A/N: Hi everyone!! Thank you for the reviews so soon after I published! They mean the world to me!! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!!

Chapter 3:

You're not useless

Roy

Awake. I was awake again. Damn it!! Why can't I stay asleep forever! I thought. Today was the day of the funeral for my youngest subordinate.

In a way, this was worse than Hughes funeral. And Hughes was his best friend. This was a kid. Just a kid that I forced into the military. His death was my fault. I sent him out only a week ago to his death.

And even worse, the last thing I said to him was "try not to get crushed by his foot, little runt" to which he responded with "Fuck you, Colonel Bastard!! I'm not short!! You'll pay for that!!"

Then I had thought I'd see him again. Fullmetal can't die. It's physically impossible! That was the single thought in my whole team's head, including me, as I ordered him to go alone into battle. I will never forgive myself for this. I thought. I cut a 14 year old boy's life short.

I continued to sob, just as I have done constantly for the past week, since I left my office that dreadful night. Only eating 3 times, when Hawkeye threatens me with her gun. I can tell when she isn't joking.

"Sir? Why are you still in bed?" I heard the unfeeling hawks eye say to me from the doorway.

I was shocked. She had a waver in her voice. I had never heard her voice waver before. She has feelings after all.

"I'm not gonna go to work today," I told her, still sobbing. "I can't show my face like this. My subordinates can't know that I have a weakness. I'm their CO for gods sake, I need to be perfect!" I said.

"Sir, no one on your team has come to work since...since...since fulmetal..." She couldn't go on anymore. She was sobbing. Riza Hawkeye was actually sobbing, even louder than he was. And that's saying something. I'm sure everyone in central heard us.

"Roy, you haven't stopped crying since the incident, even while you're asleep. It hurts me to see you like this." She had use my first name. She hasn't done that since Maes passed.

"You say it all the time though Riza, I'm useless on rainy days. It doesn't make a difference if I'm useless at home or I'm useless at work. Either way, I'm useless. Nobody needs me!" I exclaimed through my tears.

"Al needs you"

Those three words made me stop crying for the first time since that day. I know I feel horrible, but Al must feel worse! He just lost the last of his family. His big brother is dead. He can't even cry for him because of his armor body. He's just a kid that can't even cry when his brother dies.

"He does does he? So I still have a reason to keep on living after all." I instantly covered my mouth with my hand once the words had left my mouth. Damn it! Now Hawkeye knows what I was gonna do after the funeral!!

"S-s-sir, y-you w-weren't th-thinking about..." She stammered, white faced and clearly terrified.

"I was Hawkeye. I was. But not anymore, for you have told me my reason for living. I can't leave Al behind, alone forever." I answered truthfully.

"Thank you, Colonel Bastard. I can now rest peacefully because of you." A faint voice said in the distance. It sounded shockingly like Ed's. And the voice said thank you.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Hawkeye, startled by that voice and what it had said to him.

"No sir, I didn't hear anything." She said, more than a little confused. "What did you hear?"

"I swear I just heard Ed's voice say thank you and he could rest peacefully now." I told her after a moment of contemplating if I should or not. I had come to the conclusion that I could tell Riza anything, and she wouldn't judge him for it.

Her tear-stained face smiled at me. "He probably thanked you from beyond the grave for taking care of his brother," she said, "But how do you know that the voice was his?"

At that question, I was quiet for a second before answering, "Two reasons. The first being that I know his voice anywhere. The second being..."

"What?" She asked confused.

"He used my favorite nickname. He called me Colonel Bastard." I answered.

Her reaction to reason two was shocking. She laughed at him. Or so he thought.

"Still calling you that, even when dead! I think that's insane! He could have said "Roy" or "Dad" or something, but he picked Colonel Bastard instead!! That voice was definitely Ed's!!!" She was now rolling on the floor laughing. Her tears were now from the joyous laughter, not the sadness.

I was just confused.

A/N: So how was this? Riza actually has feelings! I'd love to hear your feedback on this so far! Thank you for reading, and as always, if you have an idea for this story, you can PM me! Once again thank you!!

-Animegirl4466