Hello my dears. I would like to thank Elle Light, lauparrillaxrobbie and OechsnerC for the lovely reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.
So here is the next chapter, I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Arthur and Gwen returned to the horses only moment before they were joined by Morgana and Merlin, the latter two presuming that the others had waited for their return, and not that they had followed them and listened to their private conversation.
The journey back to Camelot was shrouded in a layer of tension so thick it was almost visible. It radiated off of Morgana and Merlin, not that Arthur noticed. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, his only worries and guilt still rolling through him at all he had learnt, to give much consideration to the feelings of his companions. In fact it was only Gwen who was clearheaded enough to feel the emotions all her friends were releasing, only Gwen who noticed how Merlin's eyes rarely left Morgana's profile, even if the lady very obviously refused to look his way. Only Gwen who saw the frown still marring Arthur's face as his eyes stared at the ground unseeing.
Riding through the entrance to the citadel they past Leon taking out a patrol, not that any of them truly noticed that fact. No they were all far too relieved to be back, to see much else. As soon as her feet hit the cobbles, Morgana was off. She needed to be alone, needed to be as far away from Merlin as it was possible to be right then, and there was only one place she knew she would be able to do that. Only one place she would find the peace she required, the distance from everyone. That place was her own private chambers.
Merlin watched her go, watched Gwen follow her. Watched until she disappeared from view. Once Morgana was gone from his sight he turned the horses he was holding towards the stables. He knew he could have got one of the lads who worked there to deal with the steeds, but he too needed time alone. Needed time to regain his equilibrium before he saw Arthur. Needed time to think about all that had been said, and not said between himself and Morgana. Needed time put back the mask of goofy servant he wore, the mask all in Camelot expected to see. He needed time to deal with his emotions, his pain and heartbreak on his own. Because Merlin was used to being alone, he had dealt with everything that way all his life, now was no different.
Morgana stood in her chamber finding herself slightly out of breath from the fact she had practically run back to it. Run to the only sanctuary she had in this place. She was just starting to calm when there was a knock at her door.
"What!" she snapped turning quickly with a glare towards the door that was carefully opening. If it was Merlin she would… oh there was too much she wanted to do to that man to even think of just one. But rather than him, the door showed Gwen. Not that she was feeling much better towards the maid right then. She had noticed she did not seem surprised by Merlin's use of magic any more than Arthur. She had known and never told her. She was almost as bad as him. Okay, maybe she wasn't being fair on her friend, but right then she didn't feel like being fair to anyone. Why should she? She had been betrayed by the one she had opened her heart to. The only person she needed to be fair to was herself.
"Whatever you have come to say Gwen, I am not interested." Morgana snarled turning her back on her maid.
"I just wanted to see if they were anything you needed, my lady." Gwen replied in a gentle voice, wanting more than anything to be able to help her fiend through her pain. To help her through the betrayal Merlin caused to her heart.
"Yes, for you to leave me alone. For everybody to leave. Me. Alone." Morgana answered in a steel, regal voice.
Her tone was one that no servant could ever refuse to obey. Therefore all Gwen could say in response was "of course, my lady." As she curtsied, then turned to the door and leaving.
Once she was alone again Morgana found herself slumping down in the chair at her dressing table. She could feel tears in the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She would not cry over him. But oh, the pain and the feelings swirling around her… it was too much. It was all too much. She didn't know how to deal with what was inside her now she was alone. She did not know how to stop the confusion and betrayal that was calling out inside her for revenge. She wished there was someone she could talk to that would understand. Someone who would be on her side, someone who knew all Merlin had done, who knew what it had cost her to allow him into her heart. It was then her eyes caught sight of the mirror sitting on her dressing table. The mirror her sister had given her so they could communicate, and looking at she realised there was one person she could talk to. One person who would give her the comfort and calm she so desperately needed. With that in mind she sent a message to Morgause asking her to come to her that evening, and in doing so, that simple act helped calm her raging heart. Soon, she would have comfort and help. Soon she would have someone to listen and care for her as she so desperately needed. Soon.
Arthur stood staring down at the flames in the fireplace of his room, his mind not really seeing them. Instead he was running through all he had discovered, all he had heard, all he and Gwen had discussed. It all went round and round in his mind. He had so many questions. And as much as he had decided to leave Merlin to tell him in his own time, had accepted Gwen's reasoning for his friend staying by his side even after what he had done, he still couldn't stop his mind from wondering. Couldn't stop the guilt that was like a dark pit inside him. Couldn't stop remembering Morgana's eyes glowing gold. Couldn't stop remembering how his first instinct had been to kill his best friend when he heard him speak that which he had already known. When he had heard Merlin say he had magic. How could Merlin possibly be friends with someone who's first thought was to run him through? How would him now knowing, change the friendship between them? And how would his new found knowledge, change the man he trusted with his life? He was pulled from his thoughts by someone speaking from his shoulder. He had been so consumed by his own thoughts he hadn't even heard the door open and close.
