"Turn Undead! Turn Undead! Turn Undead! KAZUMA!"
"Yep Kazuma-"
"Are you- Turn Undead- going to- Turn Undead- do something! Turn Undead!" Aqua was in the midst of holding off a small army of the dead. Waves of enemies were spawning just as fast as they were being defeated.
"I'm working on it!" Kazuma shouted. He squinted, trying to get his bearings. It didn't help that they were in a dense forest with their only source of light being the full moon. It certainly didn't help that a short pain in the ass kept tugging on his cape.
"Kazuma, Kazuma!"
"Yes, Kaz-"
"Please, Please. I'm itching to use my magic. Let me at'em; I can do it." Megumin pleaded. "If I don't explode something soon, I'll explode from the inside out."
"First off, if you do that, you'll set the whole forest on fire. Second, that's a- Woah! WATCH OUT!" Kazuma grabbed and pinned Megumin to the floor, getting her out of the way of an incoming boulder. The flying object crashed against the trees just behind them. The tree broke with a thundering snap.
"W-what are you doing!"
Saving your life.
"Ah, as slimy as ever, Kazuma." The boulder said.
"Yep, I'm-wait what?"
Upon closer inspection, it wasn't a boulder that was launched at them, but Darkness. Her face was covered with blood, but quite honestly, she didn't look that bad. "A formidable foe he is." Darkness propped herself up with her sword. "Evasive as a hare."
"Evasive my ass. He's a giant monster. You just can't hit shit!" Kazuma snarled. "You're probably trying to get hit!"
"H-hey." Darkness's face turned almost as red as the blood covering her. "I may like the punishment, but I'm trying."
"Turn Undead! Hey, is that Darkness?" Aqua was too focused on the swarm to turn her head. "Turn Undead! Turn Undead! Did she defeat the Draugr Lord?"
As if to announce his presence, the 10-foot-tall Draugr Lord came crashing through the trees. Its glowing green eyes surveyed its prey. Outfitted with rusty steel armor and a jagged sword almost as big as he was, he was undoubtedly going to slaughter all of them.
Mother of God! A boss like this should only come after his minions have been defeated. This is just as scummy as bosses who heal themselves.
Kazuma quickly looked at Aqua, who was still desperately keeping back the hoard. Then looked at Darkness, who was holding herself up with her sword. Cringing, he finally looked at Megumin, who he was still pinning to the floor.
Dammit all.
"Megumin," He drew a reluctant breath. "Explode this bastard straight to Hell!"
A wicked grin grew across Megumin's face. "It was only a matter of time." She pushed herself up. With a swift motion that made her cape swish, she pointed her staff at the Draugr Lord. "Wicked beast that torments this forest-"
Kazuma grabbed Aqua and dragged her to Darkness.
"-Let the energy and chaos of this world find me to act as its vestal-"
"Darkness lay on top of us!"
"- and by the power of all things cursed."
The Draugr raised its sword.
"EXPLOSION!"
The last thing Kazuma saw was a white light.
*A little time later*
"Huhhh! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"It means that since you burnt half my forest, you failed half your quest, and so, you get half the reward." The shopkeeper and Aqua were in the middle of negotiating.
I figured this would happen. Kazuma skulked. But half reward is still enough for food for tonight; That is, unless Aqua manages to lower our reward even more.
"Shouldn't you stop her before she losses us the whole reward." Megumin was slumped on a chair. Kazuma was in the middle of draining some of Darkness's energy and transferring it into Megumin.
She's one to talk, considering her stupid bomb magic caused us to lose half of our reward in the first place. I have half a mind to leave her as a vegetable for the rest of the night. But she did save us, so I'll keep my mouth shut for now.
"Yeah, yeah, just a sec." Kazuma finished up. When he was done, he started walking towards Aqua.
"Well, with shop conditions like this," Aqua dragged her finger across the counter. "it would be a shame if word spread about this place's poor- Hygh." She was cut off by Kazuma, hitting the backside of her head.
"Half reward is perfectly fine. We're glad we could at least half help." Kazuma gave a fake chuckle. Best not to lose any clients when it comes to earning money. "Be sure to find us if you need any more work done." Kazuma grabbed Aqua's shoulders. "Come on; Let's get going." He started leading Aqua out as she protested.
"Wait." The shopkeeper motioned to Kazuma.
"Huh?"
"You, boy. Since your pay is lower than what you excepted, I've got a little something extra for ya." The shopkeeper went behind a curtain to a back room. A racket of boxes and glass could be heard. He soon emerged from the curtain carrying a red-tinted bottle.
