Holding on to Forever

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

Thank you for your ongoing support, it is appreciated.

As always I'm happy to have feedback on on improvements I can make, especially any technical differences between UK and USA.

Timings for updates with not be consistent. I am writing this as I can and it is difficult to write, and therapeutic, due to personal experience. Please be patient with me.

. . .

Derek settled back into the business class seat, he'd blagged an upgrade as he headed back to Quantico thanks to a grin and some harmless banter. He was surprised how good he was feeling, but positivity was the key and his Mom repeatedly reminded them. She was right. They had to remain positive. They could do it, they had come through so much together.

Popping his headphones on he settled back, hoping for some sleep, as he had plenty to catch up on. He reflected on the difference in this journey to his fraught flight home a few days ago. Inwardly he cringed as he thought about the vibe he had given off, the way he'd snapped at the attendants, the glares he'd given anyone that dared to get within a few feet. Now he was relaxed and able to think clearly.

His head rolled sleepily to the side as he looked out of the window, watching Chicago disappear into the distance. He had promised his Mom he would be back soon, when she was having her first treatment. He also promised he would call when he landed and that he would give Penelope a huge hug just from her. To be honest he would be giving Pen a huge hug regardless of his Mom's wishes. He sighed, now not wanting to face telling her why he had rung her frantic for a flight home. Accepting his mother's diagnosis mentally and voicing it out loud were two very different things. He knew his Mom wanted it kept quiet which had meant there were no difficult conversations to be had while home and he had bumped into people he knew. But the team were different. They knew something was wrong as he had disappeared overnight without warning. Hotch had an outline from the couple of emails he'd sent but had respected Derek's wishes not to tell the team anything other then he had gone home for personal reasons.

Watching the clouds as they passed through them Derek decided he would be honest with the team, all in one go. It would be better to tell them then having them trying to guess or talk to him individually. Hopefully if he was matter of fact about it they would accept his explanation and leave him alone. Except for Pen, of course, and probably Reid, maybe even Emily, oh hell who was he kidding he knew this next bit was not going to be easy. Just because he'd just left his real family didn't mean he wasn't about to be surrounded by his work family who would want to help and support just as much as his sisters.

Closing his eyes, Derek tried to forget about the difficult conversations to come and relax long enough to sleep.

. . .

Slumped on the couch, beer in hand Derek jumped at the knock on his door. Glancing at the time he knew it was Penelope, it shouldn't surprise him that she had headed straight over the minute he'd put the phone down. He pushed himself up to let her in. Opening the door he was proved right as the flurry of burnt orange fluffiness blurred past, dumping her bag and spinning to hug him.

Derek managed to kick the door shut as his arms wrapped around her in return. Everything about her felt so good, he felt safe once more. Suddenly the stresses and strains of the last few days built back up to bubbling point. As emotions overwhelmed him, Derek allowed the tears to roll. His shoulders shuddered as he felt Penelope's arms tighten around him, her soothing voice sounding so reassuring.

After what seemed like forever Derek pulled back enough to swipe away the remaining tears and look down into Penelope's concerned eyes.

"Baby Boy," she stroked her hand down his chest, "I want to make it all better for you, to take it all away, I do, I honestly do. What can I do?"

Leading them both back to the couch, they sat, still holding each other. "Right now Baby there is nothing any of us can do. She's starting treatment in a few weeks. The consultant wants to get started as soon as possible. Apparently with lung cancer time is of the essence, I'm sure it is with all cancers. We know its not operable so treatment is our best option. We can only hope she responds."

Penelope gasped at his bluntness, the prospect of what could lay ahead.

"I . . . I don't know what to say, it's so . . . sad. Your Mom . . . she's amazing. She doesn't deserve this."

"Nobody does Baby, nobody does," Derek sobered up, regaining control once again.

"I know, but you know what I mean," Pen shrugged, "It's your Mom."

Derek pulled her a little closer, finding comfort in just having her there, "Mom's strong, you wouldn't know there was anything wrong with, that's half the problem with lung cancer its often symptomless. If she hadn't of been ill the other month it may never of been found until it was too late. We've got a chance. Mom's a fighter, she doesn't give up on anything easily. She can't do, she bought me up after all and that was no easy task." He though back with regret at some of the things he'd put his mom through. No matter how he'd behaved she never gave up, he knew she was there, though he had struggled to accept her help at the time.

"Sweetie, you know I'm here for you know matter what, don't you?" Penelope said, her eyes showing the sincerity of her words.

"I know."

"It doesn't matter what or when," Pen sat bolt upright, her hands on his as she looked deep into his eyes, "You can call, visit, text, whatever and I'll be right here." Pen stabbed the couch as if to make her point all the clearer.

Derek smiled, holding her shoulders gently, "Penelope, I know and I appreciate it, I honestly do. Thank you." Pulling her in close they sat together, doing and saying nothing, just being there for each other.

. . .