The Bitch That Stole Christmas

Evelyn still wasn't back by Christmas morning, so Kitty begrudgingly pulled on a pair of cotton shorts, being careful of the cast on her leg. She couldn't help but feel a certain amount of dread for the holiday even though Kitty knew that she should be happy. Her parents weren't here, so it's not like they could ruin it again. Still, she had to force herself to get out of bed, get dressed, and make her way down to the living room with her crutches. She stopped next to the tree and slid the bag on her shoulder off, turned it upside down, and shook the wrapped presents out of it. She then moved to the couch and plopped down on it, already exhausted.

"Morning."

Kitty jumped a little and looked over the side of the couch to see Logan standing in the kitchen, a coffee mug in each of his hands. She sighed and closed her eyes. "I didn't know you were in there."

He walked into the living room and Kitty gently moved her cast-bound leg onto the coffee table so he could sit next to her. Logan handed her one of the mugs and asked, "Still having a hard time with your hearing?"

"Evelyn said she can fix most of it, but I'll still have some problems with low frequency and competing tones, so if there's a lot of background noise, I might not be able to separate the different sounds." Kitty admitted before taking a sip of the drink. She looked down at the mug in surprise, then back up at Logan. "This is cocoa."

He simply said, "It's Christmas."

Kitty took another drink and nodded. "It's pretty good." She leaned her head back on the couch and saw Natasha and Clint wandering into the room. "Psst," Kitty whispered, nodding her head to the stockings near Logan. "Give me Barton's." Logan reached over and unhooked the stocking, passing it over to Kitty with a questioning look. "Hey, Barton!" Kitty called over the back of the couch, holding the stocking out of his sight. When he turned to look at her, she curled her hands into fists with her index finger and thumb still out, making a finger gun. She then jerked her hands towards her body, making the ASL motion for, "Think fast!"

Clint held his hands out in a "What?" motion and Kitty quickly tossed his stocking to him, successfully hitting him in the chest with it. Natasha and Kitty laughed at the shocked look on his face as the stocking slid to the floor.

Bruce wandered into the living room, rubbing his eyes as he made a beeline for the coffee pot. He brought his mug in the living room and sat in one of the arm chairs across from Kitty. He took a sip of coffee then rolled his eyes, frustrated at Logan's presence. "Don't you live anywhere else?" He asked Logan.

He was about to retort something back when Deadpool and Peter Parker barged into the room, presents in their arms.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE OTHER JOLLY MAN IN A RED SUIT!" Deadpool greeted loudly, ignoring the groans. He was wearing a red and white santa hat over the hood of his suit and he pulled up his mask to his nose once he set down the presents.

"Happy Christmas, Sarge." Kitty replied. She figured, maybe if she faked being cheerful and happy, she would eventually feel cheerful and happy. "Hey, little brother."

"Merry Christmas, Lara." Deadpool said.

"Lara?" Kitty asked with raised eyebrows. She looked around at the others for answers.
"Lara Croft." Deadpool smiled. "Tomb Raider. Sexy, curvy, badass, quite adept with weapons. Just, ya know, a blonde version."

"Lara Croft," Kitty repeated, nodding her head. "Not bad."

"You know, you might be more comfortable fighting people in her outfit." Clint said right before Natasha smacked him.

"You think I'll be more comfortable in tight booty shorts." Kitty asked. "In the middle of winter in New York city."

Clint shrugged. "Just a suggestion."

"Hello, children." Steve beamed, strolling in from the hallway with Tony following close behind. "Merry Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas, dads." Kitty couldn't help but smile up at her not-quite parents, glad that she actually had a family to spend the Holidays with. Tony unhooked the rest of the stockings and passed them around to their respective owners. Kitty unwrapped a candy cane and stuck the one end in her mouth.

"I didn't know you liked peppermint." Deadpool commented as he sat down on the floor near Kitty.

She shrugged. "Makin' it into a shank." Kitty smiled sweetly, the crook of the candy cane still sticking out of the side of her mouth. She took it out and poked her friend with it, then replaced it back in her mouth. Deadpool laughed loudly then started rummaging through his own stocking.

They started dispersing the presents, and soon, Kitty had a large pile of gifts in front of her. She picked out a red box that said it was from Nastasha. Kitty ripped open the paper to reveal two pieces of matte black metal with silver engravings. She took them out of the box and examined them, trying to figure out what they were.

"They're gauntlets, Котенок. They're made from a type of metal that can deflect bullets." Natasha explained as she sat on the floor, a box in her lap. Kitty slid one on her unbandaged arm and had Logan snap the pieces together to secure it.

"Like Wonder Woman!" Kitty smiled, her face lighting up.

Deadpool shook his head and said, "Wrong universe, Vics."

"Anyways, they're perfect." Kitty said as she rotated her arm, checking out the guards.

"There's also a small lever you flip and the engravings," Natasha pointed to the twisted ivy pattern carved into the metal. "Will glow blue."

