HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... please don't kill me.
I was writting on space battles since i had some stuff there, but now i'm back and ready for this bullshit... of course i'll go back to space battles at some point, but this time i'll tell you guys when i do that.
Of course there is no point of giving you excuses and stuff like that, so instead of that here is a chapter!.
Enjoy!... or not.
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
"hit play already Marisa!" exclaimed Yuyuko, extrangely exasperated.
Marisa galred at her "why are you acting like it took me months to do this?" because... maybe we should leave the 4th wall alone.
A gap appeared and pressed the button for Marisa "there, done it's not like it was that hard" said Yukari.
Boomstick: Who doesn't like dinosaurs? No one, cause they're awesome?
"the ice age wouldn't like them... neither did the meteor" commented Letty.
Yukari snorted "it wasn't a meteor... i think" no one knows what heppened to dinosaurs, probably not even the Lunarians.
Ran sighed "Yukari-sama, try not to talk about things you don't know".
Wiz: Like Yoshi, Mario's happy-go-lucky steed.
"but it's not a horse" Lily said childishly.
Lunasa gave her this incredulous look "it's a manner of speaking... because steeds aren't always horses".
Boomstick: And Riptor, the Dino Warrior with a killer instinct.
"those are some weird proportions fo a lizard" said Youmu, who has experience sutting all sorts of things... because Yuyuko has an exploring nature when it come's to her meals.
"for all we now it isn't even all lizard" Marisa here showing us how to not foreshadow.
Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
(*Cues: Yoshi's Island - Flower Garden Theme*)
Wiz: Yoshi is a cheerful and friendly dinosaur who's race happens to be among Bowser's most hated enemies. Why?
"because he is racist?" Lyrica said without missing a beat, making Lunasa stare at her and Merlin to sweat.
"how did you learn that word?" asked the eldest, the word itself didn't bother her it was more on how she learned the word in gensokyo wich could be called the most diverce place to ever exist.
The yougest pointed at the middle sister who cursed her luck, Lunasa will have words with her later.
Boomstick: 'Cause they're so God damn happy all the time!
"a new level of depressed... that turtle must have some issues" Reimu talking about depression while literally not having a familly, makes sense.
Marisa just snorted "i have yet to meet anyone as depressed as Reimu when she runs out of tea".
That got a chuckle out of everyone except Reimu, who promissed pain in her friends future.
Wiz: Yoshi is considered one of the fastest characters in the Mario universe and has a higher and stronger jump than Mario. Despite his cute and cheery demeaner, Yoshi's powerful enough to put down this goliath single-handedly. He's able to keep up with experienced fighters like Solid Snake, Link, and even previous Death Battle champion, Samus Aran.
"how does a dinosaur even learn to fight at such level?" wondered Ran outloud.
Yukari snikered "just like a fox growing nine tails... no idea" Ran knew that Yukari was just messing with her, didn't mean that she liked it.
Boomstick: And either he doesn't have any ears or he's really freaken' patient, 'cause he somehow put up with that whiny-ass Baby Mario!
"it is lacking ea-" Letty was interrupted by a hellish sound.
Baby Mario cries.
Marisa covered her ears... along with everyone but Ran,Youmu and Lunasa they have experience dealing with whining of babies of various sizes.
"Youmu make it stooopp!"
"Ran deal with this sound!"
"Lunasa why does the world hate me!"
Various sizes indeed.
Boomstick: If it were me, someone would've found him in a dumpster after the first level!
"that's a little much..." muttered a surprissed Letty.
Marisa, Reimu and Youmu felt personally attacked, for obvious reasons, Yuyuko and Yukari can't help but think back to that place that humans dump their 'cursed' children.
The prismirivers feel like they should be offended but decide to ignore it.
Boomstick: Also ,while young Yoshis are dumb enough to run off cliffs, they learn quickly over time, eventually driving go-karts, playing sports and surviving the greatest death trap ever created: Mario Party!
"already smarter than Marisa..." muttered Reimu.
"what does that mean!?" exclaimed Marisa.
Reimu sighed "well you never seem to learn unlike the Yoshi's" mainly because she always steals, even when she is caught and gets her shit clapped.
Wiz: Yoshi has a large arsenal of eggs to use as lightweight projectiles and can even create a giant egg shell to use as an all-encompassing sheild.
