AN: Hello everyone! Sorry this chapter took so long to post, summer jobs and preparing for college has been taking all my spare time recently! Other than that, I would like to put a disclaimer that I had a bit more trouble writing Jason in this chapter than I was expecting, so hopefully I was able to stay at least somewhat true to character. As far as other details, I only know so much about what I'm writing about, so please bare with me and remember this is just a story and no matter how close I try to stay with the show, some things will be different! Hopefully you can still enjoy it! Leave a review and let me know what you thought!
Bravo One
Jason Hayes is by all accounts a stone wall. His 6'1 frame and stiffly-set jaw give him the text-book appearance of Spec Ops Sailor. At first glance, catch him in the wrong mood, and Bravo One looks like he could kill you in about a million different ways before you even knew what happened, mostly because he probably could. But to the properly trained eye, past the brovato and toughness, is years of constantly being drained and refilled psychically, mentally, and emotionally. After months of being drained, it's up to Warren to refill him once again, and maybe teach him how to do it himself in the future.
Warren glanced up at the clock on his desk, making note of the time before returning his eyes to the folder in front of him. The thick file had kept him occupied for the last few days as he prepared for the days to come. After going over a few more of the lines, he slid the file into his bag, and placed it back onto the chair next to him, knowing that no matter how much the man hated therapy, Hayes would be punctual. The same Navy that had trained him had trained Warren, after all, and to this day, Mills always arrived 10 minutes before any meeting, event, or social call, simply so that he could walk in exactly on time.
Exactly as he had expected, he soon heard a knock on the door.
"Come on in Master Chief." Mills said, standing as the door opened. What Jason didn't know was that from the second he set foot into Warren's office, every move he made was seen and silently noted in the therapists mind. Warren had always been a strong believer that a lot could be determined about someone simply from the body language given off upon first meeting. And so far, Jason was acting pretty much as expected. He stood straight and tall, firm in his handshake and trained in his greeting, obvious that he had been drilled in the proper way to greet. What Warren was waiting for, however, was the moment when Jason would either address him by rank, or mention something about his service. He knew without a doubt that any tier one operator would research what or who he was walking into, just as he was trained to do.
"Good morning, have a seat over here." Warren said, hoping to lighten the tension and put the Seal across from him at ease. Jason was doing his best to look relaxed, and most likely thought he was doing a good job of it, but Mills was trained in reading body language. Hayes was anything but relaxed. His arms were folded across his chest, he was leaning back in the chair, casing the room for any and all information he could use.
"Before we get started, do you have any questions you'd like to ask me? Other than why you have to be here, of course. Hopefully by the time we're done, you'll know the answer to that." Warren said, noting how the corner of Jason's mouth lifted into a smirk.
"Sure. Blackburn said you were special ops, what branch were you with?" Jason asked curiously.
"The Navy! I was a SEAL on Team Eight for six years before I was medically discharged one month out from starting DEVGRU training." Warren answered, pulling up his left pants leg to show a nearly fully prosthetic leg. He watched as Jason scanned the injury, looking away shortly thereafter. Most people had to make a conscious effort not to stare, but not Jason. Warren had expected that, knowing that for all of the man's years of service, he definitely wasn't the first amputee he had met.
"So what, the brass knows that the last guy who was just a normal therapist was a total whif, so they decided to up their game?" Jason said, shifting in his chair. Warren knew he really didn't mean to be disrespectful. In fact, he remembered thinking the same thing the first time he had sat down with a counsellor who was a veteran.
"Actually, it was your Commander who requested me. Look, I'll give it to you straight: we can make these sessions as long or as short as you want, but the only way to get them over with is to go over the events of the last few months. You all took some pretty hard hits, and your higher-ups want this to ease their minds, and I want it to ease yours." Warren said. He could see Jason processing the response, and by the look on his face, even though he wasn't totally on board yet, he had given in a little bit as he slouched further back into the chair. After giving the patient a few minutes to respond, he decided to test the leader with a textbook question. Though he knew how cliche it sounded, he also knew it would be effective in getting an emotional response, good or bad.
"How did it feel to have the guys looking to you after the events in Manila?"
"The events in Manila? You mean where I let my rookie out of my sight for half a second, and the next time we saw him, he was losing blood by the pint? How did it feel?! I'm the team leader, it's up to me to ensure that my men are safe even when they're not." Jason said, crossing his arms over his chest. Warren knew he had struck the right cord at that move. The gesture was an obvious self soothing technique.
"Do you blame yourself for what happened?" Warren asked, even though he already knew the answer. It didn't take much to know the type of man Jason Hayes was. The leader, the protector, and if something went awry, the one to blame, even when he wasn't.
"Blame myself? Humph. I blame myself for the things that are my fault. The times where my team is put in danger because of me? Yea, those times I do, doc. We all do." Jason said.
"Sure, but it seems that more often than not, the things that you claim as your fault, were out of your hands by everyone else's view. Petty Officer Spenser's injuries were caused by a terrorist. And the separation you claim as 'taking you eye off him' was him being a trained and dedicated sailor with a desire to help, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time." Warren said, watching Jason shift in his chair. It was obvious that he had heard that reasoning hundreds of times in the last few months, but now it was up to Mills to make him actually believe it, even if it was only slightly. Slightly would still be progress from where he was now.
