She was submerged within the oceans of her mind. It was black, dark, and empty. But she wasn't fazed or frightened; she didn't even feel slightly confused.
She knew that she was asleep. But that knowledge drifted and swayed, in and out from the reach of her grasp. Just enough to know that the blackness was fake, but not close enough for her to be aware of her surroundings outside of her own head.
It was unamusing to her. She couldn't muster it in herself to care about the mysterious darkness. There was no reason to. Emotions felt irrelevant, pointless—mundane even. They had no place in this...place.
She understood the vast, blank nothingness that she found herself in. It was her subconscious, nothing more, nothing less. The beauty of her active mind was absent. There was nothing of importance that happened here, and there was nothing of importance beyond her eyelids either. Nothing mattered. She was simply a sleeping person, waiting patiently for something to matter.
It didn't take long to happen.
Out of the nothingness of her mind, shadowy tendrils snaked their way slowly before her, dragging a large mass in their wake. Strangely, the mass was taller than her, and yet it stayed perfectly vertical as it moved, only stopping once it was placed just in front of her. The tendrils moved, catching her eye, and it shook with…excitement?
She understood it somehow and felt pleasantly surprised when the tendrils presented the mass to her as a gift, and she felt even more so at the realization that she could even still feel surprised.
Her thoughts refocused on the gift as the aqueous black unwrapped around it, revealing its mystery to her mind's eyes. Slowly, it began to take shape, and what lay underneath caused her to smile wide and nearly squeak with joy.
It was a very familiar human man. He had a heartwarming grin on his face and a sparkle to go with his brilliant blue eyes. His body was adorned with black armor, with a singular long white stripe going down his right arm that was overlapped by a thinner red one. And upon his chest plate, she found his same familiar insignia. A singular letter, and a singular number in his alien language.
She stepped forward, encasing her arms with his. It wasn't long until she found herself toying with his extra digits, as she typically did.
Her face began to ache from her smiling. She had wanted this for so long. Someone to call her own, and someone she felt like she could belong to. Someone that matched her movements and words and reciprocated each loving effort. A true partnership.
The fact that she found such a partnership with an alien commander that was the leading tip of the galaxy's hope for survival was truly unexpected. And her, being from a race tossed aside, as well as a person typically stuck in the gunk of engines, made her feel slightly less than worthy. What did she do to earn such a bond? She didn't feel like she deserved it. And yet, here he was, her hands were in his, and he clutched them lovingly. She looked up, and found his eyes—
Were hollow.
She ripped her arms out in fright, and her gift's mouth opened in a horrifically pained expression. Its empty eye sockets filled with darkness and shadowy tendrils circled around its legs, licking the armored boots without mercy. She watched in horror as the gift's face began smiling once again, but its dark eyes held an expression of unbearable sadness.
Her gift was being stolen from her, consumed by the darkness. She tried to march forward to stop the shadowy tendrils with indignant rage, only to find herself somehow hopelessly stuck, like her boots were glued to the floor. Slowly, her gift became more and more encased with the tendrils in front of her eyes, like a dark chrysalis. She reached out in vain, hoping to stop it.
Soon enough his entire body was consumed and he was no longer visible. He had been ripped away—leaving her alone.
She was...shocked. And crushed. And she was once again left lonely in the dark.
She stumbled to her knees and felt the freezing floor send chills through her suit. All she could think about was an overwhelming urge to scream into the void. She opened her mouth, but no noise came from her. She tried again, focusing as hard as she could, hoping that words would somehow break through. But the only thing that broke through were tears from her glowing eyes.
Please! I just want to see him...one last time.
She felt a sick sense of understanding of why her gift was ripped from her grasp by the thirsty dark, sealing it from her sight in a sea of blackness. She didn't deserve him, she never did. And yet she still managed to gain him. It was...unfair!
She tried to yell again for him to be brought back, but part of her knew that it was no use. Even if she could speak...
He wasn't coming back.
That realization felt like a rock dropped in her stomach, followed by a swirling storm. Everything left in her was given to him, and now she felt…infinitely hollow. A ghost of her former self.
