I'M BACK BABYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!.
And the writting no longer looks like a baddly-written script now it's a baddly-written story, and my grammar still sucks but i like to think i'm getting better.
Now i feel like i have to tell you all why this took so long and while i mentioned it in "the (kinda) devil hero i never did it here so here is the shortened version.
My tablet blew the fuck up, losed a chapter from this fic and the other one had to wait for this laptop that's shitty and doesn't even have a battery i had to writte this thing all over again and now we are here.
Sorry for the wait and (probably) enjoy.
ZANGIEF VS HAGGAR
"okay, the next episode is going to be about shirtless men wrestling each other... meiling keep an eye on koakuma" marisa said already knowing how koakuma is.
said meiling who was giving koakuma side glances to keep an eye on her
This was what is happening right now, marisa and all the residents of the SDM were very wary of how koakuma would react to all of this.
"oh come on!, i won't do anything bad..." she said a little annoyed at everyone.
Nobody believed that, not even koakuma herself but can you blame her?, who woul-
Then she got slaped in the back of the head with a book, courtesy of pathchouli.
Patchouli who was staring at her blankly "no, i know what you are thinking, bad sexual powered demon" she deadpanned
Koakuma had mixed feelings about being talked like a dog, on one side she was being humilated in the other side she was being humilated.
wonder what that says about her?.
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Wiz: Capcom has produced hundreds of deadly warriors, but few can best these two hulking leviathans.
Boomstick: Haggar, the mayor elect of whoop ass.
That got meiling's attention "is boomstick being respectfull?".
Sakuya answered "yes...he is" she was a little surprissed by that she expected boomstick to be alway disrecpectfull of everyone.
Wiz: And Zangief, Russia's red Cyclone.
Boomstick: These two wrestlers have never met in person but their rivalry is legendary and it's about time they duked it out!.
Cirno didn't know how that worked so she decided to ask "how does that work?".
Alice decided to answer her question "it means that people that know about them want them to fight".
"oh, thanks" said cirno to alice with a small smile.
Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
(*Cues: Muscle Bomber/Saturday Night Slam Masters - Mike Haggar (Original CPS1 Arcade Version*)
Boomstick: Standing 6 foot 7 and weighing 266 pounds - 30 of which is probably in his manly mustache - it's Mike Haggar!
Reimu really didn't believe that fact about haggar's mustache weight but she still gave her opinnion "that's some heavy hair...".
Wiz: For many years, Haggar was a champion wrestler of Slam Masters until being elected mayor of Metro city, a metropolis overrun with street gangs.
Well now this got reimu's attention haggar seemed to deal with problem people, just like herself.
Boomstick: Too bad there aren't more badasses in office. Most mayors would just put up laws against crime or increase the police force but Mike takes matters into his own hands.
"if only the chief of the village was like this guy..." said reimu wistfully, really keine was more the leader of the human village than the chief himself that guy is very unpleasant.
"yeah that's never going to happen" marisa rebutted having meetthe chief herself when she left the village to learn magic, hegave her a lecture that she didn't listen to then told him that she was going to kick his ass if he didn't shuted up he did so instantly literally beging for his life.
Rumia know's about that guy too he pissed himself the first time she meet him and she didn't even showed her teeth to him.
Wiz: Haggar is a former pro American wrestler, specializing in grabs, holds and quick strikes. He's of Scottish ancestry and proud of it, even having a scottish flag on his gym. It's likely he has also trained in Scottish backhold wrestling, which involves bearhugging an opponent and keeping your balance while overpowering theirs.
Meiling nodded aprovingly, she really preffered her chinese martial-arts but she wouldn't deny that haggar's type of wrestling seemed incredible.
Boomstick: Haggar's got a devastating moveset ranging from Suplexes, Body Splashes, and his own invention: the Spinning clothesline double lariat, which Zangief stole for his own use. To even the score, Haggar copied Gief's spinning piledriver. When Haggar isn't overpowering people with his pure manliness, his weapon of choice is a blunt pipe. Hey, he's a mayor that kicks ass and recycles!
