Hello my lovelies. Happy new year all. I would like to thank Jel4me, Ambernot, Gingeraffealene, sandeezy, Meri Ley (Guest), OechsnerC, Elle Light, Mersan123 (Guest), Howarand (Guest) and lauparrillaxrobbie for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.
So I found this chapter sort of hard to write, I knew what I wanted to say, but I'm not sure I got the characters exactly right. I hope you like it and its okay.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Morgana made her way back to her rooms. Entering them, she did not light the candle she knew was sitting on her table, but instead moved seamlessly towards her dressing table, pushing down the hood of her clock as she did so. She was just reaching for the clasp at the nape of her neck when she felt eyes upon her. Straightening her spine and calling her magic forward she spoke to the intruder in her rooms.
"Who's there?" She asked in a commanding, regal tone as she turned, her eyes trying to see into all the corners as she did so. Trying to find the shadow to connect to the eyes she felt on her. Trying to find where to aim the magic building insider her.
But rather than respond to her words, the other person in her room muttered words under his breath and the fire prepared in her grate leapt to life, showing her exactly who was there.
"Merlin." She growled, not sure whether to let the magic she had called loose, or to remain aloof and pretend his presence had no effect on her.
"Morgana. I came to talk to you, but it seemed you had a prior engagement. Tell me, how is Morgause?" Merlin asked in a low tone. He had come to Morgana's rooms with such hope in his heart. Hope that she would still side with Arthur, and in doing so he would have a chance to win her back. To maybe show her that his love for her was real and that he wanted nothing more than to stand at her and Arthur's side. But when he had gotten here it was to find an empty room with an unlit fire, He knew what that meant. He knew where she was, because there was only one reason the lady Morgana went walking at night-time and that was to see her sister. And that realisation drove a hole through his heart greater than anything he had ever known before. The idea that she had already turned away from them, from him, the pain and sorrow he felt… it was the worst of his life. But he refused to walk away, refused to admit defeat, and as such he had stayed, and he had waited for her to return. Because he would not, no could not, let her go without a fight.
"I do not see how my sister is any concern of yours, unless you want to kill her too." Morgana snidely returned. Long gone was the happily sweet Morgana she had been around him, and in her place had returned the one he had hurt and betrayed, though now she felt it ten times more, because now she had allowed herself to love him in a way she never had before.
"I don't want to kill anyone. I want you to side with Arthur, I want you to give me a chance to love you." Merlin replied earnestly, standing from his chair and taking a step towards her, wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and remove the pain he saw in his eyes, though he knew he had no right. Whatever she felt towards him he deserved and more, but he would not let her become his enemy, not this time.
Morgana couldn't believe what he was saying, no actually, she could. It was always about Arthur. And even though he was talking of loving her, she knew in truth it was only to make sure she stood by her brother's side. As she had stood there looking at him she had remembered what her sister had said about true loves kiss, and she had wondered, maybe even hoped… wondered if he was there to connive her to give him another chance, and wondered if she would. But it seemed that Merlin did not care for her. Therefore straightening her spine she spoke.
"Well we don't always get what we want, do we Merlin?" She smirked her tone hard as she said the words, wanting to hurt him in any way she could. Wanting him to feel even a fraction of what she was feeling right then, standing in that room staring into the eyes she still loved, no matter how much hurt they had caused her.
"No." Merlin agreed. He never did get what he wanted, but he had long gotten use to that fact. He needed to turn this conversation to why he was here. "I need to know what you and Morgause are planning now." he said, standing straight, time to get to the reason for his visit. Time to put aside his own feelings in return for saving the kingdom, again.
"And why would I tell you?" Morgana asked disbelief in her tone that he really expected her to share any of their plans with him. He was their enemy, or at least he had been until that evening. Until she had finally confided the truth to her sister and found that their plans had changed. But she wasn't about to tell him that. He did not deserve the truth the way Morgause had done. She had chosen to trust the wrong person when she opened her heart to him, she would not do it again.
"Because I don't believe you really want to hurt Arthur." Merlin replied sincerely. He needed to know what Morgause would do now her plan to enchant him had been foiled. He needed to know what would come next, what he would have to fight next to protect his king. And he needed to know so he could try and pull Morgana away from Morgause and back to their side.
