A/N: I don't own Harry Potter and wouldn't particularly care to. I would like a rental agreement with option to buy for Hermione Granger. A short term contract with Nymphadora Tonks wouldn't be turned down. A Long-term agreement with Luna Lovegood would probably be a whole lot of fun. Any time Padma Patil wants to open negotiations, call me and oh for a weekend with Fleur. Oddly Lavender and Padma's sister (despite being her twin) Parvati do nothing for me…
Visits from the Other Side
For perhaps the thousandth time in his Hogwarts career, Harry pondered the Magical World's fascination with pumpkin juice. He filled his goblet carefully, while his thoughts continued. He liked the stuff well enough. But would it kill them to offer orange, grape or even tomato juice, just for a little variety? Maybe it was just he was becoming bored with Hogwarts after 6 years.
He raised the goblet to his lips and sipped, his eyes closed. At his side, Ron was slurping and chewing his way through his own breakfast. Between Harry's musings on Hogwarts' breakfast beverage selection and the noises coming from his best friend, the raven-haired youth could be forgiven for being startled by a much hated voice saying something totally unexpected.
"Morning, lads," Draco Malfoy said happily. "Mind if we join you?"
Harry sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for Malfoy's shite today, so he'd just let Ron deal with telling the blond ponce to piss off. The sound of Ron's eating stopped, but the normally volatile Gryffindor wasn't responding to Malfoy, at all. This was odd enough that Harry opened his eyes to see what was happening.
To his left, Ron was staring, open mouthed, the remains of what he had been chewing still in his mouth unswallowed. That was odd. Then, Harry turned his attention to Malfoy, only to find the Slytherin standing on the far side of the table, with a questioning expression on his face. Clinging to Malfoy's right arm, looking at him in loving adoration was Hermione Granger.
Harry joined Ron in staring at the couple incredulously.
"So lads," Draco repeated after several seconds, "may we join you?"
"Yeah, sure," Ron nodded after he and Harry had shared a glance.
"Ta' mate," Draco said with a wide smile, holding Hermione's chair out for her as she detached herself from his arm and sat down.
"Good morning, boys," Hermione said happily as she opened her napkin and placed it in her lap before beginning her breakfast selection. "It's it a wonderful morning?"
"If you say so," Harry said cautiously. "This is new," he noted.
"Draco and me?" the brunette asked incredulously. "Harry, you know very well that Draco and I have been dating for two years."
"You have?" Ron asked, glancing at Harry who shrugged because he didn't remember Hermione ever having said anything about such a thing.
"Of course we have," Hermione sighed as she cut into a rasher of bacon, before beginning to delicately feed Draco. "I swear, it's like the two of you never listen to me."
"Father says that one should always pay attention to one's lady love," Draco contributed, as he guided his own fork lovingly to Hermione's mouth, "so excuse me if I don't mind not having to share your attention with them."
"Okay," Harry said, fishing in the pocket of his robes and pulling out a crystal vial. "Not that the sight of the two of you feeding each other is sickening or anything, but Hermione, I'd like you to take this, please."
"What is it?"
"It's the love potion antidote you made for me after the Romilda Vane incident." Harry explained.
"I did?" She asked.
"I appreciate your concerns for Hermione's wellbeing," Draco interjected, "really I do, though I do question why it took you two years to say anything. But really, Potter, do we need to subject Hermione to a potion that she brewed?"
"Oh, you," Hermione said, swatting Draco's arm playfully. "I'm not that bad at Potions."
"Hermione, I love you, dearly," Malfoy sighed, "but you are an utter disaster in the Potions lab."
"Hermione," Harry said forcefully when all his friend did was blush prettily at Malfoys mischaracterization of her skills, "take the potion, right now, so I can see you do it. Ron, I think we're going to need your dose as well."
"Yeah," Ron agreed, fishing his own vial from the pockets of his robes. He pushed the crystal container across the table to Malfoy, "I think they've both been dosed."
"Is it too much to hope that you brewed this, Ron?" Draco asked, picking up the vial hesitantly.
"You want a potion I brewed?" Ron asked.
Draco unstoppered the vial and sniffed its contents. "Well, it smells all right, I suppose…" he reached over and gently tapped his vial against the one in Hermione's fingers. "Here's to you, my love."
"Cheers," Hermione agreed.
As one, the pair tipped the potions into their mouths, swallowing as they did so.
And nothing happened.
"So, not a love potion then?" Ron asked
"I guess not," Harry agreed. "But this is just so very weird."
"Is it all right for us to have our breakfast now?" Draco asked after several seconds.
"Sure," Harry nodded. Something told him that this was shaping up to be a very odd year. Draco Malfoy was being pleasant, Hermione was in love, and as usual, he and Ron had no idea what was going on.
