingers; with a speculative glance she deduced that it wasn't worthy of coming along with her.
"Must you constantly insist that I don't?" She returned, discarding the fabric and picking up another one for inspection.
The stoic knight pursed his lips, battling with the slow anger that burned in his belly.
"I'm afraid I must. Your safety is my number one priority–"
"The king himself declared it a safe journey. He accepted it and even insisted that I take you with me. What could possibly go wrong? Why are you creating so much fuss over it?" Yuuki's eyes sailed over to her lover, a questioning look forming on her features. While he contemplated his answer, she took her sweet time secretly adoring his tall and slender physique. He looked magnificent, dressed in all black with the royal emblem around his waist. The fur on his shoulders made him look even more muscular than he was, further enhancing the image of a warrior ready for war. Beneath his robes and beneath his weapons, she knew there was softness and kindness in his heart, reserved only for her.
His handsome mouth turned into a frown; instinctively she wanted to kiss it away.
"I'm not, I…" He trailed off, clenching his fists as the foreboding feeling once again rose in his stomach. He couldn't help but feel like something bad was coming their way; that she would come to harm under his watch…
And for the life of him, he couldn't allow it. Not even a straw of her hair was allowed to be harmed.
Once again, his eyes softened upon the woman he adored. She was dressed in all her finery, looking like the Queen regent that she was. Yuuki was above him in every way; not just through her title, but also through her purity and kindness. Where he was darkness and death, she was the sun itself, almost blinding him with her luminosity. To think that a celestial being like her, who constantly entranced him with her beauty and grace, would take him as a lover was still an absurd notion to him. Despite her many reassurances, Kaname could never shake the distance that was between them and how inferior he felt towards her. That's why he needed to protect her – it wasn't just because of his deep-rooted affection for her, but to make up for the fact that it was the only thing he could ever do for her. Protect her at all costs – die for her if needed be.
He couldn't let anything happen to her.
Sensing his distress and inability to express himself, the queen softly lowered the fabric in her hands and stepped over to him, her feet elegantly carrying her over to where he lingered by the window.
Touching his face tenderly, she searched his eyes.
"What is bothering you so much that you cannot tell me?" She inquired softly, her eyes melting with compassion and affection.
His calloused hand, far bigger than hers, came up and rested over her hand on his cheek while his other sought the softness of her face. Instinctively, his lover leaned into his touch, further moving his already overwhelmed heart.
"I have a bad feeling…" He whispered, looking into her eyes as he let all his fears surface. "I cannot escape it. I have nightmares where you scream my name, and I can't find you in time. I'm deathly afraid of you being hurt. I can't… I can't lose you, Yuuki."
Yuuki smiled wonderfully at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling as her cheeks widened. "Nothing is going to happen to me, Kaname. As long as you are next to me, I'll be fine. You told me so a long time ago, did you not? As long as you are next to me, I will be safe."
Her words didn't soothe him one bit. He exhaled sharply, carefully trudging through his conflicting emotions. Why wasn't she taking this more seriously?
"I did," he admitted begrudgingly, "but Yuuki, please, I can not ignore this feeling… It burns through my nightmares and soars through my chest these days. Every part of me is telling me that something bad is going to happen. And you know I can't let anything happen to you. It would kill me."
Yuuki sighed. "It's just nerves, Kaname. I don't know why you're feeling this way, or what might've led you to such thoughts, but please stop worrying over useless fears." Her hands slid down his chest, resting above his heart. "I am not going anywhere."
Troubled garnet eyes bore through hers; he still wasn't convinced.
"And besides," Yuuki raised her chin and straightened her back, trying her best to look down at him although he was taller than her, "if I do end up going somewhere, I'm going to drag you with me. Whether you like it or not."
Unable to resist her silliness, he let a rare smile break through his distressed features. "Is that so, your highness?"
Yuuki's lips quivered with mirth; she did her best to school her features and remain as stern as possible.
"Yes, my valiant knight. Rest assured, you won't be able to get rid of me that easily."
Kaname quickly grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. He lowered his face towards hers, his eyes smoldering while his smirk remained in place. "And what if it was the opposite? If I were to drag you away somewhere… would you follow me so willingly then?"
"Oh my," Yuuki blinked, her cheeks turning pink, "you sure have a dramatic side to you. And, like any man, you sure are forgetful. Did I not promise you that I would follow you willingly wherever you go?"
Kaname grinned. "Like any man, you say… Last time you called me a wolf puppy, and now I am reduced to just any man. Who will I be to you tomorrow, your highness?"
Yuuki licked her lips, raising herself on her tiptoes as she laced her arms around his neck. "If you play your cards right, and stop fussing over useless things, I will let you be anything you want…"
The low timbre of her voice made him weak in the knees. Her proximity and words tantalized him; one minute he feared for her life, and in the next he was trembling at the thought of having her.
How could this woman have so much power over him?
Kaname panted against her lips, desire roaring in his veins. "Ah… but Yuuki, you must understand that I don't care who I am as long as I can be next to you. As long as you'll allow me to touch you…" His hands slid down her waist. "Feel you…"
Yuuki bit her lower lip, her eyes flickering between his tantalizing lips and alluring eyes. She could feel heat pool between her legs, like it always did when he seduced her; her body responded to his every call and she had no way of stopping it. One masculine hand slipped from her waist and into her hair, tracing the fine locks and pulling slightly.
She hissed into his mouth, her heartbeat speeding up.
"Kiss you…" Kaname whispered, lowering his mouth onto hers and letting his tongue caress her willing tongue slowly.
"Mmh, Kanam–"
"Jouusama, the carriage is ready and your entourage are waiting for you. Are you ready?"
They broke apart quickly, Yuuki's eyes locked on the door as she panted. Recognizing Ichijou's voice on the other side of the door, Kaname continued to hold her close, his lips sailing down her neck as he traced open-mouthed kisses on the places he knew were sensitive.
"Uhm…" She moaned from the pleasure of his lips on her neck. Scandalized by her lack of self-control, she cleared her throat. "I… I will be. Soon. Just… Give me a few minutes and I shall be ready. Ah!"
Kaname kissed down her shoulder, enjoying how she responded to his teasing.
Blushing furiously, the queen cleared her throat once more. "A-alert the guards of my pending arrival. You may leave."
"All right, your highness." Ichijou's voice faded from behind the door, the sound of his steps echoing.
Yuuki broke apart from Kaname's embrace, quickly walking over the other side of the room. Aware of his lingering eyes, she did her best to compose herself and control her breathing. By now, she had no doubt that her face resembled the ripest and reddest tomato rather than her usually pale complexion. If she'd let him continue any further, she would've ripped of her clothes herself and begged him to enter her if only just to have him one more time before their journey.
