Disclaimer - All Characters and Copyrights belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Author's note: Thanks for anyone who is reading this story. I was going to make this story continue for a couple of more chapters, however, I have been getting little no feedback on this story, so I will just end it with this chapter. I wanted to at least complete the trilogy of views.

Chapter 3: Abandoned and Alone

JPOV

Abandoned and Alone.

I don't know who in life up above I have offended, but I'm sorry. " . .SORRY", I shouted to no one in particular. It had been a while since I had left all that I knew in this life. I've mostly stayed in wolf form, but sometimes I had to get out of my head, without the occasional snide remark from a fellow Pack member. I grew sick of their constant attempts to get me to return home. How could I return to the place that now held so many bad memories. I finally got it. I finally understood how my sisters were able to just walk away from me and my father without looking back. Sometimes it's just too painful to deal with the memories. It didn't help alleviate my guilt for running out on my father though. However, I knew the Pack was chipping in to replace me for now. They all hoped I would be back soon. I just wished if I knew the same. My father understood my grief. He too had lost his soulmate. True, she wasn't dead yet. However, that would soon change. It seems that I am destined to be alone. Through tragedy or by choice, I had been abandoned by all the people who were supposed to love me most.

My mother lost her young life when I was but a small child. I have very vivid memories with her. I knew I was the apple of her eye, and she was my everything. My everything until Bella came along, or perhaps it was at the same time. For it seems the moment Bella Swan entered my life, I would always be the sad little puppy following her around, just craving her attention and recognition. My parents recognized our bond even at an early age. If Bella was crying, I would always do whatever I could to console her and try to make her feel better. My mom used to call me Bella's little protector. She would say that her and Bella were very lucky girls to have such a grown up man to keep them safe. I would then flash her my big smile, and she would hug and tickle me. Blowing little raspberries on my stomach to get me to giggle. Dad and Charlie would always laugh when they saw me and Bells together. They used to say that they couldn't wait to get the invitation to our wedding, and Charlie would chime in, "but not until she's 30." But then Bella would have to return to her mom's house, and I would become very withdrawn for a while. My mom would find me wherever I was hiding, and bring me some fresh bake cookies. She would crawl next to me, and pull me into her lap. She would give me a cookie, and then hum to me until I would stop crying. She would wait until my crying had slowed, and she would tell me, "You know my Jacob, the spirits give us these tests and challenges to help us remember to be thankful for all the love we have around us. They need us to face the challenges so we appreciate all the blessings in our lives. Now, you won't have Bella around for a while, but you know what? (I would shake me head no). The next time you see her you will remember how sad you were, but be as grateful for the fact she had returned to you. And you will be so happy at that time, that you will forget you were ever sad to begin with." Then she would hug me closer, and kiss me all over my face until I gave her, their smile. The smile I only ever seemed to give to them. The smile as bright as the sun. Then one day, my mom wasn't there to comfort me. I had no one there to remind me to be brave during these life moments, for my mom had died in a stupid accident. I couldn't understand why. Why me? I tried to look on the bright side, I still had Bella. I still had my sisters, and my dad. Heck I even still had Charlie who stepped in when my dad fell apart, and helped care for us and loved us.

However, if I thought I knew what loss meant now, I was sadly mistaken. Just as my dad was starting to get back on his feet from his grief from losing my mom, we suffered another set back. My father had become ill from struggling with Diabetes, and soon loss the use of his legs. He tried to stay upbeat about it. He tried to roll with the punches. We were just getting our heads around dealing with this issue, when the twins left. They left and they stayed gone. The abandoned us to fend for ourselves. They claimed they couldn't deal with our mother's loss any further, and they certainly did not want to be stuck taking care of our invalid father. So Rebecca hitchhiked to California. She said she needed some time to get her head together to find out who she was. Well be quickly discovered her true nature, when we received word shortly after she had going on this journey of self discovery, that she had met and eloped with the love of her life, a surfer she met in California. He was there on a surfing tour, and when it was over they would be heading back to his life and home in Hawaii. We were shocked and dismayed that she had left us so indifferently, and would never return home. Not wanting to be left carrying the torch herself, Rachel decided to leave to attend college out of state. She claimed she would be back home for the holidays, but she never could seem to find the time to fit it into her schedule. You know it's hard with all that heavy school course load, and then trying to work a job in all her remaining available free time to afford her schooling and her apartment. The phrase I'll be home soon, quickly became never. So, for the third time in my young childhood, I was abandoned by an important Black woman in my life. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I never let the world see past my photograph smile.

