Chapter Four
He unclicked his seatbelt and started to slip out of his Corvette but was surprised when the detective beat him to the punch. She was already out of her side and racing around the car and toward the front entrance of the elementary school. Lucifer wasted no time getting out and caught up to her with two long strides.
"Oi, Detective, I thought we were a team on this."
She glared at him. The ride over had been fraught. She'd spent most of it either trying to text the Douche, email the Douche, or finally getting him over the mobile to ream him out for not answering the front office first. Lucifer, for one of the few times in his long life, hadn't gotten a word in edge wise. But now, the Detective was marching past him with the kind of purpose he'd seen before only with Maze on a hunt and it was both thrilling and a bit terrifying. He felt a shred of pity for the vice principal or whichever other pillock was going to be sitting her down for a meeting to discuss Trollop.
"You were just driving me here. It's not your kid, and I'm positive you have some coke or weed or both on your person right now."
"Don't be daft," he said, reaching the door first and holding it open for his whirling dervish of a patient. "I keep that in my glove box. What do you take me for? An amateur?"
"I'm a cop."
"Yes, but you're a suspended one so you can do bugger all with that information, darling," he said, winking at her. "Besides, you've had a huge shock to the system just last night, and your vitals seem fairly strong, but blood loss and stress are poor bedfellows. I won't go into your meeting with the administration. Let me just sit here and if anything happens, I'll be on hand to take care of you," he held up his medical bag for emphasis.
Despite her mission, the detective stopped beside a set of lockers and rounded on him. "Why do you even care? Dan's paying you, you're going to get your 'pound of flesh' as you like to call it, and now I've got a sidekick?"
"No," he said, clenching his jaw a little before he continued. "That's not what this is about. I'm responsible for you as a patient until I take the sutures out in a week. If you pass out in the middle of a school and get sent in the ambulance to a real hospital, then, end of the day, that's bad for both of us. I merely want to honor my end of the contract, and I make sure you're healthy until then. So, Detective, let us follow you, and I'll sit on the bench and stay sat there till this is over and I can drive you and the spawn home. Alright?"
His tone was sharper than he intended it to be. Honestly, there wasn't a good reason for him to be here. His feathers worked. They always worked, and while he had to feign that she was more injured than she was for his secret's sake and Azrael's pact, he knew damn well that Chloe Decker was healthier right now than she'd ever been in her whole life. There was no reason for him to be trailing her, for him to face the horror of an elementary school, a place he'd sworn off since Charlotte's offsprings' last Christmas pageant-Dear Dad those were crimes against music that had threatened to destroy Lucifer's very soul.
He simply wanted to.
And since Chloe Decker could harm him, at least by her very presence if not intentionally (jury was still out on that), this was the last place on earth he should be. Yet…he couldn't resist her.
Lucifer realized a beat had passed to long between them and he sighed, then straightened his cufflinks. "I'll be on my actual best behavior. Not a peep, Detective. You've my word, and my word is my bond."
She huffed. "Because you're the Devil."
"Right, now you're getting it!"
"Fine, but only because I do not have time for this bullshit," she said, turning back down the hall.
He kept pace with her easily and was glad for that. In this labyrinth of gray halls and hideous children's drawings, he'd never have found where he was going on his own. When they got to the principal's office, Lucifer was both furious and confused. On one bench was a girl who couldn't have been more then seven if that with a split lip, one still bleeding. In the other bench, just opposite the principal's door, was a girl who had to be going into middle school.
And may have been part wildebeest as well. He was unsure.
The detective knelt down before her offspring and hugged the child closely. "Trixie, you know you can text me if things are getting bad again at school. I would have come in today to see Principal Norris about this. You didn't have to get into a fight." When she pulled back a bit to stroke the girl's bangs off her face, there was blood lingering on the corner of the Detective's sweatshirt.
Lucifer fury was reaching Biblical levels at this point.
If the poor girl's lip had been split bad enough to be bleeding for over an hour, then, like her mother, she'd require a bit of a stitch up as well. Yet the school had called and acted as if the trollop was the problem? How dare they.