"Wine?"
"Yes. The finest in town and uh," He motioned for Kazuma to lean closer; Kazuma obliged. "A little something of my special ingredient in there for yer special someone." He winked.
*At the mansion*
"But Kazuma!"
"That's my nam-"
"You should share it with the group since we all did the mission." Aqua banged on the table.
"I don't really mind." Darkness was resting on the couch. Megumin was in the middle of using one of her bandages to wrap Darkness's head. "We have plenty of other wine in the cellar that we can choose from."
"Yeah," Megumin injected. "and that old fart didn't look like he liked us that much. I don't want whatever's in that bottle anyway."
Aqua puffed her cheeks, betrayed by her subordinates. "Well, you should at least share with me. You guys wouldn't have been able to hold off all those undead if it wasn't for me. Consider it an offering to a Goddess."
"Is she still on about being a God," Megumin whispered to Darkness.
"I am a Goddess!" Aqua turned, teary-eyed, to Megumin.
"Forget it. He gave this wine to me, so I'm gonna enjoy it by myself." Kazuma cradled the bottle like it was a newborn. "And besides, the reason we were swarmed was because you kept drawing them towards us."
"Kazuma!"
Aqua shouted as Kazuma swiftly ran to his room. He slammed and locked the door. He took a moment to observe the bottle, swishing its contents. Curious, he plucked the cork top off and took a small whiff.
Strawberries.
He took a small sip and instantly knew.
"An aphrodisiac?" There was no doubt about it. The small sip already had him going. "That sly bastard." Kazuma grinned to himself. "He probably gave me this to share this with my girlfriend." Hehehe… oh. "The only problem is, I don't have a girlfriend." Kazuma slumped to the floor. The old man probably thought Aqua was his bitchy girlfriend.
Wait. He just remembered. Maybe this won't go to waste.
"I'm in a mansion surrounded by chicks!" Realizing he was shouting, Kazuma covered his mouth.
Wait. If I use this on one of them, is it the same as r**pe. Kazuma thought as he paced the room, weighing the thought. On the one hand, they would probably never have sex with me if they were sober; So, getting them drunk may make me look bad. But, if getting drunk and by extension aroused on their own, then I wouldn't be at fault. A bottle of wine that makes them horny just happens to be there, and they drink some of it, hey, that's just how it goes.
Yes, logical thought prevailed. He would indirectly get one of his teammates drunk with the aphrodisiac, and they would practically beg him for sex. Andwhat kind of person would he be to deny a lady's wish.
Now it was only a question of who. Darkness is a weirdo; She's also strong. If she gets too aggressive during sex, she could break his bones or his bone. Aqua… Nah. That left only Megumin. It's wasn't like he didn't feel anything for her. She was certainly cute to an extent if you ignored a few personality traits. If anything, this might help speed up the romantic process between them so that she would make the first move so he wouldn't have too.
Alright. Kazuma clenched and raised his fist in victory. The plan to 'get Megumin drunk so that she would consensually have sex with him,' starts tonight.
Kazuma went to the group with an exasperated yawn claiming he was going to bed. Darkness and Megumin wished him a goodnight while Aqua brooded in corner growing mushrooms.
When he went back to his room, he set up the perfect seducer chamber. Candles he swiped from the kitchen, flowers he took from the bush outside his window, and the piece de resistance, the wine.
Perfect. Now just to casually invite Megumin under the pretense that I want to learn more about explosion magic. She happens to take some wine lying about. She starts getting, 'Oh Kazuma I feeling hot' and bang; Or as she would put it EXPLOSION.
Kazuma's stomach made a rumbling noise. He clutched his sides. Ah. Nothing a quick trip to the bathroom couldn't fix. He left his door open when he dashed out of his room. A shadowy figure took notice of this.
Dammit, I didn't deserve this. I haven't done anything bad… yet. Still better now than later. Kazuma yanked open the door to the bathroom.
*Meanwhile*
The stumbling figure dawdled in the hallway. With a nearly empty bottle in its hand, it made its way to one of the bedroom doors. A knock echoed as their knuckled rapped on the door.A few seconds later, the door creaked open to reveal Megumin.
"Huh, what is it?"
"…"
W-what? Are you ok?" Megumi took a step back as the figure stepped in. "What are you doing? Your dress is a bit... H-have you been drinking? Aqua?" The figure closed the door behind them.
Kazuma stepped out of the bathroom, feeling flushed out. It took more time than he expected, but it was over now. However, when he stepped into his room, he felt a new type of pain in his stomach.