"The deaths of Adam Seiver, your wife, and Nate Massey, and Brett Swan also fall into this category." Mills said, testing the waters to see how a later discussion about his wife would likely go, while also looking for the tic that a previous therapist had noted in his file. The man's demeanor instantly changed as Jason looked as though he wanted to fold in on himself. He drew his feet in sharply from their outstretched position and crossed one over the other, and he made a darting glance towards the door. Warren not only knew that he had just ripped the scab off wounds, but he had also gotten him to a place where he would likely shut down if he didn't change the subject.
"I know that in our world, the world of Special Ops, and even just the world of the military, these types of feelings are normal. Sometimes even taught. From day one, we're told to explain away the things that scar us. Explain them away instead of actually dealing with them. Because endings like Brett Swan's are becoming all to common. It's time we start changing that." Warren said.
"So that's what Blackburn decided this is all about? Changing things by starting with us, the team that's been dragged through it all?" Jason asked, trying to stem the flow of memories rushing through his brain.
"Sure, you could say that. But for as much as I know you and you team hate therapy, you should be thanking him for deciding to make a concentrated effort to help the problem now. By the time the people in my life forced me to get help, I had put my fist through a wall because the buddy I was living with changed the combination on my gun safe." Warren said, hoping that he would be able to get the man in front of him to trust him, even just a little, over the next few sessions.
"Preventative measures then. So what did you guys plan for us? How do you plan to help us?" Jason said, still not buying the whole therapy thing completely. But Mills was sincere, and Jason had known plenty of men like him, who had turned their lives around. And deep down, he knew he had to try. For the sake of his kids.
"We're gonna start at the beginning. Let's go back to your first serious injury as a SEAL." Warren said, watching closely to see how Hayes would react. He knew that this would be digging deep into emotions that he hadn't faced or even dealt with in a while.
"What's that got to do with everything that's happened the last few months? Isn't that what these meetings are about?" Jason asked, not noticing that he had put a hand on his left shoulder, where underneath it sat a large, round scar with a bunch of dots surrounding it. Mills noticed it.
"I've read the report. I've been on missions like that one. Everything that could go wrong did. Not many team leaders walk away from an op like that without scars, especially the mental kind. And yet, after your hospital recovery and return to active duty, you moved on as if nothing happened. According to you psych eval and the report from your commander, your spirits were better after the incident. So now, even though I have an idea why, I want to take you back there, and maybe in the end, help you see that the things that helped you recover then can do the same now." Warren said, and watched as the look in his patient's eyes changed. He knew he wouldn't have to say much. Just a small reminder of the incident, and Jason was already back there, replaying the op in his mind. Now came the difficult part: getting him to talk about it.
"TOC this is one, how we lookin'? Any sign of Jabar? Massey, how's that arm?" Jason asked as he and his team crossed through the eerily quiet streets. But then again, it was 3am.
"Negative one, we lost him on ISR when they went down. Looks like the last group of hostiles has been cleared, and the new route to exfil is a go." Blackburn said. Nate was too distracted by the reply from their commander to answer the last question.
"Wait, so we're just supposed to leave without our target?" Jason asked, anger creeping into his voice. They were so close.
"So tell me what went wrong first." Mills said, bringing Jason from his flashback.
"Thought you said you read the report." Jason said combatively.
"Humor me." Warren coaxed, listening to the poorly masked sigh that he received in return.
"Fine. The op went sideways the second we were in country. We were set to do a HAHO jump onto the roof of the target building, but just before we did, we realized we had bad intel. We were no longer sure which house the target was in, but since it was an HVT, I made the call to go ahead with the mission. We dropped in on the roof of what we believed to be the target building, only to find out it wasn't, by walking into a hornet's nest of insurgents. Then it was all downhill from there." Jason said, once again trailing off
"TOC how many are there?! Do we have a QRF?" Nate yelled over the sound of bullets rattling out of the barrel of his gun.
"QRF just launched Bravo two. Looks like you guys woke up the town." Davis replied.
"We're sitting ducks out here Jase! We gotta go!" Nate said.
"Not until we find Jabar! Three, tell me you got eyes on him!" Jason yelled back.
"Affirmative one, he's in the house about eight clicks left of us! Just sittin' there watching his men corner us!" Ray answered, zooming his scope in on the man who stood in the window, but just out of the sight line, watching the fight around him.
"Jase, the mission's blown! We gotta let Ray try to get a shot, and then get out of here before they kill us all!" Sonny said, trying to reason with the boss, even though he knew it was no use at this point. Hayes had that look in his eyes.
"No way! If we don't take him alive, thousands could die! Two get up to three on overwatch, the rest of us are going after him!" Jason demanded.
"The report was vague on one part. Was one of your men injured before you were?" Warren asked, waiting until Jason paused for a few seconds. He sat patiently and waited through a longer pause until Hayes answered.
"Yea. A bullet grazed Nate during infil." Jason answered slowly, remembering how much he had hated himself for continuing the mission after they were home.
