A/N: It's been centuries, but here you go. I hope you enjoy!
*Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing.
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
Chapter 12 -
Iris spent nearly the rest of the night almost calling or texting Barry Allen.
Her heart ached for him hours after he'd left. Her body felt his phantom touch from when their hands had brushed. She couldn't shake the feeling if she tried.
The worst part is she knew he wouldn't be able to resist coming if she called for him, if she said she needed him. She could probably even seduce him if she wanted to, if she went about it the right way. It wouldn't solve anything come morning, but at least she would remember what it felt like again to be alive.
But the ache she felt during the night wasn't even for the lovemaking. It was just his presence. It made her feel whole and safe. They didn't spend every night together when they were dating, but they spent enough time in general for her to never fear for her safety.
If he was just in the living room… Or hugging her, holding her until she fell asleep…
Would that be so wrong? Would it really make things that complicated?
Yes, Linda's voice sounded in her head, and she knew her very wise best friend was right.
Letting her very recent ex-boyfriend, who she was still very much in love with, into her apartment when she was feeling vulnerable was a bad idea all around.
So, at 6am and with barely a wink to her sleep count, Iris called Linda Park instead and invited her out for coffee.
Linda yawned onto her hot coffee cup, then blinked several times in an effort to keep both eyes open.
"Tell me, West. What was so pressing that we had to go out two hours before work starts? I don't know about you, but I need my beauty sleep."
Iris was quiet for a while, biting down on her bottom lip while she tried to figure out what to say.
Her silence seemed to tip Linda off, because she straightened in her seat and asked with her chin atop folded hands, "Is this Barry-related?"
Iris met her eyes. She didn't say anything or even nod, but her insides were screaming, and it clearly came through in her sad-eyed gaze.
Linda reached across the table to grip one of her friend's hands.
"Tell me what happened."
Iris sighed and decided to go all in.
"Well, for starters I almost got mugged last night."
Linda's jaw dropped. "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that."
"The Flash saved me."
"Did he now…" Linda remarked softly, taking note of how Iris didn't seem annoyed by that fact.
She nodded.
"Anything else?"
She didn't even pause before blurting, "Barry came by to see me later to check on how I was doing."
Linda's eyes went wide. "Did he come in?"
Iris shook her head. "He just wanted to see if I was okay… It was too… I mean, who knows what would've happened if I'd let him come in." She threw her hands about.
"Mmhmm." Linda watched her closely.
"What?"
"Did you tell him to leave?"
"No. I wasn't mad he came. It was…it was soft and tender and it… God, it hurt so much to watch him go." She covered her eyes to hide the tears welling up there. "It made me realize…" She caught her breath.
"Realize what, honey?" Linda asked, shuffling closer and wrapping her arm around her shoulders.
"That I still love him."
She chuckled lightly, soothingly even, as she pressed her head to her Iris'.
"I could have told you that. It's written all over your face. His too."
"No, I know, I'm sure it… Well, it's just…" She huffed.
"What?" Linda asked gently.
"The first time we said I love you was on that rooftop."
Linda's eyes went wide again, and she pulled away slightly.
"Seven months and it took you that long to-" She was cut off by Iris' meaningful look. "Sorry, it's just hard to believe. I mean, you knew how he felt. He must've been dying, waiting for you to say it."
Iris bit her lip again. "Yeah… I just… I hate that it took us breaking up for me to say it. Like, what good is it now? What does it matter? We're exes. It'll only hurt him knowing that I love him but am still choosing my work over him."
"But…you're not." Her brows furrowed.
"He broke up with you because he thinks that your work will always come first."
Iris blinked, that dawning revelation never having occurred to her. Or to Linda for that matter until right that moment.
"If you want him…prove him wrong."
Iris licked her lips.
"You think that's all it would take? He'd want to be with me again, and he'd drop this ridiculous ultimatum about stopping me from doing my job if the story is remotely dangerous to investigate?"
Probably not, Linda thought to herself, but Iris looked so hopeful now she couldn't bring herself to say anything that might fill her eyes with tears again or break her heart.
"You never know until you try, right?"
Iris lit up, beaming ecstatically.
"You know what, Lin? You're right. Barry is way more important to me than any story. If he just understood that, maybe he could appreciate what I'm trying to do, and then we could get back together!"
Linda smiled. She couldn't help it. Iris' giddy happiness was contagious.
"Go get him, girl." She winked, and Iris slid off the stool, smiling brightly.
"I'll see you later, Lin." She smiled and twirled as she headed out the door.