"how?" asked Liryca at her oldest sister, who just kinda shrugged her shoulders.
"magic that's how" said Yukari, because if you can't explain anything just say magic, that how she usually explains her gap abilities.
Boomstick: What is it with creatures from the Mario universe using their babies as weapons? Is it that effective? I'm gonna have to test this out. Maybe some sort of Baby Launcher...
"no... well child soldiers are a thi-" Yukari was suddenly bonked on the back of the head, legend says that a fox was a savior, preventing a fallout from happening but those are just legends.
Reimu sighed "i just have a feeling that he is full of familly issues".
"does that make him like you Reimu?" Lily was completely unaware of what she had done, but the roast could be smelled on the air.
Letty feeling a little cheeky said "i could take the heat of that roast for you, i just have to hug-" she suddenly stoped when she saw Reimu drawing needles of her sleeves.
Wiz: Boomstick! That's a terrible idea! Any time you'd want to reload, you'd have to wait nine months. Anyway, Yoshi's greatest asset is his stomach.
"woah..., not funny" said Merlin, a little off put that the smart guy would say that.
"more like not surprissed" Marisa always though that Wiz had this 'crazy cientist' vibe.
Boomstick: Yeah, Yoshi's got a bad eating problem, and devours everything in sight with his long stretchy tongue. He can swallow almost anything, even fire.
"i see... a lizard of culture as well..." Yuyu has fallen in love... with a green lizard of all things.
Youmu sweared on that day that if she meeted a Yoshi, she would kill it just to not deal with whatever her master was planning.
Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. Yoshi has the strangest digestive system I've ever come across. Certain meals can grant him special abilities. Otherwise, after consuming a foe or item, Yoshi...uh...ejects an egg spawned from the subject. The egg may have special properties from said object, or contain the victim within.
Youmu doubled that swear, her master and the lizard are literally kindred souls, while Yuyuko was staring at Yukari in an unnerving maner, the gap yokai did her best to ignore the feeling of impending disaster.
Ran just didn't want to deal with that... and also was just enjoying a little how her master tried to ignore her friend.
All the while Marisa tried to make sense of Yoshi estomach and decided that it was not worth the brain damage.
Boomstick: Wait, is that how he makes eggs?! Are there any female Yoshis?
Nice question.
Wiz: I don't think they're male or female. Yoshis may be asexual.
"that's a sad existence" muttered both Yuyuko and Yukari, who are old enough to not be... well you know what i'm trying to say here.
Youmu tried not to think what Yuyuko did with some ghost that she took inside her room, for her own safety of course.
Ran has the sneaking suspicion that Yukari had done bad stuff at least twice... but she is better off not confirming that.
Letty literally kills anything she hugs for too long so... yeah let's not go there.
Boomstick: That poor miserable creature.
"it's not that bad, i think" said an uncertain Marisa.
Yoshi: "Oh ho ho, Yoshi got right stuff!"
The momment that one appeared everyone wondered if it will look better on fire.
(*Cues: Riptor's Theme - Killer Instinct*)
Wiz: Riptor was genetically engineered by Ultratech to be the perfect combination of human intelligence and animal brutality.
"humanity... allways looking for ways to commit any kind of amoral action" said Yukari with a smile.
"pot meet keetle" Marisa said instantly, because let's be honest Yukari isn't nice and will never be, cause if you are manipulative then you are bound to be disliked by just about everyone on different degrees.
Not that Reimu cared, but she did agree that Yukari is a manipulative hag, for the good of gensokyo or her own amussment.
Boomstick: His tools of death are his teeth, claws and impaling tail and he knows how to use them well, pulling off insanely bloody combos. And when he's not fighting up close, he can spit a fiery acid!
"are we sure it's a dinosaur?" Yukari is sure that even with all the experimentation it would no longer be laveled as a dinosaur.
"we accepted that Yoshi is one... so we should do the same here" Yuyuko said, really there is no point of discussing that.
Wiz: Riptor's only 4 years old and yet, already, he's a nearly unstoppable killing machine.
"a super-dinosaur, child soldier... a equation for disaster if i ever saw one" and Reimu is an expert of disasters much to her chagrin.
Marisa wondered if this counted as both child abuse and animal abuse, and that's fucked up so she won't say it out loud.
