Angeles's heat was starting to dry out my hair when I look in the mirror, the curls have dried out, and my vibrant colors look dull as if the sand of Angeles's dessert had laid itself as dust upon my before delicate features. When I look in the mirror, I see a girl who has been polished to perfection, with the life in her eyes as the price. I don't see America, the daughter my father raised me to be or the spirit of the country who fought through it all, I just see a dress-up doll as vulnerable as the thinnest porcelain and as boring as the always sleepy cat that lived at the market in Carolina. And all because of that stupid selection. They had made me one of the people who I had dreaded my entire life.
A firm knock on my door brings me away from my wave of thoughts. As Anne walks over to the door, I realize that my life in the palace can't continue as before, I need change and I need myself.
"My dear, oh I am terribly sorry America, you know what they say, old habits die hard. You look stunning darling; I don't believe I have ever seen anyone as pretty as you, my love." Maxon's smile was so wide that I wondered how many strawberry tarts one could possibly fit inside of his mouth before he would start to choke. Yes, my dress was stunning, Lucy and Mary had outdone themselves with a baby blue floor-length dress, it was sleeveless, but the voluminous skirt made up for every inch of missing material on the bared arms. Lucy's hairdo was as amazing as always and the light makeup enhanced my natural glow in a way. I wouldn't have thought it possible a few months ago but in a short period of time simple beauty became all I was.
When I turn around to greet him his face drops in an instant, his gleeful expression is switched to one of confusion and worry.
"America I'm truly sorry, I didn't mean to call you my dear, I know you hate it when I call you that. Please America is it really that big of a problem?" If just he knew, he wouldn't stand there, no he would be running for his dear life.
"How dare you make me one of them, you know how much I dread just being another one of your lovers, a pretty face in the magazine or silly giggle on the Report, I thought you saw me as more than a body with a face covered in makeup, but clearly I was mistaken." My eyes were burning with a fire that had been still since the episode on the town's square back in Carolina when the little boy got whipped for stealing a handful of apples. A fire that couldn't be tamed with soothing words.
"America, you know how much you mean to me, I love you more than all the other girls combined…" But his words fell for deaf ears, how dare that man say that he loves me when he has said the same to all of them, I don't believe for a minute that the other girls have been satisfied with a weekly handholding session after this many months.
"America you could be covered in a million scars and I wouldn't bat an eye."
"America you are so much more than what you give yourself credit for, I made a mistake, but please don't let this destroy what we have." He says it as if we have something more than a fling for the public to enjoy during their dinner on Friday nights, but how can even the best memories we have be worth anything to me if it wasn't fully me who were there?
"Maxon let it go, we can't do this, you need a wife who is satisfied with spending her life in this cage, let's go for dinner and just forget this." Doesn't he get that if I don't love me. He just loves the idea of me and the doll this palace have made me, he surely didn't love me when I spoke up about the castes when I made a scene and he surely wouldn't have loved me either when I lived in Carolina or when I made it my daily mission to sneak out and give money to eights or when I broke rules by being intimate in the treehouse in a secret relationship? And if there is one thing the many lonely nights have thought me, then it is that I need to make all of me a package deal, a deal I don't think Maxon is quite ready for yet.
"How can you say things like that America. How can I let you go? I am left with four girls and you want to leave me because of a compliment? Get your act together and meet me for lunch in the dining hall in ten minutes, if I were you I would tone down my anger a notch." The nerve of that man, doesn't he see, that he makes the palace a colder place than it already is?
"Oh, so now you are ordering me around like your father I guess the apple never falls far from the tree, one bastard makes another one, you know what they say history will always repeat itself. But not all of us are lucky and have our family down the hallway." If just they were here, then they could help me find the true America again. What I wouldn't do to find that little stubborn girl, she would never have stepped a foot inside of this palace, and she definitely wouldn't go on fake dates for the mindless twos and threes to laugh at. No, the real America would have fought as hard as the county whether it led to her downfall or not.
"America enough" and with that, the door closed and I was once again alone with my thoughts.
I decided to switch out of my high heels for a pair of flats, no one could see it anyway, and heels were never my cup of tea. From now one every day would be about winning back the real America.
I walk down the halls in a less graceful manner than I normally would have, but it isn't as noticeable as I would have preferred, Sylvia didn't even comment on my walk. Maybe the fire in my eyes for earlier was still visible, if it could scare Maxon into a scared squirrel, then it should have some effect on Sylvia too, right?
I sit down beside Kriss, she is wearing a red gown that makes her look sweet, elegant and powerful at the same time. She is the opposite of me in so many ways, not only is she a calm, sweet, pretty, well-read and pleasant company, but the longer she stays at the palace the more it becomes her home. She can adapt to this lifestyle. I started strong but every day I feel like I'm fading away, who knows if in a week I'm just a shadow?
I look up at the royal family's table and see that Maxon is discussing something with King Clarkson. Occasionally he looks in my direction. He looks determined, I guess this is my last day at the palace, so I decide to eat a bigger lunch than normal, both salad, lamb and a rice dish I have put off trying for a way to long. When I look up again, Maxon is standing ready to tell us something, I guess my last meal came faster than expected.
"Dear Elite, you have now been here in my home for many months, and I appreciate all of your efforts to make the palace a place where we can all live in harmony." His voice is calm, but I can see that he tries to make eye contact with me, but my eyes are fastened on his blue tie. As he continues to speak, I can hear his nervousness grow with my defiance.
"But the one who becomes my wife will not only have to take on the responsibility of a wife, but also the responsibility of being a queen, a role model, and a leader." And I can be none of that.
"I might live here with the one, but that doesn't mean that her family should be forgotten in the meantime. My father and I have therefore decided that in a week all of the elite will visit their hometown for five days, every day they will host a political event of their liking, with few restrictions." I will get to see my family and just a week before Christmas. I am ecstatic, but I am also sure judging by Maxon's face that the last bit was directed towards me.
"My parents will stay here in Angeles, but I will spend a day with each of you." I can't wait, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to have my parents spend that much time with Maxon alone. The last time they met was during the Halloween party, and then there were so many that they never had longer conversations with Maxon. I'm sure that mum loves him, but dad's approval is everything, and what if they fall in love with him, and get their hearts broken when I can't continue the competition?
"We will announce the plans on this evenings Report"f
I must call them; they are going to kill me if they find out during the Report. When the meal is over I tug my ear and hurry up towards my room not looking back once.