I am sitting at my piano in my room, I hope that the music will awake something in me. I play a sweet tune that I learned when I was eight. My father had sat with me for hours trying to make me get the melodic rhythm, since that day the piece has been my favorite. When I play the piece, I can feel it in my heart, everything is warm and easy. I could take on the entire world if just I wanted to, all my emotions are changed to happiness and I become carefree.
"America it sounds amazing, or am I not allowed to compliment your music either." Maxon's voice is tense, and I can feel both his anger and fear at the same time. But he broke me out of my trance, my happy place.
"My father taught me" my voice is cold, but it doesn't do a good job of showing him my full emotions. Maxon lets out a breath.
"I am very pleased to hear that" I am not doing this for you, Maxon.
"I hope that seeing your family will do you some good, I know it has been a long time, and that you love them very much." Is everything just a hidden intent to make me satisfied with this extravagant lifestyle?
"Because I am not good enough as I am?" I am not giving in this easily.
"It wasn't what I meant, America, you know that. I just thought that you missed them and that seeing them would make life at the palace a little easier for you."
"Forget it, Maxon." Doesn't he get that I want to feel needed and loved, not the problem that has to be solved.
"Maxon I need you to ask you a favor. I can't let my parents find out that I'm going home in the report, so can I please borrow the phone."
"Of course, but this conversation isn't over." No, because then I wouldn't be here.
"I will send the phone up to you soon, but I have to be at a meeting in a few minutes. I will see you at dinner." When he is out of the door I go back to the piano, but this time I can't reach the peaceful mind space that I enjoyed earlier.
I decide to get a little sleep before the Report, but I end up looking at the ceiling thinking about what my next move will be. After a half-hour I'm just starring at the ceiling emotionless, waiting for something to happen.
Anne comes over and hands me the phone, in contrast to Maxon she has good timing, I think would have gone insane if I had been lying in the bed for five more minutes.
My mother takes the phone immediately, and my groggy voice is left to save me, maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.
"America, dear. How is it going? Is something wrong? Has there been another attack?" her voice is filled with anticipation and worry.
"Hello, mum. I am doing fine, but I miss all of you a lot. There was an attack last week, but it was nothing worth mentioning. I called because Maxon has decided that we go home for five days in two weeks." I can hear the phone drop in the other end and a very high-pitched squeak.
"America, is it true are you coming home soon, I can't wait to see you again." May's happy voice fills an empty spot inside of my heart, and in the end, tears are running down my cheeks.
"Yes, it's true, Maxon thought we needed it." I am certain she can hear that my emotions are close to boiling over, but she thankfully chooses not to comment on it.
"I am so happy; he is so generous and caring. I wish I had someone like Maxon, he sounds so perfect." If just she knew how awful and boring life at the palace could be, but maybe May would be perfect for this place, she loved dresses, small talk, and a cheesy love story.
"I would rather be at home; I don't belong here"
"Oh Amy, we miss you too, but this is such a great opportunity, you never have to worry about a thing, you can just sit back and relax, I wish I were you." She sounds so much like my mother it's scary. I hate to sit down and relax; I wish I could do something.
"I know it is, I am just not sure that if it's a great opportunity for me, this isn't the life I dreamed of. Can I speak to dad for a moment?"
"It will work out, okay. Dad is out at the moment, but I can give your message to him if you want." I know it shouldn't devastate as much as it does, but I can't help it.
"It's fine, just look after yourself, I can't wait to come home. Goodbye." As soon as the line goes dead the tears that before was running silently were joined by heavy teardrops that destroyed everything on their way down my face. I fall back on the bed with a loud sound as my head finds its rightful place on the soft pillow.
I wake up to Lucy and Anne discussing what to do with me.
"Are you okay miss" Lucy's soft voice brings me back to reality at in a second my eyes turn dark with fury. Lucy steps away with a shocked expression.
"I'm sorry Lucy, I didn't mean to scare you, it's just Maxon that I'm annoyed with." She calms down a little, but I doubt they will ever get used to my informality with the prince.
When I look in the mirror I get why they got so scared, I look like a monster, my hair is a mess, my eyes are red and swollen, my makeup is all over the place, and my dress is a mess too. Maybe I should just go down there like this, but I decide not to give King Clarkson that satisfaction.
"We can fix it, miss. Let me help you out of the dress, so you can take a bath."
The bath does me little good, but at least I look less of a mess when it's over. Both Lucy, Mary, and Anne work hard in silence to make me look presentable for dinner, I normally enjoy their happy chanter but today I appreciate the silence that lets me think things through. My girls are likely the thing about being here I'm going to miss the most, I wish I could keep seeing them afterward, but the chances are very slim.
I make my way through the palace just in time to step into the dining hall with the other girls. Queen Amberly is the only one sitting at the table and she doesn't seem to notice us so we go right in and sit at our table.
"Where are the king and the prince?" Kriss's voice sounds so fake that it's laughable. Hasn't she gotten used to them coming and going as they please?
"I saw prince Maxon earlier, he said that he would be in a meeting this evening, it was so sad he said we could go golfing, I heard that the palace's golf course is amazing, I went golfing once when I was ten." Natalie just keeps going on about golf, is she eighty or eighteen? I guess I wasn't the only one who got a visit after lunch.
The doors go up and the prince and king come walking in, all of us stand up to give or curtsey but I doubt any of them noticed.
The rest of the dinner takes place in absolute silence, it's nice, I'm not sure I could take their small-talk today.
At the Report I find myself sitting in the back row at the Report, I don't want people to notice me. Maxon looks nervous and in the corner of my eyes I see that he is tugging his ear, I am not in the mood for another heated conversation at the moment, so I simply ignore him.
Seconds later Gavril Fadaye comes out, he starts out by giving a short summary of the last week, I try to look interested, but the entire time I can feel my smile fading.
"Good evening lovely people of Illea, I am your host of this evenings Report, I hope that you are all having a lovely time tonight. We have some exciting news tonight, but first I will present this week's event for you.
The war with New Asia has been going on for several years, but unfortunately, it doesn't look like it's going to stop soon. Yesterday a base in southern New Asia got bombed and 117 Illean soldiers died. Their families have all our condolence in this hard time. This morning a new troop got send out and the king is positive it's going to help the situation." Lies on lies is all I can think. The king knows as well as me that the soldiers' lives are going to end very soon without a thing being changed. I am surprised they even told about the base, and it makes me wonder how many actually died.
"But now on to some lighter news. Prince Maxon and the king had decided that the lovely ladies should have the opportunity to go home for a while during Christmas. The details are still being sorted out, but in two weeks the ladies will leave for their home province where they will spend five days with their family and attending events." At this point the crowd is going wild, everyone is clapping and whistling.
"And of course, we will send all of it to live" The clap salver continues, I wish I could be as excited as them.
"Thank you for watching the Illéa Capital Report, and we'll see you next week." And with that, the lights sent back to normal, and the room was filled with noise again. I quickly made my way out of the room towards my quarters.