I had my dad, friends, and Charlie, but I never found interest in trying to find another replacement nurturer in my life. The closest I had was Sue Clearwater, who attempted to fill that role, and I was grateful for her, but I refused to open up the possibility of that pain again. At least that was the plan, until she came back into my life. I knew it was too good to be true. Charlie had informed me that my Bella was on her way back to stay with him for a while on a more permanent basis. His ex had remarried and Bella was taking this time to reconnect with him. My heart grew with anticipation when I heard this. He was even buying my dad's old truck, and asked if I could help put it back together. I knew I was slightly younger than her, but I hoped if I could impress her with my mad mechanic skills, that maybe she would welcome me back into her life. So I busted my ass getting that thing back in fine tuned condition. I put every non-school moment fixing that truck up. Then came the day of the big reveal, and I drove it over with my dad. When she came outside after her dad called her she had a skeptical look on her face. I could see she had no recognition of who we were, but that's ok, she was still so beautiful to me. Charlie did the introductions, and some recognition crossed her face. However, I knew she was more ecstatic about the truck then meeting us. While a little disappointing to say the least, I ignored her brush off, and excitedly gave her a rundown on the truck. My hopes were raised when she learned I was not going to be at the same school as her, and seemed sad about it. She promised she would visit the next time Charlie came down to see my dad. I should of learned my lesson then, but my love for her always put blinders on me, making me ignore the obvious facts, she never meant it. No, she never did come on any visits. The next time I saw here was on La Push beach with her friends. She seemed thankful for the interference I provided against the boys in her group. Seems I was not the only one with a crush on Bella. When Bella flirted with me to fleece some information about the Cullens, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. That was the last time I heard from her for the remainder of the school year. Stupid idiot that I was still held my hopes out that she would enter my world full time. The next time, she reappeared into my life was after we had learn she had run back home to Phoenix, and somehow got hurt down there. When she got back, my dad bribed me to crash her Junior Prom. If it weren't the fact that I needed the money, and I was an idiot, I would've just ignored the whole thing. But once again the little boy who felt abandoned popped his stupid head out. So I found myself talking to Bella while we awkwardly danced with her boyfriend glaring at me the whole time, I delivered my message, and then handed my heart back to the creep to crush as he flaunted his influence over her. I looked back as I left the facility, and she hadn't even given me a second thought. So, the small lonely boy crawled back to his hole, and cried while he hid his heart away from the world yet again. That was it, I would not allow Bella Swan to haunt be anymore. No I would not, well at least until the next time she went missing.

Charlie called in a huff, Bella was gone again. She had left a note that she was taking a walk in the woods, but she never returned. He had also learned that the Cullens left town. While I was happy that the creep was gone, now my Bells had disappeared. Did they take her? What happened? I began to panic. We broke off into search parties, and I noticed the shirtless wonders of Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, and Paul Lahote made up a search party as well. "Oh great, the hall monitors of La Push," I thought to myself. And wouldn't you know it they weren't the ones that found her. But what they brought out of the woods that day, was not my Bella. This girl in Sam Uley's arms was a crushed girl, someone who looked like they gave up on life. She looked like a shell of a girl I had seen at that dance, or flirted with me on the shores of La Push. I tried to visit her a couple of times, but she never acknowledged me or talked. Charlie was becoming desperate, and was thinking of shipping her back to her mother's. I had overheard this heartbreaking confession one day when he visited us. I was preparing my heart again to be abandoned, when who do you think pulled into my driveway a few days later, but Bella. I cautiously approached her as she tried to present me some garbage, in the form of a couple of broken bikes. I really didn't care though. She was there with me at the moment, and that's all that mattered to me. Was she using me? Yeah, so who cares. Did she love me like I loved her? No, so who cares? Would she be invested in our friendship as much as I was with her? No, so who cares. All that mattered was that she was here. We spent all our free time together. Each day I saw the return of the girl I loved so much coming back to the surface. Her personality was getting stronger each day, and she gave at out as much as she got against my friends. Life seemed so good. Sure she had moments of depression when she allowed her thoughts on the Cullens to surface. She was like a crack addict trying to clean herself up. At times she was very strong, and other times she was fighting the high withdrawal. I stuck by her side throughout it all.