"Open mine next." Clint requested. "They go with it."

Kitty rummaged through the packages and found Clint's. Inside was a set of rainbow, iridescent knowing knives.

"They slide into the arm guards so you can easily pull them out and throw them." Clint helped show her how to put them into the underside of the guard.

"This is awesome." Kitty ran her finger carefully over the sharp tip of the blades. "I can't wait till I'm healed and I can play with them."

"Oh, great." Tony said with a deadpan face as he watched Kitty with the knife. "More weapons. Just what she needed."

"Just wait till you see what I got Barton." Kitty smiled devilishly, raising her eyebrows as Logan helped her unhook the gauntlet. She watched as Clint unwrapped the present. "They're poison arrows!" She chirped. "The tips have spider venom in them, so when they hit a target, you press a button that you clip to your bow and it releases the venom! That way, if you accidentally hit someone, it doesn't immediately kill them."

"Only you can talk about murder and make it sound happy." Bruce commented as Clint handed him an arrow to inspect.

Kitty reached for another present that said it was from Deadpool. She cautiously opened it, unsure and slightly afraid of what he would give her as a present. Kitty laughed loudly upon seeing the small box. "Band-Aids!" She held up the white and blue box for everyone to see. "Really?"

Deadpool was laughing too hard to speak, his hand grasping at his stomach.

Peter sighed, the sides of his mouth turned up slightly. "It's a gag gift. I told him not to."

"Here," Deadpool produced a shoddily wrapped gift once he stopped laughing. "I fixed your suit. It was in pretty rough shape from Ashley's bomb."

Kitty hugged the familiar material to her chest. "Thank you, Sarge. Speaking of," She pointed to a large box in the corner. "That big box over there? That's yours."

Deadpool shot up and ripped the paper off the box at an inhuman speed. The box said that it was a professional speed sewing machine, a lot nicer than the secondhand one Deadpool had purchased over two years ago. His eyes teared up behind his mask and he rushed over to the couch to hug Kitty before he sat down and opened the box to read about his new present.

Natasha was happy with the enormous box of candies from Russia that Kitty had imported and was munching on a piece almost immediately. Peter had opened up the new camera Kitty had gotten him and was snapping pictures of the group. Steve received a small iPod, a bunch of music she knew he liked already downloaded in. Tony was currently showing him how to work it. She had talked to Bruce earlier and they decided that since he wasn't planning on being here, neither one needed to get the other a present. It was a relief to Kitty, who had no idea what you get your ex for Christmas.

Kitty had gotten Logan a very nice bottle of bourbon. "So you don't have to drink mine." She explained with a smile, knowing full well that he would still take hers.

"Your turn." Logan handed her a red envelope with her name written on it and she recognized the handwriting as Steve's. A pair of plane tickets lay innocently in the envelope, and Kitty immediately knew that the destination was to where her family was. "So you don't have to go alone." Logan told her.

Kitty smiled, but the anxiety hit her hard. She looked down at the tickets and told herself that it was about time to go see them. "Thanks, guys." Kitty tucked the plane tickets back into their sleeve and picked up the last box. This one was small and light, and Kitty couldn't stop herself from shaking it a little.

"That one's from me." Tony told her, watching in amusement as she inspected the box.

"I've got to give you yours in private." Kitty disclosed as she used one of her new knives to slice open the box. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at Kitty, who now had a pair of keys hanging from her index finger. "Oh, look. Keys, just what every girl dreams of." She joked.

"They go to a motorcycle down in the garage. I bought it before," Tony guestered to the cast on her leg. "This happened."

"You got me a motorcycle?" Kitty asked, excitement lighting up her face.

"You got her a motorcycle?" Steve's face was most certainly not excited. "Really? That's what you got her?"

"And I was in trouble for knives?" Clint asked, his eyebrows raised. "She's going to die on that thing!"

Bruce looked at Tony and asked, "You're her blood type, right?"

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Kitty gushed, reaching over as much as she could to hug Tony.

"It's a vintage, of course. You can't ride it until you're better, though." Tony warned, hugging her back.

"Now, I gotta give you your present." Kitty stood up (with a little help) and used her crutches to lead Tony back to her room. She retrieved her black backpack that she had in the hospital and began digging around in it. Finally, she produced a sketch pad and started flipping through it. "Here." She handed Tony a piece of paper encased in a sleeve of plastic. "I mean, it's not a motorcycle…"

It was an extremely realistic drawing of Tony that she had started before she was blown up. "This is perfect." He said as he ran his fingers over the plastic. "It looks like a photo."

"You can't tell anyone that I draw, though." Kitty uneasily shifted her weight, still leaning on the crutches.

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna take Steve's thing."

"What?"

Kitty sat down on her bed. "Arts kinda his thing. You and Petey have technology, Deadpool sews, Natasha has dance, Bruce is all smart, and Barton has kids and likes to build furniture, and me," She shrugged. "I kill people. And I didn't wanna take his thing."