I let out a loud groan retching in my dorms' toilet. It felt like I was getting the flu or something of the sort. It was hard to move and last nights dinner tasted disgusting coming back up. Katsuki was asleep on my bed. There was no show of a date in the workings but anything could happen. I wiped my mouth and slowly trudged back to bed. My stomach ached. A small whimper escaped my mouth as I hit my alarm not wanting to go to class. I had spent a good thirty minutes dry heaving over the toilet. With going to bed at 2 and my alarm at 7 there wasn't much sleeping to be had.
I pulled the blankets over me whining softly.
"Deku you need to get up or you're going to be late." A groggy voice mumbled next to me.
I could only groan and whine holding my stomach.
"Deku get up." His voice sounded much more awake as he softly nudged me over. I gripped my blankets hard making sure that he couldn't pull them away. I was so cold.
He shoved me off the bed and the blankets came down with me.
"Kacchan you're so mean..." I whined.
"I'm not letting you be late for class." He got up and flipped on the light. I let out a small moan of annoyance and curled up in my floor with the blanket.
"Are you really this stubborn Deku?" His voice filled with attitude as he pulled the blanket off of me.
"Oh damn... Izuku you do not look like you feel good." He put the back of his hand to my forehead. My eyes heavy with sleep or better yet the lack of it and the light was hurting them as is.
"You're burning up..." he sighed. "Can't be helped. You're staying home. If I didn't have so many missed days I would stay with you. I think Aizawa would kill me if I missed though. " he glanced at the time on my alarm clock. It had only been about two or three minutes since it had gone off. "I've got about an hour to just lay here and try to help you feel better."
I slowly climbed back into the bed small whines escaping my lips. I felt like I might hurl again. What would come up? Who knows. It didn't feel like I had anything left in my stomach.
Even though my eyes hurt from the light I wanted to watch Kacchan get ready for classes. He had kept his uniform and his hero costume in my closet to make sure he didn't have to run back and forth between rooms. I watched as he finished putting his uniform on and attempted to tie his tie. It seemed like he was in a rush even though he had around an hour. I thought back to his words. He wanted to lay with me for a while so I could feel better. His hand ran a brush through his Champaign colored hair swiftly before spraying it down with a bit of hair spray as he did every morning. I softly chuckled at how precise he was about his hair.
Katsuki jumped onto the bed and popped his face up on his hand. To me, he looked like a supermodel. That was a day to day thing though. I could see his crimson eyes clearly. They had small speckles that looked a darker shade than the rest of his iris. His eyes were so beautiful.
"You better stay here and get some rest today." He pulled me close to him
"I will... it hurts to move... and I feel like I'm going to puke."
His hands slowly ran through my green locks before getting up.
"What are you doing Kacchan?" I said softly while he walked into the bathroom. He came out with a trash bag and a wash rag that was wet.
"Nursing you back to health before I go. I can't have you sick on me forever." He smiled softly
"I'm going to miss you today Kacchan.." I whined softly. The truth was I was afraid to go to sleep without him because of how bad I had felt mentally. It worried me that now of all times I would get sick. Maybe it was the lack of sleep affecting my immune system. If it wasn't it was just bad timing.
"I know but you need to rest. You were stirring all night" he rustled my locks in his hand then placed the cool washcloth over my eyes. "This should help the fever and there's a bag by your head if you need it. Don't try to get up unless you have to." His voice was soothing to me. He wasn't nearly as intimidating as normal. It was probably because I'm sick. I needed to know though. Even though he liked me this was so unlike him. There was little to no cursing and he was getting things for me.
"K...Kacchan..." I groaned softly lifting up my wash rag to look at the Male laying beside me.
"Fucking put that thing down. You have a fever." He hissed
"Please just let me talk." I paused for a second and took a deep breath "Why are you not acting like yourself?"
He cocked his head to the side.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
A sigh escaped my throat. "You're normally so mean... lately it's been less but still there and today... well you're being nice. I don't understand."
He groaned "Deku are you a fucking moron? You're fucking sick. I just want to take care of you."
He was about an inch from my face "Why do you want me to be mean to you?" He practically yelled it
I winced up a bit. "I guess I've just gotten used to you calling me names and being mean... lately as much as I love how kind you've been I just don't know how to feel." I rolled over onto my other side avoiding his gaze. "I don't want you to be mean I just have trouble processing that you aren't doing anything wrong by being nice."
His arms snaked around my waist pulling me close.
"We need to change how your brain associates me with being mean."
