The voices of hundreds of dead, horrified children rang out loudly. The edges of everything were glowing with a hostile yellow light. Richie figured he was dead; getting caught in the deadlights seemed like it would be good enough cause for my pathetic forty year old piece of flesh to give up. That was what he figured would happen at least. Yet, he didn't feel pain or nothing, he just felt heavy. He wanted to scream, to yell, to do anything that showed he wasn't afraid, because he honestly wasn't afraid of the deadlights or of the clown or of death anymore. Then he saw Eddie.
"NO! NO! FUCK YOU!"
Eddie's death, to be more precise, is what he saw. He saw the huge spike ram through his soft organs, creating damage so irreversible and horrid that Richie had seen Eddie bleed out in the darkness. Richie didn't even realize that he was scared the whole time; I'm afraid of loving him because I can't fucking lose him! He saw something else then, another scene that unsettled him to his core; Stanley's final bath. The sadness and wisdom both clashing in Stan the Man's eyes as his blood dripped slowly onto the ground from the edge of the cream colored basin.
"IF YOU BELIEVE IT DOES!"
Richie had known when he walked into the house on Neibolt Street that anything could happen when they came to finally face the killer clown. So, suddenly, as he fell from the deadlights, hearing It making sounds between coughs and screeches, he almost cheered: almost.
"Richie!? Richie?!"
A smiling little man hovering over him was the second reason he almost cheered. Then his mind stopped being happy about seeing Eddie okay. All he could feel was the time he had left until the drug-like dream he had been in within the deadlights became reality. So, regardless of the fact that he believed his entire foot to be shattered, he jumped up, dragging Eddie towards the cave on the other side of the cavern, where Bill, Ben, and Beverly all looked on in fear. Every nerve and muscle in Richie told him to yank Eddie faster, to make sure that no matter what fucking happened next, Eddie made it to that cave and got out of that goddamned sewer alive.
Of course, he knew he didn't have anymore time; he could sense it like one can tell when they're being stared at. In just one second, Richie thought about what Eddie really was to him. The first kid to ever call his glasses cool. The only person who still came to his house when his baby sister was puking her guts out and he was scared she wouldn't be okay. The one Losers that would play Street Fighter with him, no matter how many times I creamed him. He saw the cute dimples Eddie still had when he smiled and blushed brightly. He saw the short red shorts that used to define Eddie's summer attire. He saw the man, whose hand he was holding, for what he really was, and for what he would always be to him: the love of my life.
Richie threw Eddie forwards, knowing that there would be so much that he wanted one more of that he couldn't have. No more days in the creek by the Barrens. No more ice creams in the park or while the parades happened. No more jokes while biking to the Paramount. No more days with his hand right by Eddie's in the hammock while the sun lit up the little angel's face. No more anything, because the claw was fate that I have to face if I want the happiness he has left to remain in his life. Pennywise didn't realize it, as the entire entity was only acting in rage, but when his claw did rip through Richard Tozier, he was smiling at Eddie. Beverly screamed out and the others all reacted, but Richie saw that Eddie was frozen, just as he had been when the reanimated Stan head bug attacked. Richie knew that he was about to face his final moments, his one love so mortified that he couldn't move, and he still had to go out as himself.
"H-hey Eds...you think your mom will s-still like me when I'm a h-holey m-man who can't fuc-k her?"
The demon he was currently stuck around didn't appreciate his fine humor, opting to rip apart more of his system by pulling back and shaking him off, cackling in a virulent way as his body rolled down into the cavern near the entrance. He heard the yelling demands coming from Bill for everyone to get over to him. When he first got stabbed, there wasn't any pain because of adrenaline; saving Eddie Kaspbrak's weak ass took a lot of energy, you know! The moment it really hit him was when Eddie came over and helped sit him up and pull his hand away from his friend's lanky torso to find it covered in a warm, maroon liquid. Eddie and Richie's eyes stayed locked as the others came in. Richie knew that Eddie was talking to the other's about killing It, because he could see Eddie's thin, pink lips moving, but he was too focused on not dying at that moment to understand what was happening.
"...that way he is right at the exit when we are done killing this fucking clown."
