The day had, Harry reflected later, been going fairly well too.
It was a Wednesday, and as school days go, Wednesdays tended to be the least troublesome. It started with his waking at the time that had become his normal time to rise. A shower, nice and hot, followed by breakfast without having to wait too long for Ron to drag his lazy carcass out of bed.
Then classes spoiled the day, but not too much. Transfiguration and Charms before lunch. His favorite Shepherd's pie at lunch. Four different classmates predicted his prolonged and painful death in Divination. No one beyond Harry and Ron seemed to notice that all four versions of his death appeared to be in major conflict with each other, given that each had a different time, place, and method of his shuffling from the mortal coil. The school day ended with a double potions, during which of course, Neville's potion started doing things that it wasn't supposed to do, and doing them in a spectacular manner, and Harry receiving a points deduction for them.
A basic, normal Hogwarts Wednesday.
Harry was beginning to relax, settling down to the roast chicken and potatoes for his supper, when something started to happen between the staff table and the four house tables.
At first, it was a pinpoint of blinding white light. The point of light hovered in mid-air, approximately five feet off the floor. Students and Staff alike drew their wands and shaded their eyes with their non-dominate hands.
That was when the sound started, an echoing warble that seemed to sit in your chest and vibrate your lungs.
Harry looked to the enchanted ceiling and sighed. "Son of a BITCH!"
"Harry!" Hermione hissed from his side. "Language!"
"What's wrong Harry?" Ron asked.
"This has something to do with me," He responded, really starting to dread what he knew was coming.
"What do you mean something to do with you?" Hermione demanded.
"It's always something to do with me. Every damned time. The weird arsed thing that happens is never for Malfoy, it is never about Bones, it's never about any of the professors. It's always about me."
"We get involved sometimes too Harry," Neville pointed out.
"Because you get sucked into my life," Harry said dismissively. "Trust me, this thing is going to latch onto me somehow."
The light winked out, at first it seemed that everyone had spots before their eyes, but it soon became apparent that the pinpoint of light had been replaced by a pinpoint of utter blackness.
The tiny disk of black did not remain a pinpoint for long, as it began expanding, until after several minutes it was a disk seven foot across.
The Staff rose from their seats and approached the disk, their wands out. The assembled students watched as the staff, from Dumbledore to Trelawney each cast upon the disk of darkness and it was obvious from their reactions that they were not getting responses that they expected.
"Ah, screw it," Harry said. "It's about me, it probably needs me to be close before it can let the rabid dragon through whatever kind of portal that is. If I leave, it will probably follow me. I'm going to see what this is all about."
Harry shoved himself to his feet and was utterly unsurprised when Ron and Hermione rose to follow him.
"Get back to your seat Potter," McGonagall said when she spotted them.
"Ten points from Gryffindor for being so arrogant that you think you can determine what this is," Snape sneered, until his eyes narrowed. "Unless you caused it."
"Harry, do you know what this is?" Dumbledore asked.
Before Harry could start to answer, the disk billowed outwards and a person stepped out of it with a wet sucking sound. Once she was out of the disk, it disappeared like a soap bubble popping.
"Whoa, watch that first step," the young woman said. "It's a doozy."
Harry's eyes narrowed. This woman looked almost like an… an older, much chestier, Hermione. This woman made Sue Bones look like a first year.
"Bloody Hell," Ron whispered. He had seen it too.
"Welcome to Hogwarts, Miss…" Dumbledore said, his eyes widening in recognition. "Juliet?"
"Fuck you Albus," the woman said dismissively. "You didn't really think you could get rid of me did you? I'm back, baby. And this time, I'm staying. I've got a family to reconnect to, and…" she looked around the room, locking eyes with Harry.
Here it comes, Harry thought. And he was right.
"Harry!" this Juliet woman proclaimed joyously. "Come here, lover!"
Harry found himself with an armload of very attractive woman with her tongue in his mouth. As vicious attacks went, this one was a pretty nice.
"Get your hands off him!" Hermione shouted.
"Hermione?" the woman asked as she returned custody of Harry's tonsils to their owner, moving to hug her as she had Harry, though without the kiss. "How's my baby sister?"
"What?" Hermione demanded in confusion. "I don't have a sister…"
Juliet held Hermione at arm's length. "What do you mean you don't have a sister? Hermione, it's me, Julie."
Seeing the total lack of recognition in the younger woman's eyes, Juliet wheeled to face Dumbledore. "Albus, what the fuck did you do?"
"Why did you kiss Harry," Hermione demanded, too upset to correct the young woman's language.
"Why wouldn't I kiss Harry, Sis?" Juliet asked wrapping herself around Harry again. "He's my husband."
"Headmaster," Hermione demanded. "What did you do?"
"Wait, wait, wait." Harry said, trying to get everyone's attention. "We're married?"
"We sure are," the woman said, pulling his face into her cleavage. "Or will be. Time travel is such a pain."
"Will be?" Harry asked, his voice muffled by the bountiful flesh he was semi-embedded in.
"In about five years by your perspective. Two years ago by mine."
"Bloody hell, Harry," Ron said in a shocked tone. "You were right."
"And what do you believe him to be right about Weasley?" Snape ground out through clenched teeth.
"It really is all about him."
So, yeah. This was going to be a somewhat perverted Harry gets laid, a lot, story, but it pooped out.
I managed to salvage part of it for my 'Hermione's daughter comes back for revenge' story in my oneshot box but I've always wished this had gone somewhere.
Juliet Granger/Potter was going to be larger than life, lusty, horny, and just as smart as her younger sister, with a few bones to pick with poor misunderstood Albus.
I mean, Harry most always gets crapped on in Fics, even when he wins. Why not have an uninhibited woman come into his life and have him hang on for dear life?