Rifiuto: Non Miriena

A/N: Written: 2009. Found: 2018.- Licia

She fled back to the ice rink, the place that had become her home over the last several years.

Casting aside her Roaring equipment, she pulled on her ice skates and stepped onto the ice, pulling her curls into a high ponytail. With her music on in the background, she began working on her leaps, jumps and turns, letting the heartbreak she was feeling flow into her skating. That he could just- how dare he- the mere thought that-

She tumbled out of a turn, hitting the ice hard and rolling before coming to a stop, the wind knocked out of her. It took her several minutes to catch her breath, and she sat up, pressing a hand to her forehead as she struggled to keep from sobbing. If this was what Mulhama had felt when she found Liir dead in their bed, then Elphaba completely understood her coach's pain. It was as if she couldn't catch her breath, and every breath she did catch was like a dagger to the heart, over and over.

After a moment, she forced herself to get up and continue; she'd never quit before, she couldn't now. Even if they didn't go to the Games as a pair, she could go as part of the team, or even try for singles skating, for the figure skating trials wouldn't commence for another six months, which would give her time to get used to being a singles skater. And to think, she'd been so close-

"Selfish son of a-" She stopped, shaking her head. After a moment, she continued on, gathering enough momentum to perform a triple lutz, though her landing was shaky. As she regained her balance, she told herself that it didn't matter anymore. She was a strong athlete in her own right; the darling of the Roaring world. She'd proven it at the meet. She would make her own career; one where she didn't need Fiyero by her side.

She could do anything she set her mind to.

She stopped, doubling over and resting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. But what about your sister? What about Nessa? With your marriage over, and your career gone too, you can't take her. She'll be stuck in Munchkinland, forced to go back to that monster-

All the plans we made are broken.

"Damn you, Fiyero!" Straightening, she took off at a clip, increasing her speed as she rounded the curve of the rink, going so fast, it felt as though she were flying.

Faster and faster and faster still, until the ledge of the rink wall began to blur as she passed by, the wind created from her speed running through her hair and tugging at her clothes, for she'd changed out of the dress once she'd reached the rink, preferring a pair of plum-colored leggings and a long-sleeved zip-front pullover warm up top to the dress she'd worn, for the dress signaled a celebration, and she was now facing heartache.

The familiar schlick! schlick! of her skates cutting ice near drowned out the music, and after a moment, she stretched her arms out, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. If she kept her eyes closed, at the speed she was circling the ice, she could imagine that she was flying; high, high above the rink, the castle, St. Prowd's and the arena, Shiz, hell, even all of Oz. With her eyes closed, and the wind racing beneath her arms, she was no longer a girl, facing an impossible decision, but a bird, free of all worries and responsibility.

I'm flying...

She began to slow down and opened her eyes, easily falling back into the familiar strides, before deciding she'd built up enough momentum and pushed off. Most skaters were counterclockwise jumpers and spinners, but for Elphaba, she just naturally always jumped and spun clockwise. It took great effort for her to jump and spin counterclockwise, whereas Fiyero naturally did his jumps and spins counterclockwise. They were mirror opposites of each other, which was why they worked so well together-

The edge of her blade sliced along the ice, and soon, she was lifting off and flying through the air, before landing her jumps and going into a quad lutz- despite skating being the weaker of the two, Elphaba was the only woman of the younger generation who could do quad jumps and quad lutzes without much practice; they just came naturally to her. Very few female skaters could do quad lutzes- the only other one who's quads had been strong enough to earn her a gold had been Mulhama.

Her arms went up over her head; something that was uncommon for figure skaters to do, but again, Elphaba was the anomaly. The air was cool against her face, and she automatically shut her eyes. There was nothing below her but the air between her and the ice, no worries, no fears to keep her tethered to the earth, even if one the briefest of moments. For these few short minutes, she was free.

If only everyone had the chance to fly.

All too soon however, she came crashing down to earth, her skates found the ice again, and she was soon gliding off, along the curve of the ice. Her arms lowered and her eyes opened, and she sighed. She turned, facing forward, and took off again, increasing her speed once more, if only to feel that weightless feeling one more time. Her eyes closed on instinct, and she once more stretched out her arms, tilting her head back. So in the moment was she, that she didn't notice herself start to tip back, and hurried to regain her balance. She stumbled, tripping over her own feet and going sliding across the ice on her stomach. With a grunt of annoyance, she pushed herself up, shifting to sit back on her butt, legs out before her. A sigh escaped her, and she propped her elbow on her knee and tangled her hand in her hair.

You have talent, Fabala, true talent for skating. You could be a gold medalist in singles if you work hard enough and devote yourself. But you can only choose one to seriously train in. The other you can train in, but it must be more of a hobby. Think carefully. Choose carefully. The one you choose will be your career, you cannot go back and change your mind. Once you choose, you choose, there are no take backs.

Mulhama's words from that long ago day when she'd arrived at St. Prowd's came back to her. Mulhama had pulled her aside and sat her down, explaining that she had strengths in both Roaring and Skating, but that she could only choose one to nurse and grow into a career, and to think carefully. After much thought, she'd chosen Roaring, but now-

You should have gone with skating. You can choose if you skate in pairs or singles. You're strong skating with Yero, but you're even stronger skating alone. Then again, maybe it's because you've always been alone. Mulhama cannot skate without Liir; she was and will forever be a pairs skater, but you... you were always meant to be alone.

She choked on a sob, feeling the tears slide down her cheeks. So lost in her own misery, she didn't notice the person skating towards her. "Fabala? Oh, Fabala..." She glanced up, to see Mulhama standing over her, looking just as broken as she felt. She hiccuped, and after a moment, the older woman reached down, holding out a hand. "Come on, let's get you up and off the ice." But the younger woman refused to budge, and after several minutes, the coach sighed, taking a seat beside her young protégé. The two women sat in silence for several minutes, only the sounds of Elphaba's hiccups breaking the silence left now that the music had stopped. Finally, after several moments, Mulhama spoke. "I'm sorry, Elphaba." The girl turned to her, the question shimmering in her tear-filled eyes.

For what?

The coach swallowed thickly. "For not doing more. For not being a good enough coach. For not protecting you from your father. For not taking Yero back when I had the chance. For getting so wrapped up in my grief when Liir died. For not telling Yero the truth when he was younger. For this whole mess. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."