I continue inside of the house, for every step I take, my nervousness grow a bit more. I make it past the guard without stopping once but opening the door into the living room takes longer than it should. I take a deep breath and open my eyes to a sight I hoped I would never have to see.

My father is laying pale on a hospital bed by the window. He is covered in bandages, but they do little to hide that he has been shot multiple times. I feel like throwing up, but instead, I make it to his bed. His breathing is shallow, but it looks like his wounds are healing nicely.

When I take his hand, he opens his eyes and looks at me with an apologetic look.

I should have been there for my family, they shouldn't have gone through this without me, I Could have helped. What if this happened because of me? What if someone had shot him because I am a five competing with twos, threes, and fours? The thought hurts me so much that I'm nearly skipping a heartbeat.

The rest of my family is standing in the door waiting for me to break down, I see the pity in their eyes. Why didn't they tell me? I would have left the selection in a heartbeat, was he already like this when I called? Or did they just decide not to call me after it happened? Why is there a guard in the house? Did he report to Maxon or the king?

His eyes close, he looks so peaceful, laying there by the window with the sun shining in on him. It looks like he should be in pain with all the wounds, but he looks so relaxed that it makes me wonder what type of medication he is on.

When we sit down in the evening for dinner everything is wrong. Kenna left with her husband to look after the newborn, dad hasn't shown given any sign of him being there since I came, but Kota is here and from the looks of the rest he hasn't been here since the day I left. Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me, ever since he sold his first expensive sculpture, he has made it his mission to not be associated with any of us, according to him the name 'Singer' holds little value in his new circle. I thought that my being in the selection would change his view on us, but it seems like it only matters when he is invited to events.

"How is the prince? Is he as romantic on a daily basis as he was at the Halloween party? He looked so in love?" Always count on May to make it about the prince, I thought I would leave it all behind, but I should have known better.

"Can we please not talk about Maxon." And then the room goes quiet again, the awkwardness is filling up the air.

"Why didn't you tell me about dad?" All their eyes grow wide, and they look terrified.

"Shush America. Before the guards hear you, we can't talk about it here." My mom's voice is barely a whisper, but it confirms everything. The guards are here on the king's order, and it is not for their safety.

Thankfully it doesn't look like any of the guards noticed anything. They stand as stiff as ever. I don't think that we will ever find a topic we can discuss, so we just keep eating, until Kota, in the end, find an appropriate topic, who would have thought Kota could be the saver?

"I heard you are supposed to host some events, what are your plans for tomorrow?" He is probably wondering if he can gain anything from it, but I doubt he will be able to.

"I plan to spend the day with some of the children in town. I have arranged to rent some instruments at the local music school." I can see all their faces light up.

"I want it to be the whole day so we would need some food. Could any of you help me?" I know I have a lot of staff, but I want them to feel included. I know that they feel so far away in Angeles and I hope we can work on this together.

"We would be happy to help, May and I could make your favorite chicken dish with rice and saffron. I am sure that Kenna would love to help too, maybe Kota and Gerard could help bring it over." The idea of it being a family project makes me smile.

After dinner, I help my mom clean the dishes. I gave Lucy, Anne, and Mary the evening off. It feels so strange to be home that I couldn't bring my self to add another three to the mix on the first night.

When my mom starts to hum a melody, she used to play on the piano I know that everything, in the end, will be okay.

When I lie in my bed in the night, I cannot fall asleep, I try to comprehend everything that has happened. My dad is wounded, the king has a finger in it, and my family didn't tell me.

I end up looking out of my window trying to see my secret place in the bushes. It is so dark that I can't see a thing for a long time but for a short second I see a flash of light coming from the bushes and I take a quick decision. I put on a sweater and some long pants and crawls out of the window.

I wonder what Aspen would be doing there. We haven't talked much since he came to the palace and I think that we are both aware, that our lives are not meant to be spent together. He has grown so much since our late nights and I have only shrunken. Then I was so sure of myself and I could easily differentiate right from wrong. Now I look in the mirror wondering if the person I am seeing is a friend or an enemy.

When I hit the ground, I realize two things, one being that a guard is standing by the side of the house, and if I'm not quiet I can lose a lot more than I previously thought possible. The other thing that I notice is that I should have worn some shoes, the weather is not as warm as in Angeles, and the comfortable lifestyle I have gotten used to having made me more vulnerable to the simple challenges of living. But neither of the things stop me from continuing towards the bushes.

When I go inside it isn't Aspen that I am met with.