After watching the episode for the first time I thought there was nothing for me to write about but after watching it for... eh I lost count how many times I've watched it and especially some scenes, I got this idea that evolved into a story. Maybe not what you thought I would write but bear with me, okay?

And I am sorry for the delay but we had to move out from the big city and instead of writing I'm taking care of my daughters and nieces and also I participate in sewing face masks for the community here so... no time. Sorry.

Safe place

Ben Warren was sitting with his wife at the stairs of the PRT vehicle and was glad he had her by his side. It was a hell of a shift and he was so tired he could fall asleep right there leaning against the door. She held his hand and he felt how lucky he was he was there. He knew he had to make a decision but it was one of the most difficult ones he had to make in his life.

"Ben." Miranda called his name.

"I don't know what to do."

"Do you think he's using?" She asked. He looked at her and knew he couldn't hide the truth from her.

"Yeah."

"So you have to do something."

"I just..."

"I know. So try to talk to him."

"I already told him about the missing vials. He didn't move a muscle."

"But he went to Grey Sloan and requested Shepherd."

"You think he's seeking help?" Ben asked and knew that he wanted that to be true.

"Talk to him. Give him the facts you have and give him a chance. So far he hadn't put anyone aside from himself into danger, right?" She asked. And he knew that there was a threat in there. Should his wife think that Robert Sullivan endangered anyone, she would bite his head off.

"Yeah. That's right."

"So make sure it stays that way." She told him. "What did you do about the missing drugs?"

"Wrote them off as broken in transport."

"Okay. Did he take anything since then?"

"No, it doesn't seem so."

"That's good." She said and smiled at him.

"I just don't understand." Ben said sadly.

"Talk to him." Miranda said again and he leaned for a kiss.

"Let me change and we go home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I need to rest before I go and piss off my boss's boss." He said with a smirk and she nodded.

"I'll wait." She said and closed the door to the PRT, locked it and left to change. He loved his wife and was really glad he had her on his side. But he also knew that if Sullivan would deny everything again, he would have to report him because that would mean putting other lives into danger and he couldn't and wouldn't live with that. That wasn't fair and it wasn't right.

When he tried to think about it, knowing how much Sullivan hated paperwork, he got the idea that maybe whatever had been bothering him happened before the promotion and that's why he wanted it in the first place. He was clearly unhappy up there in that glass office but he wanted it. Why? Was he an addict? Did something happen? Was he hurt? Did he suffer from some trauma? Emotional or physical one? Ben hated this situation.

His relationship with Sullivan was complicated but they learned how to respect each other and he genuinely cared about the man so he was determined to figure this out no matter what. He wouldn't let it go, he couldn't. But his wife was right and he could talk to him first and wait for his answer before reporting it.

Pruitt Herrera had to take a long walk because the morning spent with Dean and his baby made him realize a lot of things. And he was feeling pretty emotional. So he walked to his wife's grave and sat down there and just rested, tried to calm down and ease his thoughts. He didn't want to die.

Maybe it was time to accept the offer to schedule an appointment with the palliative care team. Maybe there was something they could give him, tell him, make it easier for him. But he was no fool. Nothing would be easier because he was leaving his daughter and he hated it. It wasn't right, now when she lost Ryan and not when she hated someone that cared about her because he decided to listen to her father and not to promote her.

He tried to picture everything in his head. Her promotions. The insignia changing on her lapels. How she would make Captain and Battalion chief and then move up as far as she would want to. He saw her trying to awkwardly introduce him someone she loved. He tried to picture the embarrassing dinners and moments of seeing her kiss that guy goodbye. He saw him coming to ask him if he could ask her to marry him. And he cried when he tried to picture her in her wedding dress walking her down the aisle, giving her hand to the man she loved. What kind of dress would she wear? She wanted to keep her mother's when she was a kid so she kept it but he didn't know if she would want them after all those years.

And then the moment when she would tell him she's pregnant. The moment when he would hold the tiny bundle in his arms, his grandchild. It pained him to the bone and so he cried, after all those weeks he cried on his wife's grave and wished there was something he could have done different.

Well, he wouldn't accept chemo because then he would go as a sick man and he didn't want that. But he would make sure to show everyone what kind of an ass Dixon was.

But the top priority on his list was to know his daughter would forgive him, would stop fighting him, that she would embrace him and enjoy every lasting moment they had. He missed her and wanted her to know how proud he was, how much he loved her and how it pained he was leaving her alone.

Of course there was Sullivan. He still wasn't sure if he was glad or not that the man had deep feelings for his daughter but getting to know him better showed him that he was not a bad person. Was he the right one for Andy? Well, she would have to decide that and Pruitt wanted to believe he would support her decision. Could he imagine all those things he had thought about happening with Robert Sullivan? That was difficult. But he cared about Andy. Maybe he even really loved her.