Unfortunately, her lover had a powerful hold on her – a hold she could barely comprehend.
"Always…" She murmured, clenching her fists on her sides. "You always do this to me. You always make me feel this way…"
She could hear his steps as he sauntered slowly towards her. Her heartbeat sped up in anticipation; she felt silly and foolish for being giddy over such a common thing.
"I'm afraid you have the same effect on me, your highness," Kaname spoke softly, unable to hold back his smirk.
Feeling him behind her, she turned around, almost bumping into his chest as she did so. Entranced by his swollen lips and how his beautiful locks of hair seemed to tumble into his eyes, Yuuki allowed herself to let go of decorum, not caring how much she exposed of herself as she panted in front of him.
"It seems we are quite hopeless…" She hummed, placing her palms on his chest and looking up adoringly into his garnet hues.
Hopelessly in love, Kaname added in his mind, unable to say it out loud. Instead, he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly. She responded with the same vigor, the need to feel him close manifesting strongly within her the longer he was apart from her physically.
He pulled back slightly and eyed her, the same worrisome expression returning to his face. Tenderly, he tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek in the same process. He lowered his lips to her forehead; Yuuki closed her eyes at the simple touch, her throat constricting with emotion at the tenderness she felt from his kiss.
Kaname pulled back and gazed into her eyes.
"I will protect you," he vowed earnestly.
Caught by the intensity of his eyes, Yuuki could barely form words.
"I believe you," she spoke softly, caressing his cheek.
They lingered for a while, locked in each other's embrace and comfort. Eventually, Kaname lowered his gaze, sighing softly as he placed a delicate kiss on top of her hand.
"Once again, I must let you go… for now," he spoke solemnly, taking a step back and breaking their embrace.
Immediately, she missed his warmth.
"You'll see me again in seconds, I promise." She smiled playfully, doing her best to ease the sadness that seemed to enshroud them.
Whether he caught onto her intention, he didn't display it. Instead he turned and walked out of her chambers, leaving her longing for more.
Once outside, the bad feeling in his gut returned with full force. He grit his teeth together in frustration, anxiety flaring in his bones and spreading through his nervous system. No matter how many times she reassured him and made him forget, the feeling always returned.
And with it came memories of a time he'd rather forget permanently.
Because the last time he had a bad feeling, it came through in the most heartbreaking and gut-wrenching way.
He could not lose another treasured person because of his own incapacity.
This time, he needed to conquer whatever came in his way.
Although she had promised him seconds, the queen wound up taking another ten minutes to arrive at their departure point.
He did not complain, of course. The longer she delayed the journey, the more at ease he felt.
Watching her descend the palace stairs made his eyes go watery; eyes lowered in front of her, Yuuki walked with the utmost grace and balance. Her red dress signified her status as queen regent; until she gave birth to the heir, she would continue to wear bright colors such as red and similar hues. Long gone was the pink kimono he'd first seen her in when she was the princess. He mourned the fabric momentarily; reminiscing on how that moment felt like it was a lifetime ago.
Back then, he'd barely caught a glimpse of her, yet he'd still been enchanted by her. It would take years before he saw her again; and when he met her, he was severely disappointed by the cold woman she had grown into. But as time passed, he learned to know the new Yuuki, only to discover that the real Yuuki that he remembered was still within her. She'd appear in the rarest of glimpses, and he'd hold onto her for as long as he could; be it a shy smile or a brief laugh, he'd do anything to prolong the moment and keep the cold from returning to her eyes.
But who could blame her for her ruthlessness? Palace life had not treated her well; nor had her foolish husband who blamed her for every unfortunate event in his life.
Yuuki had every right to become the woman that she had. Her light had been snuffed out by her king's overwhelming darkness.
His eyes widened when he spotted his hairpin, safely tucked into her luscious dark hair, accentuating her outfit.
She's mine now. That is the most important change since all those years ago.
Even if it was a well-hidden secret; only displayed between the two during the darkest hours of the night, he still cherished the fact. The hairpin made him soar with pride – even if no one else but her knew the meaning of it.
It was his mark on her; the little testament of how much she meant to him.
As she sauntered down the last steps, he couldn't help but imagine her running towards his arms; how he would open them wide and embrace her – she belonged with him after all.
Alas, she turned towards the king the minute she was on their level, her eyes strictly trained on her husband and not on her secret lover.
"I apologize for the delay, your highness," she bowed regally.
The hairpin glinted in the sunlight; try as he might, Kaname couldn't look away.
"I understand women have peculiar habits when getting ready for such important events. It is of no issue to me, Jouusama; at last you are here. I assume you have everything you need?" Rido spoke eloquently, his eyes betraying none of the hatred that burned within him.
"I do, your highness," Yuuki curtsied. "I must once again thank you for granting me permission to leave the palace and attend the orphanage. You cannot imagine the joy you have brought me."
Rido's mouth twitched into a half-smile. "It is I who should be thanking you. Word of your kindness and grace will spread across the kingdom because of your charity work; the people will hail me for choosing such a loveable and admirable wife."
Kaname bit his tongue, fighting with the urge to roll his eyes. Day after day he had to bear witness to the king and queen exchanging pleasantries for the sole purpose of keeping up appearances. He had to quiet the memories of the king barging into the queen's room and beating her; his drunken words of hatred and blame towards the innocent queen – pretend that none of it was real.
Luckily, in the past months his tantrums had decreased for some reason. Kaname was not aware why, but he was thankful for the pause nonetheless.
"You flatter me, your highness," the queen smiled politely. "I'm afraid this is a selfish quest if anything; I only wish to surround myself with their joy and longevity."
"It is a good idea nonetheless," the king nodded, turning towards Kaname. "I trust you will protect her along the way, yes?"
Kaname placed his right hand on his heart, bowing. "I will, your highness."
"Very well," the king clapped, gesturing for the queen to enter the carriage. "Off you go."
As he turned, Kaname looked up, only to catch the queen's twinkling eyes as she gave him a knowing look.
He glanced at her hairpin and back at her, silently communicating his approval and appreciation. The queen's lips quivered ever so slightly, and in turn he struggled also with maintaining his neutral expression.
She turned quickly towards the carriage and entered it, her maids assisting her with her gown.
Kaname turned towards the king, neutral expression in tact as he nodded. "We are all ready to go, your highness."
"Kaname…" Rido trailed off, eyes flickering between the carriage and his half-brother. "You must be very careful. I cannot let any harm happen to the queen, do you understand? I accepted her request based on your presence. If you were not with her, I would not allow it."
Kaname felt anger flare in his veins.
You know very well that it is unsafe for her to travel, yet you allowed it anyway. You do not value her life, only her importance to your position. If you had only consulted with me, you would have known what kind of dangers we face.
