Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama.

Midnight Topics

Gin-chan got the Odd Jobs a new client after two weeks of career drought. It was to assist some new store owner for the opening day of their new business. They were hired as salespeople to sell beauty products. You know, the uniforms and the likes. She got the makeup aisle and had to demonstrate how to use the said brand while Gintoki and Shinpachi covered for the ridiculous aisle of beauty soaps and headache-worthy shampoo brands. It was hectic to say the least. People arrived in swarms. They barely had the chance to rest and eat. Good thing the business owner paid a decent money that can cover Gin-chan's three months unpaid rent and a one week worth of groceries excluding her and Shinpachi's share.

It was fun and a rewarding job but Kagura's feet are killing her right now. All she wanted to do is to go home and rest her tired body.

'What a long day, uh huh.'

Okita Residence

"Tadaima..." she muttered to herself. Judging from the shoe rack attached to the wall right next to the door, her husband is not home yet. Understandable as it was only 9 PM. Okita Sougo rarely comes home early. He usually arrives at midnight or 10:30 PM if he had only a patrol duty. Not to mention the twenty-minute walk from the Shinsengumi HQ to their house.

"Ugh, my face is so itchy." She complained out loud while removing her two-inch heels she's wearing for the job. Her clothes felt sticky from the sweat and her vermilion hair was tangled in a not-so casual way. All in all, she looked like a zombie minus the rotten skin.

'Stupid heels. Stupid makeup. I need a long, hot shower and a thorough facial wash, uh huh.'

With that in mind, she started making her way to the living room to put her shoulder bag on the coffee table. She didn't bother to switch the lights on because she already know where to go. She memorized every nooks and crannies of this house. From the drawers, to the coffee table, and to the expensive vases she received on her wedding day with the sandy-haired policeman, her feet already know where to go and where to avoid bumping into furniture.

But the moment she sensed the sofa: 'Change of plans, I'm going to take a short nap.'

And she plopped herself on the sofa behind her without looking.

"BW-UGH!" Came a startling and gurgling sound.

'What the?! '

"What the hell are you doing sitting on my stomach like that, China?!"

A squeak escaped her lips and she tumbled away from the warm object she just sit on, almost hitting her chin on the oak wood coffee table in front of her in the process. Her fingers fumbled for the table lamp to switch it on in a record time that a ninja would be jealous of.

It took her 3 seconds before she recovered from the confusing situation. Her head felt like someone stirred it with a rusty spoon at the scare. She stood up abruptly and put her hands on her hips. Recognizing the infamous sadist policeman's annoying voice. Her husband.

There, in his kimonosugata glory, was the Sadist now sitting down on the sofa sending her glares while clutching his stomach with his right hand. He is in an awkward position where his upper body is almost dangling on the sofa. His left arm was planted on the floor supporting his body from totally falling. Er… yes, sitting. She felt bad for dropping her whole body on his stomach but it's partly his fault for being an idiot, sleeping in a dark room.

"I SHOULD BE THE ONE ASKING YOU THAT, SADIST! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON THE SOFA?!" She all but screamed at the man she calls her husband. She didnt care if their neighbor heard her scream, shes shook-up to care at the moment. Its not like theyre (the neighbors) not already used to them. It is a mandatory thing to know that if you are in a close vicinity of the Okita Residence, let alone a neighbor, expect shouting and crashing sounds coming from it and never question it.

"What else? Sleeping." He deadpanned. Looking at her in his trademark bored expression. His hair was ruffled in an almost adorable way, making him look like a lost boy. His voice is heavy because of sleep. Sougo positioned himself properly on the armrest and leaned his back against it.

"You gave me a good scare, damn it." She sighed sharply, putting her right hand on her rapidly beating chest and plopped herself again on the floor. "You could have at least turned the lights on so I could have an idea that you're home already. Wait, wait, I didn't see your shoes at the front door. I thought you were at the Shinsengumi station at this hour." Kagura looked at him in a furrowed eyebrows.

Sougo just shrugged and put his hands at the back of his flaxen head. "I went home an hour ago. I used the backdoor because I forgot my key in the HQ. Too lazy to turn back and get it." He glanced at her. He is wearing a light grey kimono that made his eyes stand out in the dimly lit living room.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to stand up but one attempt and she gave up. "I'm really tired." Her shoulders sagged. She leaned her head on the cushion near her instead, the sofa supporting her weight. "Are you ok?" She asked afterwards, awkwardly.