Boomstick: That's one ass kicking toddler!
Wiz: He has reached a point where his human emotion and reasoning conflict with his predatory instincts, often confusing him to the blind point of rage and aggression.
"a fight with yourself... literally" Youmu knows well how that feels, mainly because she wondered if someone would give her a new job, because dealing with her master sometimes... sucks a fat one.
Reimu and Marisa rarelly had to deal with that kind of stuff, until Reimu learned more about her mother and Marisa got abandoned... these two may have had a bad childhood.
Boomstick: Riptor may look, sound and act like a Velociraptor, but he's really something else entirely. He's twice as big and twice as slow and I don't think Velociraptors could shoot acid. They were awesome enough without it! With a limited amount of combat training, Riptor relies on his Raptor instincts in a fight. Raptors were pack hunters, preferring to plague their victims with stealth, speed and secrecy, though they were no pushovers by themselves. On their own, they usually just rush their opponent and overpower them with ultra combos, and if "Jurassic Park" has taught us anything, it's that Raptors are clever sons of bitches!
...
Pure silence, the dumb became smart for no apparent reason.
"that came out of nowhere..." Marisa is surprissed by how Boomstick can actually show signs of intelligence.
Reimu has seen the impossible... again.
Wiz: Wow, Boomstick, I didn't know you knew so much about dinosaurs.
Boomstick: Yeah, I always wanted me a pet Raptor. I was gonna call him Barney after I found out what irony was.
"that momment didn't last long" Letty would admit that it was at least funny, and judging by the laughs it got from the group everyone though the same.
Killer instinct announcer: Supreme victory!
Riptor feasts on the remains of her prey.
"allright then so Riptor is gonna rip Yoshi a new one..." Marisa is pretty sure about this, power above everything and... well Riptpor is cooler.
"that what you said last time" Reimu is not sure if Yoshi has a good chance at winning but he... she... she'll call him a he, has a chance.
Yukari being Yukari already had a good guess at who would win, this whole thing was basically strength vs smarts, so can Yoshi outwit Riptor? yes, can he do it before Riptor destroys him?... well she doesn't know how quickly he can learn or how much he is affected by pressure so that information isn't on her reach.
Yuyuko just wanted Yoshi to win, because glutons will allways aid eachother.
Lunasa didn't care but she will watch the fight because the last one was entertaining enough, Liryca wanted Yoshi to win... because he is cute, Merlin is in the same train of thought as Marisa.
Ran didn't want to think about it too much, she will just wait for the results... and also she is busy thinking if Chen is actually doing her chores.
Youmu is in Yoshi's favor, mainly because Riptor is just a wild beast with no train of thought.
(*Cues: Overworld Theme - Super Mario World*)
Yoshi is happily dancing when Riptor emerges from a pipe and roars, scaring Yoshi, who begins cowering.
"SURPRISSE SPRING!" Lily suddenly screamed for no apparent reason, startling most of the people in the room.
FIGHT!
(*Cues: Yoshi's Island Theme - Super Smash Brothers Melee*)
Riptor begins by attacking Yoshi repeatedly and knocking him back.
"this is unfair" stated Marisa, Yoshi is basically a punching bag.
Youmu ignored this, this is the start of the fight after all... even if Yoshi recieved more than three strikes already.
Letty knew that this is what everyone does to fairies just because, a depressing thought.
Announcer: AWESOME COMBO!
"7/10, could use some flips" Yuyuko knows about combos... and this one wasn't the best, but it's decent enough.
As Riptor advances, Yoshi throws three eggs at her, but these do very little. Yoshi then forces out a large egg and throws it at Riptor, causing a baby Yoshi to appear.
"shit on your enemies... literally" Lunasa commented, wich disguested half of the adience, no one wanted that mental image, except monkeys.
"more like hitting them with your new borns..." Marisa said under her breath.
Baby Yoshi: Yoshi!
Riptor attacks the baby Yoshi and bites its head off.
"the circle of life... just like the seasons, it comes and goes" Lily said, when someone that looks like a child does this... yeah it sound fucked up.
Reimu didn't comment in what could be canibalism.
Yoshi screams and runs off but is stopped by a Koopa Troopa. He eats the Koopa Troopa and spits him at Riptor, who deflects it but Yoshi protects himself with his egg shield.
