Home
"I'm worried about Ciel."
It was dark and cold outside, but the kitchen radiated light and warmth. Agni and Sebastian were the only ones awake in the manor, both of them cleaning up the mess the other servants had left. Sebastian had said he could do it alone (not requiring sleep and all), but Agni had insisted, so there they were, cleaning the kitchen together. Sebastian would have prefered to be alone, but a butler must not be rude.
"People often are," he responded dryly, putting a clean dish on the rack. He'd had this conversation several times with a variety of people.
Agni didn't give up, "Then why aren't you? You're closest to him, after all. He's too young for his position, Sebastian - too young to be the queen's slave. He's going to do something he'll regret forever. He reminds me so much of myself. Perhaps I could guide him away from my fate." The taller man sighed as he mopped at the already glistening floor. He looked out the window with a far away look in his eyes.
"What's wrong with your fate?" Sebastian asked, picking up the next plate, "You don't have the glory you once had as a prince, but it was my impression you're satisfied with being the Prince's servant."
"I am!" Agni responded quickly. He was no longer mopping the floor. With the subject of his beloved prince at hand, a great passion ignited in his eyes. This had always perplexed Sebastian. He suspected Agni drew his power from his loyalty to the prince, but why was he so dedicated to the brat? The spoilt seventeen year old cared about no one but himself. How had such a childish fool drawn out such a reaction? Was it because he was Agni's savior?
"I enjoy being a servant of the Prince. But… I wish I didn't have to live with such regret. Surely you understand. Have you no regrets?"
A personal question. Sebastian hated personal questions. Luckily, he was good at dodging them.
"... I suppose I have some, but I choose not to think about them. Regret is a pointless emotion. There is no undoing the past."
"I disagree. You're a better man than I, so maybe it's hard for you to understand, but my past helps me live in the future. At my core, I am the same evil man I once was, but the consequences of that evil life have changed me into who I am today. Regrets shape and improve who we are."
Sebastian chuckled, "Believe me, Mr. Agni, I'm no saint."
"That's hard to believe."
The conversation was taking a worrying turn. Sebastian tried to focus on the plates.
"Why?" he asked dryly.
"You're… you're perfect!" Agni blushed and clung to the handle of his mop like a lifeline. "You take care of an orphaned boy, regardless of how he treats you. And-"
"You seem to have the wrong impression." Sebastian stated. It was an understatement. "Ciel is not a charity case. We have an agreement that benefits me greatly - or will at least."
"But-"
Sebastian cut him off. He was growing annoyed, "Like you I have a past, Mr. Agni. My hands are not clean of innocent blood, and I haven't always been this docile. I recommend you look elsewhere for inspiration."
Dammit; he was revealing too much. Something about Agni had coerced the information out of him. This is why he'd wanted to clean alone. This is why he avoided the khansama like the plague.
"Then you're like me."
"I'm nothing like you. Quite the opposite, actually. I choose to live how I please. 'Good.' 'Evil.' Such distinctions are pointless, and I don't care for them. I had a chance to be 'good' long ago and I gave it up."
Damn it all, he should shut his mouth. These were things he'd sworn he would never speak of, especially not to a human. He'd kept silent about such matters for several millennia, so long he'd lost count. Why couldn't he shut up about it now?
Agni was silent, focused entirely on Sebastian. His eyes were trained on the butler's face, their intensity shield only by a mop of white hair.
"... and you don't regret it."
"As I said, regret is pointless."
Agni raised his eyebrows, "So do you? Regret it I mean,"
Sebastian was silent. He considered leaving the kitchen then but decided it would be rude and uncouth. Not that this conversation was proper to begin with. He sighed to himself. The things he had to do to keep up his 'Sebastian' persona, it was really quite ridiculous.
"Why do you never speak of home?" Agni asked quietly, and Sebastian resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"I'd rather not have this conversation."
"Where are you from anyway?"
"As I said, Mr. Agni, I'd prefer not to talk about it."
"Will you never go back?" Agni said quietly. As the words left his mouth, a plate dropped from Sebastian's hands and shattered in the sink. The kitchen was silent, save for the chirping of crickets and the crackle of the stove. He kept his back to Agni so the man couldn't see the redness of his face as he collected the broken pieces of china.
After a moment he said, "Not everyone gets a second chance, you know. I've been exiled. I was in a war and lost. I wouldn't go back if I could."'
Agni's voice was gentle, "I see. I'm sorry I brought it up"
Sebastian sighed, "I've already said too much, so I might as well say more. If you remember anything from this conversation, remember this: your life is too short to spend chasing a desired, unattainable label. Good people are taken advantage of. Do only as you wish and nothing more. Now, go to bed."
"What if I don't wish to?"
Sebastian turned to find Agni staring at him. The two locked eyes and stood still for a moment, unmoving like statues. Then, almost telepathically, they both advanced.
They laid on the grass, staring up at the starry sky. It was one of those rare cloudless days when you could even see the edge of the milky way. Well, that's all Agni could see anyway, Sebastian could in fact see far past that, but chose not to mention it as Agni commented on the sky.
Eventually they stopped talking. Sebastian relaxed his muscles and closed his eyes, feigning a sort of half-sleep. He didn't mind the act, however, but instead enjoyed drinking the night in. He could feel the press of grass against his white undershirt (his tailcoat having been discarded a while back), and enjoyed the wind that blew across his face. Agni's breaths grew longer and deeper beside him, and Sebastian was sure the man had gone asleep before he sat up suddenly, surprising him.
"I think you're wrong." Agni said firmly, staring accusingly at Sebastian. There was no hint of exhaustion in his voice.
Sebastian grinned, "I'm never wrong. But about what?"
"Goodness being a pointless, unattainable thing."
"This again?"
"Not only that, but I think you're a better person than you realize."
Sebastian laughed, "You should go to sleep."
Agni ignored him. "Maybe one day you can go back to that place you come from. You say you don't want to go, but I can see the desire in your eyes. It must be a truly lovely place, for you to long for it."
They were silent again. A large gust of wind blew.
"You don't understand; I can never go back. But maybe you'll be able to go sometime, hopefully sometime far away."
Agni crossed his arms but didn't ask any questions. For all his faults, the man knew when to stop pestering. After a while, a brilliant smile crossed his face and he spoke.
"I should take you to India. It's beautiful this time of year, and hot too. It won't be raining this time of year either."
"Perhaps," Sebastian smiled back at him, though he'd already been to India several times and had hated it. The country was too hot and dusty for his taste. He prefered cold weather for whatever reason, an irony when one considered where he was from. But if he went with Agni, perhaps he wouldn't mind India too much.
He looked over at Agni, who had returned to stargazing. Strands of bleach white hair danced wildly across the man's golden eyes as the wind blew. Yes, Sebastian thought as he closed his eyes, wherever Agni went, he wouldn't mind going too. Even if it was back home.
A/N: Please give me feedback! Even if you hated this I'd love to hear about your opinion. Also, if you have any suggestions please tell! I hope you all stay safe and healthy. Don't forget to wash your hands : )