If i say please don't kill me would you listen to me?... no?.
Welp... i have nothing to say but, don't try to kill me on my sleep.
...
As you can tell i have no way to apologize for being laze, so... enjoy!.
PLEASE.
"Yukari-sama..." Ran didn't even know what to say at this point so she just stared blankly, at the smartes/dumbest yokai.
Said yokai just shruged her shoulders while hiding her shit eating smile behind her fan, said fan catched on blue fire then she threw it through a window and got a new one from a gap.
Ran still had one ace in her sleeve "i guess that i'll have to finally put an alarm clock" she saw her actually flinch, suffer...
Yukari decided to accept this, no way in hell was she gonna beg to Ran that she doesn't get an alarm clock, those hellish things that interrupt sleep.
But she has her pride damnit.
Chen was confussed through the whole exchange, luckily Marisa decided to explain her what was happening while her... Mom's? (that's weird), verbally asaulted each other.
Reimu just hitted play, damn everything that happened.
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Boomstick: Catfight!
Letty sighed "God no..." she had a feeling that things were gonna get out of hand really quickly.
Chen blinked at that, this is a weird reason to call her through a gap "this is not funny Yukari-sama" Yukari was still smiling behind her fan.
"is she hidding her smile because it makes her seem ugly?" asked Lily making eveyone snort, except Yukari who lowered her fan to prove her wr-
"i was right!" the fairy exclaimed childishly actually making everyone else laugh, Yukari gritted her teeth behind her fan obviously.
Wiz: It literally is, Boomstick. Not only do we have two ferocious females in the ring today, but they're also, well, cats.
Boomstick: Felicia, the popstar demon cat chick lady.
"what a weird mix..." mumbled Merlin.
Wiz: And Taokaka, BlazBlue's speedy vigilante.
"what the hell is with the hoody?" asked Marisa more to herself than anyone else.
Boomstick: He´s Wiz and I´m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it´s our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
"should i even be here?" asked Chen out of nowhere, making most people give her a 'kinda' gesture, except Yukari who nodded, while Ran shaked her head.
It was always like this, Yukari would tell her to do one thing and Ran would tell her to not do said thing, it created confussion.
(*Cues: Felicia's Theme - Marvel vs Capcom 3*)
Wiz: As a catwoman, Felicia faced discrimination all her life. She was raised by a nun and became a successful pop-star, a passion that would ultimately lead her on a quest to bring humans and cat-people together to make children happy.
..."ok, that's pretty good" Reimu had to admit, if that ever happened she wouldn't have to deal with every Yokai that feels like hot stuff.
Marisa snorted a little "that's a pretty up-hill battle".
Youmu simply shrugged her shoulders at that "no pain no gain, as the outside world says"
Boomstick: What the hell? I thought we were talking about a deadly demon warrior and... is she naked?!
"i knew it" said Letty pretty much expecting this.
Wiz: Yes.
Boomstick: But, she's a cat.
"and?" asked Chen, who probably shouldn't know what he is talking about.
Wiz: Yes...
Boomstick: Hmmm... do you think it'd be wrong to-
"yes!" said Ran raising her voice, then quickly coughing and apologizing.
Wiz: Yes! Felicia is a Darkstalker, a creature of the night, and naturally possesses supernatural strength, speed and agility. She can also use her unique cat senses to sniff out enemies from extreme distances.
Chen shrugged her shoulders at that, nothing that she and the others weren't expecting.
Boomstick: She can tear into her foes with the sharp claws restin' in her big-ass paws, each several inches long and capable of tearing through all kinds of armor.
That made the young nekomata to take a look at her retlactable claws... she never used them, then again with the danmaku rules they were hardly useful.
Ran hopped she didn't use them on the kotatsu.
Wiz: To top it off her tail is extremely strong, able to lift her entire body on its own. She's undeniably one of the faster darkstalkers, and can get around the battlefield with her unpredictable Rolling Smash, Delta Kicks and Rolling Buckler.
"don't even try it" said Yukari to Chen who slumped at that, she may want some fun out of this, doesn't mean she actually wants the Nekomata in pain.
Boomstick (Singing): Felicia, she can really move- Felicia, she's got an attitu-ude-
Lunasa stared at that "what even-?".