But still, she had that sick sense of understanding of why he had to go, why the darkness took him. She didn't deserve him, and the galaxy needed him more than her. Tears flowed more steadily and she stayed on her knees in sorrow, coughing. And a slow echoing slithering sound signified the return of the dark tendrils.
Her eyes raised to meet the source of her grief. The tendrils circled her, showing no remorse. But she didn't care. She reached out and glided her gloved hand across it as it moved past, like a snake. There was an odd sort of comfort in it. Perhaps the tendrils could take her as they had taken him. After all, misery loves company.
The darkness suddenly shook, and Tali felt something beyond her subconscious. Sources of light began to seep through, and the tendrils released her and recoiled.
She did the same. She didn't want to go back. She didn't want to find out what might have happened. She wanted to stay here, in this part of her mind, and converse with the silence. But she knew that she can't sleep forever...no matter how much she wished she could.
She took one more look into the void and found a hole. A dark place. She found some beauty in it, but she couldn't stay longer. Light seeped through more and more, and she found the dark tendrils shaking as if waving their farewell.
She smiled sadly.
Thanks.
And then her eyes fluttered open fully, and everything in her dreams was forgotten.
Her eyebrows furrowed and she groaned. The first thing she noticed was the purple tint of her visor, and how it shaded the ceiling of...wherever she was. She noticed that she wasn't on a regular bed or in a regular room. There were pearly white panels on the floor encased in glass, with semi-transparent walls closed in around her.
Where am I again?
She looked through the walls to find silver boxes glowing with blue light. Some wires were strewn on the floor and she could see a familiar table on the far side.
The decontamination chamber in the server room?
Carefully, she flexed her sore neck and stretched her head around to reorient herself. The slow rhythmic hum that echoed throughout the chamber from EDI's 'brain' helped confirm her location.
She coughed suddenly but mildly, and she felt an absurd amount of congestion in the back of her throat. It was painful, like a friction burn on the underside of her brain.
Keelah! I am so, so sick!
She tossed her head again as she tried to remember what could've happened to cause her to get into this sorry state in the first place.
The war.
Fear struck her and she looked down at herself, finding black bandages that wrapped around in every which way of her body, focusing mostly on her leg that was, thankfully, still there.
Right, suit ruptures.
She tried to prop herself up on her elbows, only to have pain shoot straight through her arms like lightning strikes. She collapsed back onto the bed with a painful hiss.
Keelah, that hurts!
The numbing shot that Chakwas had given her must have worn off. She could feel her muscles ache, as well as some bandages that she couldn't see. They were under her suit, swimming in medi-gel and antibiotics. She inhaled deeply and suddenly realized that she was not alone.
She looked down near her feet and found that the doorway was open into the medbay, where Doctor Chakwas was standing and glancing over a datapad with an apprehensive look on her face. Her other hand still held a medkit. It made Tali wonder how long she had been out.
She glanced further up to her direct right and found a seat and a desk where her purple cloth wrappings were cleaned and folded, with her various other suit ornaments laying on top of it. Just below it was her boots, its knife still strapped to the left one snugly.
She was then startled by a digital voice. "Doctor Chakwas, my readings tell me that Miss Zorah has regained consciousness," EDI said.
She let out another sickening cough in reply. Her sinuses and nose felt stuffed to the brim, causing her head to pound from a headache; and she could easily tell that she was still running a mild fever.
Worst...mix...ever.
Footsteps from the doctor immediately sounded as she swiftly crossed into the decontamination chamber. She strolled over to the small desk and sat both datapad and medkit next to her cloth wrappings.
"Tali! Thank goodness that you're alright," Chakwas said as she grabbed the seat next to the quarian admiral's bed. "You were fidgeting so much in your sleep! Made it very hard to remove all the shrapnel."
The chamber shook suddenly and Tali recognized it as cannon shockwaves. They were still in space, and the Normandy was still engaged. She felt anxiousness grip her.
"Didn't we win yet?" Tali asked warily.