The bravery. The authority. Why, could it even be his little Eddie Spaghetti all grown up!? Richie's stupid mind raced with good chucks that demanded attention, but when Eddie's arm wrapped under him, Ben taking the other side, it switched over to one, chaotic, unstoppable belief: I have to tell him. Even as Richie was placed right by the tight opening out of there, he weakly protested what was happening because he couldn't protect Eddie or get his single thought out over the others being so loud.
"E-eds...Eds...Eddie…."
"Richie, put pressure on your wound and don't move. I swear, we are gonna kill this motherfucking clown for you, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can."
"EDDIE!"
He stopped, looking scared of the way Richie sounded, as Richie never sounded deathly serious on any occasion. Richie's comedian and child-like mind snickered at 'deathly' serious, but his very small section that was based on being just over forty kicked in strong enough to take charge.
"C-come here, Eds. I gotta tell you something in case I...in case I die."
Richie hadn't noticed it from when he was manhandled to his current place on the rocky floors, but Eddie was sobbing. It broke Richie more than the fact that his abdomen was leaking to know he caused Eddie to cry as an adult man, but he didn't have time to fix himself before he spoke. Time is of the essence when murdering a galactic circus freak and dying rapidly. He opted to simply whisper the deepest part of his soul to Eddie instead.
"Eddie, I'm gay. I've kn-known since the last time we fought h-here. I've been hiding it all my...life."
Eddie's eyes had widened a little, his hand slipping into Richie's. Richie would have cried and blushed at the same time if that was under any different circumstances, but he kept speaking to stay awake at that point; blood loss really doesn't make this shit easier to say.
"I love you, Eddie Kaspbrak. Never loved your mom or any other woman for that matter, because your pretty little face and your hot little body were all that came to mind. So, if I die here, I want you to know that no matter how much you might miss me, I'll be thinking of you. I did it years ago when we were kids and I think this shows I always will. I really love you."
His body didn't want to cooperate with his urges to end his quick, messy confession with a kiss. So instead Richie just kissed Eddie's hand in a meek lifting action that ended with his hand falling limp at his side. His entire system was done fighting, even if his mind demanded he return to hold his lover's soft, dirty palms. Richie figured he would die seeing Eddie, which was enough for him. Richard 'Trashmouth' Tozier dies in a disgusting sewer-cave thing while looking at a sad, little man he loved very much.
With those final words said, his final chuck acknowledged, he closed his eyes and prepared to let go of his insistence to live. That's when lips met him in a quick, passionate kiss. Richie's eyes flew back open, seeing Eddie's tinted cheeks right there but moving away. Am I already dead?! Because heaven seems like a downgrade if that's what I would be missing!
"Richie, pressure on your wound. I'll be back. You better still be alive."
With that, Richie's mind was okay with his body's obnoxious, continual complaint about passing out. Things went dark and heavy and the last thing that Richie could remember before the dark was what he felt: love.
Eddie Kaspbrak was ready to die before he'd leave Richie down there; so he took the chances that carrying him would have. He dragged and piggybacked the tall, slightly heavy, man's body all the way to the well. That's when Mike finally took over, pulling Richie's limp arms up with Eddie's help and going ahead and running. Eddie was the last one to jump out of the house before it collapsed inwards, barely managed to get off the chunks of grass that fell in on top of the rotten wood and dusty glass that remained of the Neibolt house. If he would've had time, Eddie probably would've stood there for a while, thinking about how dangerous a pit was when it was full of debris. Yet, he had to worry about more important things, such as Richie. He placed himself over top of the pale, unresponsive figure and started touching one dirty, bloody cheek, trying desperately to have him sit up and be fine.
"Richie?! Richie, hey, come on, wake up! We are out, the clown's dead. Guys, he needs help!"
"Eddie...honey….he's dead."