(*Cues: Night Warriors Darkstalker' Revenge: The Animated Series - Intro Theme Instrumental*)
Wiz: Yes Boomstick, we get it, she's like Sonic. Anyway, as a darkstalker, Felicia has a natural affinity for magic, able to use it in the form of her only ranged attack: kicking sand.
"i feel insulted" said Chen with a straight face, what the hell is with this chick!?.
Marisa never heard of magic this useless since... that thing that makes farting noises.
Bomstick: At least she's litter box trained.
Reimu wondered if that was racist in someway, and seeing the way Chen suddenly jumped towards the TV it probably was, thankfully Yukari opened a Gap and put her back on a sitting possition with another one.
Wiz: As she was raised by a nun, even becoming one herself, she has little to no combat training, preferring to focus on her singing career and running an orphanage. As such, she relies on her lethal feral instincts in a fight.
Lunasa and her sisters apreciated this... that also left very clear that felicia had no actual training, wich already made them feel weary.
"does this girl even have to fight?... seems just all around too nice to try to do that" said Yuyuko, wondering why even select Felicia to fight.
Lily quickly exclaimed "they are humans, they believe in stereotypes!".
"so... just because she is a cat" asked an uncertain Yuyuko, fairies can be really unpredictable at times.
Said fairy nodded.
Boomstick: But these same instincts also lead her to be easily distracted by ferocious enemies like butterflies, rolling balls of yarn and paper that crinkles.
Chen was about to protest... until a yarn ball fell in front of her, she tried to resist sure but it was too much and she was overcomed by her primal insticts.
So she played with it, consequences be damned.
Ran sighed but did nothing, because it's too cute to interrupt.
And Yukari had her face hidden behind her fan, it almost seems to be reflex.
Wiz: The other Darkstalkers consider Felicia to be one of the weakest of their kind, but with the help from her friends, she somehow manages to hold her own against demon lords, spell casters and all-powerful aliens.
"the power of friendship... sure" muttered Marisa while looking constipated.
Reimu simply laughed "yes, because you rainbow is any better".
Marisa made like a fish but then just glared at her laughing friend, yes the Master Spark sometimes missed... and yes that made her eat all the danmaku...
Fuck!.
Boomstick: That's one cat you don´t want to cross.
Chen finally stoped playing with the yarn ball and tried her best to claw her boss face in, it was funny seeing Yukari hold out her hand to stop her.
Ran wondered why she had to deal with them.
Felicia: I sure could use a catnap.
Felicia then turns into her cat form.
(*Cues: Catus Carnival - BlazBlue Calamity Trigger*)
Boomstick: That chick wearing a cat hoodie?
"yes... thanks for pointing out the obvious" muttered Marisa.
Wiz: No, that's a special cloak to fit her Kaka body.
Yukari seemed to choke on air at what he said "excuse me?" that sounds disgusting!.
Ran just kinda stared at the screed... and here she though that Wiz was the decent one.
Boomstick: Her... what body?
Reimu chuckled "when even he is weirded out you know it's bad".
Letty was pretty sure that everyone was looking too much into the caca part... probably.
Lunasa was thankful that neither of her sisters knew spanish.
Wiz: Taokaka is a vigilante of the Kaka tribe, a catlike people descended from genetically engineered living weapons. Her genetics, provide her with a natural fighting instinct. She is the guardian of the Kaka, implying that she is the best fighter of the group.
"oh... that makes a lot more sense" said Yuyuko who was giving something like a mocking smile at everyone who thought... dirty.
Marisa snorted while looking at Reimu "very dirty of a shrin-" she suddenly ducked, avoiding a Gohei that almost smacked her on the face.
Boomstick: While she may be a good fighter, she is one dumb cat.
Chen had the particular feeling that everyone glanced at her at that momment but it happened so fast that she may as well have dreamed it...
She was still suspicious.
Wiz: Unfortunately, Tao has an incredibly severe case of ADHD. While she hunts bounties with the intent of improving her fighting skill and bringing money to her family, she often winds up completely forgetting about her mission at the worst of times, often even befriending her would-be targets.
This time the people that glanced at Chen were only the people that lived with her... wich made Chen stare back, transmiting the message that she also knew stuff that neither Yukari or Ran wanted to get out on the public.