Instead of voicing his thoughts, Kaname nodded quietly. "I will not let any harm befall her, your highness. You have my word."
As they rode off, the bad feeling in his stomach intensified. The longer they came from the gates of the palace, the less at ease Kaname felt. His stallion neighed worriedly often, finely tuned into his owner's moods.
Patting the mane of the mammal, Kaname took a deep breath in order to calm himself. He glanced briefly at the carriage beside him; inside of it was the source of all his fears and anxiety.
The one he loved the most.
The Queen.
And damn it, neither her nor her incompetent husband would listen to his warnings. Ever since their Shirabuki raid months ago, there had been rebellious attacks throughout the country. The Shirabukis wanted revenge; sweet, bloody revenge that would only cease once they'd established ownership of the crown. The Kurans and the Shirabukis had been fighting for centuries; long ago, the two clans had fought mercilessly against each other to unite the country under one kingdom.
The Shirabukis were fair-skinned and light-haired; deadlier than any snake that lurked in the gardens. They believed fully in the noble aristocracy and the enforcement of taxes on the common people, and they were not afraid of shedding blood in order to get what they wanted.
The Kurans were a different clan, maybe even a different breed. They were amicable but fierce; they negotiated deals with other clans in order to strengthen themselves, and thus proving themselves very powerful with their numbers. They were dark-haired and notoriously beautiful people, hailed throughout history as a true royal clan.
They believed in ideals such as less power to the crown and more to the people; they wished to create harmony between the classes, dividing up goods equally among men and women of every part of the country.
Kaname was proud to say that he hailed from such a bloodline, even if his ancestry was rather muddled. Being the bastard son of the late Haruka Kuran was not a desired title for anyone; in their society, anything that happened outside marriage was considered taboo, and although the king was allowed to have extramarital affairs, he was not allowed to fall in love with his concubines nor sire children with them.
But Haruka Kuran did, and his love for Kaname's mother was so overpowering that when he lost her, he died of his own grief over losing her.
It was almost beautiful. Poetic, even.
Yuuki's face flashed in his mind.
But if I were to lose you, I wouldn't find it poetic or beautiful. Like my father before me, I would die from heartbreak.
Kaname realized that he had inherited many traits from his parents equally; like his father, he would crumble under the weight of love and toss his life aside if he lost the one he loved; and like his mother, Kaname was an outcast in society whose only crime was loving a monarch.
With certain twists and turns, history keeps repeating itself.
I wonder… Saddened eyes slid over to the carriage again, quietly yearning after the person inside.
My mother and father loved each other and it killed them. You and I met under cruel circumstances; and somewhere in our darkness, we stumbled together and I fell in love with you. You, who look at me with so much kindness in your eyes, do you love me too? And if so…
Will we end up like my mother and father, murdered by the love they held for each other?
Or can we change the course of destiny?
The ride was long, but eventually they made it.
Arriving in the town, the carriage halted by the border. Guards gathered around as the people of the town surrounded the queen who had so graciously decided to visit them.
The guards opened the door to the carriage, and out came Queen Kuran Yuuki, dressed in all her glory and beaming at her people.
At once, they were smitten by her lovely face and presence; young men found their hearts beating faster than usual, while young girls watched with stars in their eyes as she addressed the people.
"I thank you all for welcoming me to your lovely town," she spoke graciously as Kaname came to her side. He watched the crowds as they watched her; how their eyes feasted on her every move and how their ears seemed to perk at the sound of her bell-like voice. He was feeling both pride and greed; pride because of the way she spoke and how beautiful she was – and knowing that she was his and his alone. But at the same time, a greedy need to bring her away from the hungry eyes of the men in the crowd and hide her forever manifested in his mind.
That woman would surely drive him mad. And he didn't mind.
"It is my hope that you will show me what your town has to offer today. It is imperative for me, and the King as well, that we get to know our people on a personal level and that we get to listen to you. Please, treat me as fellow stranger only paying a visit to his magnificent city."
"Oh, Jouusama, we could never!"
"Joouusama, you are so beautiful!"
"We love you, Jouusama!"
"Where do you want to go first, Jouusama?"
The crowd cheered as they threw cherry blossoms around. Yuuki smiled brightly, almost shyly, at their enthusiasm. Kaname couldn't help but feel his own lips turn into a smile; after all, her happiness was his happiness also, and watching her smile as her people showered words of affection at her made him terribly happy.
"Ne, the knight looks so much like the king…"
"They almost look like a couple, don't you think? It's like the King is here himself, next to the queen…"
"The knight is more famous than his half-brother… They say he freed Kyoto from Shirabuki control only using his sword…"
Kaname stiffened slightly at the whispers he caught in the crowd. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his status as a mere knight next to Yuuki. Of course, behind closed doors in the palace she treated him nothing like a regular knight, so it was easy for him to forget their difference in ranks.
It was like he was living a dream; whenever she showered kisses upon him and uttered words of affection, he imagined that he was more to her than a knight; that he was enough to stay by her side, even in public.
But that illusion shattered all too easily.
"Please, show me around your town," Yuuki smiled graciously, gesturing for the mayor to come forth.
And so they went, visiting everything from local bath houses to shelters and exquisite markets. Yuuki regarded everything with polite interest and exuberating passion; her glee transferred onto the people, who in turn showered her with gifts and compliments.
Kaname watched her all day, silently listening to her engage with the townspeople. Whenever she smiled, he felt his knees go weak; and whenever she giggled or made funny comments, he couldn't help but feel like joining in. Nevertheless, he did his best to stay alert and neutral, eyes constantly scanning the area around them.
The bad feeling he'd initially felt had diminished somewhat, but he still didn't fully trust the circumstances. The day was winding down, and he'd yet to see any assassins or people with bad intentions come Yuuki's way. The people were absolutely smitten with their queen, as they should be considering how wonderfully she treated them.
Had Yuuki been any other queen, she wouldn't even bother coming all this way out of the palace merely just to talk to people. But Yuuki – though previously dubbed as 'the ice queen' – was the epitome of a gracious and humble queen. He'd noticed a change in her in the past months; she was gradually opening up and loosening her defenses – she was still strict and precise with her servants and palace royals, but she wasn't as intimidating as before.
He wasn't one to take credit for much, but when it came to her change in behaviour, Kaname couldn't help but pin it on himself and his presence in his life. He felt like he was making her a better person; the same way she was reshaping him little by little. It was like… they were the perfect match in every way, bringing out the best in each other.
And he swore he couldn't love her more.
She glanced over her shoulder briefly, finally able to tear her attention away from the flailing merchants around her, winking at him as she shared one of her secretive smiles. The moment lasted only seconds, yet it was enough to make his heart flutter with sheer excitement.
