Here's another new chapter!
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-FantasyWriterFoSho
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Summary of the Previous Chapter: Belle brought the scarf to Gold, who took it to visit Emma's last known location, and while there, he made corrections to his plan. When he returned to his shop, he was then paid a visit by the Snow Queen.
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Chapter Ten: Personal Afflictions
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Still frozen in front of the mirror, a tear rolled down Emma's cheek at the emotional and bodily betrayal she was experiencing.
She couldn't look away.
She couldn't move.
She could barely breathe.
Choking down a sob, her throat incredibly raw, she continued to stare into the mirror, which was forcing her to relive her troubled life, over and over again, and it all began with her childhood.
She had been abandoned many times but she was also accustomed to running from her problems, whether out of fear or sheer survival. Either way, none of it was pleasant. She remembered how she had been beaten over scraps of food, more times than she could count, but despite the fact that she worked hard for everything she earned...she always tried to remain resilient and strong in front of her bullies.
One time, she knocked somebody out so hard, with a sharp and swift kick to the face, that the guy had to spend weeks in a hospital, but even though she did it for the right reasons, she always carried around a hollowed and gutted feeling. It wasn't something she was proud of but she wouldn't downplay the confidence she gained by doing that or any other similar experience.
Exhaling mutely, Emma felt that proud feeling drain away with the next image.
Desperate, she tried to blink or to simply turn her head, but she physically was unable to; however, even if she could, she doubted anything would change.
More of her childhood started unfolding out in front of her; some more frightening than the last, but the one constant thing that rang true with each image was how she felt unwanted and unloved.
I still do…
Suddenly, the mirror stirred and jumped from her past life to her present one.
With "abandonment" being her connecting theme, Emma repeatedly saw how she gave her son away because she didn't want the responsibility before it slowly morphed into all of her sad and lonely relationships, which never ended on a good note. It then began summing up her magical and deeper personal failures, ranging form her being a terrible, deserting mom to Graham and Neal's deaths to her blunderings with Regina's budding love life to David's accident.
As she watched that light pole nearly crush her dad, more tears began to fall down her cheeks until it pooled together at the tip of her chin and dropped, unheeded, to the icy ground below. Her red rimmed eyes took in the pain that was on his face before it showed her the rebuking features of her mom.
Emma again tried to look away. She could literally feel Mary Margaret's horror prick at her heart, making her lip quiver.
I'm not the daughter she would've chosen…
I'm not the person who gets to have a happy ending...
The mirror stirred again.
Killian's face then rippled onto its surface.
Emma's eyes widened, her sanity now stood on the edge of a cliff, looking down.
As images of them together plagued her, a startling realization struck her hard in the chest.
She had an inability to love him...
She saw how she kept turning him away by either rebuffing his advances or by just avoiding his presence altogether.
She was too broken to show him her true self.
She was too broken for him to see her true feelings that she chose to hide and bury them deep inside. If she was being completely honest, she would admit that she was terrified of being around him. She was always fearful of his safety because of her track record with the men she cared about.
I don't deserve love…
He'll be better off without me, she thought inwardly, an audible gasp erupting from her sealed lips at that awareness.
Me...not just my magic, but me, as a person, too.
They all would be…
They are better off without me...
Seeing the truth in those words, more tears began to gather in her eyes.
I may be the Savior but I'm a terrible one. They deserve better…
...They deserve to be saved from themselves.
The Snow Queen would make a much better Savior than me...she would actually get the job done and without as many mistakes...
As the mirror began spitting comparisons between the two, their magical level, their skills and knowledge, their adaptability and general cunning, Emma's thoughts darkened considerably.
Though she planned on destroying the town and taking its magic, she was doing it for the right reasons. She was doing it for love. She treasures me and Elsa, which is more than what I can say about my own parents...
Gazing at the reflected images, her eyes hardened.
...they abandoned me just like everybody else. They're the reason why I'm like this. If they cared about me, they would've kept me.
They deserve to die.
They all deserve to die.
Everybody...and not just those in Storybrooke…
The whole damn world should just—
NO!
With a slight neck turn, Emma snapped out of her violent reverie, her hands sparking and glowing an amber color.
That's not true! she thought, reversing her previous and disturbing ones. The town deserves better, yes, but not the Snow Queen's unjustified wrath!
Struggling to close her eyes against the mirror's dangerous influence, Emma tried to summon then push all of her strength downward, from her neck to her shoulders to her limbs, but as small and unexpected as her slight break was, it wasn't meant to last.
Her body soon snapped back to its original position and when she tried to fight against it again, she found that it was even harder for her to budge than before. Internally screaming at the frustrating betrayal, her mind soon followed her body's lead by resetting the mirror's images.
Rewinding itself all the way back to her childhood, it repeated her trauma, over and over again; making her see every single second of her troubled life until she felt completely drained and brainwashed by it.
Eyes fluttering, Emma resigned herself to her fate, leaving the streaks of her already shed tears as the only sign to her inner struggle.
...
6:00PM
Killian had moved away from the counter to start pacing in the center of the loft's room. He could tell that his movements were distressing the sitting Mary Margaret, David and Henry—who had rejoined them when the former had told him about Regina's decision—but he couldn't help himself.
He was beyond anxious. He was a bundle of raw nerves.
He couldn't stop thinking about Emma and what she could possibly be going through. He needed to know where she was and the more the day waned, the more frantic he became.
Killian swallowed the lump in his throat. I shouldn't have left her, he thought, recalling the last time he saw her in the forest. I should have stayed with her. She needed me and I abandoned her. I have half a mind to…
He then paused, his heart pounding. Coming to a halt, he then turned to gaze at the door.
...go back, he continued silently. I should go back and scour those woods, by myself, until I find her. Breathing heavily, Killian found himself moving forward, his hand grasping the handle and pulling it open in one quick, determined tug.
"Hook?" David called out, his brow raised. "Where are you going?"
Killian didn't respond. He was driven by his desire to find the woman he loved, but before he could even step out into the hall, he spied a familiar figure climbing up the nearby stairs.
"Regina?" he asked, his eyes blinking rapidly in confusion.
She looked up when she heard her name and gave him a blank stare. Slowly moving over to stand in front of him, Regina gave him a curt nod. "Were you expecting somebody else?"
"No," he responded quickly, not wanting to irritate or anger her further when she had graciously agreed to assist them. Smiling to defuse the tension, he gestured his head over his shoulder. "Not at all. I'm just surprised that you didn't just use your magic to pop in..."
Regina glared at him. Her deadly and serious gaze raking over his face, completely devoid of humor.
Killian cleared his throat then took a couple of steps back and off to the side, welcoming the woman into the room with a beckoning sweep of an arm.
Sighing heavily, Regina entered the loft, meeting the gaze of everybody before moving back to Henry's, her eyes softening the longer they lingered on him. He looked happy to see her but she wasn't ready to have that necessary discussion with him just yet, so...she redirected her attention back over to Emma's parents, who were regarding her with a touch of unease.
Leaning to one side, her hip cocked out, she folded her arms over her chest. "Remind me," she began, her eyes flashing. "What exactly did my imp do this time?"
…
More to come! Stay tuned and thanks!