EDI's voice spoke up. "The Crucible has been docked for a while," she said. "But it's still yet to fire. Joker is currently engaged in long range combat to keep the pressure on while Shepard is figuring out how to get it working."
John!
She smiled at the name with pure glee and relief. "Thank the Ancestors, he's alive!"
But just as quickly as she finished, a question came to her that shifted her tone rapidly. "Have we really been fighting for over an hour?" she asked, worried.
She could not help but feel if that was the case, then the battle was only going to get more intense, and if John had not found a way to activate the Crucible yet, then there was still a chance that they could lose this war. No doubt that the Reapers are not just going to stand by and wait for the Crucible to fire. Tali felt a little bit of the Galaxy crumble around her small moment of peace as she thought about her bondmate stuck on the Citadel.
"You woke up a little earlier than expected, dear. But yes, you've been asleep for about fifty minutes."
A pause ensued and Doctor Chakwas still sat by her side to keep her company, though Tali did not feel much comfort. It was nerve-wracking; she hated the waiting. And not knowing whether or not they were going to get blown into pieces. She had faith in Joker, though, so she laid there and tried not to let her thoughts wander too much.
Several minutes passed by, and Tali tried to think of things to talk about to pass the time, to break the anticipating silence. She considered it strangely sad. She and Chakwas had shared numerous discussions about healthcare, but they never talked much about themselves past that. She went to open her mouth, but as if on cue, an unknown voice sounded over the intercom.
"Shepard did something! The Crucible is firing!"
The announcement silenced her tongue and It felt like a large weight had suddenly rocketed off of her chest. She felt like she was finally able to breathe, not physically, but mentally, for the first time in months.
Chakwas too must've felt something give from those momentous words. She looked out the door and began whispering to herself.
"My, my. So the Commander actually did it!"
Tali's arm, while aching in protest, jolted out to the Doctor's forearm to steady herself as relief crashed over her. Chakwas curiously snapped to her.
"He did it," Tali gasped, shaking the doctor's arm slightly. "He really did it. He finally won. He saved us."
Though she was unable to see her face, Doctor Chakwas returned her smile. Tali felt her sincere love for her bondmate only become amplified by what he had accomplished for the galaxy, numbing the aches and sores throughout her body.
Soon, we'll be on Rannoch, and we'll have a home. Together, she thought sweetly.
Both she and Chakwas gasped as the Normandy shook violently, and they felt gravity push harder on them as the ship started to lurch forward and suddenly shudder. Tali recognized that feeling as the ship jumped into FTL, and she became afraid that something had gone horribly wrong.
Why did it feel like they were running from something?
Little did they know, that's exactly what Normandy was doing. For hell was chasing after them.
"Keelah! What is going on?"
Joker's fingers flew across the Normandy's orange holographic controls as he struggled to keep his ship from being shaken to bits. Warning signals kept flying in his face and he trashed them as soon as they appeared. Sweat started pooling just underneath his ball cap.
EDI was next to him, processing and assessing the situation as fast as she could, and making minor adjustments to the Normandy's flight paths as it made its way through debris and corpse-filled space.
Along with them in the cockpit were Garrus and Specialist Traynor. They both added to the suffocating anxiety as they watched the Crucible, marveling at the sheer amount of power coursing through the alien machine in the form of orange lightning, which licked all across the Citadel. It was an amazing feat of galactic engineering, and it felt like they might have just made the galaxy's biggest mistake.
Garrus had been in the cockpit ever since coming from the medbay. His eyes had not left the scene of battle in front of them since. And Traynor had only entered just a few moments ago, working with EDI to get the crackling comms to clear up. With a click, a voice came through.
"All fleets, the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the Rendezvous Point."
Joker scanned the Crucible with severe agitation. He looked for something, anything. A call, an evacuating ship maybe.
Dammit, where's Shepard?
Garrus's presence was finally acknowledged when he tried to get a grip on Joker's shoulder, but the Normandy's pilot shrugged it off.
No! I'm not leaving him! Not again!
"I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."