"yeah he is very manly..." koakuma said her voice giving away her thoughs wich got her another slap in the back of her head courtesy of patchouly
The fairy duo of the group already respected the guy he is strong and recycles? he is good on their book.
(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)
Wiz: Even after his victorious election, Haggar continued his vigorous training.
Boomstick: By piledriving sharks!
Meiling had done some hardcore training herself... but piledriving sharks? that's a new one maybe she should try it the mansion does have a pool...
Sakuya noticed this and quickly shot down the idea "no meiling we are not putting sharks in the pool for you to train with".
Unfurtonatly flandre was okay with the sharks "but sakuya!!!! i want to see meiling piledriving sharks!".
Sakuya looked at remilia for help to her growing dread she just waved her hand lazily "don't worry sakuya we don't even use that pool for anything important".
Yes the maid knew that, why vampires would have a pool considering that they're weak against water eluded her but it wasn't her job to question it, but she let a little anger shown when she saw meiling pumping her fist in victory.
Wiz: It appears Haggar wrestles Bull Sharks, one of the deadliest sharks on Earth. These can grow up to 11 feet long and weigh up to 500 pounds. Wrestling these proves Haggar's proficiency in the Scottish backhold, as he keeps his balance against the thrashing sharks until he can piledrive them into the beach.
Patchouli was somewhat surprissed by this little humans have that kind of physical strenght, and he got it just by training? impressive.
And koakuma wanted to be her training partner, after all wrestling is all about getting close and intimate...
"koakuma..." she heard the voice of alice who noticed her expression.
Boomstick: Next Jaws movie needs more Haggar!
"the hell is a jaws?" asked marisa.
"most likely a type of shark" said patchouli who threw a wild guess of what a jaws is
Wiz: Unfortunately, during his time as mayor, Haggar was undoubtedly forced to prioritize politics over training. It's likely he didn't have much time to learn new techniques or train against many other wrestlers. As a result, he uses moves and skills from an older era.
Remilia knew of this issue when the mansion was first created she loosed a lot of time keeping everything in check with her sister being in a... foul mood in those time's, it was really troublesome but with time she meet her friend patchouli found meiling and sakuya stumbled into the mansion and she found herself with a easier time handling the mansion.
"being a leader ain't easy..." the vampire wispered to herself.
Patchouli recognised the look on her friend's face, asked "remembering old times?" there was something in her voice that didn't appear often and that was mischief.
"screw you patchy, you don't know how those 100 years handling the mansion where for me..." she just slept and worked in those times no time for the fun stuff that vampire's do, not even one vampire hunter it was fucking BORING and STRESSFULL.
Boomstick: But they seem to work pretty damn well.
"there is no useless technique's" said meiling with determination that is just seen when she is deffending the mansion.
Marisa just stared at meiling for a while "you got pretty riled up for nothing..."
Wiz: He certainly hasn't lost his touch.
Announcer: Mike Haggar, the candidate who puts people first.
Haggar growls and kills a Bald Eagle perched on his arm.
"why?..." questioned alice who didn't knew why the hell he just killed a eagle.
"don't question it just enjoy it" came flandre's reply who was a little too happy about the eagle's death.
(*Cues: Zangief Theme (Atomic Fusion Remix) - Street Fighter II*)
Wiz: Zangief stands 7 feet tall at 350 pounds, weighing in as one of the strongest on the Street Fighting circuit.
"i hope he is tall in..." koakuma trailed off, the look's everyone was giving her except for the child-like youkai stoping her train of though knowing full well that if she continued her words she may find herself facing a horrible end.
Boomstick: And as a testament to his manliness, check out that wicked shin hair!
"that's disgusting..." sakuya said annoyed at the sight of what basically was a human ogre she just couldn't stare at zangief for long, at least haggar was a respectable leader.