All through the day, she offered him secret smiles and knowing looks over her shoulder. Though he was on duty, she always distracted him. No matter how hard he tried, sometimes he couldn't fight the smile that wormed itself onto his face whenever she sought him out. He was completely at her mercy, and he both loved and loathed it.
The highlight of his day was when she made him dance with her in public.
"Jouusama, Jouusama! Come, you must dance to our traditional music!"
"Oh, I would love to," said the queen, eyes glittering with mischief as she looked around. "But I'm afraid I don't have anyone to dance with…" She looked around, seemingly ignoring the raised hands that suddenly manifested in the crowds of young, hopeful men.
"Ah! It seems my guard has nothing to do," she smirked, eyeing Kaname. "Say, will you dance with me?"
His eyes widened as his mind raced with questions and worries. She wanted to dance with him? In public? Him? And what if people started talking and word got to the king? No, no, they couldn't do it, it was too risk-
"Am I being rejected?" The queen whispered, glancing around at the faces that were watching the knight make his decision in suspense.
"Dance with me Jouusama!"
"No, with me! Please, your highness!"
Their frenzied cries set jealousy surging through his body. At once, Kaname stepped forward and grabbed her waist, discarding any notion of uncertainty.
"It would be an honor," he said, tipping his head down and staring into her wide eyes. "Jouusama."
When she finally overcame her shock from his sudden decision to dance with her, she smirked at him, her eyes filled with mischief and mirth.
The townspeople led them through the moves, however they were quick to catch onto the steps and so finely in tune with each other that it didn't take much for them to get the hang of it. Kaname twirled Yuuki around and dipped her, earning rounds of applause and joyful laughter from the queen herself. Whenever he pulled her back, he made sure to bring her as close as possible to his chest, his possessive side shining through.
The queen didn't seem to mind his proximity much. Their eyes remained locked as they danced, conveying a myriad of emotion. Kaname couldn't help but feel pride soar through his chest; he'd always resigned himself to only having the queen behind closed doors, and never in public. But now he was dancing with her, in front of people, and no one were complaining. In fact, the crowd was cheering them on.
As he lost himself in her eyes, he couldn't help but think about the what ifs. What if he was King? What if they were married? How sweet wouldn't life be if he could dance with her like this forever?
As if she sensed the dark turn his thoughts had taken, her smile softened. He didn't know how she did, but just by the look in her eyes she managed to reassure and soothe him. He felt his worries melt away as he focused on the most important thing; that she was here, with him, right now in this moment.
"They do look awfully close…"
"The knight is so handsome, no wonder the queen wants to dance with him…"
"Don't they look wonderful together?"
Kaname did his best to ignore the whispers, but some of them got to him. Even though he knew he shouldn't delight over people thinking they looked good together, he couldn't stop himself. He knew he would never be able to be with Yuuki in public like he wanted to, but doing simple things like dancing under the pretense of being just a helpful knight eased his desire to show her off. In his own, twisted way, he could pretend that they were a real couple.
As the songs winded down, they decided they'd had enough, Yuuki grinning proudly as she calmed her breathing. Kaname stepped respectfully to the side, carefully schooling his expression into one of neutrality.
"That was wonderful," she exclaimed, addressing the people. "I should come her more often and dance, I haven't had this much fun in years."
The crowd hollered and cheered, smitten by her charming smile and the notion of her coming back again.
"Dance with me, Jouusama!" A young man cried from the crowd, his eyes shining with hope.
"I must respectfully decline your invitation," Yuuki said elegantly, gesturing towards Kaname by her side, "I had such a talented partner and now I am exhausted from trying to keep up. I think I am in need of some rest."
She nodded at Kaname, who at once was back in duty-modus, grabbing her arm gently and leading her through the crowd as they stepped aside for her.
"That was fun," she whispered hurriedly.
Kaname couldn't help but smile at her childish behavior. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he whispered back.
"And you? Did you not enjoy dancing with me?" She wondered.
"Oh, I enjoy doing all kinds of things with you, Jouusama," he said, his voice dropping an octave. "You might already be familiar with a few of my favorite activities."
Yuuki blushed at his words laced with innuendo, slapping his chest lightly. "We should dance more often," she declared lowly. "It makes you loosen up."
"Am I too tense for you in the daily life?"
"No, I like you just the way you are…" She whispered. "But seeing you this happy and free is the most enjoyable."
"My happiness mirrors yours," he declared softly as he opened the carriage door for her. "I thought you already knew that."
She smiled softly at his admission, biting her lower lip. The action made him focus on her lips, and the need to capture them with his own manifested as a consequence. She was always so delectable, inspiring all kinds of erotic thoughts in his mind. How was he supposed to contain himself for the rest of the day?
He shook his head, used to his treacherous thoughts but nevertheless exasperated with himself.
"Thank you for dancing with me, my valiant knight. You are a good dancer," she smirked as he guided her into the carriage.
Leaning into the carriage, Kaname smirked back at her. "I'm good at many things, Yuuki. I might just show you some time."
Savoring the look on her flustered face, Kaname winked and shut the door quickly, chuckling quietly to himself. He enjoyed teasing her in public and pushing her boundaries; not only did she react so vividly, but she always found ways to get back at him in their little game.
Perhaps escaping the safety of the palace had been a good thing after all.
The final stop of the day was the orphanage.
The children adored Yuuki instantly; and no wonder really. As she played with them, she seemed to radiate a motherly joy; the way she interacted with them, her eyes shining with joy – it was all so obvious that this was a role that suited her.
Kaname felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. She was so blindingly beautiful that he sometimes had trouble believing it was real. He couldn't help but envision her with a little bundle in her arms, a wide smile on her face as she nuzzled the little brown-haired baby with garnet eyes…
He shook his head for the umpteenth time that day, amazed by his imagination. The image replayed in his mind on a loop, rendering him with no escape.
She'd told him that she couldn't get pregnant. And while the news had provided them with some relief, there was also a harrowing sadness and disappointment that followed the development. The image in his mind could only be a reflection of his heart's desires; and really, it was only natural that it would come to this.
He wanted to be with the woman he loved, freely, out in the public eye. He wanted to do all the normal things that other couples took for granted; he wanted to court her, before eventually proposing to her. Then, after marriage, he wanted her to have his children. And together, he wanted to raise them while loving her for the rest of his life.
A happy family, like the one I once had…
But that could never happen. They were doomed from the start; destined to be mocked and ridiculed should the true nature of their relationship be revealed. The knight that fell in love with the queen – a notion so surreal he sometimes had trouble believing that this was his life.
The Yuuki in front of him, who smiled from the bottom of her heart as she played with the children, was the Yuuki he wanted to see for the rest of his life. He wanted to see her pregnant and joyful; round and ripe with the fruit of their love; radiant and beautiful with their son or daughter in her arms.