Linda relaxed into her chair and took another sip of her coffee that had gone from hot to lukewarm. There was a buzz from her cell phone, indicating an email notification. She pulled the device from her pocket and hit the email app to see what was so important.
Her heart fell when she saw it, even though she knew she should be ecstatic. Not only for herself, but for Iris too.
It was a lead on the arms dealer story Iris was currently working on. Despite all the research Iris had done the day before, even staying after hours, it had appeared as though the trail had gone cold. Or the dealer was just discreet enough to keep his dealings under the radar, for the most part. But this tip would be just the ticket to get it going again. Iris would be thrilled when she saw it.
Barry, however, would not.
…
A pounding headache and memories flooding through him just like every morning for the past few weeks, Barry very seriously considered calling in sick to work today. The Flash couldn't take a day off, but Barry Allen, CSI extraordinaire, could. And to be fair, the CSI rarely took off, despite often being late and leaving frequently for his red-suited duties.
The fact of the matter was… seeing Iris almost get mugged and then retrieving the gun from her last night had only strengthened his conviction that they couldn't be together. It broke his heart, but seeing her with the gun in her hand only reminded him of how reckless she was with investigative reporting, and that she hadn't even considered the danger in her taking it, or how her fingerprints would be all over it.
Then again, what was she supposed to do with it? Just leave it in the alley? Wait for the Flash to return and take it from her? Go to the police station herself with it? Now that wouldn't look suspicious at all, would it?
He rolled his eyes at himself.
Was he making up excuses now? Maybe.
The reason behind that possibility remained to be seen.
He couldn't possibly be avoiding getting back together with Iris, could he?
Maybe this was for the best, and being so close to her last night had threatened to break his heart again.
He should just accept they weren't meant to be together. He didn't want to cut her out of his life. She was his best friend, first and foremost. And he had just told her she shouldn't stop coming to STAR Labs on his account. She was part of the team too. It was inevitable they would see each other regularly. And it had been a few weeks, so maybe it was time for them to ease back into being friends again. They could do that. They'd been friends for years before they got together. Surely, they could be friends again.
Surely…
A knock at his apartment door rattled him more than it should've. He got up from the kitchen table, where his coffee had gone cold and his milk-soaked cereal had become mushy, and answered the door without looking in the peephole.
His eyes went wide.
"Iris."
"Hey, Barry," she said, soft but also restrained, like she was trying very hard not to show how…excited she was? "Can I come in?"
"Uh…sure."
He moved his hand away from the doorframe just in time for her to come plowing through the entrance.
She looked around the apartment once inside, taking note to how it was just a little bit messier than when she'd frequented it nearly every day. Memories flashed before her eyes of them making out on the couch, at the kitchen table, on the counter…
"Iris?"
She cleared her throat and turned to face him. Obviously, he was talking to her.
Way to zone out, Iris.
"Yes?" she asked, grateful he couldn't see her blush.
"Why are you here?"
She felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach, even though his tone hadn't been cruel or cold in the slightest. It brought back the reality of the situation and how strange this must seem for her to be showing up like this. And peppy at that.
She sobered herself and remembered how she'd been feeling when she first got up that morning, and how he must be feeling pretty much the same thing.
"I wanted to check on you," she said cautiously. "Like you checked on me?"
The tension seeped out of his shoulders, and he nodded.
"I'm okay," he said with a shrug.
"Didn't sleep either?" she asked knowingly.
His eyes locked on hers, taken by surprise with how right she was and how in sync they still were.
"I was thinking of calling in today," he admitted. "I'm not…feeling myself."
"Maybe I can help with that."
"Iris…" he tried, as she walked towards him.
There was only one thing that could make him feel better, and it wasn't going to happen. Not today at any rate. Maybe not ever.
She stopped when she saw him back up by the slightest part of an inch.
"You don't even know what I'm going to say." She looked genuinely hurt.
He paused a moment before asking, "What are you going to say?"
"I was hoping you could walk me to work."
He blinked. "What?"
She came over to him and hesitated for only a moment before looping her arm through his and tugging him towards the center of the room, careful not to let the feel of him distract her senses too much.
"I want us to be friends, Barry. Maybe it's too soon for you, but it's not nearly soon enough for me." She stopped and turned to look at him. "I miss you."
He swallowed hard. "I miss you too, Iris."
"Then…" She gulped as she let her hands trail down to his fingers and squeeze gently. "Walk me to work. And…speed me to STAR Labs afterwards. Maybe come by on my lunch break? We can eat together. Try to…start something instead of accept nothing."
He ached to say yes. She could see it in his eyes, in the way he wasn't pulling away.