Then it was the night of that movie date with the moron from town, Mike Newton. It was the night that would change everything. I couldn't help if I somehow always needed to touch Bella in someway, but it had always been that way since we were kids. She of course felt I was pushing the boundaries of our friendship. I assured her I knew where those borders were, and wasn't trying to push her into something she wasn't ready for, but I would not apologize for how I felt. We dropped the Marshmallow at his house, then I took her home. When we went to say goodbye she noticed I was feeling hot, and she told me to let her know when I got home. Unfortunately, when I got home I had an unwanted welcoming home ceremony that ended with me wolfing out. I soon learned about my obligation to the tribe, and the demands that bounded me with staying away from Bella. I felt trapped. As if I did not have enough crap piled on me, I had this latest insult to injury. I was pissed at everyone. Billy for taking away one more freedom from me and saddling yet another responsibility on me. I was pissed at Sam and the Pack for stalking me and pushing these changes along. I was pissed at Bella for being yet again another disappointing woman figure in my life who let me down. She not only knew about Vampires, but she consorted and dated one. She had kicked me curbside for death. And only when the parasite family dumped her the way she dumped me many times before, was I good enough to welcome back into her life. Her living crutch. Her stupid and naive best friend. God was I a freaking idiot or what? I was told I had to stay away from Bella for her own safety, or else she could be the next Emily. Screw me over and bury me already. How much heartbreak could I handle. The only person I knew who could of known of what I was going through or felt anything like I felt right now, was poor Leah Clearwater. She was a victim of this thing us Wolves do called imprinting. She knew what it felt like to have the person you thought was your soulmate ripped out from under you. For her it was Sam Uley, her former fiancée. Sam who dumped her like yesterday's trash, when he imprinted on Emily Young, Leah's cousin and best friend. What I never understood was why Emily, who was a lovely woman, would hurt her cousin that way. After all from what I understood, the imprinted Wolf becomes whatever their Imprintee needs. They could be a brother, friend, father figure, or lover, but it was not demanded that they become the last category. Whatever the case, I had prayed that it would not happen to me. I loved Bella despite my anger at her for the moment, and I would hate for my choices to be taken away from me to love some other stranger.