Was it really too much to ask? A normal life, filled with simple joys?
It was.
The last time a monarch fell in love with a commoner, it ended in absolute tragedy.
"Mother… Mother!"
Suddenly, his hairs were standing up on his arms; he could feel goose bumps form all over his body as the strangest sensation swept over his limbs. His eyes flickered back and forth between the queen and the crowd, sensing danger but not knowing its source.
The bad feeling from earlier in the day returned tenfold, almost crippling him with its force.
Kaname staggered slightly on his feet, desperately trying to reign in control over his limbs as his senses went into overdrive.
His eyes locked on the queen. As he watched her, his heart began to beat fast within the confines of his chest. His pulse skyrocketed, sending a rush of adrenaline into his bloodstream. Suddenly everything was sharpened; every color was more vivid than before, and the sunlight seemed harsher than he remembered.
Panic. Sheer, true panic that rattled his bones.
He saw the queen smiling at one of the nurses of the orphanage and a small girl; her red dress was so bright it almost hurt looking at it. He scanned her, trying to see if there was something wrong; the hairpin he'd given her came into view, glinting in the sunlight, temporarily soothing his senses.
She was unaware of his eyes and the panic that was rapidly consuming him, gently petting a little girl's head.
Citizens walked past them in slow motion; for a second Kaname could feel time suspend as he suddenly eyed a suspicious man running towards the queen.
He had no time to think; his body was acting of its own accord as he ran towards the Queen with all his might.
"This is for the Shirabuki lords you killed! Death to the Kuran king and his queen!"
The arrow was poised and ready, the pressure of the string ready to propel it forward to its goal, which was the queen's heart.
The arrow released from its tense position, sailing quickly through the air.
"Ne, Jouusama, you look so pretty." The little girl said, smiling at the queen.
Visiting the orphanage was her favorite part of her trips. In the past, she'd found ways to escape the palace and attend the orphanages, but with Kaname's watchful eyes and his distracting hands, she found herself returning even more seldom to the orphanage.
Yuuki smiled in return, patting the child's head. "Thank yo–"
Her speech was broken off as a man crashed into her, his body covering hers as they fell to the ground. She gasped at the sudden impact, feeling her body ache as the harsh soil collided with her right side.
Startled, she found herself wound tightly within the solid arms of her knight as he held onto her. For a moment, everything seemed to still around them; the chatter of people faded away into nothingness, as if they were suddenly underwater; as her eyes met his, she felt as if she was seeing him for the first time. The sharpness of his jawline and the smoothness of his skin amazed her; she couldn't see anything but his beauty all of a sudden.
The rapid beat of her heart echoed in her ears as she saw the features of his face twist with anguish; his eyes were wide as he scanned her face and vaguely she could sense him speaking but she couldn't fathom what his mouth was doing.
"It's an attack! He tried to kill Jouusama!"
And then, as if the opening of flood gates, every sound rushed into her keen ears at once. She came up from underwater, suddenly coming awake with her senses.
She could hear the people scream and rush around; the sound of arrows zoomed faintly in the background as piece by piece she managed to understand what was happening.
They were under an attack.
She'd almost been killed.
And Kaname had saved her.
He was asking her if she was okay, but she couldn't do anything else but gape at him. Faintly her eyes registered the trace of blood on his left arm.
"….to get away… Are you listening… Yuuki…"
She blinked, unable to feel anything but the shock reverberating through her body.
"Now!" Kaname yelled, pulling her up with him.
Once she was on her feet, she finally registered the wounded people around her as arrows sailed through the air. She watched the faces of the villagers twist with fear and grief as they ran for their lives; surrounding her was endless chaos, and had it not been for Kaname's steady grip on her arms she would've been sucked into it a long time ago. Her senses went into overdrive; sounds, visions and the scent of warfare assaulted her all at once. The only thing keeping her calm was Kaname.
Kaname whistled, and within seconds his black stallion was by his side. Quickly he pulled Yuuki up with him; she wobbled on her feet unsteadily as he worked the reins of the horse. Quickly, he hauled her onto the horse before mounting it himself.
"Yah!" He called, his legs slamming into the horse's waist, sending the stallion into a gallop.
With her back pressed into his chest, Yuuki couldn't see his face. But judging by his body language, she could tell he was overwrought with fear and panic. She didn't dare open her mouth and say something; the situation was far too tense to merit any menial conversation.
It was all happening so fast, and the shock to her system was hindering any attempt she made at processing what was happening.
As they rode out of the village, she watched with bewildered eyes the chaos they left behind them, but she couldn't understand it. Hours ago she'd been dancing and laughing with Kaname, and now they were running away because her life was in danger.
Back and forth she went in her mind the rest of the ride, but she uttered no syllable to indicate her internal struggles.
Though her heart rate calmed the further they got away from the village, she still felt panic linger in her body. Kaname wasn't doing much either to soothe her; he didn't speak except for when he commanded the horse, and his arms were wound so tightly around her waist she didn't dare to move.
The winter frost bit at her skin, but she could barely feel it as they rode into the night.
She didn't know much time had passed, but suddenly she could see a small house in the distance. The path in front of them was overgrown with foliage and covered in snow, but she could still discern it.
The house grew bigger and bigger as they approached, but its charming illusion from earlier shattered as she noticed how worn-down it was.
Kaname halted the stallion, slowing to a stop right in front of the small gates in front of the house.
Without a word, he got off the horse and turned towards her. It was the first time she'd been able to see his face ever since they'd made their hasty runaway; for some reason, she felt terribly nervous as she finally looked at him.
His lips were drawn into a thin line, and his jaw unclenched and clenched as he gazed at her. His eyes remained a mystery to her; try as she might, she couldn't properly decode the myriad of emotions that flickered in his steady eyes.
He stretched his arms upwards, his palms open in invitation.
She held his eyes for a second longer, unsure of herself.
Slowly, she brought her right leg over to the left side of the saddle. As she began to slide down the side of the stallion, his hands caught her waist. Gently, he lowered her to the ground, her body sliding down his chest as their eyes remained locked on each other.
They didn't move, even as her feet hit the ground. Transfixed, she stared into his eyes, unable to look away as she saw the sadness in them.
Her lower lip quivered as reality began to dawn on her.
Today, they'd almost lost each other.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the crimson on his shirt caught her attention.
Quickly, she examined the wound on his arm. "You…" Her throat was dry and sore. "You're hurt…" She tried again. "Are you all ri–"
"It's nothing," he cut her off, taking a step away from her embrace.
Yuuki's arms fell down limply at her sides.
"We need to get you inside. It's too cold out here." He said tersely.
