"Alright, children!" Professor Sprout cried cheerfully. "Today we're going to be pruning the Snickersnack plants. Has everybody got their gloves?"
"I don't think this is very safe," Colin muttered to Mike.
"On a scale of one to 'Forbidden Forest'?" Mike countered, pulling his dragon-hide gloves from his pocket.
"That's not the point! I've been —"
"Reading up," Maisie and Mike chorused together.
Colin flushed. "Well, yes," he said. "I have been reading up. You know why they're called Snickersnack? Because they —"
"Gloves, Mr Aitkins!" Professor Sprout called. "Let's see if this class can be the first one in which no students lose any fingers, shall we?"
Colin gulped, and hastily pulled on his gloves.
"Now, Professor Longbottom will demonstrate the correct technique." Professor Sprout turned and beamed at the tall young professor beside her. "Go ahead, Neville."
"Pruning a Snickersnack is much easier than you'd think," Professor Longbottom said, with what Colin felt was far too much enthusiasm. I imagine everything is much easier than you'd think when you're nearly seven foot tall and built like a blacksmith. "The trick is to pacify your Snickersnack before you let it see the shears." With his right hand held behind his back, he approached the nearest of the small bushes set on the students' tables.
Which promptly whipped a dozen knife-edged tentacles towards him.
Colin — and every other student in the class — took a large step back from their own Snickersnack plants.
Professor Longbottom seemed completely unfazed. Well, a bush is hardly as bad as a giant homicidal serpent — even a bush that can cut your hand off. "Now then, let's not be having any of that nonsense," he said to the Snickersnack, his tone soothing. "There's no need to carry on, is there? You've got a nice pot, a lovely sunny position, dragon dung fertiliser twice a month …" As he talked, the slashing tentacles gradually slowed their movement, until the bush was still. Professor Longbottom reached out slowly and stroked the plant's leaves. "There now. That's better, isn't it? Shall we get rid of that old growth now? I think we will." In the same soft tone, as if he was still talking to the plant, he said, "The most important thing to remember now is to be fast. You're looking for any tendrils or leaves that have a dark core, and when you spot them …"
Professor Longbottom grasped one of the Snickersnack's leaves with his left hand. With a speed and precision that made it clear exactly how he'd managed to behead a striking snake, he whipped his right hand out from behind his back, revealing his shears, and snipped the leaf off at the stalk. He leapt back just as the Snickersnack made a retaliatory swing at him with every one of its razor-sharp appendages.
"Easy," Professor Longbottom said, as if he hadn't been mere inches away from earning the nickname 'Nine-Fingered Neville'. "Now you try. Remember, keep your shears out of sight until the last minute."
Colin eyed his Snickersnack with trepidation. Around him, his classmates were hesitantly approaching their plants. Pacify it, Colin reminded himself. Just stay out of tentacle reach until it calms down.
He couldn't make his feet move.
"Alright there, Aitkins?" Professor Longbottom asked, right behind him — right behind and several feet up.
"Yes!" His voice came out in a humiliating squeak. Beside him, Mike was only an arm's length away from his Snickersnack, talking to it. On Mike's other side, Maisie appeared to be trying to scold her plant into submission. Looking around the greenhouse, Colin realised he was the only student who hadn't yet worked up the courage to tackle the task. Just step forward. His right hand, clutching the shears, was so sweaty he wouldn't have been surprised if the perspiration had soaked through the dragon-hide glove.
Just step forward.
"The thing about being brave," Professor Longbottom said, his voice quiet and conversational, "is that it's not really about not being scared. It's about doing the thing that scares you, anyway."
Colin turned and looked up at him. As if you know anything about being scared.
The thought must have shown on his face, because Professor Longbottom laughed. "Being afraid of something dangerous is only sensible, isn't it? I was scared half to death all the times I did those things you've heard of. Every one else was, too."
"Then how did you do them?"
"When you want something more than you want to be safe, the fear doesn't matter so much." Professor Longbottom clapped Colin on the shoulder. "And a few deep breaths don't hurt, either."
Colin nodded. He took the deepest breath he could, and then another. Want something more than to be safe. What did he want, more than not having the Snickersnack take off every one of his fingers? To not be the biggest coward in the class, but that didn't help, because he was the biggest coward in the class, and there wasn't anything he could do about it.
"I'll tell you a secret," Professor Longbottom said. "The Snickersnack? Can't get through dragon hide. You could stick your hands straight in there and get nothing worse than a tickling."
Colin stared at him. "Then why … I mean, Professor Sprout said …"
Professor Longbottom winked at him. "Best to start you out on the right foot. You'll be dealing with things that really could hurt you, later on, things like Devil's Snare and the Venomous Tentacula. So just treat this as practice, alright?"