So throughout my training, I was ordered to ignore Bella. She, however, was not quite ready to be ignored. She called constantly, and demanded updates from Billy. If I was completely honest, some deeper part of me, craved her as well. I didn't understand it at the time, but I would shortly there after. It was a normal day on patrol, but we came across this sickening sweet smell mixed with cleaning solution and topped off with wilting flowers. It was like a funeral home threw-up in front of me. We traced the smell to a small clearing where we saw Bella and a Vampire conversing. Sam had ordered us to stand down, as we didn't know if this ass hat was connected with the Cullens. I can't say how I knew, but I could feel the fear coming off Bella, and I wanted to error on the side of caution and rip this leech to pieces first and ask questions later. Sam ordered me to hold. Every muscle in my body was screaming to attack, as I could sense Bella beginning to fall apart. Finally, Sam decided we had seen enough, and ordered us to attack the dreadlock headed Vamp. The rest of the Pack tore off, and I only took a moment to ensure Bella was fine. When I looked her over I could see that she was not damaged in any way. She seemed more afraid of us, then the creature that had been trying to kill her moments before. I was about to join my brothers, when I looked her in the eyes. I felt kind of strange, but I still could see the fear in her eyes, and decided to join the others before she freaked out any further. Eventually, Bella discovered what we were, and she accepted it. We found out that her life was in danger from the red headed Vampire that had been playing games with us. With this new knowledge, the hunt began to kill this leech and protect Bella. I loved the fact we were together again, but I knew Bella was not ready for a relationship, and of course I had to be whatever she needed. So I remained her best friend, despite my own desire for more. The more time she spent with us, the stronger she seemed. It was like all trace of the poison her body had absorbed by dating the leech and spending time with his family was wearing off her. She was becoming the Bella of my youth again, and me and my wolf were ecstatic. I nearly died when she tried that stupid cliff jump. I couldn't believe it when she tried it, but she said she needed closure, and I believed her. In fact I could tell she was ready to open her heart again, when that damn Pixie Cullen showed up spouting on and on about Edward. She had the gaul to state how dangerous we were to Bella's safety. Where did she get off? From what I could tell the only ones who had harmed her were them, and those they associated with. Well next thing I know we are about to finally kiss, and the Pixie demon comes in claiming if they didn't go to rescue her Emo-ass brother, then he was going to kill himself. I begged her not to go. I would never force her choices though. And when she decided to leave me, I could only wish her well. While they pulled away, I could only watch as my heart was crushed yet again. I know what she meant to me, but somethings I just couldn't fight. Love has never protected drug users from getting their fixes. Junkies could not help what they were, and the only things that those left in their paths of destruction could do is still love them, even when they fall. Her and her pusher did return eventually together as if nothing had ever been wrong. I could see in her face that the fog being around them caused clouded her vision once again. I would battle for her. Now, I was at least on an even playing field. But despite it all, they tempted her with prizes and promises I could never hope to match. I did make one more valiant effort to sway her my way, but that ended up with not only the crushing of my heart yet again, but also the whole side of my body. She left me, and told me she loved me, but not as much as him. It would never be more than him. What hope did a clean kid have against a druggy and her lifetime supply of drugs. The final breaking point for me was that damn invitation. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't do it. I could not sit there and watch my soulmate hand her soul to the devil, so that she could join them in their immortal hell. No. No more. I would not be abandoned yet again.

