A/N: An update finally. I'm going to try very hard to only update this multi-chap (aside from the occasional 2-3 parter) until it's finished. Hope you enjoy!

*Thanks as always to my lovely beta, sendtherain, who always comes through for me. I'd be lost without her.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

...

Chapter 3 -

The Monday after Christmas, which was really only one day later and far too soon to come back to work as far as she was concerned, Iris sat at her desk in her own personal office only vaguely aware of what she was actually doing.

Which was nothing.

Her computer was on with a blank document open before her. Internet browsers were minimized with nothing but the CCPN website and a Google search. She couldn't remember what story she was supposed to be looking into, couldn't even remember what time it was or if she'd taken a break yet. Probably not. She only took lunch breaks usually. At least, she thought that was her norm. Today anything was possible.

The click-click-clicking of her pen as it bounced on and off the desk was eventually interrupted by the light knock on the door.

The new sound came again, this time against the door frame, which meant the door had been opened. Vaguely she wondered why she hadn't felt some sort of breeze gush past her ankles or the tendrils of hair coming undone in her sloppy braid.

"Iris."

She blinked, turned slowly around and fought hard to register who was before her.

"Iris?"

The concern was warranted probably. She was so out of it, so sleep-deprived from a night without happiness, a Christmas without Barry – the first in over fifteen years! Anyone who cared about her at all would worry, and Linda didn't even know about the break up.

"Hey!" Linda snapped her fingers in front of Iris's face after closing the office door behind her. "Earth to Iris?" She propped herself on the edge of her desk and stared her down, softening when Iris's blank stare didn't alter. "Babe?"

Iris closed her eyes and told herself to get her act together. She couldn't stay in her head all day, not even involuntarily. She had to do work. She had to…

"Christmas not go well?" Linda smoothed down one of Iris's curls.

"Barry and I broke up."

Linda's hand dropped down and landed in her lap. The silence was deafening.

"What?" she finally managed, the word a heated whisper.

Iris nodded once and opened her eyes.

"Yep."

Linda scoffed. "Why the hell would Barry Allen break up with you? You're the total package."

"Apparently I'm being too reckless by doing my job. Since I said I wouldn't stop and I couldn't be with someone who tried to make me stop, he decided to break up with me."

Linda's eyes were flaming darts.

"Bastard."

"Yeah, well…"

"When did he break up with you? Don't tell me he did on Christmas."

"Christmas Eve," she replied, sarcasm and hurt clear as day in her eyes and fake smile.

Linda's face fell. She looked as distraught as Iris felt.

"Oh, honey." She got on her knees and hugged her best friend. "This absolutely sucks. I'm so sorry."

Iris swallowed, still numb, tears still not falling. Linda pulled back to look into her eyes.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"You were in Denver with your family, Lin. I didn't want to interrupt that."

"Fat ass excuse, and you know it, Iris. You're my best friend and my family annoys the hell out of me. Consoling you over a forced family dinner where no one really agrees with anyone but we all pretend like we do for the sake of the holiday? I'd take you any day, even if it's for a rotten reason."

Iris swallowed and nodded. Linda hugged her again.

"Did it absolutely ruin your whole Christmas? Was there nothing to salvage?"

Iris's shaky sigh broke Linda even more. Her heart ached for her best friend.

"I didn't see him all day, Lin. I've spent every Christmas with him since we were eleven. Over fifteen years and not one Christmas without him. It absolutely wrecked me." Her breath hitched.

"I'm gonna kill him," Linda declared. She got to her feet. "I'm going to march over to CCPD right now, and not even his speed will avert my wrath forever."

Iris reached out and grabbed her best friend's wrist before she could take off.

"No, Lin, don't." She took a breath. "Please."

Linda's brows furrowed. "Why not? He hurt you. He deserves to pay for it."