It was like she woke up from a trance. Suddenly, she registered the bitter cold surrounding them and how it wormed itself into her clothes. Instantly, she began shivering fiercely as her body woke up.
"I…" Her teeth chattered as she tried to speak.
With a huff, Kaname tore off the fur on his shoulders and wrapped it around her, his hands lingering on her arms for the briefest of moments.
"Follow me," he ordered, turning on his heel and walking towards the house.
It took Yuuki a few seconds until she could move her body. Clumsily, she followed his steps through the snow, trying her best to keep up with his large strides.
Kaname barged through the entrance with Yuuki hot on his heels. Once inside, he walked around the dusted down living room, seemingly inspecting every corner. Yuuki eyed the run down room, her eyes taking in the details. It seemed like the place had once been warm and full of joy; behind the dusty furniture and tattered walls, she could sense that the house had once upon a time been a happy home for its tenants.
Idly she wondered how he'd known about the house. Surely this couldn't be coincidence?
He turned, rather robotically, towards her after he'd finished inspecting the area. Once he looked at her, she opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by his harsh tone.
"Stay here and keep yourself warm." He ordered. "I shall return soon, your highness."
Stunned by his snide tone and his stoic expression, Yuuki could only gape at him as he walked past her towards the entrance.
"Kaname…" Yuuki trailed off, her mouth still dry. "Please… talk to me."
He halted in front of the entrance, his back rigid as he clenched his fists.
"There's nothing to talk about."
Yuuki pursed her lips worriedly. "I'm… I don't know what to say, I…" She paused, fumbling for the right words. "Are you angry with me?"
He didn't reply, nor did he move. The silence stretched on as tension lingered in the air; vaguely, Yuuki could feel the hair at the nape of her neck stand up as she shivered. The tension was nearly too much for her after the day she'd had; watching his tense back and not knowing what was going through his mind was consuming the last shred of energy she had left.
"T-thank you," she tried again when he wouldn't respond. "For today. You acted so quick and nobly today; had it not been for your heroic efforts, I wouldn't be standing… here right now, so… I must thank you from the bott–"
"I told you…" Her eyes widened at the sound of his voice; it was thicker than usual, emotion laced into the timber of his voice. "I told you I didn't want you to go. I told you it was dangerous, yet you… you didn't listen…"
"Kaname," Yuuki said, feeling her heart break at his broken voice. Tentatively, she took a few steps forward, reaching for his arm.
At her touch, he whirled around and startled her. The angry scowl on his face was unfamiliar to say the least; bewildered, Yuuki took a step back as his stare arrested her in place. She'd never seen him like this; so angry and… scared.
"I've been the underdog my whole life," he began calmly, "and I've always accepted any orders directed at me. Never have I protested. Never have I demanded anything. Never… have I asked for anything. But this time, I asked you to stay in the palace. I asked you to listen to my warning. One thing… Yuuki… I only asked for one thing, and yet…."
"Kaname…" She whispered, tears gathering in her eyes, the hot pressure clouding her vision. "If only I had known, I would've–"
"What, Yuuki?" His voice rose in volume as he sent her a grueling stare. "You would've listened to me? No. I told you so many times that I had a bad feeling. I begged you to not go against me, and yet you wouldn't listen to me." He drew in a shaky breath. "You could've… You could've died today, Yuuki! You could've been killed right in front of me had I not been fast enough! Do you not understand how close you were today?"
"I…" Startled by the rage and fear in his eyes, Yuuki struggled to find the right words. "I know, but I thought–"
"What did you think exactly!?" He demanded, his voice echoing off the walls.
"I–"
"I'm just a useless knight, right? I'm not a royal monarch like you or your husband. Why on Earth should you listen to a peasant like me, right?" He laughed humorlessly. "That's what you were thinking, Yuuki. You discarded my every warning and chose instead to listen to your incompetent husband."
Yuuki gaped at him, her cheeks flaming red with anger and confusion. "That is not what I thou–"
"That is exactly what you thought, Yuuki," Kaname hissed, his eyes burning with rage. "Face it, I am not worthy enough in your eyes. If you really cared for me, if you really lo-" He caught himself in time and shook his head. "You've made it perfectly clear to me today how little I mean to you."
"Kaname!" She cried, tears dripping from her eyes. "How can you say that? You know I ca–"
"No, Yuuki," Kaname cut her off sharply, his voice thick with emotion as he looked into her eyes. "You don't care about me. If you did, you would've listened to me."
"No, Kaname, no…" Yuuki sniffled, unable to hold back her tears as she stared into his stormy eyes. She'd never seen him like this before; so full of hatred and resentment directed at her. Kaname was always gentle with her; always so understanding and doting – forever yielding to her whims and requests.
This was the first time he'd looked at her with so much resentment.
And it scared her terribly, knowing she'd hurt him this much.
"Please," she begged, grasping his arm. "Please, listen to me…."
He tugged his arm away from her grasp and walked past her, his fists clenched at his sides.
"I'm going out to fetch wood for the fireplace." He announced coldly as he stormed out the door.
"Kaname!" Yuuki yelled, watching his retreating form out in the snow.
The wind pushed the door back into its lock, blocking her view of him. A cold gust of wind whipped at her face; sinking to the floor, Yuuki cried into the sleeves of her dress as she let herself fully unravel.
The angry look in his eyes burned in her mind; his words played over and over, further enhancing the guilt that was gnawing at her bones. Vaguely, she tried picturing his smiling face, but the image of his flaming eyes kept returning to her.
She'd hurt him terribly. She'd ignored his wishes and ignored his warning; she'd gone ahead and put herself in danger even though she knew there was a huge risk involved in getting out of the palace. She really hadn't considered how he felt whenever she brushed his worries off as nothing but speculation; how he must've suffered with worry while she ignored his pleas.
Without knowing, she'd treated him exactly like a servant. She hadn't listened to him when he tried convincing her. She'd acted like his concerns and worries didn't matter, when in fact they mattered more to her than anyone else's.
Kaname was more than her knight and protector; he deserved more than being ignored and pushed aside.
He was her lover. And as her lover, she should've treated him as an equal.
The moment in which he saved her flashed in her mind; she could still hear the arrow sail by and slightly scratch his shirt; the screams of the townspeople and the panic that lingered in the air.
She could've died today, or even worse, he could've died protecting her – all because she hadn't listened to his warning.
"What have I done?"
Yuuki struggled to breathe as sobs spilled from her parted mouth.
"Kaname…"
There was something in the air.
He couldn't properly discern what it was, but something in the air made him feel uneasy. Looking up at the bleeding sky, the young boy couldn't help but feel like this day would change the course of his life forever.
"Mother?" He called hesitantly, looking through the lush garden surrounding their home.