Merlin had returned to Arthur's room feeling a little bit better. He had calmed down while doing the menial task of brushing down the horses. Had calmed enough to allow his mind to start working again. To allow him to realise he was going to have to get absolute confirmation from Morgana that she would still side with Arthur. He needed to make sure she would not go back to her sister, he needed to know she was with them. Because even if she never forgave him, he could live with that. But he didn't think he could survive if she became the enemy, not now he had given her his heart. Knowing she was lost to him he could deal with, but the thought of having to kill her… the idea chilled him to the bone and made him feel physically sick. He knew he should give her time, let her cool down, but time was something he didn't have. He couldn't give her the change of returning to Morgause. So as much as he knew she would hate him for it, he was going to have to push for a clear answer. As such he had come up with the plan that he would go to her chambers that evening and try to talk to her once more. And he would keep going there until he got an answer. With that clear, he had turned his mind to the next problem. Namely what he was going to say to Arthur about how his conversion with Morgana had gone. He knew he couldn't tell him the truth, there were too many secrets, too much Arthur didn't know for him to do that. But he still hadn't come up with any bright ideas as he walked through Arthur's door to find the other man standing and staring down at the fire, and as he walked to stand at his shoulder, for the first time Merlin noticed the frown on his face.
"Arthur, are you all right?" He asked in a concerned tone, all else flying from his mind at his wish to help his friend. His words caused a small smile to lift the corners of Arthur's lips as the blonde prince turned to him.
"I'm pretty sure I should be asking you that." Arthur replied feeling something warm course through him as he saw Merlin for the first time since he had discovered all he had. He still looked the same, still had the big ears and messy hair. Still had a look of concern in his eyes for his friend. He was still the same old Merlin, even if Arthur did feel as if everything had been turned upside, it seemed Merlin would still be a constant in his life. Though thinking about it, he wasn't sure why he would think he would change. For one, Merlin had no idea he knew what he did now, so why would he be different? Or maybe Arthur had just thought he would see him differently, see something more when he looked at him now he knew he had broken his heart. Oh lord, he starting to ramble just like Merlin, even if he was only doing it in his head.
"But I asked first." Merlin replied with a goofy grin, completely unaware of the thoughts going through Arthurs mind. He just wanted to not answer any questions about Morgana, and when it came to Arthur, he had always known exactly which words to say to get his mind away from things he didn't want to talk about.
"Ah but I am the prince, Merlin. You don't get to question a prince." Arthur responded in a supercilious tone as he walked away from the fire to take a seat at his table, relaxing back into the banter that was such a comfort to him, even if he had never realised it until now.
"Since when has that ever stopped me?" Merlin asked with a smirk as he crossed his arms to lean against the mantel. Arthur was not the only one taking comfort from this conversation, from the return to the normal after all the upheaval that had happened.
At that Arthur sighed as he shook his head. Always the same. Merlin was the same, but maybe, just maybe, he wasn't. Therefore turning to look his friend right in the eye he spoke in a tone he only ever used for Merlin. It was the one he used whenever his friend baffled him, from that time they had fought with maces in the market place as he had realised there was something about the other boy to when he would say something unbelievably wise, or follow him into unwinnable situations. "One day, Merlin. One day I will get answers out of you."
And Merlin stared straight back at that. He knew that if Arthur had spoken those words a few weeks ago he would have become flustered, or tried to laugh them off, but not now. Because now there was no need to hide who he was from his friend, from his king. Therefore in his rarely used serious tone he replied "one day."
Arthur nodded, before a smirk crossed his lips and the moment between the two was gone.
"Well considering that day isn't today, my armour needs polishing and my sword needs sharpening, not to mention my rooms need tidying, have you seen the state of them?" He asked waving his hands around him.
"Well maybe if you learnt to put your clothes away, they wouldn't be such a mess." Merlin answered with a roll of his eyes, though he did push himself away from the mantel and start collecting the things from the floor, placing them where they belonged.
"But why would I do that, when I have you to do it for me?" Arthur asked smugly leaning back to watch his friend work. Well what could he say? There was something undeniably enjoyable about watching someone else work after all.
And that was all it took for Merlin and Arthur to fall back into how they had always been, all it took for them to remember that whatever else happened, somethings would never change.