"Yes and you look like shit. What did you do to make yourself tired?" Sougo spoke after a moment of silence. As expected from the jerk of a husband, his sentences were always incomplete without insults. Kagura mentally rolled her eyes at his antic.

She sighed and made herself comfortable, squirming her way to attach herself closer to the comfort of the cushion she's leaning on. "Just Yorozuya stuff. We got hired as salespeople to sell some beauty products. Gin-chan accepted it without a second thought." She replied in a muffled voice.

"That explains the makeup." She heard Sougo say but she didn't mind him as she closed her eyes to take a short nap. Comfortable position be damned. Heck, she didn't even bother to take off her sweaty uniform and just curled herself in a ball beside the sofa. She almost looked cute, according to her husband's mind as he silently watch her.

After a comfortable silence, Kagura opened her eyes slowly and looked at Okita who, by the way, was already looking at her in a solemn manner. She's thankful that the room was dark or else he would see the light blush tinting her pale face. 'What is this man looking at my face for? '

"Um... have you eaten already?" She asked firmly but it came out a tired mutter.

Okita paused before answering. "I was actually waiting for you, idiot. I'm starving."

"Tch. You have no right to call me that, especially when you're the one who's sleeping in the dark, uh huh." Kagura sneered in return.

"Care to tell me what's bugging you now? Seriously, sadist, you look liked a constipated bastard with that face on." Kagura rested her chin on her husband's chest. They are currently cuddling on the sofa after eating their dinner and after Kagura showered. The TV's soft volume can be heard in the living room. The surroundings are dimly lit and the only source of light is the TV's bright screen showing a midnight talk show.

"What makes you think there's something on my mind? You're thinking too much." Sougo's eyes looked at his wife's cerulean eyes. Her face is finally void of makeup but her porcelain face is still radiant. Girls would kill to have her face and skin but this woman chose to take care of her skin less. She's beautiful that way. Too beautiful for his taste but he still can't help but feel proud because he is one lucky bastard to have her as his wife.

"Sougo, I know you since you are an eighteen year old jerk. I can feel when there's something wrong about you. Now, spill." She commanded like the Kabukichou Queen that she is. She even slapped his chest to make her point. Her expectant face is irresistible. The way she's looking at him makes him want to squish her soft cheeks.

And he did. He even pecked her lips multiple times before the vermilion head smacked him in disgust. He scoffed before admitting his thoughts: "It's just that Kondo-san is finally retiring as our commander next month."

There was a silence before Kagura speaks. "So... he and Anego are finally settling down."

He sighed and snaked his arms around her waist that is resting on his hard stomach. "Mmm." He hummed as a reply. As if remembering something, he paused and said: "Lady boss didn't tell you that she's finally expecting?"

"..." Kagura is shocked for three seconds before: "What?!" Kagura's eyes widened. "I didn't know! Ugh! Stupid Shinpachi. If I find out that he's keeping it a secret to us, I'll beat him." She fumed. She can't believe she's not the first one to know the surprising news. Her husband even beat her to it. Kondo must have announced it to the whole station.

"Hai, hai." Sougo cheered for her insincerely. She gave him a look but rolled her eyes afterwards when he just smirked back at her. His face is full of gloating. It's like he's saying 'Ha! I knew it first.'

Adding salt to her wounded pride, he even verbally declared "Better luck next time, wife."

Which earned him an another painful smack on his shoulder.

He just chuckled at her expense. She childishly turned her head away from his teasing. Her cheeks, resting on his vibrating chest. Her waist, locked in his arms. She could feel his hard stomach against hers. She hates to admit it but Okita Sougo is her most favorite makeshift bed. Especially when she's tired from work.

"Ne." Kagura breaks the silence after ten minutes of watching the midnight talk show on the TV. The host is busy listing some showbiz updates.

"Hmm?" Sougo.

"What if... what if I get pregnant too? What will we do?" There's a hesitation in her voice before she asked what's been bugging inside her head this past days.

She's 21 now. Married for almost two years with this 25 year old policeman. Although they are using protection at the first year of their marriage, Sougo stopped using condoms for months now. Saying there's a low chance of them having a child with their busy schedules. What if she got pregnant and they're not ready for it?

Sougo was silent for a moment before saying: "Look at me, China doll." He said.

