Chapter 37

"Hello. My name is Danny and I'm an alcoholic and an addict." He'd always hated the meetings before and didn't really see the purpose for them, but after that disastrous encounter he'd had with his mother at the family reunion, he was eternally grateful for them. He now saw that these people, that he'd initially looked down on, understood him. There had only been one other person that had stood by him through this new path in life and it had been his grandfather. Not his manager, not his agency, not his so-called friends or flash in the pan girlfriends, not even his own mother and father, just his grandfather.

Now that he thought about it, it made him feel even worse. Kuon didn't even have that much when he'd left. No family at all to help guide him. At least Grandfather had been able to hug him occasionally, and give a word of encouragement when things were really bad. All Kuon had were bad memories and his eccentric godfather, whom at the time had been no more than a stranger to him. Cedric thought about what his grandfather recently had told him about the accident and Rick's death. He was now spiraling badly. He took in a deep breath, calmed himself, and tried to think of other things. If he didn't, he would be buying himself a one-way ticket back to rehab, maybe something even worse.

"Are you okay, Danny?" The doctor holding the group therapy session asked with concern.

Cedric looked pale with flushed cheeks. His mouth was dry, and dear god he really wanted a drink at the moment. He did not want these thoughts. "I… I used to bully my cousin. It started from the day I met him and didn't stop until we were teenagers. His best friend died because of one of my friends and my cousin left the country to live by himself with his godfather, because of me when he was only 15." This was the first time he'd actually admitted it. "Someone died because of me. I ruined my cousin's life doing what I did… I'm not going to say it was because of the way my parents raised me… I have a mind of my own. I know that. I… I knew it then too. I've done so much that can't possibly ever be fixed or forgiven." He finished with his face in his hands, rubbing the tears away. "Every minute of every day, I can't stop thinking of looking for a dealer or going to a bar. Anywhere will do as long as they have alcohol or anything that will just make me forget." He sighed out. "I don't know if I can hang on anymore." He finished.

The young woman next to him, gently rubbed his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Soon another followed and then another. After he calmed, the young female psychiatrist mediating this particular session, nodded. "There are many things that we may never be able to make up for, but that's not what we're here for. We are all here to see what we've done and how it effects the lives of ourselves and others. Then, not make those mistakes again. We have all, including myself, had one of those moments, and this is our chance to pick up the pieces and move forward." She admitted. "We can use these experiences to learn and improve ourselves or we can spiral into the abyss. I will be here for any one of you, to pull you out if that happens." She told him, kneeling before him and taking his hand. "And I'm sure that everyone here feels the same way." She told him, handing him a tissue and squeezing his hand for comfort.

Cedric nodded shakily, wiping the tears with his sleeve. "Thank you Dr. Tina."

She smiled softly. She had come to terms with what had happened to Rick all those years ago. Never in a million years did she expect to have Kuon's cousin Cedric in her therapy group. Over the past couple of years, after she'd passed her tests and acquired her license, she had met many young teens of the entertainment industry that dealt with similar situations to Cedric and Kuon. It broke her heart, and she'd realized that Rick had only fanned the flames of a bad situation, causing even more damage. She wasn't going to place the blame entirely on anyone, it was just the way things had been and had been mishandled. She was now working to prevent something like that from ever happening again.

She sighed, staring at the lovely roses sitting stately in place. "You know… I don't blame him anymore. I wish I could tell him." She smiled softly, stroking the marble and taking a nibble of the small picnic sandwich she'd packed. "We really should have tried a little harder. Maybe encourage him to actually talk to someone instead of telling him to fight it on his own, Rick." She shook her head and took a sip of the bottled tea she'd brought along. "I suppose I should look upon it as something terrible that happened in my life, but it happened to him too. You changed our lives, Rick. You changed them for the better with your sacrifice. I'm so sorry. I wish I could apologize to Kuon for damaging him like I did…" She sighed again. "What was I thinking saying that to a child?"

"T-Tina?" A familiar voice called to her.

Tina's eyes went wide when she turned to see an older familiar face. "K-Kuon?"

He nervously backed away. "Sorry… I really shouldn't be here." He muttered hastily.

"WAIT! Don't leave… Please." She wanted to end this. End this travesty that their lives had become. She looked down at the little picnic she'd brought with her. "Have lunch with me." She plead.