The last traces of summer lingered in the air; the humidity clung to his clothing uncomfortably. Across the horizon, the sun set wonderfully, hues of red and orange shimmering across the sky.
"Mother!" He called a little more forcefully. She was supposed to come out and find him because they were playing hide and seek; but hours had passed and she hadn't found him yet. His mother was great at hide and seek; no matter how cleverly Kaname hid himself, she always managed to find him.
His heart sped up when she didn't reply. Worriedly, he began walking towards the house, sneaking through the entrance. "Mother?"
Still, there was no reply.
"Mother…" He mumbled, feeling the hot pressure of tears at the corners of his eyes. "Where are you? Aren't you coming out soon? Mother…"
He went into the kitchen. As he turned the corner, he saw two pair of legs on the floor, covered by her favorite dress.
"Mother?" He wondered, walking towards her. The closer he got, the more he saw of her body.
He halted when he saw her face.
"Mother?"
She didn't respond.
Her eyes were open, staring at nothing as she lay there. Her arms lay limply at her sides, her chest unmoving. Her beautiful brown curls spilled on the floor around her head, like a halo.
"M-mother?"
Why wasn't she moving?
"Mother…"
Panicked, he got down on his knees next to her, his eyes watching her for signs of movement. Her skin was paler than usual; white almost, like snow covering the grounds in winter. Swallowing lightly, he reached out with his hand, trying to wake her. But the minute he touched her skin, he flinched away.
Why was she so cold?
"Mother?" Tears spilled down his cheeks as fretted with worry, unable to understand what was going on. "Mother, why won't you answer me? Mother, wake up!"
But there was no response. Not even a breath of air.
Juuri, beloved concubine of the King, laid there lifelessly for hours to come, the life drained from her once so vibrant eyes.
And next to her sat her son, the bastard child of King Haruka Kuran, waiting for her to wake up.
But she never did.
He jerked from his position, wide awake as his heart hammered against his ribcage. Sweat pooled down his temples and forehead; the rest of his body drenched in the liquid and soaking the sheets surrounding him.
Memories flashed before his eyes; every painful memory and feeling crashed into him like a tidal wave, leaving him quivering with fear.
"Mother! Mother! Why aren't you waking up? Mother, please! Mother!"
He grit his teeth together and shook his head, trying to shake off the painful memories. He looked around his surroundings, only to find himself in his childhood home once again. He must've fallen asleep on the settee after he came back with firewood.
Why was he here again?
The image of an arrow sailing towards the queen's heart flashed in his mind.
Yuuki… His eyes flickered around in panic. Yuuki was almost killed today. Or was that a dream too?
Another loss, another loved one lost forever by the cruel hands of fate...
He couldn't accept it.
In a rush, he ran towards the bedroom; he was sure that was where he'd seen her last.
"Yu…"
Nothing.
The bed was empty; the sheets barely touched. Darkness flooded the cold room, shrouding the details of the room from his perceptive eyes.
She wasn't here. She wasn't here.
Panic claimed his body, alerting all senses. His heart rate sped up as he thought about the possibilities.
Where are you? Yuuki, please, wh-
"Kaname?"
It was like salvation itself fell upon him; the timber of her voice instantly soothed his senses and brought sweet relief to his fatigued system. He finally allowed his lungs to release air.
And then, he was reminded of value of the owner of the voice; and suddenly he was panicking again, deathly afraid of her being hurt and disappearing from his life.
"Are you all right?" She spoke softly, her eyes doe-like and innocent in the moonlight. She was coming from the other door to the bedroom. "You were sc–"
"Yuuki!" He bellowed, as if he couldn't believe she was there with him. He grabbed her into his embrace, mindless of his sweaty state, caring only of her safety and needing a reminder of the fact that she was alive in his arms.
"Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki…" Kaname cried into her hair, tears blurring his vision as he held her close. "I thought I lost you…"
Her arms went around his back, gently stroking him as she let him hold her as close as possible. She realized that it wasn't just a nightmare that had sent her brave knight into such a state; it was the events of the day coupled with painful memories she'd barely glimpsed in his eyes before.
"I'm right here, Kaname," she spoke slowly, doing her best to reassure him. "I'm not going anywhere. You haven't lost me. I'm right here."
"Yuuki," he howled brokenly, pulling back and cradling her face in his hands.
Yuuki was at a loss of words; he looked so vulnerable and raw in this moment she had trouble believing it was real. Kaname, who rarely smiled and most certainly never cried, was broken to pieces. Fresh tears stained his cheeks; his eyes were red from crying and his mahogany locks of silky hair were even more unruly than ever, sticking to his temples and his forehead. His mouth was turned into a grim line as he watched her.
She thought he was beautiful before. But now he was surely breathtaking.
She hadn't seen him since their confrontation; after he left, she'd cried herself to a restless sleep. She'd woken up later to a warm sheet covering her on the bed, no doubt a result of his interference from when he came home.
He'd been so mad at her before; livid, almost, attesting how much her mistreatment of him had hurt him. She was afraid he would never forgive her again.
Her heart clenched painfully in her chest at his broken expression; she wanted, no – needed to do everything in her power to erase his pain.
She gently clasped the hand that covered her right cheek, bringing it to her mouth and placing a kiss upon it. Keeping her eyes locked with his troubled ones, she slowly brought the hand into the opening of her gown.
Slowly she guided his hand to her heart, above her left breast.
"Do you feel that?" She whispered tenderly. "That is my heart. I am alive, right now, thanks to you. Do you feel it?"
His shoulders lowered slightly; his mouth remained open as he stared at his hand disappearing into her gown, registering the faint heartbeat that echoed into his left hand and the warmth of her skin.
Noticing the effect it had on him, she leaned closer.
"I'm not going anywhere, Kaname," she promised gently. "I'm right here with you."
Finally he closed his eyes, his chin lowering to his chest as he breathed through his nose, trying to calm himself.
Yuuki allowed him the time to recuperate; her senses alert to his every moment should he drown in his fears again.
She almost whined in complaint when he withdrew his hand from her chest; but still she said nothing, patiently waiting for him to look up from his chest and tell her that he was okay.
Finally, Kaname looked up. Her breath caught in her throat by the intensity of his eyes; they gleamed with unshed tears, still somewhat red from crying yet still dazzling even in the moonlight.
"I'm in love with you."
Yuuki exhaled shakily at his confession. The words made warmth spread through her veins like wildfire, setting her alight like never before. Of course, she'd always known of his feelings; she'd always sensed that he was holding it back, but between them there'd always been a silent rule of never properly addressing what was going on between them. Instead they only alluded to it with their touch and caress; with moans and wet kisses.
Saying it out loud was the last straw. It meant that they would fight and die together when the world condemned them.
And it was time.