"Then maybe don't be mean to me around others?" I sighed softly as his fingers laced between mine
"I'll work on it but I can't make any promises just yet."
I glanced at the clock. 7:30. We had been lying there for 30 minutes.
"Kacchan... can I ask you a question?" I needed to find out exactly how he felt. If this was going anywhere or I was hoping things were going to flourish between us for nothing.
"Deku that is a question." A small chuckle caused his chest to shake.
"That's not what I meant." My bottom lip puckered out in a pout.
"I know. I'm just teasing. Don't be such a crybaby."
I looked over my shoulder and saw that he was propped up on his elbow looking at me. "You know I'm going to have to leave soon right nerd? So ask your damn question before I have to go."
"Do you love me...?" I mumbled softly.
"Deku you need to fucking speak up. How do expect me to hear you when you're mumbling?" His arm retracted back to his body and he pushed himself up.
"W..where are you going?"
He groaned "I have class remember? I don't want to have to run."
I sighed watching him put his shoes on. There wasn't going to be another chance to where he would have all day to figure it out. He could either tell me no, yes or even I'm not sure. This could go three ways and I worried about the possibility of getting a no in response.
"Do you love me...?" I said with a sigh after a moment. Unsure of how he was going to respond I tried to avoid his eyes.
"What kind of question is that Deku? Why the hell are you asking me something like that right before I have to fucking leave?" He yelled
I hugged onto my pillow sadly. That wasn't the response that I was hoping for not even close. My eyes wouldn't meet his. My body was full of shame for even asking. There were a few annoyed grunts and then the door slammed.
Had I messed up again by asking about his feelings? A small whimper escaped my lips my eyes welling up with tears.
Today had started out like garbage and it just felt like it was getting worse.
POV switch for reference*
The door slammed behind me as I trudged to the classroom. I had about 15 minutes to get there so I could sit and relax. How was I suppose to relax when Deku just asked that fucking question? Do I love him? Honestly, I don't know. That's not what he wants to hear. I groaned punching the brick wall I was walking by.
"Hey, Bakugo!" A voice came from behind me.
I turned to see Eijiro Kirishima running up.
"Hey, brick for brains." I dug my hands into my pockets. My whole body was tense from frustration.
"You're running later than usual. What's up, man?"
He was smiling that annoyingly toothy smile "Deku is puking his ass off. I thought he was going to die on me."
"Oh man. I'm surprised you arent skipping to take care of him. " he looked worried
"That dork can take care of himself. I got him a puke bowl and told him to stay in bed."
Kirishima laughed "have you decided on whether you're going to date him?"
I shrugged as it was a question that was way too personal for me to tell shitty hair. He was a blabbermouth. Honestly, Deku had said way too much to him already. I know that I had enabled him but he still said a bit too much.
"Tell me Kacchan." He mocked Deku's nickname for me. "Don't call me that." I growled at him. Only Izuku could call me that.
"So you guys aren't dating then right?" He lifted his eyebrow at me
I groaned "don't you fucking pay attention?"
Kirishima chuckled walking in a different direction from the classroom. He motioned me to follow him. I rolled my eyes checking my phone for the time. 7:45. If I followed I might be late but I was strangely curious. It seemed my feet were moving without a second thought. We came to a dead end.
"Think he would mind?"
"What the hell are you talking about fuckwad?"
He chuckled softly "I wouldn't have asked you the other night if I didn't like you. "
Wait what was he saying? Did he want to fuck me before class? That wasn't happening. Maybe I was overthinking this.
"What are you talking about you, absolute idiot?"
My back was pushed against the wall his lips crashing into mine. What was I supposed to do? This wasn't right? I couldn't do this but his lips were so soft and forceful. I could feel myself twitch having someone pinning me.
"Eijiro. No..." I mumbled trying to pull away.
"I didn't know you were into guys. I have no chance with Momo..." he looked into my eyes. His bright red eyes were almost as beautiful as Izuku's green ones.
"I..." my face was flushing hot red as I felt his lips press against mine again. Izuku would hate me for this but it was like I couldn't move. I felt his hands fumbling around the button of my pants.
Ever so often he'd run into my length making me twitch slightly.
"I like you so much Katsuki.." he whispered softly in my ear laying his head on my shoulder. His voice reminded me of someone. I couldn't do this. As much as my body wanted me to I couldn't. Immediately I pushed him away.
"If you fucking liked me then respect me saying no! If you wanted to fuck me you ask Izuku not me because it's up to him!" I barked just inches from his face
The look on Eijiro's face was of pure shock.