So I ran. I decided that for once, I would leave them all before they had the chance to leave me. I left before she completed her suicide campaign by marrying that monster. I left before Billy ate that last final piece of sugary cake or donut, or drank that last can of beer before he died from Diabetes complications because of his inability to follow his doctor's orders. Perhaps they would kill off two birds with one stone, and it would happen at her wedding eating the Wedding cake, and drinking champagne. I felt bad for even thinking about it, but when had anyone put me before their own selfishness. I was always forced to sacrifice for the greater good. And where others prospered or wasted their lives as how they pleased, I have always been led around on a very tight leash. I was through with it all, because I had nothing left to give. I had nothing left to sacrifice. I traveled the northern region of the US and parts of Canada strictly as a wolf. I soon found if I traveled far enough I eventually could no longer hear the Pack's pleading voices to return. But no, they couldn't let me be by myself. Nope they continued to play games with me. They would send different members of the Pack to get close enough to me for me to hear them, but not so close that I ripped them apart. They would flood my thoughts of a broken hearted Billy, or the pleading calls from Bella. They threw all their bait lines at me hoping I would bite, and come crawling back to uphold my duty. They couldn't just let me mourn my loss. They just couldn't let me be. But I wouldn't take the bait. I didn't keep track of how much time had passed since I left. My days were filled with hunting my meals, and then sleeping to avoid my thoughts. Then one day, I was dreaming. I knew this because I was walking fully dressed in human form. I was on the shores of La Push walking. I noticed in front of me two small children, a little boy and a little girl. They looked so beautiful. As I stared at them closer I noticed them were not quite as dark skinned as myself. The little girl had brown wavy hair, and deep chocolate filled eyes, and when she smiled she had my mother's smile. Then I noticed the little boy, and he was a carbon copy of myself, except for the nose. That seemed to belong to his mother perhaps. All I know is I was filled with such love, especially when they turned to me running and screaming, "Daddy, Daddy!" I bent down and swooped them up laughing and crying at the same time. They had the combined smell of vanilla, strawberry, pine and engine grease. I knew then who the mother must be, and yet she was nowhere to be seen. I scanned the shoreline and saw no one. However, just as I was about to give up, I noticed someone standing on a path down the shore. It was Bella, but for some reason she seemed reluctant to come to us. We all waved at her, and she took steps to join us, but something held her back. It was then that I noticed the other road filled with ice and snow. At first some flashy signs seemed to distract her, but again she ignored them and looked longingly at our family. Then I noticed Edward Cullen appear, but yet again, she took a step in our direction. And just when I thought for sure she was on her way, the Pixie demon appeared once again and grabbed her. I wanted to rush to her and tell her to choose us, to choose this life. Yet, I had made a promise to myself and to her unknowingly, that I would never manipulate her in choosing something against her will. I had always told Bella the truth about everything, as I never wanted her to claim I misled her or tricked her. The only compromise I made to that was about her connection to me, but there again, I did not want her to use that as an excuse someday on why she was trapped with me in a hell of my making so the she abandoned all of her dreams to be with me. I was brought back to the scene in front of me, as Bella began moving towards the other path. They had manipulated her yet again. She looked at me with such sadness and longing as she stepped backwards. It was then that I noticed the scene around me starting to change. First our son disappeared. My eyes searched for our daughter, and I panicked as she too began to fade. They were gone, ripped away yet again. I fell to my knees and cried, sobbing to myself in despair. I turned towards Bella, and she too had tears in her eyes, but soon she walked down the other path, and the opening to her closed shut. I was alone and abandoned yet again. "WHYYYYYY!," I screamed. Even in my dreams I could find no joy, nor solitude. I awoke if a huff, and in human form. I replayed what happen in my dreams, and knew if it was not too late, I needed to talk to Bella.