Despite the fact that he'd really, really, rather practice in a way that involved books and the Library and maybe a small potted fern, Colin had no choice but to nod.
Want something more than to be safe.
Well, he'd wanted to be safe when Maisie had taken them all traipsing off to the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night, hadn't he? And I went anyway. Because I was more scared of saying no to Maisie than of vampires and werewolves and centaurs.
And what happens when Maisie asks me to get her a piece of Venomous Tentacula or something, and I don't know what to do?
Colin swallowed hard, and managed to shuffle a step closer to the Snickersnack. "Nice plant," he said, wishing his voice didn't quaver quite so much. "Good plant. Um, hello. I'm Colin."
"Good lad," Professor Longbottom said encouragingly. "It doesn't matter what you say, it's the tone of your voice."
Colin did his best to sound calm and soothing as he edged closed to the knife-like tentacles. "I'm not going to hurt you or anything. Um, well, I don't know if that's true. But it's for the best." The lashing tendrils didn't seem to be slowing down at all. "A little pruning will get you in tip-top shape for the winter. You don't want to end up with all woody dead growth, do you?"
"That's it, Aitkins. You carry on." Professor Longbottom moved away.
"Nice plant. Good plant. Um …"
Mike bumped into him, making Colin yelp, which made the Snickersnack writhe furiously.
"Thanks very much," Colin said.
"It wasn't me," Mike muttered. "Maisie jabbed me in the ribs." He turned to give Maisie a dark look.
"Because I wanted you to look at that," Maisie said, completely unperturbed by Mike's scowl. She jerked her chin towards the back of the greenhouse.
Colin tried to turn around in a completely casual and entirely natural manner, which was difficult when there was an aggravated plant just in front of him trying to cut off pieces he'd really rather keep. All he saw was Professor Longbottom talking to Professor Granger. "So?"
"So what's she doing here?"
"Getting ingredients for potions, probably," Colin said.
"Quick, call the Prophet," Mike said. "Terrifying Truth: Teachers Talk. In shocking scenes today, your correspondent observed two Professors of Hogwarts School having a conversation. Tomorrow's edition: Students Scandalously Study."
"They're not talking, they're whispering," Maisie said. "Colin, go and eavesdrop."
"Why me?"
"Because you can say you need more help with your Snickersnack from Professor Longbottom if they notice you," Maisie said.
"I don't think he should," Mike said. "Maybe they're just having a private conversation. I mean, they are friends, right, as well as teachers? All that fighting You-Know-Who and whatever?"
"You don't interrupt someone teaching a class and whisper to them in corners because you want to tell them about a book you've read or whatever, do you?" Maisie said. "Go on, Colin. I'll prune your Snickersnack for you if you do it."
Colin eyed the writhing, living blades. "Alright. But do it right. Don't make me look like a prat in front of Professor Longbottom."
Leaving Maisie to deal with his plant, Colin wandered towards the end of the greenhouse where Professor Longbottom and Professor Granger were — yes, definitely whispering, Maisie had been a hundred percent right about that. He eyed the benches nearby. Watering cans, spare gloves … extra shears. Quickly, he slipped his own pair onto the nearest bench as he passed. Sorry, Professor, I dropped my shears and just wanted another pair …
He took his time choosing another pair of shears from among a pile of dozens, testing the weight and then the edge of the blades of each one, drifting closer and closer to the two professors as he did so until he could pick up what they were saying.
"… Burbage, and it ties in with what Aberforth said, doesn't it?" Professor Longbottom said.
"Yes, but we already checked, and it didn't go anywhere." Professor Granger sounded cross, even in a whisper.
"I don't think Aberforth would just —"
"How would he know? I mean, yes, he's trying to help, but — " She stopped with an odd grunt, and then went on in a slightly louder voice. "Oh. Yes. Well, Neville, thank you for your help."
"Don't mention it," Professor Longbottom said heartily. "We can't have it falling into the wrong hands. I'll round up Harry and Ron and we'll search the castle from top to bottom."
"Pay special attention to the fifth floor," Professor Granger said. "That's where the rumours say it's hidden."
"Will do."
"Thanks, Neville. It's vitally important we find the Quidditch Key."
Professor Granger left, and Colin seized the first set of shears his hand fell on and scurried back to Maisie and Mike.
"Well?" Maisie demanded.
"Not here!" Colin hissed at her. "Later!"
"Colin —"
"I really mean it!" he said fiercely. "Later, somewhere private!"
