Disclaimer - All Characters and Copyrights belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Author's note: Sorry for delay in updating my stories. Even though this one got pretty lousy feedback, I still like it. So I will wrap it up eventually. Hope you enjoy. I am getting around to all my stories, so stay tuned, and be patient.

Chapter 4: Can't let go

EPOV

I can't let go.

I've been told to give it up. Or more devastating, to give her up. The hell my family has gone through over the years had finally torn us apart. We could no longer deal with the frustrations that came with Bella's condition. There was enough blame to pass around on how badly we had handled Bella, and her human life. We had selfishly all laid claims to parts of her soul. Each of us grabbing apart of her to soothe some missing part of our own lives. Ever since she first walked into our lives, she was like a breath of fresh air to our stale existence. Her presence into our lives had awoken a sensation of humanity in each of my family members. A daughter, a sister, a missing love, were but a few minor roles she helped filled. It didn't matter how we obtained her. We wanted, no needed her, to break up our mundane lives with her essence.

However, she was not supposed to be ours to have. I had stolen her humanity, and manipulated Alice's vision to cement my actions. She captivated me the moment I first saw her, but at the same time, more importantly I didn't hear her mind. I wasn't flooded with the normal selfish and depraved minds of a typical human. She was a refreshing blank slate, whose mind soothed my soul. She radiated a beauty that all who knew who her could see, even if she couldn't. Her beauty was not just on the outside, but an inner perfection as well. Yes, she entrapped me in her web, the first moment I first caught whiff of her natural fragrance in the air. She could never comprehend how her beauty outshined all others, and in that, she could not understand how alluring she actually was. Bella was all I could hope for in my mate, and I had her, until I foolishly walked away, and opened the door for those beasts to ensnare her with that imprint black magic. I was forced to put her under my thrall to level the playing field with that dog. I would not loose what was mine, to watch it waste away tied to that place. I wrongly thought that once I got her away from there, that we would live forever in eternal love.

Emmett and Rose were the first to leave. They begged for the family's understanding. Rose could not fake the hatred she had for Alice and myself for forcing the family into our situation by not letting Bella live her life as a human. Even Emmett could not overcome the ventral guilt he felt for his role in Bella's current torment. He felt if he would have just backed up his mate, instead of his fulfilling his own selfish need for the joy that Bella's high jinxes caused, then perhaps we could have avoided all this chaos. They left to refresh their batteries by traveling for a bit, 20 years so far. The good news was they were due back soon.

Carlisle and Esme left for a while as well. They went to try and search for possible answers for our plight. They could no longer sit by helplessly as Bella repeatedly kept resetting. It pained them more and more each time to know, that they were complicit, in not stopping the situation before it progressed as badly as it has. Their son was in pain. Their daughter was in anguish, crying to return to a life she no longer had or could be a part of, even if she could get back to it. Carlisle a healer by nature felt as if he had betrayed that which he always thought to preserve, life itself.

Alice and Jasper has to leave periodically to escape the depression in the house. They too were helpless to change anything that was happening around them. Alice stayed around Bella the most next to myself. Whether it was for love or guilt, was hard to say. Her mind flipped back and forth between the two emotions constantly. It killed Alice to be so blind to Bella now. Alice did not know what was causing it. Was it Bella's shields? Or was there something else blocking her future path? We could not guess. Even Jasper was unable to affect her anymore. And of course being an Empath, the growing melancholy in our home affected not only his own guilt and depression, but was amplified by absorbing the entire family's emotions as well. He still felt responsible for being the original cause of us leaving Bella all those years ago when he attacked her at her 18th birthday party in our home in Forks. I so wanted to ensure him that he was wrong, but I would be lying if I didn't feel at times that was when things started falling apart in mine and Bella's love.

I was delighted when Emmett and Rose finally returned back to the house. There was still some tension between us, but I welcomed the distraction in the home. Bella appeared to be having one of her better periods between episodes of reset. She was very cooperative this time around. I hoped having Emmett's childish attitude would break things up around the homestead. We were currently staying near our Denali cousins in Alaska.

It had taken much to convince myself to go hunt, as I was always reluctant to leave Bella's side. But the family had ensured me that all would be alright while I was gone. It was after all, not their first time dealing with "reset" Bella, and it most certainly would not be their last. I was actually happy to miss this part of her turmoil. She had just finished feeding, and would soon wake up with no memory of us, of me. It was the hardest part of this ordeal. To sit there and watch as she screamed for him, "her Jacob." As she only grieved over her loss for that mutt. Never once did she ever appear remorseful over the loss of her memories of our love together. I sighed, what I wouldn't give to change that day I left her in the woods, and opened the door in her heart for that beast.