Kaname kissed her harshly, almost as if he couldn't reach her lips fast enough. "I love you so much, Yuuki," he confessed against her lips, tasting her as if he was tasting her for the first time.
Yuuki responded eagerly to his hungry kiss, her hands sailing through his hair and grabbing the tresses. It was like she couldn't get enough of him either; as if he would disappear form her sight if she even let go of him for a second. She needed to be as close as possible; feel him all around her like second skin; bathe in his thoughts and emotions, become one entity that belonged solely to him.
They panted as they released each other for air, their foreheads pressed together.
She could feel the burn of hot tears in her eyes; she was so overwhelmed with emotion that she barely knew what to do with herself – but one thing was clear – she needed to let him know how she felt.
"My knight and protector - the one that has always kept me safe and warm - Kaname…" She whispered against his lips. "I am madly in love with you. So, so desperately in love with you." Tears sailed down her cheeks as she stared into his incredulous eyes.
"I love you," she cried against him, her hands cradling his face. "I love you so mu-"
His kiss broke her off, though she didn't complain. She cried against his mouth and held him close; he walked her backwards towards the bed, a silent whisper of need in his touch as he guided her. Yuuki didn't protest nor object; like him, she wanted and needed to feel him as close as possible.
Suddenly she was painfully aware of how close they'd come to losing each other earlier that day. Had it not been for Kaname's intuition, he wouldn't have foreseen the attack. If he hadn't made it in time, she could've been killed on the spot, unable to bear witness to this beautiful moment between them.
Or even worse, had Kaname been a second too fast, he could've been mortally wounded.
And she would've been left alone in a world without her beloved; in a world where she'd never had the chance to tell him how much she loved him.
She'd condemned the gods so many times before for her loveless marriage and miserable life.
As he tore her dress away from her, and as her claws tugged at the rest of his clothes, she realized that all her misery had been building up to this moment. Everything had happened for a reason; and that reason was the man before her, who worshipped and killed for her, lived and died for her and loved her beyond any reasonable measure.
The man she wasn't supposed to love back. The man that was destined to live in the shadows.
My Kaname…
Yuuki widened her legs for him immediately, but he was so lost in his rapture that he barely made the time to prepare her for his intrusion. She cried out in pain, but he didn't seem to register as he plunged inside of her yet again.
Yuuki welcomed the pain, and as it eased over into burning pleasure, she locked her legs around his back, bringing him closer while her back arched against the bed.
"Pull me in, pull me in…" He whispered fervently against her lips, as if she were the gates to heaven. But he didn't have to beg – he didn't have to ask – she would give him anything he wanted and more without question.
He owned her heart now.
"Kaname," Yuuki screamed, her body slick with sweat against his as he rammed into her. She could feel her climax brewing closer; her muscles tensing in anticipation as the tingling sensation began to manifest itself.
Kaname was lost in ecstasy; her warm heat made him mad with desire – he plunged into her harder and faster than ever before, obsessed with the feel of her walls clenching around him. When she confessed her love to him, he turned feral – the beast inside of him needed to mark her permanently as his, to once and for all ascertain that she was alive and that she was his and that nothing else mattered.
He must have had a fever; he was so warm and cold at the same time, desperately clutching onto her as if she was his only remedy in the world. The way she moaned his name made his stomach muscles clench painfully. One look at her euphoric face, and how she submitted beneath him, made him almost come undone.
He'd almost lost her today. Once again, he'd been on the brink of losing the one he loved.
If he hadn't made it in time, he didn't know what he would've done with himself. Even the notion of her not being in the world with him made heavy grief snare itself around his heart – he almost couldn't breathe knowing there was a possibility.
He couldn't live without her. It was that simple.
"You're mine," he grit between his teeth, his hands capturing hers and holding them above her head.
"Yes, yes," she panted, mouth open in ecstasy as her release approached.
"Say it," he demanded, eyes burning with desire, "tell me that you are mine."
"Ah… I'm…" Yuuki cried, her face red with exertion as he thrust into her.
"Say it," he ordered.
"I'm… I'm yours, Kaname," she screamed, letting go as she released, her body unwinding like a string on an instrument.
His own release followed shortly; he came hard and fast, spilling his seed inside of her as she milked him, his body stilling above her. Kaname moaned deeply, the low timber of his voice echoing in the room as he lost himself inside of her. Losing all strength, he collapsed on top of her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
Yuuki did her best to calm her breathing as he lay on top of her. She enjoyed his weight pressing her down into the mattress; the irregular jerks of his member between her legs were welcomed also. As long as he was close, it didn't matter to her.
Finally, after a while, he looked up from her neck, resting slightly on his forearms as he gazed at her tenderly.
Softly, she brushed away his sweaty hair from his forehead. Garnet hues came into view; love shone in his depths as he quietly watched her, noticing her swollen lips and the slight bruises that formed on her neck and arms.
He had marked her in every way.
She raised her chin, kissing his forehead softly. He closed his eyes at the tender action, overwhelmed by the simple act.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "For not considering your warning. I didn't mean to discard your words, because they are important to me. I just…"
He wiped her tears away tenderly, shushing her. "It' all right, Yuuki… You are here with me now, and that's all that matters."
She began to protest. "But I should have list-"
"I almost lost you today, Yuuki," he declared, voice quivering. "But I didn't, and I'm thanking whatever god is looking out for us as we speak. I don't want to waste our time together being angry with you or resenting you for your mistakes. I've forgiven you a long time ago, I was just too afraid to express myself earlier. So, please don't cry anymore…"
She bit her lower lip, eyes shining with tears as she watched his face. Tenderly, she brushed his cheek, watching him lean into her touch.
"I love you, Kaname," she whispered, watching his face light up at her confession.
"I love you too, my precious and lovely, but stubborn queen." He captured her lips, kissing her softly.
She giggled against his mouth, lost in euphoria over having him open up to her. Out of all the times they'd laid together, this had to be the most meaningful one. Because now, they were finally being honest about their feelings instead of hiding them with kisses and meaningful looks.
They were alone for the first time, free to enjoy the intimacy of their relationship in peace without prying eyes. The knowledge made her tingle with joy, knowing she had him all too herself and that they had finally progressed in their relationship.
Kaname kissed down her neck, leaving soft butterfly kisses. He made a move to move off her, but she halted his movements. His eyes widened as she clenched around him where he was still locked inside of her.
"Stay," she commanded lowly, and by god he had no way of resisting.
Instead he lay down, nuzzling her throat as he rested, humming contentedly as she filtered her fingers through his hair. There was no room for words right now; the silence was welcomed between the two lovers as they shared body heat and soft touches. Kaname dosed off in her arms slowly, completely spent and overwhelmed by the day.
Before he surrendered to sleep, he muttered his response.
"Always."
A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews are very much appreciated!