Eddie had never doubted Beverly's intelligence or honesty, but when she said that one word, something snapped in him. He felt a rage and a sorrow unimaginable to any of the other Losers. He screamed out a completely broken, guttural cry before sobbing onto Richie's chest. His tears were loud and his body quaked with each uneven breath, but the others didn't say anything. They just all held him or placed a hand of mourning support onto Eddie. They were all losing Richie, even if Eddie felt it was more personal for him, he still felt so much relief that others knew how amazing Richie Tozier really was. Eddie figured that even if the others were there, he needed to tell Richie one last thing before he'd ever accept the devastation this death would cause him.
"Richie...I love you too. I have no idea how I never realized it as kids, but I had loved you then too. I was so annoyed with your joking and constant talking that I forgot how sweet you could really be and how attractive your style really was. You made me feel safety and freedom when I lived with fear and anxiety. I wish I could have known you loved me all those years ago, because I would've chosen you. I still plan on choosing you now; I already sent Myra a text two nights ago saying I was done pretending I'm not interested in guys and girls and I'm planning on leaving her because she's a disgusting copy of my dead bitch of a mother. I don't care how lonely I'll be, because I know you'll keep your word. You'll always be my loser and my lover and I'll think of you until we're together again."
Eddie heard sniffling from Beverly, as Ben held in her close and Mike and Bill watched with tears in their eyes. How the fuck did we deserve this hell we've been living in? With his final words of true love gone, Eddie simply leaned in and kissed Richie's mouth, remembering the way his eyes opened when they had kissed in the cavern. He thought of the liveliness he would never see in Richie's eyes again or the way he would never hear Richie's booming laughter after he finally told a good joke back against the comedian. The kiss wasn't one of longing or sorrow, but remembrance, so Eddie made sure it was gentle and soft. HOLY FUCK!? Only his body flew backwards after a few brief seconds, scaring the others who were still feeling raw loss and compassion for Eddie's lost soulmate.
"Guys, Richie's not dead! He's still breathing so faintly!"
Running into a hospital covered in blood and dirt, Eddie held onto Richie's hand while Ben and Mike carried him. The poor lady who was behind the desk spit out the coffee she was drinking, as it was about 8:30 in the morning when they made it to the local hospital. She hit a button to open some doors and then ran over to them, clearly panicking, but managing to remain a health care team member who knew what her job was regardless.
"What happened to him?"
Beverly had been the most logical in that moment, so she was the one who talked, the others simply nodding along.
"We were visiting a childhood hang out when it collapsed. He got impaled by this huge beam and we had a really hard time getting him out here, so please help him!"
The emergency trauma team was already there, placing Richie onto a huge stretcher and starting all kinds of things, including breathing mask and IV. It was sickening for Eddie to see Richie, the kid who never got hurt worse than a cut or bruise, in the same place his mother used to take him to torture his body and mind. It reminded him of the worst of his life, but this time, it really was. The horrid place was his only choice to see Richie saved, but if he died in this sterile, morose place, Eddie wouldn't be able to handle it. The doctor finally told the team to move him to the emergency surgical wing, which is when Eddie started to follow. It broke Beverly's heart to do it, but she grabbed Eddie and held him back.
"Honey, you can't go with him, but they'll make sure he's okay."
Beverly later told Eddie that when his red, wet eyes locked with hers, it was the most afraid she had ever been. Eddie had of course asked her why and she told him that she saw someone who was alive appearing so depressed that they looked dead. In the hallway right past the doors to the Emergency Center waiting room, Eddie hit the ground and sobbed into Beverly's embrace, feeling as if nothing would ever be good in the world again if he didn't see Richie's smiling face.
The others finally pried Eddie from Beverly and led him over to a couch in the waiting room. Without a word said between them, they figured that Eddie shouldn't be left alone or he might do something dumb or something bad. Bill took the first shift, sitting on the couch with Eddie's sobbing head on his lap while he imagined a book with an ending happier than this; one where they all find love and solve the murder mystery and ride off into the sunset in convertibles. That only made him feel worse, as he imagined Richie's fancy red sports car sitting empty and alone at the Derry Inn. Eddie felt the way Bill tensed up as he started to cry too. The others had gone out to the car Bill had let them used to drive there and went to get clean clothes and food for them all.