"Overwatch? Jase, my leg's fine!" Nate protested.
"I'm glad. Your still on overwatch. Keep and eye on him Ray." Jason said into the comms while looking Nate in the eyes after glancing down at the bloodstain on his pant leg. Everyone took their positions, following Jason out of the building.
They crossed the street towards the new target building, two and three clearing a path for them from the rooftop. Once the guards at the front door were down, they silently entered the building, following Ray's directions to which floor Jabar was on. As they walked up to it, Ray got a sinking feeling in his chest as he moved the scope across the room. He screamed into the comms as he watched the team leader throw open the door, but it was too late. Sonny, Brock and Trent reeled from the thunderous bang that sounded, and watched Jason fly limply through the air and slam against the wall behind him. They opened fire into the room, killing every opposition in sight. At that point, they didn't care about the HVT, or how much he could help the CIA. All they cared about was getting to the man who was trying to sit up, his blood already pooling onto the floor around him.
"Jason! Toc, this Bravo five, where's are QRF!" Trent yelled, sliding on his knees across the floor to his man.
"Still 5 mikes out due to weather conditions." Blackburn replied, not liking the tone of the typically calm medic's voice.
"Well tell 'em to kick it in the ass! One just took a buckshot round to shoulder!" Sonny answered angrily as he did a quick scan of the room to make sure it was secure before getting pictures of everything and everyone. Jason squirmed against Trent's hands, his head swimming with fierce pain.
"Hey man, I need you to hold still. I need to get a look at the wound, ok?! Brock, hold him down." Trent said, cutting away the shirt sleeve. Diagnosis' flew through his mind as he took note of every detail he saw. Like how the only body part that wasn't twitching was Jason's left hand. Even his fingers weren't moving.
"Five this is two, how bad is one?!" Massey's panicked voice interrupted Trent's thoughts.
"Losing blood fast. It ain't good." Trent answered, trying to pack the wound as best he could. A tournakit wasn't an option because of where the would was, which made everything worse.
"Well your gonna have to find a way to move him because shit's about to hit the fan! I've got eyes on 15 or more hostiles moving towards your POS. We'll take out as many as we can, but you guys gotta go now!" Nate replied.
"Bravo two I need a sitrep!" Blackburn said, entering finally back into the conversation.
"TOC this is two, One took a large caliber round and it's not good. Where's our exfil!" Nate asked, preparing his weapon for the battle that was about to happen.
"Copy Bravo two. GRF and exfil is three mikes out. The area is hot, so they won't be able to stay for very long. If your gonna make a move, you guys need to do it now." Davis answered.
"Copy TOC. You hear that Five? Can you move him?" Nate asked, switching comms channels.
"It's gonna be risky, but it doesn't seem like we have much of a choice!" Trent replied. He was preparing to move when he felt Jason's hand on his arm, and looked down.
"I….I can't….f…."
"I know man, I know it hurts, but we gotta get you outta here, ok? I'll give you another morphine." Trent said, pulling out the syringe.
"N...no. I can't fe…. Feel my….. A..arm." Jason sputtered, the words stopping Trent in his tracks.
"We barely made exfil, and Nate passed out on the plane ride home from dehydration and an infection in the wound. Trent rolled his ankle so badly when he was carrying me that we found out later he had a stress fracture. All because I was stubborn. There." Jason said, breaking the silence in the room when he finally realized that the therapist was sitting quietly, waiting for him to return to the present time.
"You yourself had a pretty serious injury. Collar bone broken in three places, broken shoulder blade, two pinched nerves. Despite that and your marriage being on the rocks, you still bounced back. According to the files, this event was soon followed by the Baghdad deployment which brought on a few casualties. And then soon after was Petty Officer Massey's death." Warren said.
"'According to the files' what are you trying to say? That I've been through this all before? That my team is in a slump because it's just the cycle of things, I just need to ride it out or something?!" Jason huffed with annoyance, sitting up straighter in the chair.
"No. What I'm trying to get you to see is that no matter what happens, you and Bravo always bounce back. You had a lot of hard losses these last few months, but you have everything around you that you need to bounce back better this time. How about instead of focusing on the things that you can take the blame for, and the loss, you focus on the things you've still got. Officer Spencer has returned to active duty and is fitting in seamlessly once again. You've mended many relationships, and even though your wife isn't there to help you, you have two gorgeous kids acclimating better than anyone who's been through the death of a parent. Jason, I know that you know that the men around you look to you for how to handle a tough situation. Your their leader. But at the same time, those five men are willing to walk through fire with you. Leaning on them doesn't have to be a sign of weakness. Talk Therapy doesn't make you any less of a man. It can help, but only if you allow it to." Warren said, concluding his questions for the he had written down. He saw Jason look up at the clock, knowing what was about to happen
"Yea well, we'll see about that. Looks like my time is for this, I guess." Jason said after a pause, telling Warren that he had at least taken his words in. He then stood up, waiting to see if there would be any further directions.
"I look forward to our next session." Mills said, standing up. After an awkward but firm handshake, the room was once again silent.