"Maybe." Her shoulders slumped. "But not today. Today I just want to forget. I can't even work, and I'm so…so frustrated by that. I love work. I can't get enough of it. But today, I just…"

"You should've called in sick."

"And do what? Stay home staring out my window like I did all night? Wondering what he's doing and if he's as miserable as I am or if he just feels plain relieved that he doesn't have to try and restrain himself anymore?"

"I'm sure he's not relieved, Iris."

"Some part of him might be."

"It's not like you're going to stop doing your work. He has to know you're going to go out there again."

"And he'll be there to stop me when I do," she grumbled, irritated by that fact for the first time since their big fight.

"Did he say that?"

"I think it was implied."

"What were his exact words?" she demanded.

Iris sighed and leaned back in her chair, forcing herself to remember the conversation that had plagued her for the last forty-eight hours and desperately wanted to forget just so she could keep living.

"I believe his exact words were…'I won't let that happen. Even if I have to speed you away every fucking time you decide to test whether or not you're faster than a bullet.'"

Linda's jaw dropped. "He swore?"

Iris nodded once. "He swore."

"Dang." She leaned against the side of Iris's desk. "Guess that means he's serious."

Iris sighed. "If I'd had any doubt, him not showing up at our Christmas party sure proved me wrong."

"Ugh. This totally sucks, Iris." She folded her arms tightly against her body.

Iris laughed. "You said that already."

Linda's lips twisted ruefully. "Sorry."

Iris shook her head. "It's alright. You're not lying. It seriously does."

She tilted her head. "How can I help?"

Iris nearly burst out crying.

"Get me through today, and then make sure I forget the worst day of my life as soon as we leave this building."

"Deal."

She held out her hand for Iris to shake on it, which she did. Then Linda darted out of the room, confusing Iris but then making her eyes sparkle as soon as she returned with two coffee cups in her hands.

"First step, caffeine."

Iris held the cup close to her, taking comfort in the warmth teasing her nostrils and warming her hands.

"I did forget this morning. That's a first."

"That's why you have me," Linda informed her and bumped her cup with her own.

…

That evening when Joe opened his front door and found Barry standing there with a box marked Iris's things, he didn't know whether to be concerned, angry, or confused.

He went with shocked.

"Bear. What are you doing here?" A thought occurred to him, and his eyes widened. "Are you—Are you coming for dinner?"

Barry almost laughed, but it was no laughing matter, so he shook his head instead.

"No, Joe, I just came to drop off Iris's things." He lifted the box slightly to show him, even though he knew Joe had seen it. The box was huge and Iris's name on it was in big, bold permanent lettering. "I know she's coming by later. I thought you could give them to her."

Reluctantly Joe took the box from Barry.

"I wish you'd stay, Barry."

"I can't, Joe." His voice nearly disappeared for a second.

"Not even for me? I didn't see you at all for Christmas. That hurt me too."

Barry nodded, avoiding his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't…"

"We all missed you. Cisco, Caitlin…Wally…"

Barry blinked and looked up at him. "Wally missed me? I can't picture that. He must want me dead."

"Nobody knows, Bear." He continued before Barry could interject, which he looked about to do. "Nobody knows except Cisco. He might've told Caitlin, but I didn't break the news to Wally. It was clear Iris didn't want anyone to know, but Cisco couldn't get a hold of you. He almost left the party to check on you, which would've gotten Wally's attention, I think, and—"

"I got it, Joe. It's okay."

"Did he visit you afterwards? He did leave a little early, and with no real explanation either. Caitlin wasn't far behind him."

Barry sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't see Caitlin last night, but I definitely saw Cisco. Neither of us were pleased to see each other." His eyes shifted away from Joe's sad ones for a moment. "Did, uh…the night wasn't a complete waste, was it? Better than last year at least."

Joe sighed and adjusted his grip on the box.

"I can't tell you which one was worse, Bear. Last year when my daughter hated me so much she refused to have Christmas with me or this year when the two children I raised, who love each other more than life itself, were absolutely miserable and the one I saw couldn't light a smile on her face even she wanted to."

