Santana doesn't know what's going on. One second she's just glad she's alive and the next Brittany is trying to suck her soul out through her mouth. Santana kisses Brittany a lot. They have sweet lady kisses so often Santana is pretty sure she could list Brittany's mouth as a hobby.
But Brittany has never kissed her like this before. Like she can't live without Santana's mouth on her.
Santana tries to kiss back just as passionately. She almost died. She's allowed to cling to the girl she loves. Then Kurt is pulling Britt out of her arms and she comes to her senses. She pants for a moment, then takes Puck up on his offer of a hand up and finds herself being kissed within an inch of her life once again.
But this time it's Puck. She's not even kissing back but he doesn't stop, it's nothing like Pucks usual kisses. And she can feel him against her leg, hard and insistent. Kurt pulls her away from him and she's suddenly grateful. She doesn't know what's going on but she doesn't want anyone to touch her.
She tries not to notice the downtrodden expression on Brittany's face when she tells them as much, curling into herself.
The drive back home is silent. It isn't like them, they usually take pot shots at each other. She's 'dated' Puck often enough that there's almost no real tension between them, just the ease of people who see each other naked regularly. But something about the way he'd kissed her bothers her on a level Santana can't quite grasp. So she says nothing at all and Puck leaves her be until he drops her off.
Her dad isn't back from the hospital yet and her mothers watching tv when she gets home, the volume set low. Something about the silence is oppressive and Santana crawls out of the window like she's thirteen again, sneaking out to some party.
The sun has barely started going down when she runs into Jennifer. She's standing right outside of her house, key paused at the door.
"Hey." The other girl says, attempting to smile.
It's so incredibly awkward.
Jennifer is the first girl she'd ever kissed. Someone Santana had thought herself to be in love with. Compared to what she feels for Brittany now, it's nothing but a crush. She'd confused her love of her best friend with her love of girls. It didn't help that Jennifer had always been willing to 'practice' kissing together, and often. Santana had been convinced Jennifer loved her too.
Until she went and got herself a boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, Santana was a dyke for wanting to kiss her. Santana can remember feeling her heart break. Her determination to get a boyfriend and prove to Jennifer that she wasn't. The hurt when she figured out that she really was.
They'd drifted once they got to Highschool. She'd gone to McKinley and Jennifer went to Central. They still lived within two blocks of each other, but it might as well have been twenty, for all the time they spent together.
Running into her now, after two years, is awkward as all hell. But Santana had almost died today. Maybe she could be a bigger person for once. Forgive Jen all the pain the girl had caused her.
"Hi." Santana says."It's been a while."
Suddenly Jen smiles, it's open and dimpled and Santana can remember why she'd thought herself in love with her. Jen's so beautiful. Not as gorgeous as Brittany, but then, who was?
"Wanna come in?" The other girl offers."We could catch up and stuff."
That's how Santana finds herself sitting in Jen's bed, looking around her room. It hasn't changed much, still the same pale pink she remembers from sleep overs.
"So what's up with you? Still have a boyfriend." Santana ventures, trying to break the ice.
"I just broke up with the guy I lost my virginity to." Jen admits with a blush. She plops down beside Santana.
Their fingers brush.
"I fucking love you." Jennifer says, leaning forward to kiss her. Santana jolts off the bed.
"What?" Jennifer demands. Staring at Santana like she's the one who's gone crazy. Santana considers her day so far. Maybe she has.
"Nothing" Santana says. Everything, she means.
"Look San." The other girl ventures."I know we didn't have the best end and stuff. But I really miss you. It's weird being the mean one nowadays."
Santana looks into her earnest eyes. She approaches Jennifer slowly, reaches a hand over and brushes it lightly over Jennifer's hand.
"Want you." The girl pants, near instantly, tugs Santana closer."Wanna fuck you so bad."
Santana tears herself away. Staring at her hands in disbelief. This can't be happening. Life doesn't work that way.
Touching people doesn't make them want you. No matter how weird and downright freaky her day had been.
"Santana!" Jennifer screams, and her head snaps up to look at the other girl."Why are you being such a freak? God, were you always like this?"
Santana shakes her head. She doesn't know what's happening. Why people keep trying to fuck her and then look confused about what happened. The only normal thing that's happened today is that Jennifer's being a bitch. Just like Santana remembers.
"Oh jeez, is this another dyke thing?" Jennifer sneers.
And just like that Santana's done.
She grabs Jennifer's hand, lets the other girl attack her mouth and kisses her back. Lets Jennifer kiss down her neck and helps her tear off her shirt. If her options are getting yelled at by the first girl to break her heart, or getting fucked by her, Santana knows what she'll choose. Let Jennifer be the dyke this time. The hot mouth heading south on her body makes her pretty sure just who's gonna be eating box in this arrangement.
And why not, the worlds gone insane. Santana may as well get an orgasm out of it.
After, Jennifer stares at her with wide, terrified eyes as she gets dressed. There's hate there too, Santana can almost see her plotting revenge.
"I'll let myself out." Santana declares as she leaves. It's pure bravado. She still doesn't know what's going on. And that scares her a lot more than anything Jennifer can cook up.
When death sets up shop at her porch the entire summer, she know's she'd been right to be afraid. Very afraid.