Wiz: Zangief is a champion wrestler in Russia, using push and pull techniques to throw his opponents off balance. He also specialises in Sambo, a combination of wrestling and martial arts. He's not skilled in leglocks and chokeholds but his grappling, submissions and groundwork are second to none.
"well then... that sounds familiar" said reimu who noticed that zangief's fighting style was similar to haggar's.
Marisa agreed with her "yeah it's almost like a mirror match".
Boomstick: Zangief's best moves include his double Lariat, Atomic Suplex, Flying Power Bomb and a wicked backhand called the Banishing Flat, a move Zangief learned specifically to counter projectiles. Zangief. HATES. Projectiles.
"bullets aren't that bad..." said reimu feeling that zangief's hate, while justificated was a little exagerated.
"say's you how danmaku seem's to miss you just because sometimes..." grumbled remilia who fought reimu and she was sure that her danmaku hit her at least once.
The miko just shrugged her shoulders "i'm just good at dodging that's all".
"i think you got TOO good at it" marisa said a little annoyed at the miko's stupid ability to dodge stuff.
Wiz: His signature move is the Spinning Piledriver, which he learned after getting caught in a cyclone while piledriving a bear.
Flandre got giddy instantly "i want that!" she said enthusiastically.
"that sound's really dangerous... i'll try to do it" meiling said feeling that this could be a challenge to pull of she could find somekind of yokai bear but the tornado part could be difficult... maybe patchouli could help with that.
As if reading the mind of the gate keeper patchouli shaked her head in denial "no meiling i'm not using my magic to create a tornado for you".
Boomstick: That is the most awesome thing I've ever heard!
"i know right!?" said flandre with a ear splitting smile.
Remilia sighed in resignation she probably should have said no to marisa when she offered to watch this thing, meiling and flandre will rundown the mansion with the crazy ideas they get from this.
Wiz: Actually, wrestling bears has been Zangief's favourite training exercise since he was a kid. Supposedly, he wrestles Grizzly bears, but these are not native to Russia. It's far more likely he wrestles Ussuri Brown Bears, which can weigh up to 1500 pounds, well over twice the size of a full grown Grizzly.
"is it even possible for normal humans to pull this kind of stuff without becoming youkai?" asked reimu in wonder, yeah she, marisa and sakuya can pull some crazy stuff but that's mainly their abilities at work and in marisa's case magic but these guys are technically still human and are pulling some super human stuff with just fisical training.
Alice came to answer reimu's question "apparently, these two are the prove of it, but it does seem to require a lot of time and patience to make all those training hours".
Reimu couldn't help but think that she should maybe do some of that training, she IS bad at taiking the hits that while rarelly land do leave her kinda tired.
Boomstick: Holy shit! He piledrived one of those into a Tornado!?
"why in a tornado though?" patchouli couldn't help herself but ask the question.
The ice fairy of the group who understood zangief's animal training, she does similar stuff to froggs answered "because he can".
Wiz: Battling such a massive beast corresponds with his Russian wrestling training perfectly, forcing the bears to lose their balance and knocking them out cold! Zangief is a loyal Russian through and through, always fighting for his country rather than personal gain. He is often employed by the Russian President as the country's official fighting representative. That said, Zangief is pretty dimwitted, more a follower than a leader. He fights with instinct rather than reason.
"well... at least he has good qualities" sakuya said, apparently there was more to the brute than she though he was loyal and knew that he wasn't fit to lead so he diceded to follow the leader of rusia.
"someone that sticks to his strenghts is okay in my book" this was meiling who was very much like zangief in personality.
Boomstick: All the more reason to get out of his way!
Zangief Attacks the Duck Hunt Dog and piledrives it.
"seriously, are muscular guys againts animal life or something?" wondered patchouli.
Zangief: Mmmmhhh! Me Zangief broke you!