Pruitt saw his face when Andy disappeared into the bunk to cry out the pain she felt. And he knew the man spent hours there with her, holding her, comforting her. And he probably should have been worried but he was comforted by it. So she wouldn't be all alone, right?

Maybe he could talk to him, ask him to grab a beer together, maybe he could try to learn a little more about Sullivan. He could see how much 19 changed him and it was for the better. 19 would change everyone. That station was one of a kind even though now after his request for Andy not to be promoted it seemed the crew was falling apart.

So tomorrow he could ask Bishop if she needed any help or support. Now he got up and on his way home he tried to decide what he wanted for lunch. He gave up on healthy food choice. He was about to die so he could eat pizza or burgers or ribs when he wanted to.

Robert Sullivan had a difficult morning. He knew that asking Dr. Shepherd for help would be tricky but she was tough. She gave him chills and he immediately knew he could trust her and respect her. She wasn't lying to him, she wasn't trying to sugar-coat it. She gave him the hard cold facts and when she asked him to write it down, he did without a doubt that he had to. Maybe he should have proper breakfast before it but he was so stressed he could barely think.

He had the meeting with her scheduled at 8AM and thought he'd be back in the office in two hours but nope, instead of that he joined the first meeting at 9:30 and spent another hour there. Before he managed to get home, it was 11AM and he was both exhausted and hungry.

He had the courage to join the meeting. He even told them his name and that he had a problem but other than that he listened to other people as his thoughts were wild and unsettled and he didn't know where to start or what to say. But they said it was okay so he just listened and tried to accept the fact that he of all people had to go there.

He got home then, took a long shower and changed. He wanted to cook some lunch but then there was a knock on his door so he went to open it and to his utter surprise it was Andy there. But before he could ask if she was there because of Vasquez she started to talk and all he could do was to smile and kiss her as she asked him. She had no idea how much he needed her to be there right then.

Andy felt like crap. These difficult calls with multiple victims and multiple deaths were always hard but with probies they were even harder. And seeing Jack trying to prove something where he shouldn't, everything just came back and bit her in the ass. When she yelled at him that being alive wasn't the same as living, she realized that it was her father's point all along.

He wanted to live his life, he wanted to enjoy it, he didn't want to be put into bed with IV in his arm and beeping machines over his head. He didn't want to go like that. And she needed to see somebody else die to realize what was in front of her all the time, what she failed to see. It wasn't fair and it was cruel but she could finally understand it.

When they got back to the Station, she felt like she could drop on the floor and stay there. 24h shifts were always hard but this one was somehow even harder. Maybe it was because of what happened before the shift. Maybe it was because they were all worried about Vasquez. Maybe it was because she helped to deliver a baby and it caused all sorts of emotions in her. Maybe it was because she had to live with the fact that she was about to lose her father. And maybe it was because she let Robert Sullivan to hold her while she cried in pain and despair. Or maybe it was because she was kind of hoping he would forget about her breakdown but instead of that he came to her and wanted to talk, and then she told him to go which was stupid and selfish and he came to her again anyway and wanted to know how she was. He cared.

Her world crumbled around her when he pushed her away. Before she managed to pick up the pieces she lost Ryan. And with broken heart she had to watch Maya being promoted to Captain instead of that. And when it seemed things could finally come back under her control, her father dropped the bomb. And on top of it she fell apart in Robert's arms and she should have been ashamed but she wasn't. She needed him and he was there. And they both knew it. But it confused her and when she was ready to forget about it, he came and wanted to talk to her. He told her he was still in love with her. He admitted his mistakes and wanted to talk. But she couldn't.

She missed him on the calls and she missed him ... all the time. But she was too angry to open her eyes to see it.

She looked to her side and Dixon was there looking worn out. It was tough for them but it was nothing in comparison to what it was to him.

"Probie, you earned a drink." She told him and she meant it.

"It's 8AM." He replied.

"Yeah?" Andy asked as it seemed like it had to be more than that. She looked at the clock on the wall then. "Huh. It's past 10." She said.

"What?" He couldn't believe it.

"That happens on calls. You lose track of time." She said. She talked to others and they all could use that drink. For a moment there she looked back at their Captain but she wasn't there anymore. She left. Well, her shame.

And when they sat in the bar and talked about the call and about doing the best and about screwing up, everything got clear in her head. She needed more than anger and she needed more than just the job to enjoy her life. She left for the toilet, she was tired and wanted to get some sleep so she thought about going home and crashing into bed. But that would totally threw her inner clock so she knew she had to wait. She did get some sleep at night so now resting would do the trick, good lunch and a walk.

But then she ran into Gibson and face to face to him and his beautiful eyes she realized that she needed to do something else. Not this, not anymore. Did Jack help her? He did. She finally felt something else than anger.

"Be good." She told him. It was their thing. She would always tell him that. And he would always reply the same way.