"Then you probably should date him." His voice quivered slightly with sadness. He quickly recovered stretching and pretending like nothing happened. The only sign was a large blush across his cheeks.
"We should get to class. I don't want to be late." He said with a small squeal
I groaned and followed him. I was slightly turned on and as much as I couldn't do it I wanted to do exactly what I declined.
Classes were a bore today. Present Mic kept telling me I didn't know how to use commas or proper grammar. Midnight's lecture drug on and the only thing that really lightened it up was the perv grape talking about her ass when she wasn't paying attention resulting in round face levitating a book over his head and dropping it on him. She got in trouble but it seemed like Midnight just really wasn't fond of Mineta. Lunch was awkward since I sat with Brick for Brains out of habit. I tried not to talk to him too much so he would know I wasn't happy about this morning. A few times my brain slipped into a very sexual state of mind. All I could hope was that Deku felt better. Even though we weren't dating it felt wrong to sleep with anyone else without him knowing. With how I left things this morning the nerd was probably bawling his eyes out and that made my chest ache.
Hero training was about to start and I needed to focus. Of all people to go up against and I got the one person that could read anyone's emotions. Fucking round face.
"Hey, Bakugo are you alright? You look a bit uncomfortable."
She said it almost immediately "Yeah I'm fucking fine. Don't pry in my fucking business."
She levitated a few rocks over my head that she had just touched. They crashed around me. I only narrowly avoided them sending a few explosions out of my hands. I had built up well enough sweat today with all the stress I was under. One of them hit sending her flying backward. She was hurt but still managed to get up.
"Your aim is off today. Are you sure you're okay?" She asked only barely avoiding the balls of fire I had sent her way.
Why did she fucking care? This made no sense! Couldn't everyone just stay out of my fucking business?
"Fuck off round face. I'm fine." I growled hitting her directly with a large explosion.
I let out an annoyed sigh walking towards Eraserhead.
"I took my opponent down. I'm leaving."
"Bakugo. Are you sure you don't want to get more training in?" He said in reply. His voice heavy with exhaustion.
"I want to go home. I'm bored with this." I groaned
"I'll see you tomorrow then I suppose Mr. Bakugo." Midnight said with a small wave of the tips if her fingers.
I needed to get back and explain what had happened to Izuku. He was asleep when I opened the door. His puke bag was full of vomit and he was hugging his pillow close. It looked like his closed eyes were puffy and red. He had been crying all day. My heart hurt. I needed to think of an answer to his question. The door closed quietly behind me. I couldn't chance waking him up. Kicking my shoes off I walked over and sat in the beanbag chair beside his bed.
Did I love him? That I still wasn't sure about. I wanted to just be able to tell him yes without being unsure. Deku hugged the pillow closer in his sleep softly whimpering. Was he having a nightmare? Probably. Toga really had taken a toll on him mentally. The nightmares were getting less common. It had slowed down to once a night unless he was stressed.
"K...Kac..chan..h..help.." he murmured softly in his sleep.
It was definitely a nightmare. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything would be okay but I couldn't. If I did then he may want an answer.
I thought back to earlier that day. Kirishima pushing me up against a wall and trying so hard to get me to do anything with him. The lustful look in his eyes was intense. As much as I wanted to give in to my urges and pin him to the wall making him feel amazing. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt Izuku like that and even just knowing about the kiss he would hurt. Maybe I did love him but he might hate me for this. I didn't like the thought of that. It made me angry. Everything I had worked towards to make myself a better person for him and figure out if this was something we both wanted or better yet needed was being sabotaged.
My fists clenched and so did my jaw. I couldn't hide this from him.
Slowly I crawled up into the bed beside him. He was still whimpering in his sleep. I moved the small green curls out of his face. Despite me wrapping my arms around him he was still asleep. This meant he was really sick or he had cried for a long time. With how I had left him it could be either or even both.
"P...Please.." he whined in his sleep. I knew if I woke him up he would respond worse because of the last time I had tried it. I laid my head on the pillow beside him holding him close. Things were about to get so worse all because I didn't realize my best friend was into me and the same for my childhood friend. He was so sweet and had really taken to everything we had been doing.
Deku had felt used before but hadn't really argued about it after his quiz since he had not had any interference. I wondered to myself if he realized I had lied a while back about having a girl that I'd messed around with. He was always a good tell of things like that. He was so smart. Things had originated with a complete accident that I felt way too uncomfortable talking about. The thought of it made me want to barf. He was too sweet to just be a toy. I needed to make sure he knew that. Maybe I could take him on a nice date to make up for everything that happened today.