"It'll be a lot harder to call in if I'm out in public so much," he hedged.
"So, don't call in. Let seeing me be the highlight of your day instead of the one thing you're trying to avoid."
"I'm not trying to avoid you. I just –"
She gave him a knowing look. He sighed.
"I suppose walking you to CCPN wouldn't be the end of the world."
She smiled brightly, and it broke his heart. He was making her happy, but they weren't together. He was making her happy by doing the bare minimum. Was he giving her hope where she should have none? Or was he giving it to himself? He wanted to scream, but more than that, he wanted to kiss her. And he was the only one preventing the latter. It wasn't like before where there was someone else.
Someone else…
How in the world was he going to handle it when she started dating again?
He looked back at her and tried his hardest to suppress the tears welling up in his eyes.
"Just…let me get ready? I mean, since I'm going to go to work now, officially."
She smiled and nodded. "Of course. I'll just wait here."
She plopped down on the couch, and he ran a hand through his hair and headed for his bedroom. It was no short trip from here to CCPN. It was a warm day for January, but he knew she was only walking in heels in winter temperature this far for him. Because she wanted to be with him.
He shut his bedroom door behind him as soon as he reached the inside and braced his hands on top of his dresser. He groaned.
God, he wanted to be with her too.
…
Waiting in the living room, Iris tapped her foot on the carpet and tried to calm her nerves. The last thing she expected in that moment was to get a text from Linda demanding she call her NOW.
Seeing as how it was Linda who had set this grand plan into motion, she figured it'd be better if Barry didn't overhear anything regarding it.
She got to her feet and turned towards the direction he'd gone.
"Uh, Barry? I have to make a call. Can I meet you in the hallway?"
There were a couple seconds of silence, then, "Uh, yeah, sure. I'll be out soon."
"Take your time." She put a smile in her voice and then walked out of the apartment, shutting the door behind her.
"Hey, Iris," Linda answered urgently over the phone.
A trickle of sweat dribbled down Iris' neck. This sounded serious for Linda to be so anxious with just two words.
"What's up? I was just about to get Barry to walk me to work. I think it's the first step in a long-"
"Cancel it. Make an excuse. Don't go with him."
Iris' shoulders slumped.
"But I got him all hopeful. I got me hopeful too. And what harm is there in him walking me to work? Especially if I'm at the very least sticking to being friends again?"
"Because, Iris Ann West, when I give you what I'm about to give you, Barry will not want to be your friend or anything else. I've got a lead on that dangerous story you want to investigate so badly."
"Oh, my God, a lead? I thought it had gone cold!" She made a mental note to lower her voice so Barry wouldn't hear, even through the solid wood door a foot away from her.
"I just had it emailed to me this morning. I put out feelers yesterday when you were having so much trouble finding anything, and I got something back."
"What did you get?" Iris whispered excitedly.
"I'll email it to you, and we can talk more at work. But from what I can tell by just skimming it? His underground alias and hide-out where he may possibly be keeping his weapons."
"Oh, my God."
"So, what's it going to be, West? Spending your spare moments with Barry today or taking advantage of this tip while it still has validity?"
The door swung open, and a now smiling Barry Allen stood before her after quickly locking up his apartment. She forced a smile as she debated her options and knew in that instant that she was going to break his heart again.
"I have to go," she quickly said into the phone and then hung up, slipping the device into her pocket.
Barry's smile faltered.
"Is everything okay?"
"Y-Yeah, yeah, of course, it's just um…"
"Something come up at work?" He tensed, trying hard not to show it but failing.
"In a matter of speaking…" She licked her lips and tried to come up with a lie he'd believe. "Linda got locked out of the building. Or rather, she probably forgot her key and knows I have a spare." She pulled the key out of her pocket smoothly, but her laughter was strained. "Raincheck?"
The thought crossed his mind that he could easily speed her there or at least wait for a cab to take her. But those possibilities must've occurred to her and she didn't want either, or she probably would've asked.
"Oh. Yeah. Sure. I understand."
He didn't understand. He couldn't possibly, and Iris knew it.
But she wasn't going to lose another amazing story on his account. She would just have to make this up to him later.
"See you at STAR Labs?" he called out as she strutted down to the end of the hallway.
She spun around and walked backward.
"Actually, I think I'm going to be busy. Maybe tomorrow?"
The pain was written all over his face, but she couldn't let herself focus on that right now or she wouldn't follow through.
"Yeah, sure…I'll see you later."
"Bye!" She twirled back around and went down the stairs to exit the building.
Barry went back inside his apartment and called in to work.