"Never." He said and she smiled. That was her Jack. They would meet at home and they could talk and keep each other company but the sex had to end. It was too messy. And truth to be told, he wasn't the one she wanted to sleep with. Not at all.

And so she left the bar and drove over to Sullivan's house. She had never been there but she remembered the address from the time when they were filling out the paperwork after the Aid Car. And it was weird to be there and to knock on his door. But she did it. And when he opened she didn't give him a chance to say something because she could as well change her mind and she didn't want to change her mind. She needed to do this, she needed to tell him and she finally had to be honest with herself.

She watched him smile and her heart took a leap. And when he just grabbed her and kissed her, when she felt his hands on her body, on her face, in her hair, when she felt the kiss and then the door closing behind her, she felt alive and happy and excited and after a really long time she felt safe. With him. It was so crazy and she should have probably fought it but she was too tired. She needed this. She needed him. And he seemed to feel the same way.

They stepped inside and kissed, slowly and gently. When it was over she stood in his arms and he was nuzzling her hair. He was afraid to speak as there was still a chance it was a dream and he would wake up. But he felt her there, he felt her body and hear heat, he felt her breath on his neck and he felt her heart beating. She was real. And she was there.

"Andy." He said and she looked up.

"Yes?"

"You're really here, aren't you?" He asked sheepishly and she smiled at him.

"I'm here." She said and before he could say anything else, her stomach growled. She looked embarrassed but he just grinned at her.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." She admitted.

"Can you stay?" He asked a bit worried she would turn around and leave suddenly.

"Is there lunch involved in that offer?"

"I was just about to start cooking when you came."

"You can cook? Or do you mean a smoothie instead of lunch?" She asked jokingly and he chuckled. And he felt it all the way down to his heart.

"Real food."

"Then I am very much interested." She said and as he was still looking at her like she was the most precious thing under the sky she leaned up, standing on her tiptoes and she kissed him again. He pressed her closer to him and so they kissed. And it was beautiful and for a moment they both forgot about the lunch and about ... well everything.

They stopped and she looked at him apologetically.

"Sorry for that."

"Nothing to be sorry about." He told her and leaning down, gave her a quick peck on the lips. He knew he was risking a lot, walking on a very thin line but he couldn't help it. Besides things could go wrong again very fast and then he knew he would need these memories to make it through the times to come.

Andy took off her jacket and shoes and went with Sullivan to the kitchen. She noticed there was some sauce in the saucepan already.

"May I?"

"Let it heat up first." He advised her and she listened to him. "Pasta okay?" He asked.

"Sure." She answered and watched him move around the kitchen, getting the pot and salt and the pasta, she watched him stir the sauce and grind the parmesan. He asked her if she wanted baguette but she declined. When he thought the sauce was ready, he took a spoon and holding hand underneath it so it wouldn't drop on the floor, he let Andy taste it. The domesticity of the situation hit them long after the lunch was over.

They finished the meal together and he showed her then where he had plates and napkins. Andy set the table and he served the food. So they sat across each other and had their pasta and it was comfortable and nice and although they both knew they would have to talk sooner or later, it wouldn't be over lunch. They just enjoyed it.

When they brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen he stopped her from helping him.

"You look tired." He told her.

"Tough shift." She said.

They walked to the living room and Andy plopped down on the couch without even thinking about it. Then it hit her and she wanted to get up swiftly but he was already sitting down next to her. Before she could ask him, he moved up his arm and let her slide closer and made herself comfortable against his side before he put his arm around her shoulders. She nestled into him and sighed. Damn she was tired.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked and so she told him.

"These are never easy."

"No, they're not."

"Did you give Bishop a hard time again?" He asked then, half worried. Andy tried to think about it before answering his question.

"No, actually we didn't. Some didn't agree with what she asked of probie but she was right. You know for the first time it felt like she had it under control. She was the Captain." Andy said and he listened to her and hoped it was the truth. Of course it brought up the topic they both knew would come and they would have to talk about it.

"Andy..." He said, worried.

"I know." She replied and sat up so they were face to face. He waited for her to do something or to say something, he didn't want to push her – or his luck. Besides he knew he had at least one big secret to share and he wanted to do it, he wanted to tell her. But he thought it would be better after they cleared the air.

"Can we rest first? Just for a little while?" She asked him and he nodded. He lied down on the couch and Andy after a moment of hesitation lied down next to him. He was lying on his side and so she lied on her side as well and soon she found herself being pressed to his front. One of his arms as her pillow and the other barely touching her on the stomach, she felt protected, safe and guarded. She pressed closer and found the perfect spot.

Before they realized it, they both fell asleep. Together. On his couch. And it wasn't even 1PM. But it seemed they both found their safe place. They found each other. At least for the moment.

Second chapter will be up in the next 45 hours hopefully. I have the layout but I am too tired to write tonight. Sorry.