"Huh? Huh! What!" He looked at the spot where the bottle used to be. "It was." He tore the room apart, flipping the bed, throwing the sheets, knocking over a candle that he had to quickly put out before the mansion caught on fire. He held his head in his hands in disbelief.
No No No. This can't be. It was right here. Where could it, who-
Kazuma's train of thought ended at who. Who? Aqua, the useless alcoholic goddess that doesn't even deserve a capital G when writing god.
"Dammit, she's gonna get it when I see her." Another revelation hit Kazuma. His eyes widened. "If she has the bottle, she's probably drinking right now." Aqua being drunk usually wouldn't be a problem, but Aqua horny and drunk could be a massive problem for everyone living in the mansion. "I've got to save them!" Kazuma burst into the hallway. He made a quick executive decision to make is way to Megumin's room first.
Aqua never showed any signs of liking women, but deities were known for not having specific preferences when it came to men and women.
I know I was going to do something similar, but I was going to do it a more classy way, not like some horndog drunk at a dive bar.
"Aqua! Aqua!" Megumin moaned.
"Call-ve me, Goddess." Aqua pulled out her tongue with a slurp. A fiendish smile spread across her face.
"God-dess Aqua. Please, don't stop." Megumi's body was violently jerking. Aqua accepted her subordinate's pleas and went back in. "Ahh, I- 'm gonna," Megumi wrapped her legs around Aqua's head. "E-EXPLOSION!" Megumi screamed.
"Megumin!" Kazuma kicked the door open, but it was too late; Aqua wasn't there. Instead, all that he saw was a butt naked Megumin face down on the floor surrounded by suspicious stains on the carpet. For the most part, she was naked, except she was still wearing her awesome hat cause, of course she would during sex. Her body would occasionally twitch; She was still awake.
"Megumin!" Kazuma kneeled next to her. He tried to avert his eyes to her body; Although, he did instinctually cop a look once or twice… or six times. "What happened?"
"Whsdf- sheg." Megumin was mumbling into the carpet as she was fading in and out of consciousness. "Goddez, shee… deep… Dkness." She mumbled the last words before passing out.
Kazuma stood up. "She's going after Darkness next." Kazuma was about to dash out the door, but right before that, he tore a blanket from the bed, took one last look at the nude Megumin then crassly threw the sheet over her. She deserved a least a little dignity; Though, with the sheet over her, she looked like a dead body at the coroner's office.
Running in the hallway, Kazuma's body, as well as his mind, raced.
What is drunk Aqua, some kind of suave harem protagonist? Though, I should probably ask her for some pointers after this is over.
Right when Kazuma was about to reach Darkness's door, a thought pumped the brakes on his legs. He diverted his course and crashed into the wall next to the door. He quickly crouched and put his ear against the said wall.
"Ah-AH!" He could hear Darkness. "Tighter, please."
"You'll get-h what I give yo-ou."
"Y-es Lady Aqua."
A whip sounded off, making Kazuma flinch, but nonetheless, he started drooling. Just as he suspected, Aqua had adapted her sex techniques to fit the person. A fat grin grew on Kazuma's face
Hehe. Well, if she's going to all of us in a drunken lust, who am I to stop her. Best to wait for it to wear off… while I wait for her in my room.
"Oh please, lady Aqua, if-if you put that salmon there, I'll-AHHH!"
Kazuma got up and sauntered back to his room with a cheeky grin. He never really found Aqua particularly attractive, but she didn't have a bad body. And besides, sex was sex. He closed his door, leaving it a crack open, completely undressed, and got under the covers. "And now, to wait."
"I-I can't fit anymor-mhhfm." Aqua shoved another marshmallow in Darkness's mouth.
*The morning*
"Geez, Megumin, you're awfully clingy today." Aqua, having no memory of last night, was trying to eat her breakfast while Megumin latched onto her arm
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I just have so much love for my special Goddess."
"Huh?"
"If you having trouble eating, I 'll feed you, master." Darkness, covered in scratches and bruises, held up a piece of buttered bread to Aqua.
"Huh, what's with you two today?" Aqua took a bite of the held-out bread. "Not that I mind." Her one neuron fired as a thought occurred to her. "Where's Kazuma?"
In Kazuma's room, Kazuma, still naked, was lying in his bed, with bloodshot eyes. He hadn't slept a wink the whole night. Unbeknownst to him, shortly after he left Darkness's room, Aqua promptly crashed and passed out on top of a tied-up Darkness.
"Yep, Kazuma here." Kazuma murmured as tears welled in his eyes.