John purposefully strode down the clinically blank hallway in the direction of Alan's signal. As he got closer to the red dot on his holo-display, he started glancing into any rooms he passed.
He almost walked past the doors marked 'Dispatch Briefing Room', but stopped as his brain registered a flash of red in his peripherals. He took a few steps back and looked through the glass panel in the door. Some part of him shattered when he saw Alan, curled up in a chair, his arms wrapped round his knees and his chin resting between them, staring into nothing.
John flicked off the now redundant holo-display. He momentarily hesitated before contacting the others. "I've found him." He spoke quietly into his comm, although there was a door between them, he didn't want to startle Alan.
John could hear the sighs of relief from Scott and Virgil over the comms, before the mirrored inquisitions started.
"Is he okay?"
"Where is he?"
There was a background throb in John's temples as let them know where he was, but advised them against joining him right away. "Just give me a minute."
"What's wrong?" Scott's tone was brash again.
"Just," The temptation to snap back at Scott was extinguished as he glanced at Alan again through the door. "Give me a minute."
"FAB John." Virgil replied.
John hoped Virgil would be able to keep Scott at bay for at least a few minutes.
He pushed the door open slowly. Alan's gaze didn't shift.
"Hey kiddo." John gently sat down beside Alan, the child in him painfully evident.
While John often came across as more logic than emotion, it wasn't the case. In a way, he felt more deeply than most, but he was more careful who he expressed himself to, and when. He placed his hand lightly between Alan's shoulder blades.
It was then John noticed the smudged bloodstains on Alan's gloves. Gordon's blood.
John felt the gravity of the earth anew.
"I got in the way." Alan's voice was broken and barely above a whisper.
"What?"
"I got in the way. I-I didn't do the pods fast enough." Alan's voice was disjointed between thought and speech.
"Alan, I'm sure you didn't…"
"I did. I kept getting in the way." There was a painful pause.
John was three quarters of the way to formulating a response when Alan looked up at him for the first time since he entered the room.
"Is — is he going to die because of me?"
What had shattered in John before, fully collapsed at the hollow horror in his younger brother's eyes. It took John a moment to gather himself. "Alan, none of this is your fault, none of it." He swallowed a stab of emotion that threatened to break his voice. "I was listening the whole time, you helped get him out and Virgil told me what a great job you did, you helped save…" He wished he hadn't started that last part, stopping in the middle of it was far worse; technically they didn't know if Gordon had been saved yet.
Tears started to flow from Alan's eyes and choking sobs racked through his body as he buried his face in his knees, still clutched tightly to his chest.
John wrapped his arm around Alan's shoulders and pulled him close. "Shhhh. It's okay, it'll be okay." John wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more, himself or Alan. He stroked the side of his little brother's head, every child-like sob cutting through him.
John heard footsteps clattering down the hallway and could see two figures in blue on the other side of the glass, but they remained diligently in the hallway. John suspected Virgil had something to do with Scott not bursting through the door.
John discreetly held up his hand to them, signalling them to wait a moment.
Alan's sobs had slowed to intermittent sniffs.
"Hey Allie," John gently brushed the streaks of tears from his brother's face. "I just need to go speak to Scott and Virgil, you okay for a sec?"
Alan nodded, dropping his feet to the floor and pressing his hands into the seat either side of him, straightening himself.
John stood and met both Scott and Virgil's concerned gazes through the glass.
Scott looked so sick with worry, John thought he might go grey on the spot.
John silently swung open the door and stepped through, putting his finger to his lips until he was sure the door was closed behind him.
"Is he ok?" Scott's voice was uncharacteristically low and jarred with his expression.
"Are you?" John's response was mostly rhetorical, but even he was surprised by the harshness of his tone. "Sorry." He pinched the bridge of his nose again, though the gravity headache had diminished, the after image of it lingered. John shook any remaining pain away, filing it for later and purposefully kept his voice low. "He's got it into his head that this is somehow his fault."
"What?"
"That's ridiculous."
"Obviously." John glanced back into the room, where Alan was staring at the floor. "He said he kept getting in the way and that he didn't have to pods ready fast enough."
There was a moment of silence, broken by Scott cursing under his breath.
Scott's fingers ran across his forehead, revealing a pained expression.
A tautness sprung around John's forehead, he felt his jaw tense as it had before. "What did you say to him?"
Before Scott could reply, Virgil quietly interrupted. "I think I'll go and sit with Alan, he shouldn't be on his own." He disappeared through the door, raising his eyebrows at the pair of them, a silent command to sort this out before coming in.
"I was so angry when I got down to the pod and I was so scared doing the medical scan, I…"
"Took it out on whoever was in the vicinity." John had crossed his arms, wishing that Scott would learn to think before he spoke, but the anguish and guilt spreading through Scott's posture dampened any fire that was growing inside John.
Scott was in as much pain as any of them were, having one brother hurt was enough of a weight, but Scott thinking he'd hurt one of them himself was just as gut wrenching, if not more so.
"Look," John dropped his arms and made a conscious effort to loosen his shoulders, "whatever happened, what matters now is that Alan needs us, we all need each other." Tactile comfort wasn't John's forté, but he placed his hand on Scott's arm and conveyed, what he hoped, amounted to a look of assurance, forgiveness and sympathy.