"Mom, it's okay, really." And the urchin lisped a bit too.
As she talked, Lucifer could tell she was missing a couple of her front teeth. Again, she couldn't be more than a first or second grader and the monster off to his right had to be a pre-teen. What kind of fight even was this? There was no honor in uneven odds, even a (former) angel and (more recently former) King of Hell knew that.
"No, Trixie, it's not. Let me talk to the principal about this."
Her daughter sat up straighter and beamed back at them both, her mouth still a bloody mess. "But I hit her in the no-no-touch-touch square so I won!"
Lucifer blinked, trying to ferret out what exactly that was till he simply turned and regarded the monster who'd attacked the detective's spawn. He finally noted the ice pack the other girl had over her crotch.
He chuckled warmly at that. "Oh, then what a fierce little demon we do have here, after all. Trixie, you take after your mother, don't you?"
The girl quirked her head at him. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."
"Yes, well, where are my manners," Lucifer said, extending his hand to her and smiling more broadly when she shook it. "Lucifer Morningstar, and I'm your mother's concierge for the week."
"Her what?"
"Doctor, child. I'm helping take care of her, which is rather fortunate as you need a bit of a touch up yourself, don't you?"
The urchin nodded but then stared wide-eyed at her mother. "Mommy, are you okay?"
"Just my shoulder, baby. It's going to be okay. Lucifer's a good doctor."
Trixie considered that, her little forehead scrunching up as she looked between him and her mother. "Wait…Lucifer like the devil?"
He grinned and sat next to her on the bench and pulled his medical satchel into his lap. "The very same. Oh, detective, I think I like Trollop quite a bit. She's already understanding who I am better than you."
The detective rolled her eyes at him. "You sit and look after her please. Baby, I'm going to talk to the principal now. You be good." She turned her focus from both of them to regard the girl on the other bench. "You, Mona. I don't care how important your dad is at Wheeler Law. This is going to stop, you hear me?"
The older girl-and who got off on hurting practically kindergartners-shrugged. "That's what everyone says. Cops don't make much. I really don't think you want my dad to countersue."
The detective started to say something else, but it was then that the principal's secretary called her in, and he was left alone with the spawn and the perpetrator, which honestly, held its own appeal because with Amenadiel on the throne it had been an awfully long time since he'd punished a sinner.
There was a special circle of Hell just for bullies after all.
"What's a trollop?" the girl asked.
He sighed again and set his bag between them. "Never you mind or, better yet, ask your father. Something tells me that he'll know that one. Is 'Trixie' your real name?"
"Beatriz, like my grandma."
Right the detective had mentioned that at some point, hadn't she?
"Well, then, Beatriz is a far lovelier moniker."
The girl giggled and her lower lip bled a bit even now. Lucifer would have to stitch that right up but one other thing was more pressing first. "You talk funny."
"Well, I'm rather old so that helps build a vocabulary," he added. Looking over his shoulder, he was pleased to note that the hallway was empty. Perfect. "Beatriz, would you indulge me a moment?"
"I don't know what that means."
"A game then. Can you cover your eyes for me?"
"Sure, is this like hide and seek?"
"Something like that," he admitted. "But don't dare move your hands till I say so. Do you understand?"
"Okay! What do I win?"
"I suppose I have an extra hundie in my pocket somewhere, child. Will that suffice?"
"A hundred dollars? That's like 20 allowances!"
"You need to ask for a pay raise, offspring," Lucifer added. "Now, be a good girl, Beatriz, and cover up tight."
She did as she was told, and he stood up from the bench and approached the other girl.
The little miscreant glared at him; it might have been moderately effective on a regular bloke, but even then the ice pack ruined the tough girl image, she was trying to project. "Get away weirdo."
"Mean girl," he said, letting his voice take on the pitch and multi-tonal register of the Devil he was. "Look at me."
When he asked like that, humans really had no choice but to comply.
Even with her eyes wide open in fear and her breath shallow, the girl stared directly at him. And Lucifer called his true face to the surface, that damn final punishment from Father that allowed him to do his job so perfectly. She wasn't screaming. Good, that would be rather inconvenient. But the girl shook, oh she shook so hard that he worried she might clench her jaw too hard and chip teeth.