Unfortunately, I had been farther away than I thought. By time I reached home, so much time had passed. I made it home the day of the wedding, and the ceremony had already started. I showered, threw on a shirt and slacks and made my way to the Cullen's house. Bella was married, and I knew I was too late. Bella had seemed excited to see me, and made Edward leave us alone for a bit. We tried to make small talk, but knew we each had bigger issues we needed to discuss. I was going to make one more attempt to change her mind even revealing my last card in my hand. Too bad I never got to tell her, as she mentioned how they were going to have sex during her honeymoon before she was changed as her last human experience. I went nuts. I knew that leech could never control himself to pull that off, and he would probably kill her instead. Our argument drew the attention of my Pack mates, who dragged me off before I could tell Bella my secret. By time I got back to her, she had been whisked away by the walking Emo leech on their honeymoon. My chance for happiness was gone, and my life was over. I refused to talk anyone further about it. I ignored my father, and my Pack. After they prevented my reunion with Bella. I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. I refused to phase anymore, and I lost my appetite. I sat waiting for the phone call from Charlie, the call that would lay out the pre-planned excuse of Bella's death.

It took a much shorter time than I imagined. Charlie called a few days later, and said that the private jet the Cullen's had chartered had gone down in the Gulf coast. Search planes were already on the look out, but no bodies had yet been discovered, and I knew they never would. I crawled into my bed and shut the outside world out. I knew she wasn't dead yet, I could still feel her emotions even at this distance. I didn't leave the house until her funeral. The day of the funeral, I showered and shaved, and put on a suit. I helped my father get ready in silence. Any attempt of conversation I cut off quickly. We were approached by Sam and his lieutenants outside the chapel. They informed me that they had told the Cullens that now that they had violated the Treaty, they had forgone any claim to settle here. After the funeral, they had to leave within 24 hours or the Pack would destroy them. They were never to return to this area again. I looked at them with my dead eyes, and said, "Who cares. You let them steal my heart, and nothing can be done to recover it." I walked away from them, and sat us next to Charlie. I hugged him and cried over our joint losses. Charlie leaned in, and said, "I always wished it was you kid. She'd be alive today, if she just listened to what I told her about loving what was good for her. I wish it was you." He broke down again, and we hugged for a while until the ceremony was set to begin. You could tell the Cullen's bullied their way to concoct this farce as they tried to glorify their bastard son, and my Bella. Charlie and me would eye-roll whenever one of them got up to speak about the tragic love lost, but knew they were together in heaven for all of eternity. Oh it must have fucking had them rolling in laughter in their heads, when they made these obvious in-jokes in front of Charlie. I'm sure Edward would get a kick out of it too when he hears how much they were all able to deceive this small town of yokels and ignorant Injuns. I glared at them the entire service. Once the show was over, I left my father in the care of the Pack. I walked down to the cliffs, and sat along the edge of the place where my life had begun to became a freaking nightmare. If she never would have jumped, then they wouldn't have come back. Oh who the hell was I kidding. If it wasn't this excuse, it would have been something else. But who knows by then, I might have cemented my place in her heart, and they wouldn't be able to crawl and burrow their way back under her skin. I heard her before I smelt her. "Jake," Leah whispered, "I know how you feel. I know what it's like to loose the one you love to someone you feel is not worthy. I know what it's like to feel abandoned by those you love and hold dear. I get how you are feeling, and I just want you to know, that if you need to talk about it. I'm here." She waited with baited breath for my response. I could of told her to fuck off, and leave me alone. I could of told her she was just a bitter shrew who had no idea what real loss was. However, the girl in front of me was not Leah Clearwater, Pack mate. No, the girl in front on me was Leah Clearwater, the girl I once knew was the only person who could understand what it felt like to be abandoned like me. Leah stood for several minutes, and then sighed and started to walk away. "She was my imprint Lee." Leah gasped, "What? Jacob no. Please no. Why didn't you stop them? How is that possible? When did this happen? And how have you kept it from her, from everyone?" I turned to her teary eyed, and barely replied above a whisper my secret, "It happened from the moment I first phased, when we rescued her from the dreadlock leech. I didn't tell her at first because she didn't need all of this Supernatural crap dumped anymore on her lap. She was already this close to being thrown into an Insane Asylum. She only needed a friend who would love her for who she was, and where she was at in life at that moment. She wasn't looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet. She needed someone to keep her together until she was ready. And we were close Lee, so close. But then, shit happens. She jumped from this ledge, the Cullen's swept back into the picture, and I got permanently placed on the bench. Why didn't I tell her? Because I wanted her to choose to be with me. I didn't want her feeling that the only reason we felt anything for each other was because of some wolfy mojo. There has always been a bond between us, even my mom saw it when we were little. She always said I was Bella's little protector." "I remember that from when we were little Jake," Leah smiled, and I returned it, a genuine smile. "She would always say to my mom that you two had a special bond that no one could ever break. I can't believe I forgot that, or buried so deep in my stubborn ass brain of bitterness to ever remember there were better times between us all. I'm sorry if all my shit has caused you more grief then you deserve. Out of all these assholes, you outside of Seth, are the only one who's treated me halfway decently. Thank you," Leah whispered. "You're welcome Lee. I wish I could help you more, but I don't think I could ever phase again. I don't know if I could stand to see her again with those damn Cullen's eyes, or god forbid red eyes. I would die all over again," I stated. Leah paused, then asked, "Do you think she's done it yet? Do you think she's one of them now?" "No. No, I don't. Not sure how I know, but I have always had a unique imprint with Bella. It's not like any of the others. I can feel and sense things with her, and vice versa. I know when she panicking or upset, almost as if we share each other's thoughts. However, I can only sense that she is still human. Now since this has occurred, I don't know how much longer that will last. It will probably be a rough couple of weeks for me Lee, if you could just keep the others away from me. I don't want to answer a thousand questions daily. I just need to be left alone." "I can do that for you Jake. If you need me though, just reach out and I will be there as soon as I can." With that Leah Clearwater left my side to leave me in peace.