After about four hours, a bunch of staring from other people as Eddie tried to get a hold of his emotions, and some drive-thru burgers, a doctor came out into the waiting room in scrubs that had plenty of blood on them. Eddie was extremely dehydrated from crying and generally exhausted from the past few days of terror that had afflicted them all, but he was up and right at the doctor's side as soon as he saw him. Bill was outside, calling Audra to say that he loved her and wanted to fix things with her. Mike and Ben chatted while Beverly was watching Eddie from under Ben's arm; she figured that this was his news to hear.
"Are you a relative of Richie Tozier?"
Eddie figured that Richie would tease him to no ends if he said what he was about to say, but even then he couldn't help but say it.
"I'm his significant other; please, is he okay?"
The doctor's focused expression didn't change. Eddie almost heard Richie's voice in his head, talking just like he would in that moment saying, "Who pissed in your cereal this morning, dude?!" He wanted to laugh and sob and scream all at once, but simply looked into the doctor's eyes for the first time since they had started this conversation. The dark, almost black, irises didn't help him appear hopeful.
"He's got a huge amount of internal bleeding that had to be taken care of, his digestive tract had to receive multiple repairs to punctures, and his skin will most definitely scar, because he had tons that appeared ripped off. It might help us know what to do next if you could please explain how he got so badly impaled?"
It took all of Eddie not to break down again, but this time, he knew for sure that Richie was stable for the moment. So he did all he could do; he lied his most convincing lie.
"We were having a reunion as friends, seeing where we used to hang out and all. One of the places was an abandoned house, but we didn't know the floors were so weak. He jumped once and the flooring caved, which caused almost all of the house to collapse. We had to fight the huge beam that hit him just to get him out of there. I...can I see him?"
The doctor knew protocol, no visitors were supposed to be admitted in unless they were married or given familial consent. Richie's parents had been long dead, as his records showed, and his distant family was non-existent. Based on the only information the doctor had heard directly after surgery, Richie had crazy fans from being a comedian, so he had to wonder if this guy was another nutty fan. Then he really looked at the man he was in front of. There was no sign of excitement on his face and he had this air about him that told the doctor that this wasn't faked; he really was Richie's significant other or he truly loved him. He even took a moment to look up and scan through the group of four, all standing together watching him, nodding and holding each other's hands in worry and silent prayer.
"Sure, but I can only let you back. They can't come with you, so you should let them know how he's doing: stable, but still not out of danger."
Eddie knew that he was lucky as hell that doctor was a good man and a man who took love for what it was. He nodded slowly and hurried over to tell the losers what the story was and how Richie was doing. Eddie was given a quick hug by all of them, as they had decided to go ahead and go find a few hotel rooms nearby to stay at. They knew deep down that Eddie wasn't going to leave and they couldn't spend forever in the waiting room so they simply told him to stay safe and make sure Richie was okay. Eddie loved his friends, more in that moment than ever, because they understood what his purpose and passion was right then: to see Richie back to his normal self and be in love for real. Mike told him one last thing before he left, and it really did make Eddie feel like things weren't as bad as they seemed for the Losers.
"Remember, everything goes better if you believe it will."
"Sure thing, Mike...I believe."
Three days later, Eddie was stuck in his fifth nightmare. Having little energy from sudden events out of his control and involving a killer demon clown, Eddie spent a lot of time sleeping at the edge of Richie's bed. When he wasn't sleeping, he was eating hospital food by Richie's side or using the bathroom. The final thing he did was just whisper to Richie; the man he loved was in a coma-like state, but nurses claimed they heard stories of people knowing every word said to them in a coma. Eddie didn't want to think of Richie being trapped in his body, so instead, he made up his own little conversations. He'd whisper all kinds of things and leave pauses where he'd imagine Richie would answer.
"Hey, Rich, you think I should get another pair of those red shorts like I had when I was a kid?...Of course, another mom joke? You're lucky I love you….."
What Eddie didn't realize was that this was another hallucination, a false reality inside of his mind that was torturing him. When he said those last three words, the sound of the heart rate machine went to a still, letting out the destructive pitch that meant only one thing. Eddie screamed, watching as Richie simply disappeared, leaving his glasses as the only thing on the hospital bed.
"NO! NO! NO!"