So the three entered a momment of peace... for now at least.
Boomstick: She has twelve retractable dual-edged blades on her hands and feet. While they´re not very long, they can transform from basic claws to hook-size and saw-blades. Damn, I don´t even want to think what those things would do to my couch.
"claws my ass, those are fucking butcher blades!" exclaimed Marisa at the gigantic claws on Taokaka.
Letty agreed on this "how does she keep those on her... cat hood?".
Lily bobbed her head to the side "isn't it called kak-"
Reimu covered the fairy's mouth "that's a stupid name".
Wiz: Tao's genes allow her to instinctively access and utilize Seithr: a raw, powerful energy seething through the air. Tao can use Seithr to empower and transform her claws, as well as to execute incredibly vicious attacks. However, there is only so much Seithr in a given space, and once she runs out, Tao will lose many of her deadliest attributes.
"ah... gotta love battles of attrition" said Marisa while giving Reimu the stinky eye, while also realising that this fight was gonna be about who could keep moving while taking hits.
"i said it once and i'll said it again, Fantasy Heaven is a totally fair-" before the Shrine Maiden could defend herself, Yukari interrupted her.
"and my gap's makes sense, sure" when a Master of bullshit calls you bullshit... you know you are on thin ice.
Boomstick: Also, apparently Tao likes to carry around a lot of random shit, which she then uses as projectiles during a fight: bowling balls, apple cores, pillo- a pillow? Really!?
"what the fuck?" asked Merlin, wondering how this cat lady did stuff like this.
She was quickly smacked from behind, the one who did that was Lunasa who was also covering Lyrica's ears...
Wiz: She's the fastest of the BlazBlue cast, darting around the arena with incredibly fast combos. However, she's also the weakest stamina-wise and doesn't have very many defensive options.
"so if both are fast... it should come down to durability?" asked Marisa to clarify, she thinks it could be a battle of attrition.
Yukari shruged her shoulders "it depends more on the diference of their speed, they seem to be in just about everything... but since Taokaka has slightly more speed and Felicia slightly more durability, so it would be about how bast said diference is"
"in other words... the faster one should win if the diference is small" Reimu confirmed, if it is like that then the faster one would be able to compensate since being able to take two more hits is barelly useful in even type fights.
Yukari simply looked at the screen "it's just a probability"
Boomstick: But, if you want to kick her ass, you gotta catch her first!
Taokaka: Aah! It's the boobie lady!
Death Battle
(*Cues: Darkstalkers 3 - Felicia's Ending Theme*)
On a wooden bridge, a pink butterfly flies toward Felicia, who is wearing her nun attire and is watering plants. Felicia notices it and takes off her robes, then begins following it. She then leaps at it four times before accidentally bumping into and waking up Taokaka. Felicia jumps back while Taokaka is agitated.
Taokaka: Alright!
Lily blinked at that "just like real cats".
Chen was offended... even if it was true.
FIGHT!
(*Cues: Calamity Trigger - BlazBlue Calamity Trigger*)
Taokaka charges at Felicia, unleashing a long combo before knocking her into the air, then slamming her into the ground with her hook claws. She charges again when Felicia uses her Rolling Smash to jump onto her attacker, then unleashes a combo of her own. Felicia then knocks Taokaka into the air, jumps upward, slashes her a few times before grabbing her and throwing her to the ground. Felicia lands and Taokaka attempts to counter, but her attack is blocked, leaving her wide open to Felicia's Delta Kick. Felicia then uses Rolling Smash and moves back and forth, hitting Taokaka repeatedly before she jumps upward and catches Felicia as she gets her claws ready.
"well that got out of control really fast" Marisa wondered if all cats were that prone to violence, she glanced at Chen... maybe later.
Yukari took note that their diferences were small... so the faster one would most likely win.
Yuyuko simply elbowed her friend just in case she got the bright idea to spoil the results of the fight.
Taokaka: Take this!
Taokaka proceeds to stab Felicia multiple times with her Distortion Drive, Imma Beat The Crap Outta You before Felicia completely reverses it with her Hell Cat Grapple, concluding by throwing Taokaka.
"i thought this was a fight not a cartoon" deadpaned Youmu while sighing.