Kagura's heart changes its rhythm for a second and she slowly turned her face to look at him. He is already staring at her. His crimson eyes are sharp as usual but they soften after seeing her face.

"Isn't it funny that you're the one who told me minutes ago that you know when something is bothering me?" He started and she could feel her face burn. So, what? She thought. This Chihuahua better not start with cheesy lines or I'm outta here. She added. "Seems like we're the same." His grin is sadistic and pleased.

"Just answer the question, baka-sadist." She snapped.

"Ho, ho, ho. Wife is embarrassed. Wife is embarrassed." Sougo teased while squishing her soft cheeks with both hands. Kagura moaned when his hands started grinding her poor jaw.

"What the hell-- Sougo, I'll kill you-- Ouch! Stop it!" She removed her head from his attacking hands and rubbed her sore face while glaring at her husband. The policeman had the gall to smirk at her.

"Idiot husband." She muttered in annoyance and started to untangle herself from their intimate cuddle. Or so she tried.

"Not so fast, crackhead." There's a laughter in the policeman's voice as he pulled the lady in his arms. "Idiot. Can't even take a joke."

Kagura hmph-ed in reply.

"If you get pregnant, then all the more reason to get ready (and work overtime)." His crimson eyes are sharp but there's a hidden twinkle behind them. The room felt cozy suddenly but Sougo's next words totally shuttered the atmosphere. "If you just accepted my proposal before, our kid would have been sixth grader by now-- Ouch!" The sandy haired policeman was cut off by a jab.

"You pervert! You're expecting me to accept that halfassed proposal? What am I, cheap? I was only 14! Y-you shameless tax robber! Truly shameless!" Kagura blushed furiously but she kept hitting the Shinsengumi Captain while straddling him. He dodge most of the attacks but being below his attacker is his disadvantage. "You violent pig." Okita cursed under his breath.

What cold blooded killer? He's just one of those shameless perverts!

"Oww.. China, that hurt!" Okita complained but he made no efforts to fight back. He just dodge her attacks.

"I'm pregnant."

"Heh. Gotcha." It's Kagura's turn to gloat at the frozen man under her.

"Actually, I just found it out when I was in the bathroom awhile ago. I secretly took one of those pregnancy test from the store we helped --"

"You mean stole." Okita deadpanned, finally composed after his frozen reaction.

"Whatever. The test shows it's positive." Kagura finished what she's saying, totally brushing off Sougo's words.

"Sly woman. I should have known you were hinting at something." Sougo begrudgingly muttered. His head rested on his wife's neck. He suddenly felt weak by the news. Trust this glutton to break an important news and this happens.

But.

'Me... a father... ' A grin slowly spread in his handsome face. A certain vermilion head is totally unaware of this expression and he's a little thankful or else she would uppercut him. Seriously, this wife of his is such a pain in the ass. He can't even get chummy with her without him being hit. Anyway, he was almost convinced that he's not trying harder or his wife is the problem as she is an amanto but now... heh, finally. A baby for his small family. The thought brought warm feeling inside his heart. He's looking forward to the future of Okita Household.

"Payback is a bitch." Kagura wiggled her eyebrows at the top of his flaxen head. Unaware of Sougo's thoughts. She could feel a small kiss on her shoulder after that remark.

"Yes." He replied calmly but inside his head, he's busy throwing a festival. "Thank you, China doll."

For sure, this is the second best midnight topic he's ever had. The first one was when his wife has finally accepted his wedding proposal after two years of dating.

He thinks that it's high time to announce his own wife's pregnancy tomorrow at the cafeteria. He's looking forward to see his co-workers choke on their lunches. He can't wait to shock the whole Shinsengumi.

The end.

Bonus:

Hijikata is on his way to his room when he suddenly felt a chilling sensation. "Something will happen tomorrow."

A/N: hahahahaha, I'm not dead yet! It's been a long time since I managed to write. Here's my OkiKagu content for the month. Seriously, this writer's block is making me feel frustrated. Everytime I try to think of something to write, my mind would just blank out until I give up. Anyway, as always, review or criticize. Unedited. Sorry for the horrible grammars and eyesore misspellings and typos. Happy birthday to my mom, btw. Thank you for being there always.

Please stay safe everyone! Always wash your hands. Let's not scare ourselves with this Corona Virus.

~ OkiKagu Enthusiast