Garrus leaned down towards the pilot and tried again a second time.
"Joker listen," he said, his voice also struggling to yield to their situation. "We have to go."
The flight lieutenant clenched his fist and cursed bitterly. He took one last look, and one last breath, and reluctantly flew around and away from the Crucible. With a quick punch of the controls, he jumped the Normandy to FTL and fled the scene of battle just as the Crucible fired.
With wide eyes, he watched as a large orb of red light began to emit from the Citadel. It grew in size, engulfing the entire station. Slowly, it began to engulf the entire surface of the Earth. He didn't know what was happening, but he didn't like the idea of it consuming the ship as well. He refocused on getting out of the Crucible's blast radius.
He kept moving and was shaken when a sudden large blast of red light immediately shot past them and struck the heart of the Sol relay, forcing itself out of the solar system at incomprehensible speeds before destroying it—his primary method of evacuation—in another energy explosion.
The Citadel also began to explode, ejecting pieces of debris both large and small into space.
With his Commander somewhere still on it.
He closed his eyes in momentary silence, stricken with grief.
But his sensors beeped, telling him that things weren't over just yet.
He looked over at them and became confused at the sight of rippling haze going across the screen both in front and behind the ship. At first, he believed it was a malfunction, but then the haze started to move and reveal a clear picture of the surrounding stars. It was then that he was smacked with the realization that an orange and fiery wave of energy from the Citadel and the Relay was chasing after them, and gaining. It looked like the whole galaxy was plunging into literal hell.
Holy f—!
The blast wasn't slowing down like he was expecting. EDI, Garrus, and Traynor all noticed it, too. An unspoken understanding was shared among them all.
"Traynor, get to an escape pod!" Garrus ordered before grabbing Joker's shoulder once more.
"How much time?!"
"Not enough!" EDI answered for him. "Course correcting to the nearest system!"
Joker kept grabbing different controls, rerouting all power he could scavenge for the ship's engines. Fear gripped him and he cursed his bones, convinced that they weren't letting him move faster.
"Might be the time to follow Traynor!" Joker yelled as the ship grew louder from tearing through space.
"What about you?!"
"Just go! I'll stabilize us!"
"Joker!"
"I'll be right behind you, just go!"
Joker heard Garrus growl in frustration and storm from the bridge to the escape pods. With the cockpit back to ideal capacity, the best pilot in the Alliance took a deep breath and continued to work.
"We can't launch their pods!" EDI said, her robotic hands flying across the manual controls.
"What, why?"
"Whatever that thing is that's chasing us has signatures of a massive EMP field with unquantifiable levels of destruction! We'd be sending the crew out in their coffins!"
Dammit!
It was Joker's turn on the intercoms. "All crew, run to the escape pods or take cover! But do not eject! I repeat, do not eject!"
His arms were trembling severely as he watched EDI bring them close to a star system and one of its planets. He noted the irony in it, running from one orange ball of light to another.
"What's our time window, EDI?!"
Silence.
"EDI?!" he shouted again, his eyes still glued to the sensors. They were mere moments away from being overtaken, as well as moments away from entering a random planet's atmosphere.
"Not enough," she whispered. Her tone then shifted, coming to a sound of finality. "Jeff."
"Come on, EDI!" he objected. "Keep pushing! No giving up! Not when we're about to get screwed!"
"Jeff!"
He immediately paused and looked over at her, completely shocked by her sudden voice of panic. His eyes widened further when he found absolute terror expressed on the A.I.'s chrome face. Her hand was latched onto something at the base of her neck, just underneath what constituted her "hair."
She was tugging on it, and with each increased distance on whatever thing she was pulling, her voice began to crackle; and her metal throat guzzled with static. "Get...me...to...Tali!"
With those words, EDI had ripped out some sort of chip from the back of her head, and her body drooped in its seat. At the same time, a flash of orange had pierced its way through the Normandy's hull, shutting down everything.
"EDI!" Joker screamed at the lifeless robot next to him.