Letty was having similar thought but didn't voice them, only because the tittle is Death Battle, pretty obvious things will get violent.
Taokaka: Boing!
Taokaka has her hands on the ground and her tail in the air while Felicia in her fighting stance as well.
(*Cues Felicia's Darkstalkers 3 Ending Theme again*)
Then the butterfly from before returns, grabbing both of their attention.
Chen eye's became glassed "you have to be kidding me..."
The two repeatedly leap at it and as the butterfly approaches Felicia.
Marisa took note to catch a butterfly and let her free around Chen... it's pure science, nothing to do with laughs...
But the funny side would be very welcomed.
Taokaka slashes it with her claws.
Yukari hided her smile behind her fan, things are going to get good now.
Lily wondered what did the butterfly even did wrong to deserve that.
And the prismriver sisters wondered why did Felicia expected anything else.
Taokaka: Whoops!
Felicia is upset.
Felicia: No, no, no!
Felicia then lunges at Taokaka, letting out a cat-like roar, and unleashes a combo on her.
Marisa eye's widened "she got vicious for a butterfly of all things" cat's are ficle bastards.
Reimu already expected that, dealing with Yokai she noted that all of them alway's got angry for the weirdest reasons, so nothing new there.
The two trade combos until Taokaka is slashing at thin air, forgetting where Felicia is. Felicia lands on Taokaka and slashes at her face before knocking her back with a kick. Taokaka gets into a one-legged stance when Felicia uses Rolling Smash. She catches Felicia off-guard using her Slashy Slashy, knocking her back.
"auch... chainsaws" muttered Lily, at the enemy of all trees must hurt on literally anything, probably even more of you're alive.
Felicia uses Sandsplash, but to no avail as Taokaka jumps right over it, trapping her in a combo and knocking Felicia into the air. She strikes Felicia multiple times, keeping her in the air, then lands. Taokaka then takes out her claws and jumps upward as she performs her Astral Heat, Attack Meow Pow.
Letty blinked "so what is she-?"
Taokaka: Taokaka boom!
The strike is so devastating that it slices Felicia in half, separating her top and bottom halves of her body. Taokaka is then shown dancing.
"Ok... that was unnecessary" Letty knew this was Death Battle and all that, but seriously.
Marisa sighed and looked at Yukari "i really hate you".
"nothing new then" replied the gap Yokai.
K.O.!.
Taokaka: Nya ha, nya ha, nya ha!
Taokaka then sits down on the ground.
Taokaka: Now I'm bored.
"crazy bipolar cat..." said Lunasa under her breath.
Lyrica shruged her shoulders "not as bad as Youmu when ghosts get roudy..." ah yeah the samurai Girl can be very... 'live by the blade, die by my blade' kind of girl.
(*Cues: Bright - BlazBlue*)
Boomstick: Felicia just got put down!
Wiz: But this one was very close; based on their move sets, Tao appeared to have a slight speed advantage. Though Felicia had the endurance of a Darkstalker, Tao's superior agility eventually gave her the win.
"somebody should pick that phone..." started Yukari.
"what?" asked Reimu.
Then the gap Yokai got on her feet and said "because i called it", Reimu gave her and unimpressed stare.
"not funny..." said Chen while looking straight at her bosses boss eye's.
Lily quickly said under her breath "didn'tlaugh" Yukari glanced at her and nodded in respect confussing everyone but Ran.
Boomstick: Not to mention she's got freakin' razorblades for claws! Felicia just took her final meow.
"so in a combat of speed and durability...fire power wins, seems legit" said Marisa with apriciation.
Reimu laughed at that "only you would think that"
Wiz: The winner is Taokaka.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle.
The images of a angry man with red marking all around him and two hooked designed swords appear, while another one of... something that seems disfigured under his black and white suit with green glowing eye's.
Kratos vs Spawn.
Yuyuko looked at that "i find myself oddly interested in the next one..."
"is it because one of them looked dead" asked Youmu wondering if she should be worried.
"probably..." the ghos said lowly.
And there it is, it should be enough to survive the angry people that would be there because i'm hopeless lazy bastard that has no future and would die of covid-19.
Yes i'm still trying to gain pity so you all don't verbally destroy me.
Will it work? it depends.
Later guy's!.