"maybe? seems like they did it more because they feel like it" said marisa who didn't see actual malice in their actions.
The younger vampire didn't give a shit "who cares? let's just enjoy the carnage".
"the fight, you mean the fight right?" asked remilia to her sister just trying to make sure flandre wasn't TOO exited.
"yeah whatever" flandre said without looking at her.
Well that's a red flag.
(*Cues: Intro Theme - Saturday Night Slam Masters*)
Zangief and Haggar stand in a deserted street. Haggar stretches his muscles and rips his shirt while Zangief removes his cape, points upwards and laughs, and drinks a bottle of beer before crushing the bottle.
For some reason cirno felt like screaming so she did "ARE YOU READY TO RUUUUUMMMMMBLEEEEE!!!!????"
Meiling felt like giving cirno a lecture but something about what she screamed seemed to fit in the fight so she let it slide.
"did he got a beer from his underwear?" asked a surprissed and disturbed alice.
Koakuma saw the chance to make an indecent joke and she took it "well it makes sense, he needs a LOT of space to keep it in his pants".
Marisa and meiling where about to punish the demon but...
"was that a joke? can you explain it to me?" asked flandre who got distracted from the fight.
And remilia was looking at koakuma with cold rage said demon just stared at the TV with a smile but the sweat in her revealed her feelings right now.
FIGHT!
(*Cues: Lobby Screen - Street Fighter IV*)
Haggar and Zangief both grab each other and look each other in the eyes before Zangief throws Haggar behind him. He tries to attack Haggar with a flying kick, only to get blocked. He tries to punch him, but his punches get blocked too.
"so if the fact that they gave us are right zangief must have the strenght advantage..." said patchouli who remembers that zangief throws around bigger animals than haggar.
"yeah but i'm pretty sure that haggar has more experience" responded alice since haggar seemed to have the experience on his side.
(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)
After dodging Zangief's lariat, Haggar suplexes him, attacks him with a lariat and kicks him. Zangief suplexes Haggar twice and piledrives him before throwing him across the street.
"well the battle went from defensive to offensive in a second" said meiling who was surprissed by how the two fighters went for it.
"it's a fight to the death they are going to take all the chances they can" remilia said knowing full well that in a fight for your life you are probably not going to play fair.
As Zangief advances, Haggar kicks him and attacks him with a steel pipe but Zangief counters with the Banishing flat, knocking him into a building, which Zangief enters to finish the duel. As they fight, they also go upstairs. A couch, a globe, Princess Peach, a Dragon ball, Big the Cat and Pedobear get thrown out the building.
"well this just keeps getting better and better" flandre said with a stupidly big smile.
Cirno was staring at said vampire then turned towards daiyousei and rumia "that girl scares me sometimes" now she might be the strongest but there is something a little disturbing from flandre's love of violence.
"that's a lot of property damage..." comented reimu who wasn't sure how to feel about the damage they wre causing in the fight.
Marisa shrugged her shoulders "but you were completely fine entering the SDM through the rooftop".
"yeah... well mistakes were made" said reimu not noticing the looks the whole SDM crew are giving her.
(*Cues: Historic Distillery Stern - Street Fighter IV*)
Haggar and Zangief's fists hit each other and Haggar tries and fails to hit Zangief but Zangief suplexes Haggar near a window and, after a few blocked punches, throws himself at Haggar, sending them both out the window.
"ah so zangief wins then..." said meiling confusing some of the people here.
"why would you say that?, looks pretty even to me" reimu pointed out that the fight still looked even.
Zangief tries to pile drive Haggar into the pavement, but then Haggar begins to turn the tides and tries to piledrive Zangief, then Zangief tries to piledrive Haggar, then Haggar tries to piledrive Zangief.
Meiling nods "yes, but that was because haggar experience but right now they are in the air so strenght and technique are the key factor and only one of them trains more than the other" pointed out meiling.