Many days had passed, and I was sitting in my usual place of meditation on the edge of the cliff, when I felt an increase in my pulse and a severe panic attack. It felt like someone had shoved a needle in my chest, I could swear I felt a burning sensation. I passed out by the severity of these feelings. I awoke in my bed and was told by Sue that Leah had found me unconscious on the cliff in wolf form. She brought me to see Sue right away. I was sweating as I tried to sit up. They told me I had been passed out for four days already, and that today was the fifth day. I still felt queasy and could sense something happening to me, but I couldn't articulate to anyone else. About midday the feeling stopped, and I knew, I just knew that Bella Swan, my imprint, had died, and was now one of them. I crawled out of bed much to the objections of all around me. I felt dead inside, all that I had loved was gone now. I returned to the cliff's edge and pondered my future. I heard Charlie walk up the cliff, and asked if I minded moving away from the edge. He didn't quite have my stomach for heights I guess. I looked the man who I thought of as a second father in the eyes, and asked, "How can I help you Charlie? I'm afraid I'm not much to look at right now, but if it's something simple, I'll give it my best shot." Charlie cleared his throat and took a seat on a boulder away from the edge, and stared out at the ocean. I joined him. He turned his sad smile at me and said, "I miss her son. I miss what she could've become, and miss her smile everyday. I'd be a hypocrite if I asked you to do something that even I can't do myself. So I'm not here to ask you to get over her death, or to stop mourning her. I'll tell you what I tell other people, 'I'll do it when, I damn well feel like it." I smiled and chuckled with Charlie. "Now son," he continued, "I have a favor to ask, but I'm not sure if we can pull it off. I can't imagine going to that mockery of a tombstone that resides in Forks, to mourn over an empty grave, that that family bought, and to see that name scrawled into the headstone. I can't go there and mourn the loss of my daughter on any tombstone with the name of Cullen on it. I was hoping for as much as she and I both loved it here, that we can somehow convince your dad to maybe allow us to place a grave here on Quileute land. I know the kick up this may cause, but I would prefer to come here and mourn Bella Swan the girl we remember from before those Cullens ever got their clutches into her. I was going to run it by Billy, and then hope with your input we can convince him to allow a couple of pale faces to screw up the landscape of your cemetery. What do you think?" I laughed my first genuine laugh in quite awhile, and said, "I think I may have the leverage we need to get it done Charlie. Let me talk to him first, and then you can come in and seal the deal. How's that sound Charlie?" Charlie smiled, "I think you got a deal their son. Just let me know when you want me back here." We departed at the bottom of the cliff. Charlie had offered to give me a ride home, but I just shrugged and stated I was good. I reached my home and walked in. My father was sitting watching TV. I sat down quietly next to him, and could see the apprehension in his face. I turned to him and spoke the first words that I have in quite a while, "She was my everything. She was the air that I breathed. She was the love of my life. You all think I was just a foolish little boy. You all think I followed her around like a little puppy looking for scraps. You all think that this was some foolish little crush I had, but none of you knew what I kept from you. None of you knew she was my imprint." My father turned to me and was about to speak. I cut him off, "What are you going to say? That if you knew you would of done something different. That you and the Pack would of fought harder for her. Well I didn't need your approval or your support. She was the daughter of your best friend. The man who was like a brother to you. The man who kept our family together as you fell apart. And you rewarded him how? By keeping the danger his only daughter was in a secret. By tying my hands constantly with rules of this tribe. You should of protected her because she was a human being in danger. She was not just another part of the collateral damage between the war between our kind and theirs. When will you all understand that what happens on the outskirts of our borders directly impacts the lives on this reservation? You know what I really don't care. But what I do care about is this. The man you claim is your best friend is going to come to you today to ask for the permission to purchase two sets of plots in our cemetery. You are going to the counsel now and get the permission to grant this request. I don't care what prejudices they may have about what she maybe right now, you will allow, my imprint and her father to be buried on our lands. I won't asked again about this. And if I have to, I will go down there myself, and bite a chunk out of each of their asses." I got up and left the house. I was tired of this life. At the young age of 16, I felt like an old man of 80. I longed to leave this world. I longed to find rest. After clearing up some red tape, I now sat next to Charlie, my dad, the Clearwater's, Embry and Quil. I was not interested in who else showed up. By now the word was out that Bella Swan was my imprint. No one knew what to say to me, and I didn't have the energy to care. Charlie thanked me for my help, and I of course waved him off. This became my new place of visiting daily. I spent half my day here, and the other half on the cliff. I eventually had to be placed on anxiety pills, and other medications. I could not get over these new sensations happening to my body daily. It felt like I was constantly surrounded and trapped. I would get these strange anxiety attacks almost everyday, that the levels and intensity seemed to reset every couple of weeks. I don't know if I could survive the next 10, 20 or even 30 more years living this way, and truthfully I hoped I wouldn't have to. I was tired, I just couldn't imagine how much longer I would suffer with these feelings. I contemplated killing myself, but didn't know if it was possible. I only knew that for now I felt abandoned and alone in my grief.

Abandoned and alone.