Of course, he jolted awake like he did everytime, seeing that Richie was still very much alive and his glasses were still resting on the bedside table. Eddie didn't know why, but this bruised man without his classic smirk and huge ass glasses wasn't his Richie.
"Hey, Richie, baby? I'm gonna put your glasses back on you. Just for a little bit, okay?"
Eddie was an adult man; he knew that whether Richie was able to have his glasses when he was in a coma made no difference. Yet, it soothed the constant anxiety that Eddie had over his safety just a little to have him looking more like him. The way that Richie's face had been positioned almost made it look like he was just resting his eyes for a moment. Without the mask and the hospital gown, he'd look like a sleeping commuter that Eddie saw on the subways of New York all the time. Fuck New York and the woman I never want to see there again. Eddie had divorced Myra the first night he was in the hospital with Richie; sending a digital copy to her with the reason being 'fuck you, I'm gay, you're uglier than my mother, and I'm boning my best friend' which in hindsight, was a poor decision. Either way, she must have signed it and sent it in, because she answered his thing saying, 'you'll die without me, but I don't want to be married to a gay cheater.'
"Richie, you must think that was hilarious...you think everything is a joke, but it's okay. Laughter...is all it takes sometimes."
Eddie slipped his hand into Richie's, rubbing small, delicate circles over his knuckles. Eddie figured that in another day or two, they would declare Richie brain dead and ask Eddie to pull the plug. Eddie would never do it without the others, but he knew that Richie would've wanted to go peacefully if it was that situation. Or maybe, Richie would stop his fight and be gone, breaking Eddie even further as he watched and sobbed, unable to help or save his sleeping soulmate. All kinds of horrible possibilities ran through Eddie's mind; it came from being a pessimistic risk analyst just a few days ago. A sigh passed through his lips as they quivered, but he figured he might as well say what he felt since Richie could be gone at any moment.
"Richard Tozier, you have a way with infuriating words, did you know that? I constantly think I might have finally gotten you, but you go out of your way to make sure I know that you're the class clown who rules the spotlight. But I never got to say, jokes on you, I love when you want my attention because it means I can have yours. I always knew that you'd want to do something foolish and heroic, but I never imagined you'd fuck with my heart on the way. I...I love you, Richie, I love you so fucking much. If you don't make it, just know that I'll always be yours and nobody else's. You were comfort and love when my mother was wicked. You were a reminder of childhood feelings I could never process but ones that define who I am; you make me proud of who I am. I am so goddamn lucky to be yours, you don't even know. I swear that if you have to...stop fighting...I'll cry happy tears. I knew you as the real you, Trashmouth, and I don't think you'd want me to be such a sap. Speaking of which, I need to stop rambling; it is a bad habit of mine, especially since you think I'm so brave. Anyways, I love you so much, Richie, I really really do. So if you need to leave me, I'll love you forever and after."
Eddie didn't want to wipe away his tears or leave Richie's side yet, so he placed a true love's kiss to his forehead, removed the glasses and placed them gently on the table again, and then leaned down to crying while holding his hand. A few minutes went by where the only sound one could hear in that room was Eddie's sobbing. Eddie cried and cried, he cried to the point where he almost passed out. That was when it happened. A simple motion that came as a miracle Eddie claims was the best moment of his life.
"...e-eds."
"Oh, my god, Richie! Fuck, where's the call button!?"
Richie's hand had twitched in Eddie's and his voice crept out of his scratchy lungs. Eddie finally found the remote and pounded the red call button, but in the time he had before the nurses and Richie's lead physician came rushing in was just enough. He pulled the mask back and smashed his lips into Richie's. He knew it was stupid; what if they shared germs that made Richie worse and what if his lungs gave in now? Only, Richie smiled weakly and whispered as Eddie pulled away.
"I love you too, Eddie."
Eddie was amazed that Richie had heard his little speech, but glad to know that he was awake. The rest of anything was a huge deal: hospital bills, frantic fans who didn't even know Richie was gay, and some crazy amount of physical therapy for Richie. Yet, the two felt a deep, passionate, untouchable thing that made the physical worries seem pathetic. Why? They finally felt each other's love.