Later turned out to be while everyone else was eating dinner, Colin's detention with Professor Granger having consumed the free time students usually enjoyed before the evening meal. Somewhere private was the alcove where they'd concealed the Boggart, which Maisie dragged Colin into as he passed on his way back upstairs from the Potions classroom.
"Here?" he said when she let go of his arm. "Really? Here?"
"It's perfect," she said. "Everyone will be in the Great Hall, and neither the ghosts nor Filch spend much time down here, because of the Bloody Baron."
"If the ghosts are scared of him, shouldn't we be?" Mike said.
"He's a ghost. All he can do is shout and clank at you and make a cold spot. Now. Colin. What did you hear?"
"There's a key, a magic key I think. It's somewhere in the school — the fifth floor, Professor Granger said. She and Professor Longbottom and Professor Potter and Professor Weasley are all trying to find it."
"Gosh," Mike said. "That must be why they're all here, don't you think? I mean, and Madam Lovegood and Madam Weasley. All the heroes from the war — that can't be a coincidence."
"What if we found it?" Colin said. "I mean, if we found it, when Harry Potter and his friends couldn't …" He trailed off, enraptured by the vision his words conjured: himself, key clutched firmly in his hand, modestly deflecting the compliments of Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom as they declared that he was a born Auror, bound to be even better than the famous Mad-eye Moody … Maisie kicked him in the calf and the dream evaporated. "Ow."
"We've got enough on our plates," Maisie said. "We can't go running off after some strange key when we still have to finish the handle polish."
Mike narrowed his eyes. "It's not all about you and what you want. I don't give two knuts about Quidditch and if I did, I certainly wouldn't be cheering for Hufflepuff."
"It's not about cheering for Hufflepuff, Mike, it's about there being one of us, a first year, on a team. Any team. If you were a brilliant Seeker or Chaser, I'd give the infusion to you in a red-hot minute."
"You wouldn't though," Mike said. "You'd want to win."
"I don't care about winning!" Maisie said. "I just want to be on the team."
"It's called the Quidditch Key," Colin said, and silenced them both. "I don't know why. But Professor Granger was really worried someone would find it. She said it was 'vitally important' to find it."
Mike frowned. "The Quidditch Key? There's nothing to unlock in Quidditch. Is there?"
"It won't be an actual key, will it?" Maisie said impatiently. "That will be meta-whatsit. It just means it's the key to Quidditch." She frowned, pulling on her lower lip. "It could be something like a book with great tactics, for example."
"I think it must be magic, though," Colin said. "Otherwise Professor Granger wouldn't be worried about it."
"Mike, can you ask her, in our next class? Sort of vaguely?"
Mike rolled his eyes. "No, because she'll want to know how I know to ask, won't she?"
"We need to know what it is, though, to know whether we should look for it," Maisie pointed out. "How else are we going to know, if you don't ask?"
"Easy," Colin said. "If it's powerful magic, there'll be something in the Library, won't —"
Maisie clapped her hand over his mouth and dragged him deeper into the shadows. "Shhh!" About to protest, Colin heard what she had, and fell silent: footsteps were coming down the nearest staircase.
"I thought you said everyone would be in the Great Hall!" Mike hissed at her.
"Shut. Up!" Maisie hissed back.
"Are you sure about this, Hermione?" Professor Potter's voice said, echoing slightly as he reached the bottom of the spiral staircase.
"Absolutely," Professor Granger said. "I don't want one atom of that loathsome woman attached to me for a second longer than it has to be."
"What's an atom?" Professor Weasley asked.
"Muggle word for a skerrick." Professor Potter sounded amused.
And very much closer. They're going to come this way. They're going to come this way, and two of them are the best Aurors in the country, and the other one is Professor Granger who can see out of the back of her head, and they're going to see us, and —
No. The footsteps were getting softer. Colin wriggled free of Maisie's restraining hand and crouched down, peering around the corner of the alcove. Yes, the three teachers were heading away down the hallway, Professor Potter seemingly carrying something in front of him, from the way his arms were bent.
He frowned. That's odd. As far as he knew — which was pretty far, given how many times he'd read Hogwarts: A History — there wasn't anything down that end of the dungeon except disused storerooms.
As he watched, the three stopped in front of the door of one of them.
No. It was a door that Colin had assumed led to one of those disused storerooms, but Professor Potter knocked on it as if it were, instead, someone's front door. Knocked, and waited. Colin couldn't hear what the three were saying to each other, but they were definitely waiting for —
The door opened. The three professors went inside. The door closed behind them.
Colin turned. "They're gone. Let's get out of here before they come back."
.
.
.
Author's note: The Snickersnack bush is entirely my own invention