Barry closed his eyes, guilt flooding through him.

"I didn't plan for it to happen on Christmas, Joe. The fight just happened, and I lost it."

"You could try to talk your way through it, you know. Give her a couple days and then ask to have a talk. If you grovel, she'll eventually take you back. She can't live without you any more than you can live without her."

Barry's lips twisted. "Cisco said about the same thing."

Joe's eyes lit up, hope dangling before his eyes even though he sensed there wasn't enough cause for it.

"Well?"

"I can't, Joe. This fight was a long time coming. Iris isn't going to stop risking her neck any more than I'm going to stop saving her before she gets herself killed. No matter how level-headed we are during our next conversation, those facts will not change."

Joe's shoulders slumped. "That's why you broke up?"

Barry's brows furrowed. "Yeah. Didn't Iris tell you?"

He shook his head. "She barely said a word all evening. Just said that you did when I asked what was wrong for the zillionth time. I knew she wasn't sick like she said. I know my daughter. That's not sick. That's heartsick."

"I'm not trying to hurt her, Joe. You have to know that."

"I know." He nodded. "And I agree with you that she shouldn't be running into danger. Nothing scares me more than any of my kids getting physically hurt, or worse."

Barry swallowed hard, a vision of Iris at gunpoint just before he'd sped her away the last time literally seconds before the bullet hit her chest.

"Yeah," he managed, "I know."

He wanted to vent to Joe more about how Iris scared him with her persistent dash into the line of fire, but he didn't want anyone else attacking her. Just because he had a temper in regards to it didn't mean she had to get it from her dad too. Or her brother. She would learn soon enough that running into danger had its consequences, but not because someone yelled or she got hurt. She would learn by being saved over and over until it was drilled into her brain that her life meant more than a story. He refused to believe otherwise. Even if she hated him for the rest of her life, he would make that clear.

"You're sure you won't stay?" Joe ventured again, though he knew it was a lost cause.

"I won't starve," Barry said, as if that was what was behind Joe's request.

Joe nodded, half-tempted to argue a little more, but knowing in his gut now was too soon. Having both his kids – or maybe all three – at the dinner table would be awkward as hell and might even result in a fight. Then Wally would know what was up and there would be a throw down. That was a toxic situation. Iris would tell her brother when she was good and ready.

"Right. Well, have a good night, Barry. I'll see you tomorrow."

Barry gave a brisk nod.

"Night, Joe. I'll see you at CCPD in the morning."

Joe backed into the house and gently closed the door, deaf to Barry's wretched sigh from the other side.

Barry raced away back to his apartment, which was cold and empty without Iris in it. He turned on the kitchen light, dropped his keys on the counter and reached into the cupboard for the stale cereal he'd bought a month ago, the only food in the whole place that didn't have a touch of Iris on it. She hated the stuff, and once she said so, he'd instantly stopped eating it. She didn't live in his apartment, but she was there so often that he implemented every suggestion and preference she made – from his food to his clothing to the shows he watched and where they went out to eat.

"You don't have to change everything just because I say so, Bear," she'd remarked once, to which he'd grinned and shrugged and pulled her close.

"I like to see my girl smile. My girl doesn't smile as much when she sees something she doesn't like."

She'd laughed and rolled her eyes and kissed him. It was enough to never want to go back to anything he'd preferred before, anything at all that she didn't love. And it was nothing he hadn't generally liked before she'd declared her love for it. But now he loved all of it and it hurt like hell.

Iris was all over his apartment. Everywhere he looked he saw her and memories of them. Taking down the decorations off the half-decorated tree on Christmas and stuffing it in the trash as soon as he woke up the next morning hadn't helped one bit. He'd taken out what she hadn't touched. Now he was stuck with everything she had.

...

A/N: Thank you for reading. Happy reviews are love. :)