"Mean girl, listen, there's a special corner of Hell for bullies. Did you know that?"
"N…no," she chattered out.
"Yes, well, I'll remember this, and I'll make sure my idiot brother has a special plan set up for you." He grinned wider. "Beatriz Espinoza is under my protection now, and I suggest you never touch so much as a hair on her head again. In fact, if you want to avoid my former realm, period, you should stop bullying anyone. I assure you, child, I don't give a toss who your father's a barrister for."
He stood up to his full height and willed his hellish countenance away. Taking a deep breath, he even straightened out his cufflinks before turning back to Beatriz.
The child was studying him with rapt attention. "That was so cool!"
He blinked between the now catatonic bully and the detective's offspring. "I beg your pardon?"
"I told Mom! Of course, you're the real Devil! Your name is Lucifer after all."
He blinked again and the gears in his brain seemed stuck with gunk catching in the gears of his mind. "I…you looked?"
"Yup! The horns are just like in cartoons and stuff!"
Lucifer flicked non-existent lint from his lapel and sat down beside the child on the bench, a bit shocked after seeing everything she let him. "I thought we had a deal, spawn. I was to give you a hundred dollars, and you were going to keep your eyes covered."
"I got bored."
Oh, for Dad's sake…
"It's considered poor form to welch on the Devil, child. Normally, I'd enforce a penalty for that." He opened his satchel and pulled out his pen light. "Beatriz, look at this for me, would you?"
She nodded and complied this time. "Why?"
"Well, I'm checking for a concussion, first off. In case when Mona struck you, she did damage, but your pupils are reacting normally." He sighed and sat the light down and then reached for his peroxide. "Honestly, I was also checking for shock. That's what happens the majority of the time a human sees what I can actually do."
"Why? It's so cool!"
"Yes, you said that already," he huffed, pouring the liquid onto fresh gauze and mopping at her wound. Fortunately, the split in her lip wasn't as bad as the gushing would have suggested. She'd need a few stitches, if she would let him do that at home, then they could skip blasted urgent care or, worse, being at hospital altogether. "I can't believe you looked. Is there no honor among people anymore?"
Beatriz frowned even as he wiped at her wounds. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm a bit cross. You were assuredly not to see that." He sighed and reached for some lidocaine as well. "I want to numb this, child. It'll feel funny, like your lip fell asleep or maybe a little prickly, but it'll keep you from feeling much pain till I can get you back to your gran's and do a proper stitch up."
"But it won't hurt?"
"Just feel funny," he admitted. "Honestly, your lip will feel better than it does now."
"Okay!" she said. "I trust you."
He paused. No one had ever said that to him. Mazikeen had served him for eons in Hell but there were the occasional power games even from her that demons tended to play. He held no ill will for that. When you were immortal, occasional cycles of betrayal and forgiveness popped up. Ella said it to him, but she didn't really know. Perhaps Charlotte came closest, but it was so odd to hear it from a child. He really had to talk to the detective; she must have broken this one somehow or not trained her up in understanding stranger danger.
Yes, that was it. Beatriz Espinoza, was far too trusting for her own good.
He sprayed the lidocaine on her and then handed her a freshly cleaned towel he'd placed in his bag just this morning. "Here, keep pressure on the cut. It's mostly stopped bleeding now, child, but this will help till we get you home." Lucifer shook his head even as he cleaned everything up and set his satchel right again. "You shouldn't, you know."
"Huh?" she mumbled through the towel.
"Trust me. I'm the Devil, remember? You're not supposed to trust me. Have you never been to church, offspring? They love railroading me there."
"My abuelos take me sometimes with Daddy. I dunno…it sounded it sad."
"Well, yes, church is rather boring, and Mass far more taxing."
