Holding on to Forever

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

First of all, thank you for your kind reviews, I really appreciate it. I am sorry I have not replied to them in person, I will try but not promise.

This is as far as I have managed to get written so far. I will try and get the next chapter done for next week but I am not 100% as it is hard going writing it and getting back into writing after so long.

Aspects of this story are based on real life experience but I am based in the UK so appreciate our systems are different – if I have done anything wrong regarding treatment etc please let me know.

. . .

Normally Derek could sleep on a flight no matter how noisy and unsettled. He would just plug his headphones in and tune out to it all. But now, in the early hours of Thursday morning, nothing was working; there was nothing he wanted to listen to, nothing matched his mood. The flight was lite, spaces all over the cabin, yet still Derek felt penned in. Everyone else nearby annoyed him by just being there, not that anyone had picked to sit too near, given the choice of spare seats. He knew he was giving off a vibe, and didn't care if it meant he was left alone to drown in his misery of thoughts.

The more he tried to process all he had been told the worse head hurt. It took nine months to carry a life into this world but his mum could be gone in less time. All she had teased him about regarding marriage and grandbabies she would never see, as he had let her down. If what the doctors said was true in a few months they would have their last Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family, by next summer he would be without either parent. Gritting his teeth Derek slowed his breath, determined not to cry, not now, not here.

"Are you ok, Sir?" a concerned voice called as he felt a light touch on his shoulder. Looking up Derek saw the dark eyes of the cabin assistant. He nodded briefly and looked away. Sensing that she hadn't moved away despite his subtle hint he looked back up.

"I'm fine," he grumbled, aware he would normally flirt and chat but not wanting to even acknowledge the existence of others right now.

"Can I get you a drink? Some water . . . or tea maybe?"

Derek rolled his eyes and sighed, hoping she would get the hint and go.

"I'm fine," he ground out again, replacing his headphones though only to place a barrier between him and the persistent women looking at him with deep concern. He held his breath, refusing eye contact until he was certain she had moved on.

He spent the rest of the flight looking out the window at the dawning day, ignoring the world around him.

. . .

Derek spotted his sister Sarah waiting by her car, he notice it was new but she hadn't mentioned it. Derek had texted her before leaving asking to be collected. She looked dreadful. It was obvious she had been crying, something he wasn't use to seeing his eldest sister do. She had always been the strong silent type, one he had tried to emulate as he had been growing up. He remembered vividly how he had admired her when their Pop died. She was there for him and Des as well as their Mom. Nearly a teen then but suddenly she seemed to morph into an adult. If he thought about it he knew she must have cried, she must have grieved, but he never remembered seeing it.

As Derek reached her, she stepped forward and hugged him, instinctively he dropped his bag and pulled her into his arms, squeezing tight. They had always been close as a family, physically and mentally. They were such a support even before Pop, now that bond would be tested again.

"Sarah, I'm sorry," his whispered.

"What for?" she questioned as she pulled away from him, her eyes finding his.

He could feel her eyes searching for an answer to her question.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, today, for you and Mom. I should have . . ."

Sarah shook her head, her long dark hair swaying across her shoulders. "And what difference would it have made if you were? You can't fix this . . . none of us can. . . " Her voice tailed off, as she looked away, breathing deeply to calm herself.

"Hey," Derek reassured, pulling her close once more, "I know I can't fix but I still should have been here, with you. How's Des doing? I was kind of expecting her to come with you."

"She's with Mom," Sarah sighed, stepping away and getting into the car, "Not that I'm sure it's a good idea," she called.

Derek picked up his bag and slung it into the trunk before getting in beside Sarah.

"How's Mom?"

Sarah raised an eyebrow, the Morgan family trait, and sighed. "She's in denial. I don't think she heard a word after 'cancer'. She says she's ready to fight, to do whatever it takes . . . but . . ." Sarah looked away as she pulled out into traffic and started to make her way back to their Mom's house.

"But?" Derek prompted.

"But . . . I want to have the faith she has, I want to believe we can fight , but they were clear. There is no cure. The best hope is that she responds to treatment to prolong her life."

Derek could sense Sarah was struggling to hold it together, maybe he should have offered to drive. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, trying to give her some of the strength he didn't know he had but knew he owed her from way back.

"Sarah, we'll do it her way, whatever it takes, we'll find a way. We always have and we always will do. If she believes she can fight, she will, will power is a strong force and Mom has always had a whole heap of it. She needed it with us three."

Sarah snorted, "Coz will power is going to baffle science and win the day!"

"That's not what I said and you know it, but we have to do it her way. We owe her that. All she gave up and done for us, we do it all for her."

Sarah nodded her head, but Derek could tell it was to pacify him. He got it, he felt her frustration, her sadness, her shock. He felt it because it was tearing him apart too. However he knew it was no good trying to decide things for Mom. She was a strong independent women and he had learnt the hard way and long time ago that you didn't argue with her. What she says goes.