We had tried to keep tabs on the whereabouts of Black when this whole thing had started with Bella's transformation. However, that quickly became an afterthought as we dealt with my wife's condition. The family had tried to keep track of Charlie. They knew he remarried someone from the Reservation, but could gleam very little information once he retired from the Fork's Police Department. They certainly couldn't visit the reservation to see first hand, and only minimal information was released from the tribe. Although, there was a blurb of his obituary when Charlie passed. Other than that, little else was known about their once home, and now forbidden land.

I was slowly returning to the house when the chaos first assaulted my mind.

"He's going to kill us," Emmett's mind screamed. "I know he'll blame me. I can't believe this happened. How did she get out?"

"Damn it," Rosalie thought. "Why now? We couldn't be in the door more than five minutes before another shit storm erupted."

I could tell Alice was trying to get a read on something. I could also sense that Jasper was using his power to keep everyone calm. I tried to figure out what was happening, when it finally clicked. BELLA! I quickly increased my pace and soon came running into the living room. I grabbed and then slammed Emmett into the nearest wall.

"What happened? What did you do Emmett?" I was seething.

Emmett held up his hands, "I knew you would blame me. I didn't do anything. I just noticed that I couldn't hear anything coming from her room after a normal reset. And found it empty. I then called the others right away, and we have been searching since."

Edward let go of his brother, and took a step back. "My apologies. Your mind kept screaming about being guilty about something, that I just assumed."

"No problem," Emmett shrugged. "However, she is missing and we don't know how. When I noticed no sounds coming from her room we went in. We found that she had dumped the cup into the bathroom sink, and then faked going into reset mode. We looked around the room and only noticed a few things missing. We fanned out searching for her, but can find to visible traces. It's summertime now, therefore there are no normal tracks we can detect on the ground. Nor is there any scent in the immediate area. She's just gone."

"This doesn't make sense," I exclaimed. She didn't display any of her normal patterns when she woke from the last reset. We all thought it was weird that nothing tracked like any of her other times." I slowly walked into her room taking a look around. We had become accustomed to giving her space whenever she reset, it led to less confrontational run ins, if we gave her time to adjust to waking up. Everyone who was here joined me and slowly looked around for any signs of how she got out. Alice gasped as she entered a vision. I soon focused in on her thoughts and soon saw me about to discover something under her bed. Before I could reach it, Alice quickly snatched it before I could. I glared at my sister.

She shrugged her shoulders and laughed her tinkling snicker. "What, my vision. My reward," Alice gloated. She opened up the paper and quickly scanned the contents before she looked up shocked, and stated, "Well I didn't see this one coming." She handed me the paper and floated back to Jasper's side.

"Well, what does it say," Rose inquired.

I looked over the note and read it over. "How did this get passed us? How did we miss this?, I asked.

"WHAT!," Rose, Emmett and Jasper now shouted.

I handed Rose the note and she smirked when she read it. She then passed the note to Emmett, who looked confused as he finished. Finally, Jasper was handed the note, and he looked impressed as he read it. I could hear Alice calling Carlisle and Esme to inform them of the situation as well. I heard them promise Alice that they would be on the next flight back to help search. I could see a look of defeat and sympathy in her eyes as she connected with me after the call. I could only look for a minute before the note was handed back to me and I reread it again.

Bella,

I don't know if this note will find you or not when you wake up from your nap. DO NOT MAKE ANY SOUND! When you awake you will be confused and disoriented. You will only have one thought on your mind, and that will be to get back to Jacob. However, at this time that is not possible. This maybe difficult to believe, but hopefully seeing it in your own handwriting will make it more believable.

You are a Vampire (Vegetarian of course). You were transformed many years ago by an Edward Cullen, your husband. Something went wrong with the transformation, and you wake with an amnesia of sorts. Every time you consume blood, your body goes into a reset mode, and you forget everything that has occurred between episodes. There are journals that will describe this in greater detail. For now, I need you to focus. You are constantly under surveillance by your family. I truly believe they care for you, however, from my own experience, it is not where your heart yearns for.

Do not let on that you know about your current condition, and you may be required to do some fine acting. I have been working on an escape plan during my time at this latest location, and pray that you wake up where I last left off. Greater details can be found in our journals. Now, I wish you good luck in getting back to our Jacob. When you have finished reading this note, hide it, and then begin the show of acting like you just woke up. Good luck.

All my Best,

Bella

We were all shocked that she had been putting on a show for us. How she managed to hide all this was beyond my comprehension. However, I knew I could not just sit there waiting for the rest of my family to arrive. We decided to split up and go different directions. Carlisle and Esme would meet up with us in a few days in Chicago. We would all be going to places we had stayed before during our times in the US with Bella. We didn't think she would attempt to leave the country, not yet at least. I suspected she was making her way back to LaPush, back to him. Once she finds he is gone, I have no idea where or what she would do then. I always knew, as did the others, that she contemplated suicide. Which is one of the reasons we still kept a watchful eye of her. I knew I had to be the one to trace my way back there. Back to where my life truly began with the love of my life, and yet the same place where my prison sentence started as well. My family begged me to look elsewhere, but being stubborn as I was, I would not listen.