But he had little time to pay attention to the metallic corpse that was slumped over in his copilot's chair. The Normandy had just gotten screwed, and he was on his own now.
The ship dropped out of FTL harshly. Controls were blinking and systems were not responding. The outside hull began to ignite as it entered the planet's atmosphere.
Okay, I just need to land this thing!
Joker looked outside at the surface below him. It looked like ancient earth, with lots of green and water, with no sign of intelligent life. At least he didn't have to worry about landing in any cities.
Now that he thought about it for a split moment, he had no idea where the hell they were. But that line of thinking would have to be revisited later. He looked for a soft spot in the terrain.
His hand reached for the intercom to warn the crew, but he cursed when it wouldn't respond. No systems were responding. All he could do was try to glide this thing, and the only place he could find was a vast swath of rainforest.
Well, this is going to get bumpy!
The planet grew bigger and the Normandy continued to fly dangerously fast through its clouds. Joker did his best to stabilize the ship and keep it parallel to the ground. He looked for any surviving system to make the descent slower but to no avail. Frustration boiled over his skin. There was no way he was going to keep the ship intact only for it to be filled with corpses.
He flicked at switches and pulled at knobs, hoping for any sign of life. It was only a few moments before the meeting with the ground became imminent that the Normandy fully straightened out.
"Ah, hell!"
Even when bracing for impact, Joker wasn't prepared for the sudden rattling of his ship that threatened to throw him out of his seat. Hard crashes and thumps were heard as the Normandy's hull scoured the trees of the rainforest. The Normandy slowed down sharply, and then, an abrupt stop; with another, louder, and more concluding CRASH.
As well as a few internal cracks.
Joker's nerves were still over the edge as he opened his eyes to smoke circulating around the cockpit. Nonetheless, he was thankful to still be alive. He readjusted himself in his seat, which proved to be a mistake as a spike of pain rammed into his side. He felt like he had most definitely fractured something.
Erngh! Yup! Still alive!
He gasped and let himself fall back in his seat.
Well, that was some ride.
He took another sweeping look around the cockpit and then looked out the window, finding gases emitting from all around the ship. He held his breath and hoped they weren't waiting on a delayed explosion. Still, for the most part, he could tell that the Normandy stayed relatively intact.
Heh, guess everything seems ship-shape!
He laughed nervously at his own pun, hoping to god that it was true.
"EDI, can you run any diagnostics and damage reports if you can? And supply check? We're going to need to know how long we can afford to be stranded on this rock."
He didn't receive an answer.
"EDI?"
He looked over to his copilot's seat and found her slumped over, clutching something tight to her cold chest.
"EDI!"
He hobbled out of his seat as fast as he could over to her. Tentatively, he grabbed her shoulder and leaned her back. Her hand fell down to her lap, fingers still curled.
"EDI? EDI, talk to me!"
Her cold eyes stared back at him…dead.
The sight of her emotionless face shocked him, and for the second time, he was stricken with the hollow feeling of loss. Her last words took root in his mind and echoed within the walls of his conscience.
Get me to Tali.
He looked at her clenched fist. Carefully, he spread her fingers with his own. His throat tightened. It felt cold as metal would without her distinct hum of life. Soon his palm clasped around what appeared to be a large chrome chip with a single, glowing blue light running down its side. On the front was a line of information.
MEM-EDI CERB-AI UN:549.
He softly placed the treasure into his left hand, taking his turn at curling his fingers over its surface. With his right hand, he placed his palm flat against EDI's and interlaced his fingers with hers; again, he felt numb to her soulless silence.
Then he made her a promise.
There is absolutely nothing that will take this from me.
"Joker! You alive?" Garrus's voice called out from somewhere in the mess of the bridge. A shuffle of metal sounded and the turian managed to make it into the cockpit. Joker felt his eyes and heard him sigh in relief, "Where are we?"
Joker looked up at him, struggling to steady the quivering emotions just boiling beneath his surface. Garrus stopped short, unpacking the scene in front of him. His eyes shifted away sharply, staring off somewhere else where Joker's weren't. Sounds emitted from his throat, stumbling over words.