His whimpering got more frantic.
"P...Please k..kill me..." he mumbled his eyes starting to water. The ache in my chest returned. He was begging for death in his sleep. He was fucking crying and I sat there doing what? Fucking nothing! I was a terrible fucking person. Why did he even like me?
I pulled him as close as possible and gently ran my fingers through his hair. He needed to wake up. I couldn't let him stay in that place.
"Izuku... please wake up..." I gently pressed my lips to his cheek he whined and tried to push me away. He wasn't himself. Not yet at least.
"Deku... calm down." I said softly
His bright green eyes opened and he looked back at me. His eyes were dull with sadness. I wanted to take all that pain away.
"K...Ka..cch..an?" He sniffled his eyes still red and puffy from crying.
"I'm here." I said softly in response.
He didn't say a word. "You don't have to be here if you don't want to be.." a sigh escaped his lips.
"We need to talk about something." I said trying to ignore what he had said. This was the only way I knew how to talk to him about this. I sat up on the bed avoiding eye contact.
"You're going to leave and I'm going to be alone. I already know." He sniffled. I was sure he had tears running down his face again. Things were about to get so much worse and I wouldn't hold it against him if he hated me.
"I'm not going to fucking leave. I just needed to tell you about what the hell happened today. Now calm your shit."
He whimpered softly but didn't speak.
"After I left I was trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do. I ran into Kirishima. We ended up going for a walk. Sort of."
"S...Sort of?" He mumbled
"Yes, fucking sort of now. Quiet. He pinned me to a wall after I said we weren't dating." I paused trying to gather my thoughts "he fucking kissed me and when I pushed him away he kissed me again. It pissed me off. No matter how much I wanted to I fucking couldn't." My voice was starting to come out in a growl. "You fucking want to know why?"
He mumbled something under his breath.
"Because I kept seeing your fucking adorable face crying and I fucking hate myself. He wanted to have sex. I don't know what came over him but it just wasn't going to happen."
"W..what?" His voice choked out a bit
"I wanted to so fucking bad but I couldn't hurt you. I hate fucking hurting you!" I groaned. My voice had cracked and my eyes were watering.
How was he responding? He wasn't talking and I just hoped that he didn't hate me.
"It's okay if you don't want to be around me anymore because of this. I'm a fucking horrible person. You can hate me. That's fucking fine. Just please find someone who will make you happy." I couldn't control my stupid fucking eyes. I was crying and it was obvious from my voice. He wasn't answering so it was clear. He was upset with me.
"You can hate me Izuku. But I love you..." it left my lips and my chest hurt. Had I really just said that? My thoughts were racing. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that?
"I don't hate you Kacchan... in fact, it's quite the opposite..." his hand touched my shoulder. I looked at him my eyes watering. I hated that he was seeing me like this. He didn't seem to mind. I had fully turned to him before he responded.
"I told you a while back. I've been in love with you for years. I actually thought you were with Kirishima when you got close so quickly though.." he whimpered softly but wiped my tears away. "I could never hate you." He sighed "I wouldn't have been able to be mad though. As much as I love you we aren't dating."
He was right. We weren't dating. Why did it bother me so much then? My hand moved to his face and he gently nuzzled. He had that adorably dorky smile on his face.
"So if I would have fucked him?" I muttered just loud enough for him to hear
"I'd be upset but I would have to get over it. It's hard to think about someone else being intimate with you.."
"Maybe one day we can take him up on his offer but not today. He was so fucking full of lust he wasn't thinking straight. "
Deku looked down like he was a bit uneasy about it.
"Dek- I mean Izuku..." I watched as his eyes glanced up to meet mine. I pressed my lips to his forcefully. "You are such a good kisser. I don't think I want anyone else kissing those lips without permission." I smirked softly letting a small chuckle out. He wasn't catching on to where I was going with this.
"Katsuki I have only kissed Sho besides you. It's been a while too." He whined softly
"Oh, I know that. I just want to tell you so you know that no one is kissing my boyfriend except me." I ran my fingers through his hair. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest waiting for his response.
"B..Boyfriend?" He whimpered looking up at me with hopeful eyes. Oh, that smile and those twinkling almost emerald green eyes.
"Izuku. Will you be my boyfriend?" I said slowly.
The encounter with Kirishima had made me realize how much I really did love him. He was the only weakness I was okay with having.
"Of course Kacchan... You're all I've ever wanted..." his eyes were teary but he had a giant smile on his face. Suddenly his arms were around me hugging me tightly. This is the best thing I could ask for.