He was stunned. So many things kept happening in his life. Kyoko loved him and didn't think he was a heinous murderer. His parents and family were genuinely proud of him. Cedric actually admired him and shockingly enough, announced it at the family reunion. Now Tina was here inviting him to lunch at Rick's grave. He actually felt a little faint.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asked a little cautiously. "I really don't want to intrude." He felt like he'd always been an intruder when it came to Rick and Tina. He always hated how he had been a dividing factor in their relationship and the cause of many arguments between them.

She smiled softly and patted the blanket next to her. "Of course I'm sure and no, you are not intruding. I'm sure Rick wouldn't have minded and neither do I." She held up a ham sandwich wedge to beckon him.

Kuon nodded a little sharply and took the offering as he sat next to her. "Thank you." He mumbled as he took a small nibble of the sandwich.

It was silent for more than just a few moments. Neither knew exactly where to start or what to say to each other without it being useless small-talk or drivel. There were too many important things to say to pollute the conversation in such a way.

"How have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while." She needed to break the ice somewhere and get the healing process started for both. Why not start here?

"I've been in Japan." He didn't dare mention why or when he'd left. He didn't want to crack that egg open ever again especially in front on Tina. Yes, he'd told Kyoko, but she'd already seen it in him, she was closest to him, and it wasn't something he felt Tina even wanted to hear. He felt maybe she would think he was trying to garner sympathy from her or something.

However, Tina was more than willing to crack open that egg, scramble it, and cook it up. This was something that they both needed to discuss and remove from their hearts. It was doing no good all bottled up. She nodded her head in agreement. "I understand. It was hard on both of us. I think more so on you." She guessed and watched as his face darkened in remorse and sadness. She sighed out and looked up at the clear blue sky. "You know… He would have ripped me a new one for being such a bitch to you… and I can't say that I wouldn't deserve something like that." She confessed holding up her hand to stop any protest. "You know? The guy that really killed him went to jail. He's still there. He was high and drunk." She picked up her sandwich and took another bite. "You aren't a murderer, Kuon and it wasn't your fault. It was a decision he made. He was that kind of person. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else." She smiled and chuckled. "I'd rather it be you than someone he didn't know." She heard a sniffle.

"You can't say that." He whispered. "If I hadn't been there fighting, he wouldn't have been there either."

She shook her head. "Kuon, we still would have been there and if you hadn't gone after Cedric that night for shoving me, he would have. It would have happened no matter what. At least this way, he was able to change a few lives for the better."

Kuon furrowed his brow. "He's dead. How is it better?"

She reached over and took his hand. "Kuon, he would have died that night no matter what. We were there for our date. If you hadn't gone after him, Rick would have. You know how overprotective he was of us. Do you think for a moment that you would be where you are in life now, if he hadn't made that sacrifice? Do you think that I would be a Psychologist, that helps others through the hard times, if he hadn't? Do you think that your cousin would still be alive if he hadn't died that night?" She shook her head. "I don't think so. I've thought of it many times since then. The way he was training you, telling you to live… you would have ended up killing Cedric eventually, and spent the rest of your life in jail. Me? I wouldn't have moved on to help troubled people. I would have stayed a mediocre makeup artist with four kids by now. Probably one with a drug habit in that toxic environment." She patted his arm and handed him and unopened bottle of tea that she was saving for later. "I think he did more for us than we'll ever know or be able to appreciate." She sat back with a sigh and took a drink.

What she'd said was a bitter, thorny pill to swallow, but she was right. Had Rick not died, he would have never excelled in Japan or even met Kyoko again. He probably would have been stuck in LA, still wallowing in self-pity. He probably would have even eventually ended up drowning in alcohol and wasting away in some drug den. He wondered if the circumstances around Rick's death had been the cause of Cedric's change in behavior. He took a sip of the tea and mumbled. "I suppose you're right. There's a lot going on in my life right now that I can thank Rick for."

Tina smiled softly and nodded. She leaned forward and pulled him into a hug. "Can you ever forgive me, Kuon?"

He gave her a small smile. "There's nothing to forgive." Another burden on his heart and soul had been lifted. Thank you, Rick. He thought, staring at the headstone and gently rubbing his best friend's ex-girlfriend on the back.