"Joker…"
Jeff Moreau answered him.
"I don't know. We are lost," he said shakily, barely above a whisper. He sat clutching onto the chip for some kind of support. "We are lost!" He said again, this time much louder and more anxious.
"Joker, I'm—I'm so sorry."
"Don't be!" Joker said, louder than he wanted. He paused and looked again at the body that housed his artificial intelligence copilot and romantic partner. His voice quieted down.
"I…I should have left sooner than I did."
His stomach churned. The Citadel exploded in his mind, pieces of it flew into space while others crashed down to Earth. The seat of galactic government and civilization is now reduced to a metal skeleton of what it once was. It was a horror show. Joker could only imagine what it would've been like to be on it.
I failed him…twice. And now I failed her!
He clutched at the chip and let out a small, strangled cry. His skin crawled. He spent a long time on the floor with the metal body.
When he finally looked up with a tight frown on his face, Garrus broke the silence with a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, Joker. The sooner we get off this planet, the sooner we get an idea of where we are."
Joker nodded solemnly. He grabbed the turian's hand and hoisted himself to his feet while ignoring the shock of pain to his chest. At the same time, he stored EDI's chip in a small clip-on pocket at his waistband.
"Let's…go assess the damage," he said with a heavy breath as he tore his gaze from the metal body.
He followed Garrus out of the cockpit to the bridge airlock. He hoped focusing on the Normandy would calm his nerves, but for the moment he was having the opposite effect. Thoughts continued to storm through his mind like thunder and lightning.
He thought about the relief he had about the reaper's destruction, the confusion he had about the crew's current location, the sorrow he had for EDI's incarceration, and the pain he had for failing his commander and friend once again. With all of it, he was simply not prepared for the voice that spoke from behind him.
"Jo—Joker? What happened? Where are we?"
The thick, stuffy accented tone made the hair on his arms stand on end, followed close by blood draining from his face. He shot around to find his old friend's familiar purple visor with her tired, glowing eyes behind it. They were tilted slightly, filled with questions.
Ah sh—
His throat ran dry. It felt like a pack of dogs were tearing at his bones to get him out of this situation. He coughed, fighting back tears as he finally responded.
"I—I don't know. We need to—we need to figure out where we are, and figure out repairs for the Norm—for the ship…would you like to, maybe, come explore?"
Joker mentally kicked himself, not knowing why he would ask that question. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of his failure while she walked around with him talking about repairs like nothing had happened.
"But…why did we jump to—?"
"Not now, Tali. Bearings first," Joker interrupted. He would rather they talk about it later when he was feeling better physically and more emotionally capable of breaking the news to her.
Her eyes narrowed at him suspiciously as she folded her arms, but she didn't pursue. She seemed to know that she wasn't going to get much out of him just yet.
"Fine, I'll tag along. Please be careful, though."
"Always am," he said, making a depressive sigh followed by a wince at the pain in his ribs.
Joker was thankful that Garrus opted to remain silent during the exchange as they all reached the airlock. He opened the door, thankful as well that it was still working, despite being slow. He waited patiently for it to slide away to the scene outside.
They were surrounded by lush green trees and bushes in rich soil with a choir of alien creatures and undertones of rushing water off in the distance. Directly in front of them was a large heap of rocks that built up all alongside the Normandy's hull, acting somewhat as a ramp to the jungle floor. Joker was the first to leave, carefully picking his pathway down.
Once on the ground, he raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright sun, negating the purpose of his SR-2 ball cap. Looking up, he could see a large planet taking up a significant fraction of the sky, with another astral body sitting in between, presumably this planet's moon. It looked like a thin, curved claw with the way it reflected the sun's light.
That's when he noticed Tali was next to him again. He shared a quick glance with her before they both looked out at their surroundings once more. A set of heavy footsteps and a shuffle of rocks coming from behind had told him that Garrus followed them outside.
Good place to crash, nice views. Still have no idea where we are, though.
Tali then broke the silence with her thick, honeyed accent.
"Alright then, let's get to work."