I drove in deep thought back to this hole in the wall town. We had deemed it safe for only one of us to enter the area. Hopefully the wolf gene had gone dormant once again. We had spread word to avoid this corner of the US, as it was not safe for any nomad or our kind in general. Aro had backed up our claim as well once he learned about the shape shifters. As long as they did not venture outside their area, and were no threat to the greater Vampire nation, he was content to let them live as was. No need to draw unneeded attention by wiping out a complete tribe and town. I could only hope that my quick presence in the area while I searched would not cause any ruckus. I knew that the previous Treaty we held was void since we changed Bella, so anything I did now was a risk.

I could feel my nerves increase once I crossed the old treaty line. It was hard to believe that the old boogeymen I used to fear, no longer held any meaning to me. Without Bella my life was meaningless anyway, at least with her, I held some comfort of the chance we could get passed the divide her condition caused. After all, eternity was a long time to work on the unresolved. I opened my windows to see if I could smell either my wife, or signs of the Pack. Unfortunately, I could detect no trace of either. I scanned the minds of everyone I drove past, looking for any glimpse of having seen Bella, or a Vampire for that matter. I found every thought devoid of those topics. Their minds all focused on an upcoming festival to welcome the new chief of the tribe. I growled when I heard the name Black in their minds.

I soon found myself pulling outside a little red house, his house. I slowly got out of the car, continuously scanning for wife or hound. My guess was that the Blacks of old were all gone by now, but who could know for sure if the Pack had stopped phasing or even when they did. There may still be members alive today on he hunt for leeches. I decided to proceed with caution during this recon mission to find Bella, my love. I stepped onto the porch, and was about to knock on door, when it was pulled open from inside. Their stood a young man in his late teens.

He twitched his noise slightly, and then spoke, "Can I help you?"

I quickly shifted my mood to become less threatening. "My apologies, I was looking for Jacob Black. Is he in by chance?"

"Um, I'm sorry Jacob passed away many years ago. Actually, there hasn't been a Black on the Reservation for many years. My name is William Lahote. My great-great-great grandma was Rachel Black, Jacob's sister."

"Oh, my apologies. I could of sworn that I heard the new chief was named Black," I stated.

"Right, about that. Actually, it's an offspring of Jacob's that recently returned home. Jacob had left many years ago when he became depressed about a former love. He had just lost his father, and didn't have the heart to lead the tribe. So my family took over for a while, but my cousin, who is Jacob's grandson in lineage, decided to come home. Wait one second I'll call him for you," William stated.

It was odd. I had not detected any other minds or odors in the area before he called out to his relative. How could this be possible?

"Ephraim! Ephraim! Someone is here to talk to you," William called.

"Ok, thanks. Coming right now," the voice stated.

However, I would recognize that voice from anywhere. How was he still alive? What game was he playing?

"Hi, can I help you?, Black asked.

I could've reached across the room and choked him. As I was about to, I noticed his voice and eyes held no anger or animosity in them. His mind was completely empty of any thoughts either negative or positive. He did not reek of mutt. In his expression, I only saw confusion with no signs of recognition. I was shook from my revelation by his voice again.

"Sir, my cousin said you needed to see me."

I stared at the spitting image of my once greatest adversary. However, no other trace of Jacob could I find in this person's mind. "Oh, my apologies. I'm afraid I was led to believe you were someone else. My name is Edward Mason. My wife grew up around these parts. Unfortunately, her mental state these last few years have not been doing so well. She recently departed the skilled facility she was staying in while seeking treatment, and we are trying to locate her. Since, she spoke so highly of her time here, we thought that perhaps she might have been seen here. She talked about her friendship with a Jacob Black, and thought she may have reached out your family," I stated.

"I am so sorry to hear about your family's situation. Such a tragedy to happen to someone so young as yourself. Do you have a picture of your wife? I would be happy to have our tribal police force look for her to see if she does show up around here," Ephraim stated.

"Thank you for your kindness. Here is a picture of my wife as well as my contact number. I would appreciate any help you could give me," I stated reluctantly as I handed over the picture. I couldn't believe that once again I would need to ask for the help of a Black to take care of Bella. I started to walk back to the car, when I thought I heard him say something before he closed his front door.

I could of sworn I heard, "Of course I would be happy to help. After all, that's what I always do. You know, "For keeping Bella alive," Ephraim clarified, his voice rough and fervent. "When you... didn't."

I quickly turned around in shock when I comprehended what he said. How did he know about that? Jacob? I all but whispered in denial. I could not delay my departure any further as cars from the village began to pull up. As I pulled away, I could not get that turn of phrase he used on me. The same thing I had said to him in the woods after we had returned from Italy.

My anger began to boil as I pulled away. I don't know what game was being played, but I won't let go of my love.

NO!

I can't let go.