"No, I mean, your dad kicked you out." She patted his knee. "I heard that part before. My dad just left and that's really hard. I think he and Mommy will get back together, but it must be tons worse when your dad says you can't come back." She whimpered a little, and Lucifer didn't really understand human children, despite his limited exposure to Charlotte's. How in Dad's name had she jumped so many tracks in the logic train so quickly. "Do you think my dad might kick me out some day too?"
Dear Dad help him…
He reached out and awkwardly patted the urchin's back. His hand took up most of the space there, and this one really was small. What on earth had that miscreant on the other bench even been thinking? Reminded him of how his brothers, the other archangels, had often picked on the youngest host like Uriel or Azrael. He'd never brooked to any of that, even back when he was still a real angel and not a sullied as he was now.
"I…please don't cry, spawn. Save the water works for your mum. I'm terrible with them."
"I know, but I…sometimes I'm scared they won't stop being separated or that Dad's really mad with me."
Lucifer didn't lie, and he didn't know Detective Douche very well. However, he had called him for his services and vowed to procure forty grand by rook or crook to save the detective and, thusly, Beatriz's mum. Lucifer suspected that said a lot about Espinoza's frame of mind and that, yes, deep down, the lesser detective wanted to and expected to reconcile with Chloe and his child sooner rather than later.
"My father is singularly awful, child."
"My abuela says that-"
"Yes, let's skip the Catechism, shall we?"
"Oh."
"Yes, well, your dad called me when your mum got hurt the other night on the job. I'm very expensive, and I'm the best, so clearly your father cares about your mum and you too, very much. I don't know if your parents will reconcile. Mine didn't."
"There's a goddess?" And her eyes were so very wide. Was that normal?
"You ask a preponderance of questions. But yes, and she's rather complicated." And being tortured by Amenadiel in Hell currently. "However, I think he cares about your mum and you a lot, so that's a good thing, isn't it?"
Beatriz nodded and then shocked the hell out of him by snuggling into his arm as tightly as a limpet. "I think so! You're good at this."
"At what now?"
"At hanging out with kids. You should do it more often. I mean, church didn't say the Devil was nice."
"I'm not nice. I'm evil. That's just a fact, child."
She giggled, and he knew he was going to have to write his suit off. It wasn't going to make it out of today without it being covered in both blood and general offspring stickiness. "No, you're pretty cool, Lucifer."
"What on earth?" the detective said as she came out from the meeting with the principal and the the secretary trailing behind her. She looked from him with the urchin half buried against his side but, at least, patched up a bit and with a compress for her split lip, and the still trembling yet silent Mona.
Maybe he'd broken that one a bit.
Maybe he didn't care. Scratch that; Lucifer definitely didn't give a toss on that miscreant's behalf. Let her father sue him. That would be a good laugh.
"What happened?" the detective demanded.
Lucifer sighed. "Mona and I had a serious talk about why bullying is wrong. Didn't we, Mona?"
The girl shook more but said nothing.
It was Beatriz, of all people, who backed him up, and she was more like Espinoza than her mother, Lucifer could tell from her silver tongue and flexible ethics already. "Yep, he reminded Mona that sometimes bullies go to Hell, and she should be nicer to me."
Lucifer waited a beat, not sure if the urchin would go further and reveal his secret. She didn't but did eye him slyly after her mother's attention was turned back to a few terse words with the principal. The conspiratorial wink was rather appreciated.
"Alright, I don't even…I'm sure I'll be getting a letter from Wheeler Law soon enough."
Lucifer stood, not even surprised to find the offpsring's somewhat sticky hand sliding into his own. "Oi, I can help with that. I'd relish that chance."
"No, no more favors, Lucifer. I…just get to the car," the detective demanded, eying the shaking bully one last time. "And I don't want to even know. To the car, march!"
"As you wish," he said, strolling out with his bag over his shoulder and the little limpet clinging to his leg now.
And he noted it as something else odd about Chloe Decker. Her presence hurt him by proximity, but he couldn't affect her, and her offspring clearly didn't react to the infernal as she was supposed to. Curious. Yes, perhaps demigod should be on the top of his list of suspects. Maybe Loki had gotten lonely again and sired random spawn. Who even knew?
But it was going to be interesting sussing it all out.