Disclaimer - All Characters and Copyrights belong to Stephanie Meyers.
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Chapter 2: I'm trapped.
BPOV
I'm trapped.
At least that's the way it feels. I'm not sure how I got here. I can't remember much of my past lately. I know I miss my father, and my mother. I definitely miss Jake. Every time I ask for them they look at me sadly. I apparently was in some kind of accident, but they refuse to give me any of the details. These people, these Cullens as they call themselves tell me "THEY" are my family now. The one called, Edward, claims that he is my husband. MY HUSBAND! Is he kidding me, I never wanted to be married this young. My parents would of killed me, number one. And two, I don't care who you are, I wasn't going to be Miss Pregnant Teenage Bride of America for anyone, especially this Edward clown. He seems so clingy, and doesn't let me out of his sight. In fact, they all kind of freak me out if I am being completely honest. They are just so creepy. They watch my every move. I tried to escape this place to get to a phone to call Jake or even Charlie, but I mustn't have gotten very far, cause they caught me right away. Still the same old clumsy Bella Swan, or Cullen, if I am to believe them. I'm just so tired all the time, and they keep asking me if I am upset. Yes, I am upset. I have no clue who you are. Or why you won't let me reach out to anyone. Then they keep hovering asking about my "thirst", or if I am hungry. I don't know, maybe they don't want a malnourished hostage or kidnapped victim. Oddly enough I don't have an appetite for anything right now. Must be my nerves. If I am not laying down, then I sit on my bed curled up with my arms pulling my knees pressed tightly to my chest. I sit here contemplating my next step to get out of here. I just I wish I could remember how I got here.
Several Months Ago
I can't believe I agreed to all this stuff. The wedding plans were getting out of hand. I couldn't think straight lately, well in fact, ever since I rescued Edward from Italy. I still couldn't believe how selfish he was for doing that. Well I guess I could. I had been selfishly using my best friend as well. It was days like these I longed for the warm embrace of my Jacob. However, I screwed that up too. I knew he loved me deeply, and if I was being truthful, I knew my love for him was growing as well. In fact, if Edward had never came back, I could easily see myself on First Beach right now in the embrace of Jake, sitting around a Bonfire with the rest of the Pack. But that all ended on my own doing, when I first went after Edward, and then again when once his family returned. I forgave them so easily for the torment they but me through, and welcomed them back with open arms. In doing so, I threw everything that Jake and the Pack did for me right back in their faces. "Thanks a lot for putting me back together, but so long suckers, my real family is back." I couldn't look at myself some days when these thoughts overwhelmed me. They put their lives on the line to keep me alive, and I in the end was choosing to throw my living being away to become a Vampire. The cherry of the top of this colossal mess, was I knowing my love for Jake had grown, and told him it still wasn't enough. He could never be enough to beat Edward, the man who broke me in their eyes. What did that say about me to them? However, it was times like these when I had a moment to myself, that I could examine my thoughts. It seems every time that I questioned my love for Edward, something would happen and I would loose my focus. Like he would just show up out of the blue, and cloud my judgement. I know the Volturi are out there waiting for my change, but every Cullen agrees it might never be in my normal lifetime before they ever check on me. Should I wait? I mean could marrying Edward now be a mistake? Especially with my concerns deep inside of me about my growing love for Jake. I wish he where here now, instead of having run off, if we could just talk by ourselves, I might be able to resolve some of these doubts with him. Cause maybe the love I have with Edward is not as strong as my love for Jake. Maybe... "Bella my love", I heard Edward's velvety voice say aloud. I turned to my window, and saw my fiancé sitting on the ledge looking as handsome and godlike as always. He quickly rushed to my side and pulled me into his embrace. I could smell his sweet fragrance. It was overpowering, and soon had me swooning. I tried to focus and remember what I was thinking about, before he had appeared, but he didn't give me a chance to recover. "My lovely Bella, you look so tired. I know you are probably nervous with our upcoming vows, would you like me to keep you company while you go to bed?" I tried to focus, but gave up. "Yeah, just let me change quickly before I go to sleep." "As you wish my dear. I will be waiting patiently for you to return my love," he spoke lovingly to me. Then he gave me that smirk that always seems to dazzle me. When I returned to my room, after I changed, he was already waiting in my bed for me. I crawled into bed, with my extra comforters, and was soon out.