-oooOOOooo-
Harry had almost gotten used to a friendly Draco when Lavender and Parvati arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast.
"What are you doing here?" Parvati asked, her dislike for the Malfoy scion dripping from every syllable.
"Having breakfast with my girlfriend and her best friends," Draco responded, as he guided his fork, laden with a bit of sausage to Hermione's mouth, receiving a tidbit from her plate in exchange.
"Hermione," Lavender asked, "how did you beat us down here? We left before you were even out of the dorm?"
"My Draco was hungry," Hermione answered, "so I had to hurry to make sure he got what he needed."
"Your Draco?" Parvati asked, clearly a bit stricken by the thought. "Since when are you and he…"
"I swear," Hermione huffed, "it's like none of you ever listen to me. Draco and I have been dating for two years."
Lavender and Parvati exchanged a look before shrugging and filling their plates, Lavender producing one of her colorful fashion magazines from the pockets of her robes and the pair began eating while evaluating each outfit and model in turn.
"Ooh, that's nice," Hermione said, abandoning the feeding of her boyfriend and sliding down the table for a better view of the magazine. "I wish I had your legs, Lav, so I could pull off that look," she continued with a sigh, "but I think I could manage this one." With that she produced her own magazine from a pocket while Lavender and Parvati nodded in appreciation at the photo Hermione revealed.
Ron and Harry sat staring, their mouths hanging open again. Hermione was interested in fashion?
"Huh." Draco grunted.
Harry turned his attention to the Slytherin, who appeared to be staring in as much shock as he and Ron were feeling.
"Those two swots are interested in fashion?" Draco asked.
"Swots?" Ron echoed. "Lavender and Parvati?"
"Oh, come on," Draco answered, shaking his head. "You had to have noticed. Always studying, never having time for any fun. It's odd seeing them with a human side."
Again Harry and Ron exchanged looks of confusion. What was going on?
"So," Ron said, so desperate for anything that remotely resembled normality, he was even willing to speak with Draco Malfoy, "you're growing a beard?"
That question surprised Harry to the point where he leaned across the table to be able to spot the light downy hair starting to show on Malfoy's face.
Draco, on the other hand, brightened at the attention. "Working on it," he said happily, gently stroking the almost invisible fuzz surrounding his mouth. "After all, our Lord says, a beard sets a man's face in its most noble frame."
Seeing both Harry and Ron tense at the mention of Voldemort, he quickly continued, "Actually, what he really says is 'Duuude, yer facial fuzz is bitchin…', he was baked, but I know what he meant."
"The Dark Lord said what?" Ron demanded.
"Dark?" Draco asked confusedly. "I didn't say dark… Way more psychedelic than dark. I suppose he started out kind of dark, but after he went to the Bickershaw Festival in 1972 intending to have a revel, but instead found his true inspiration…" Draco bowed his head and crossed his arms across his chest before intoning: "All Hail the prophet Garcia, and the Weed, and the Acid."
"Preach it little Brother," a new voice broke in. Harry and Ron found that each of them suddenly had an arm thrown over their shoulders, the two of them looked to find that Severus Snape had his head between theirs, and horror of horror, he was smiling. "How are my two favorite Gryffindors this fine morning?"
"P…Professor?" Ron stuttered.
"Chin up Ron," Snape laughed. "And listen to Brother Draco as he tells you of the one true path to happiness…" the man stiffened before continuing in whispers. "Shit! Everyone look straight, probable Narc coming this way."
Harry looked up to find Neville Longbottom approaching the table. What the hell was going on?
"Good morning Mr. Longbottom," Snape said, much too loudly. "And how are you this fine day?"
"Just fine Professor," Neville said in confused tones, as he continued down to the far end of the table. "And you?"
"Oh, fine," Snape declared, "just great. Never been better."
"He's gone," Snape whispered in clear relief while gently stroking his new goatee, "I swear, that kid freaks me the hell out."
-oooOOOooo-
AN: This one started so wonderfully, then I had to go on a business trip and when I got back it just wouldn't start again.
Yeah, with the goatees, I might have been a bit inspired by a certain South Park episode.
I've been playing with various incarnations of a 'paisley' Lord. Tom started out all evil and stuff, then went to a Grateful Dead concert intending to do a bit of murderin'. After suffering from a bit of a contact high, he found himself submerged in the music, then a little acid, and before you know it, he's a Stoner Lord, who spends his time (along with his followers the Acid Droppers) baked out of his gourd.
The bit of Snape terrified by a straight laced Neville is amusing as hell.
If I ever get inspired I may pick it up again, but until then, free to a good home.