Scott squared his shoulders, nodding at John.
John returned the gesture and held open the door. Whatever he was expecting to happen, it probably wasn't Alan jumping up and dashing to Scott in a frantic hug.
Their youngest brother's face was screwed up in sobs again as Scott lifted him fully of the ground.
John could just about hear Scott repeating over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." his hand on the back of Alan's head as the youngest buried his face in Scott's shoulder, clinging tight to his eldest brother.
Gravitational pressure lessened on John and he flicked a thankful glance to Virgil, who returned a lopsided smile, his eyes glistening a little.
The four of them returned to where the others were still waiting vigilantly. Alan was still noticeably clinging to Scott, only breaking off when he caught sight of their grandmother.
They all swamped her in a group hug, just as the woman in the tortoise shell glasses appeared through the double doors.
John was the first to notice her and tapped Scott on the arm. The two taller brothers breaking off alerted the rest to the woman's presence. The dull thumping behind John's eyes returned as his heart rate dramatically increased.
"Well," she held a tablet display in front of her and adjusted her glasses. "We had to perform minor surgery on the collapsed lung, he sustained some nasty injuries, mostly broken bones, but nothing we can't handle and nothing that won't heal with time." She lowered the tablet and a smile broke across her lips.
The relief between those gathered in the hallway was audible and John felt the corridor sway again, though this time it was relief propelling his equilibrium.
"Can we see him?" A spark of Alan's usual tone had crept back into his voice.
"He's still out from the surgery I'm afraid and we'll need to keep him in for a few days to monitor the head injury, but scans so far indicate a mild concussion. It'll be a couple of hours before he's out of recovery, but as soon as he is, you can see him." She gave them a small nod and disappeared back behind the restricted access doors.
Baited silence shifted to animated discussion as Parker offered to go in search of coffee and other refreshments that they no doubt were all in need of. As he disappeared down an adjacent corridor, a voice boomed down the hallway towards them.
"John Glenn Tracy!"
John felt his neck and shoulders stiffen at the voice. He need not have swivelled round to know Colonel Casey was the source of his full name barreling down the corridor at him. "Oh, hell." There were few things aside from one of his brothers being in mortal peril that could strike real fear into John, an angry grandmother was one, an angry godmother was another.
"What did you do?" Scott's voice was filled with a fearful awe.
John scrunched up his eyes for a moment, almost not wanting to look Scott in the face as he confessed. "I may have hijacked a GDF satellite to boost my scanning output." He kept his voice low, on the off chance that wasn't the reason Col. Casey had yelled his name specifically.
"You did what?" Scott was about to stray back into lecture territory, but didn't get the chance.
"A word with you Mr. Tracy." Col. Casey's voice was as clear as Ursa Major from Thunderbird 5's gravity ring.
"Well, this should be fun." John started to wonder whether he would end up in the infirmary with Gordon after all.
As John approached her, Col. Casey gestured him into an empty patient room and slammed the door behind them.
"While I don't have complete jurisdiction over you in a professional capacity, I have plenty of jurisdiction as your godmother and if I ever catch you pulling a stunt like that again without warning and without authorisation, there'll be no planet you can hide on, understand?"
A power surge of emotion swelled in John again. "Gordon was dying!" He surprised himself with the volume of his own voice, the reverberations rattling through the metallic medical equipment in the room.
Col. Casey pointedly allowed the reverberations to cease before continuing. "I know," Her voice remained controlled. "And if you had informed me of the situation I would have given every assistance, but instead I get a warning from the World Council that we might be under attack! Just because you're operating in space does not mean you are above everyone else and the law, in any situation, do I make myself clear?"
John swallowed his response.
"Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes ma'am." John's voice had reduced to a trickle.
"You're lucky I managed to sum it up as a training exercise that went too far, otherwise the World Council would have come down on International Rescue harder and faster than an uncontrolled descent from orbit. Not even Lady Penelope could have got you out of that one."
Guilt clogged John's gut once more.
"Look, John, I know you, I know how that mind of yours works. Quickest and most logical solution, sometimes without consideration of consequences."
John moved to object, but Col. Casey held up her hand.
"I know you were trying to help save Gordon, and to be honest if I was in your place I probably would have done the same thing, although you never heard me say that." A wry flash crossed her expression.
The corner of John's mouth tugged at her admission.
"But you nearly started your own Wargames today and," Her expression was set again as she paused, considering him. "I'm going to need to confiscate all information regarding said satellite and data and programmes used in the breach from Thunderbird 5's computer systems."
"What? But that would mean exposing EOS and you know what will happen if they get their hands on her." A new fear gripped John at the thought of EOS being exploited.
"John, I don't want to do this, but there are protocols, expectations in situations like this. It won't go any further than me." Her tone was solid. "The World Council isn't aware of EOS, or certainly not in her full capacity, but you pull a stunt like that again and I may not be able to stop them seizing Thunderbird 5 along with you and EOS."
The threat to EOS almost cut deeper than the threat to John's beloved space station. He filed away another mental note to shore up EOS's systems, so that, even if they came looking for her, they would never be exactly sure where her programming existed. "Understood."
Col. Casey held the door open for him, "You better get back before they think I've arrested you or something."
That was definitely his godmother speaking. John gratefully left the room and walked as quickly as possible back to his family.