The next thing I knew, I was dreaming. I was walking in the woods. I came upon a fork in the road. I noticed that the rode to the left was filled with snow and ice. While the road to the right was filled with the smell of the ocean on a warm sunny day. I could feel the heat and comfort coming from this road, and was so drawn to it. However at that moment the road to the left had a sign in front of it. The sign pointed out all the fun and exciting things you could find if you took that path. The sign promised eternal happiness. I looked back to the path on the right. I only saw that the path was plain, and yet still so inviting. However, I noticed that the light shining on that path was so bright, and I swear I could see the ocean. Just at the edge of the shoreline, I could see a man playing with his two children. A little boy and a little girl. The family even from here was gorgeous. I began to step forward, when a sound to the left caught my attention. There on that path was Edward, he smiled at me, and held out his hand. I turned back to the other path, and I could see that the little family was now looking my way as if they were just waiting for me to join them. But they never made a move to join me. They wanted me to make the decision to join them. And just as I contemplated doing that, Edward spoke, "Bella, my love. If you come with me, then all your dreams will come true. We will live together for the rest of our immortal lives." I looked at him, but glanced back to the other road. The family still had not said anything to me or tried to influence my decisions. Before I had a moment to reach a decision, I felt a cold hand grab me wrist, and I so wanted to rip myself away. I turned, and saw that it was Alice. Before I could speak she said, "Come Bella, you don't have a choice. You know what I saw, you will follow this path, for that road is not an option for you." I turned as I was being pulled along, and saw the disappointment on the family's faces, as they turned. First the little boy disappeared, then the little girl, and my heart sank as the man dropped to his knees crying, and mourning the loss of his family, and I mourned for our loss too. As I was finally on the path of ice and snow, Alice and Edward walked ahead of me ignoring me completely. It was as if as soon as my choices were gone they lost interest. I spotted something following me. It was a creature and I could tell it was trying to stay down wind of the Cullen siblings. Alward didn't even notice. I laughed to myself when Jake gave them that nickname. It was after I explained to him one afternoon how Edward and Alice always seems to be in league with each other. Which is why it was always so difficult to get to see him sometimes, because they tagged team to keep me away. He snorted and replied, "With as close as they are, are you sure they aren't really mates. I can just see the leech world calling them the latest celebrity hookup. Look this way Alward! Look this way." He had mocked a paparazzi pose. I had chuckled, "Are you sure is shouldn't be something like "Edice"?" "Nah, no pizazz there Bella. Definitely Alward."
I returned my gaze to the creature that was following us. I felt no fear for the creature. I'm not sure how I knew, but I felt like I was safe. Finally, I noticed that the siblings had disappeared, and I was thankful. I stopped and waited for the creature to appear. When he did, he was clearly a giant wolf, but none I had ever seen before. The wolf approached me, but never made the attempt to phase back to his human self. I noticed the wolf seemed old, and frail. "Can I help you?," I asked the wolf. "Why?," the wolf asked. "I'm sorry I don't understand your question. I mean, I know you must be a Quileute descendant. Who are you? And what do you mean by 'Why'," I asked back. The wolf gazed deep into my eyes, and at that moment I knew I was not looking at a descendant of the Quileute wolves, I was talking to the original Quileute wolf, Taha Aki. As if he knew I recognized him, he asked again, "Why did you choose this path, and not the other?" I felt tears in my eyes as I tried to respond, "I wanted to choose the other path, but then it seemed like the other path wanted me more. It put up the signs telling me about the attractions to be found here, and then Edward and Alice showed up and seemed to want me more than those on the other path. I wanted to go, but then they started pulling me to go with them." Taha Aki frowned, and spoke again, "In spite of the distractions and dazzling effects that this path displayed to you to take you off your rightful path, what was your heart telling you?" I looked away ashamed, but replied, "My heart was telling me to ignore everything over here, and run down the path to Jacob." I gasped as I realized that it was Jake I had left behind there. I knew deep down that despite the features not being clear enough, that it was Jake, and once again I failed him. "Why, but why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he attempt to sway me the way they did?" Taha Aki's shoulders slumped, making him seem even more frail then he was. He stated, "You still do not see his love for you, even now. He would never force you to do what you do not choose yourself to do. Despite the magic that already has joined you, he would never force you to love him, if you did not choose it on your own. He would never lie, or use other methods of persuasion or manipulation to choose him. Even now he waits for you to come to him, and love him freely. For you are his...". Taha Aki never finished his last statement as both Edward and Alice had tackled him, and broke his frail neck. I screamed as they drank his blood. I bolted up in my bed to find Edward trying to comfort me. Luckily Charlie had the night shift that evening. I was finally able to return to sleep with Edward whispering words of comfort to me all night. When I awoke, I tried to remember my dream, but could not. It felt like it was something important, but with Edward there I couldn't think clearly enough to remember.