"wait how?, did he shit himself... by himself?" stopped working.
Yukari learned long time ago that sometimes shit will not make sense, so she stopped having blue screens a while ago.
And everyone else tried their best to not get a mental image of what marisa said.
Riptor attacks the shield until it breaks and then proceeds to attack Yoshi some more, only for Yoshi to counter.
"and the turning point..." that one action aclared the winner to Yukari.
Announcer: C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Yoshi Ground Pounds Riptor who spits acid at him but Yoshi eats the acid and traps it in an egg. He then throws the egg at Riptor, covering her face with acid.
"just like-" Lily is suddenly interrupted by Letty.
"yes the seasons" she doesn't dislike the spring fairy, but she can get annoyed by her anthics.
Riptor roars in pain and tries to attack Yoshi again but Yoshi eats her and forces her out as a giant egg. As the egg falls off the cliff which Yoshi is standing next to, Riptor manages to break free, but all too late. Riptor falls down into a pink car with flame patterns on it with only her legs sticking out.
"now that's... a way to get rid of your internal problems" when Marisa said that everyone just groanned, that was bad and she should die for it.
"first try getting rid of your horrible desicion making" said Reimu, jabbing at the fact that Marisa voted for the loser again.
"screw you too" who else but Marisa.
Youmu is surprissed... that was some ingenous thinking, if a little disgusting when you think about it enough.
K.O.!
(*Cues: Alpina Blue - Yoshi's Story*)
Boomstick: NOOO, my car!
"who parks their vehicle under a fucking cliff?" asked an incredoulous Merlin.
"Merlin..." Lunasa growled.
"but she is literally listening to everyone here swear" Merlin snaped, making Lunasa sigh, she has a good point.
"what's fucking?" goddamnit Liryca
Wiz: Yoshi couldn't compete with Riptor's tough and brutal visciousness, but his varied arsenal ultimately produced a winning move.
"variety is the spice of life after all" Yukari knows this the best, because when you can literally control thr borders between concept you have to get creative.
Unlik Yuyuko who just dies with her powers you, yes that basically how it works, yes i wrote 'dies' as her power.
Boomstick: Riptor's a friggin' beast in a fist fight but while Yoshi looks all cute and stuff, he's actually a deadly devouring machine, like my ex-wife!
"or like Yuyuko" Yukari just had to take that chance.
"say's the one using her powers to look thiner" well that's a roast, Yuyuko knew Yukari was gonna go for it.
Wiz: That raptor mind of Riptor's might be cunning and clever but tooth and claw can only accomplish so much. Yoshi's bizarre digestive system rebounded the acid spit, blinding Riptor and leaving him vulnerable.
"i saw none of that cunning or cleverness in that fight" Reimu is pretty sure that Yoshi was the only one thinking anything during that fight.
"probably because it's a four year old crazy dinosaur/human" Letty is pretty sure of that.
Boomstick: Riptor may be smart but Yoshi can drive cars and show me another dinosaur who can do that!
Well... yeah they couldn't thing of one.
Wiz: Even with a velociraptor's strong sense of hearing and smell, Riptor's confused and vengeful mind wasn't able to process the change of tactics fast enough. Even so, he was already finished.
"hard to do it when you re-experience birth" Reimu was the one to bring out a weird mental image.
Seems they are getting a lot of those this time.
Boomstick: Even if that conveniently placed cliff hadn't had been there, Riptor would have lost his whole face pretty quick to the acid. He just didn't have the stomach for this dino - mite Dino - Fight.
Wiz and literally everyone else: "What?"
Boomstick: I'm clever!
"pretty sure that wasn't even a joke" Yuyuko said with a sweat drop.
Wiz: The winner is Yoshi.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle!.
What looks like a nekomata... and a cat hooded person with too many teeth apper suddenly the more nude of the two miaus.
Ran is glad that chen isn't here.
Suddenly a gap drops her right in front of the fox "i will have revenge for this" muttered the annoyed nine-tailed fox.
With that come's the catfight second edition and remastered... i also bringed Chen because many reasons.
Mainly to amuse myself.
And since that's done and i basically finished this whole thing in about three hours... well i already had this like 50% done the last time i posted a chapter on this fic, but it's still like 1500 words, wich is hard... for me at leas.
Later!,
And Merry Christmass!... yes i know it's too late for that.