"oh... guess that makes sense" said koakuma a who was a little all over the place this episode, she has a thing for muscular guys and that clouded her... judgement.
"damnit big sis! you ruined the end!" screamed flandre who was enjoying the whole thing until meiling spoiled the end, the gatekeeper just shrugged her shoulders nerviously.
This goes on for a while until they both hit the pavement. As the dust clears, Haggar and Zangief are both seen lying down on the pavement. But Haggar has blood around his head, indicating his death, then, Zangief stands up, points both arms upward and laughs triumphantly.
"...how is his head still in one piece?" asked rumia surprissed that a human skull could take that damage, well haggar is still dead but his dead wasn't as brutal as she expected it from such a big fall.
"who knows?" said cirno not really caring about it.
K.O.!
(*Cues: The Next Door: Indestructible (Instrumental)*) - Ultra Street Fighter IV
Boomstick: *Sighs* A great man has fallen today...
"great in more than one way..." you know who said that.
"just... shut up koakuma" the annoyed patchouli said to her familiar.
Wiz: Haggar and Zangief's similar moveset appeared evenly matched, anticipating each other's moves and countering with their signature attack.
"yeah but that wasn't going to last forever" comented remilia.
Boomstick: He led a long productive life, kicking ass, ruling Metro City and keeping the beaches safe from rogue sharks...
Alice rolled her eyes at boomsticks dismay "yeah he was really respectable man we get it" but he was getting annoying.
Wiz: Not only is Zangief almost 100 pounds larger than Haggar, he's also 13 years younger and been training all his life.
"yeah experience can only get you so far in a fight" said reimu who was probably someone who shouldn't talk about it considering that she was born this strong.
"you only said that because of your stupid talent..." muttered sakuya who recieved the worst of reimu when she came to the SDM.
Boomstick: I'm gonna miss that wonderful mustache!
"well yeah that's a pretty cool mustache..." cirno said not really adding anything to the conversatin she just like the mustache make him appear stronger.
Wiz: Zangief's youth and lack of political agenda were enough to give him a slight edge.
"yeah because if you have nothing to do just train and get stronger and time will just pass by" said meiling who trained when no one dcided to try to enter the mansion, she has a lot of free time.
Boomstick: Poor Haggar. He may piledrive sharks, but Zangief's bears were three times larger and probably twice as dangerous. Sure Haggar can grapple a half ton shark without falling over, but if Zangief can push around 1500 pound bears as a hobby, Haggar didn't stand a chance.
"and this just proves my point "with enough power you can do anything"" said marisa cockily she knows that putting it your all in every attacks is the best way to go in any kind of fight.
Flandre agreed with marisa just because more power means more explosions.
And sakuya just rolled her eyes at the magician "only you would think that..." and the little mistress to but she isn't going to say that one out loud.
Wiz: He definately put up a great fight though.
"wouldn't be fun if he didn't" said a satisfied flandre this fight was quite entretaining.
Boomstick: That he did. 'Gief just found his window of opportunity.
"5/10 not enough muscle jokes" said koakuma instantly.
"no it was just a bad joke all around" deadpaned patchouli who was glad this was over and her familiar's libido should lower down.
Wiz: The winner is Zangief.
Boomstick: Next time on death battle.
"are those..." said a kinda perplexed reimu yeah gensokyo is weird but...
Marisa nodded "yeah they certanly are".
"well this is gonna get good" said remilia who found the prospet of turtles that are also ninjas pretty good and it was a battle royal wich could get even more interesting.
"NEXT EPISODE!" said a overly happy flandre, who si probably going to enjoy the next episode.
"well here we go again" said meiling who got up to pull the next episode.
ZANGIEF VS HAGGAR END
So i'm gonna instanty start to writte the next chapter because i have kept this fic in the back while i wrote "the (kinda) devil hero, and it's time to give some love to this one.
Not much else to say, i'll see you all next time!.