The wedding eventually happed, and I was happy, I think. Jake had shown up, for which I was truly happy and delighted. I felt like we had so much to talk about. Edward for some reason was reluctant to let us spend anytime together. I eventually forced him to leave us alone. My joy at seeing Jake awoke a thousand emotions in me, and I felt that cringe of doubt creeping back in my mind. However, our joyous reunion was cut short, when Jake got angry with something I had let slip. The next thing I knew, I was watching him be dragged away, and me left crying in Edward's arms. The wrong arms that I needed. Arms that were too cold and stiff at the moment. I seemed to crave the warm and muscular arms of my best friend. Regardless we were soon on our honeymoon. It became evident early, that despite all our preparations that Edward was too weak to fulfill his part of this marriage arrangement. We would not be consummating this marriage anytime while I was human. I began to think that his was Fate's way of sending me a signal that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't meant to be. Before I had a chance to discuss this with Edward, he received a call from Alice. The next thing I knew we were going to fly to Alaska to complete my transformation there. Alice had seen the Volturi coming to check on my status. I felt trapped, I couldn't believe my choices were being taking away from me again. I had this nagging feeling in my head that I had felt this way before.
The Cullens launched our death story to my parents. I cried when I heard about Charlie's reaction at the funeral, and also the warnings from the Pack. What had I done? Forks would never again be my home, and I could never return even to check up on Charlie. I would be killed on sight by the Pack. The Cullens could tell I was depressed about this. Edward tried reason, and to make me see that I knew what needed to be done when I chose this life. In the back of my mind, it kept screaming to me, they chose this for you. You let them lead you to this. You wanted to choose something else, another path. It was as the Venom was injected into my system that I finally remembered my dream. I screamed no please stop. Get it out. Get it out, I choose Jacob. But no one could hear my screams. I was paralyzed from the Morphine Carlisle had injected into my system. So as I sat here burning on the inside, my only thoughts were of Jacob and those two children on the beach. How I longed to be there. I tried to shield myself from the fact I was turning into a leech, the number one enemy of my Jacob. I tried to shield away my humanity, to protect it from my transformation. To hold onto any possible parts of me that had made me Bella Swan, human. I blocked out all the conversations from the Cullens occurring around me. Somehow, I felt manipulated by them. I don't know why, but I just had this fear, that they were holding out the truth from me. At least, I felt that way about the usual suspects, Alward. I forced my heart to keep beating, trying to shield my heart from the last part of the Venom that would kill me off. It felt like I was fighting forever. All that gave me strength was thinking about Jake. My mind kept looping back to my dream about Taha Aki. He had tried to say something to me before Alward killed him. He had said that I was Jake's something. What could of it had been that he was trying to tell me. I thought about his entire conversation to me in that dream. He kept talking about choices. How Jake would never force a choice on me. I tried to recall all my conversations with Jake. I tried to recall any conversations we had about choices being taken away. I knew he felt that the whole wolfing out thing upset him, cause it took away his choices on being more than just a protector of La Push. Oh my god, the other thing Jake felt severe dislike for because he didn't like the idea of being force to...and then because I had become distracted with these memories and emotions, I took my eye off the ball, and I felt my last heartbeat. Then I was gone.
Back to the Present
Escape attempt number 12 failed. God, this is getting so frustrating. I'm not sure how they always catch me but they do. No matter how much of a head start I get, soon after they cut me off. Despite being stalking, weirdo kidnappers, they seem to be nice. I even think I may beginning to remember them, or else the fact they surround me 24/7, I may just becoming familiar with them. What is that called again when a victim relates to their abductor? Oh yeah, maybe I am just suffering from Stockholm syndrome, I laughed to myself. I decided to go to bed. I was soon dreaming. I was in my room in Forks doing my nightly bedtime tasks. I was upset, he had interrupted my time with Jacob. He threw another hissy fit about me spending so much time with those "dangerous beasts." Reluctantly I told Jake I better head home. Of course Jake was disappointed, but let me go, telling me he loved me, as usual. I smiled when I remembered I told him I loved him too, but we knew the deal. Then he appeared in my window breaking me out of my thoughts. I yelled at him, "Edward, you need to get out of here before Charlie catches you!" I was soon awoken from this disturbing dream by a weird smell. I had noticed recently that I could smell things more strongly than I used to. I also noticed my vision and hearing had gotten better, too better if you asked me. I found these changes disturbing. I didn't care for them. For one, it was odd to be able to tell which Cullen was about to enter my room by their smell alone. Or hear a conversation happening down the hall. Or seeing how perfectly imperfect the appearance of each Cullen was. Quite frankly, I had refused all of Alice's attempts to make me dress up or look in the mirror. I was afraid deep at the back of my mind that somehow I would look like them with their creepy same color eye thing they all have going. Soon my mind was brought back to that weird smell. I got out of my bed, and walked around. The smell seems to have originated from my bedroom door. I soon traced the smell across the room to my dresser. Sitting on the top was a covered container. As I got closer, the smell was become more prominent. It was a bit repulsive, but yet at the same time, compelling. I stared at it a while, then returned to my bed. I sat there in bed contemplating what it could be. My stomach rumbled a little. I guess after two weeks of being on a hunger strike, whatever was in that cup was calling to me. I got up carefully again and slowly walked to the dresser, but this time I picked up the cup. Then I heard the chuckling of the big oaf, Emmett, I think he's called. Then, I was shocked when I thought I heard, "Man even as a Vampire she's entertaining." My head snapped to the camera I knew they had planted in my room, and I glared at it. I couldn't of heard what I thought I did, did I. My eyes shifted from the door to the window, back to the cup. These people must be some kind of cultist or something, and I really needed to get to Jake soon. I palmed my hairbrush in my pocket from the dresser, and then picked up the cup. I closed my eyes and downed the drink. It seems to soothe my rumbling stomach, but it made me feel queasy. I prayed they didn't poison or drug the beverage. As I wiped my mouth, I noticed the red liquid on my hand. Oh my god, I wanted to vomit. I slowly recognized this as blood. I felt sick that I even was slightly tempted by this stuff, but even more angry that these sick bastards who had been playing house with me were dragging me into their little Satanic rituals. I sat down on my bed, and when I heard them talking cheerfully in the other room, I made my move. I used the hairbrush to take out the camera. I didn't know I had the arm on me to do that, but I was running on instinct. I quickly smashed the bedroom window, and raced out of there. However, unlike my other attempts, I could myself becoming tired all of a sudden. The initial adrenaline high I had a few moments ago was waning quickly. The next thing I knew I was falling down. Those assholes must have drugged that drink. "I love you Jake, and will get back to you soon," was my last thought as I slipped into oblivion.
I am trapped. That was what I felt after I found myself being in the company of Dr. Cullen and his family. My first words to them when I awoke in this strange place was, "Where's Jake? Where am I? Was I in an accident? How did I get here?" They tried to explain who they were in my lives, but I could not force myself to care enough to get to know them. Something told me they were not where I belonged, and I had to get to my true home quickly. Everyday seemed like a new and failed attempt to escape. I felt like I was being held in an Insane asylum, and the Cullen's were my guards. I did feel bad for them. Either I was the worst wife in the world pining after another man daily, or these psychos kidnapped me. They seemed friendly enough, but again their company is not who I longed for. It continued this way for weeks, and then one morning I smelt something weird in my room. When I got up to investigate it, I was turned off by the smell, and yet somehow longed for it. I finally bit the bullet, and drank it. I soon found myself being dragged into a deep sleep.
I feel trapped. I stared at the words in the journal in my hands. It clearly was written in my handwriting, so even though I had no memory of writing it, the proof was in the pudding as they say. It accurately reflected the feelings I had right now even as I was reading these words. If I am to believe the writing in this journal, the book was given to me by the Doctor, I think he said his name was Carlisle. In the journal, I wrote, "Carlisle believes that maybe if I write down my thoughts and feelings each time I come out of an episode, I might help recover my memory eventually." Apparently I suffered from Amnesia. However, as I flipped though these books reading at a remarkable speed, I quickly became depressed. If I am to believe my own writings, and the latest piece of the puzzle I was just handed. I am over a hundred years old, and a Vampire. Oh my god Jake, what did I do? How could I ever had left you and Charlie for this life? I solemnly read through each journal. In each one, I am fascinated to learn that I have powers that kind of make me indestructible. I at one time was taken to the Vampire rulers, the Volturi, to see if they could help my condition. I soon found out that despite them craving my abilities, my condition, which they deemed incurable, left me as an undesirable entity in their eyes. They wished us luck, and kicked us curbside. However, now that I know that Jake and everyone I hold dear is gone, I don't know if I could continue to live this life, the way I have. When I ask if there is any journals before I was transformed, I learn there are none. Oh, how I wish to know what was going on in my mind before this happened. I decide then and there I would find a way to kill myself. So for the next two weeks I attempt to escape and end my life. Growing tired of my antics, the Cullens soon force me drink a cup of blood, and I soon find myself slipping to oblivion.
I've been here for several weeks now. I have begged daily to be allowed to speak to Jake or my father. Everyday I am denied. Each day the Cullens attempt to remind me I am there daughter, sister, wife. I can find no world worth living in where I would have left Jake behind.
I am trapped.