"But in doing so I would hurt you. It seems like incentive enough to me." Morgana snapped back, not that she meant a word of it. She knew she could no more hurt her brother than she could her sister, not now. Not when there was a chance that she would have her family together at last. But she wasn't about to tell Merlin that. It may be petty, but she needed to hurt him as he had hurt her, and threatening Arthur was a sure way of doing so.
"That's not you, Morgana. You are not the kind to inflect pain on someone innocent just to gain revenge on another." Merlin replied, hoping his words were true. He wanted to believe they were. Wanted to trust that she would never do as she was suggesting she would… but there was still a small part of him that had to wonder, had to consider that she would. Had to take the idea that the woman he had given his heart to had turned so far from him he would never be able to bring her back to the light.
"Who said anything about Arthur being innocent?" Morgana responded without thought, though she did wonder why she was saying these things. They weren't what she thought, not anymore, and she if she was having this conversation with anyone other than the man before her she would be honest. But Merlin did not deserve her honesty, he did not deserve anything from her expect to feel the pain she was feeling at his betrayal. Make him see how it felt to be lied too.
"He is your brother. And he is going to be a great king. He will bring magic back, you have to believe that." Merlin repeated the mantra that kept him going. That kept him at his friend's side through thick and thin. Kept him fighting for Arthur and foregoing all else.
"You don't get to tell me what to believe, Merlin. You have no control over me." Morgana hissed. How dare he stand there and tell her she had to believe what he did on his word only. His words meant nothing. If she had not had the vision from the goddess, nothing he could say would convince her of what was to come when Arthur became king.
At that Merlin snapped. She was acting as she was the martyr, as if she was an innocent victim in all this just because he hadn't told her about his magic. Well, so what? She was as far from innocent as he himself was, no she was worse. She had betrayed everyone in this castle, betrayed all the people he tried so hard to protect. He would not take any more.
"Unlike when you tried to enchant me? You hurt because you believe I betrayed you, but you turned on me first." He shouted, letting the anger he felt at everything go. Anger at himself for not being able to trust her so long ago, anger at her for proving him right, anger at Morgause for trying to bind him to her with a love spell, and anger at his own heart for falling for the woman he had failed to save.
The sound of Merlin raising his voice was all the catalyst Morgana needed to let forth her own emotions.
"How dare you." She screaked, the magic which had been bubbling below the surface throughout the whole conversation suddenly spilling out of her, directing itself towards the one causing her pain. And as such Morgana watched with dawning horror as Merlin went flying back through the air, his head smacking the stone wall behind him with a resounding crack, before he slid down the wall in silence.
Morgana couldn't believe what she had just done. What her magic had done. She had been so angry, but she hadn't wanted to kill him. Not really. She had only wanted to hurt him. But she knew that there was no way he could have survived that assault. None of the others ever had that she had done that too. Oh goddess help her, what was going to happen now? She had killed the hope for her people, the one person who could convince Arthur to lift the ban on magic and give them freedom. Oh goddess, what had she done? But even as these thoughts went through her mind her eyes widened in shock as she saw Merlin lift his hand and rub it against the back of his head.
"Ow." He muttered before taking a deep breath and pulling himself to standing, and in doing so pulling his own magic to the fore. If he had to fight her he would, but he really didn't want to.
"How?" Morgana whispered in shock as she watched him standing in front of her. Watched with growing fear of what he would do in retaliation, growing fear at just how powerful the unassuming man in front of her really was to be able to survive an attack from her.
"How what?" Merlin asked with a frown, not understanding what she was asking, though he did pull his magic back as he realised she was no longer attacking him.
"How are you alive?" Morgana asked, her voice still barely above a whisper as she ran her eyes over him and could see no indication that she had just thrown him against her bedroom wall.
"I'm not so easy to kill, Morgana. You of all people should know that." Merlin responded in serious tone. Did she really think that that impact would kill him? It wasn't the first time he had been thrown against the walls of this castle after all.
Suddenly something clicked in her head. A memory she had not even remembered came flying into her mind as if someone else wanted it there. Arthur standing in front of the court, her at his side, telling them who would be overseeing the new laws on magic. She did not understand the significance, but still, she whispered the words she remembered hearing in that dream. "Merlin Emrys?"
"That is what the druids call me." Merlin replied with a nod. He was surprised to hear her call him that, usually it was one of the other, no one else had ever put his two names together before. It sounded strange, but also… right.
Morgana barely heard his response to her words, her mind was already moving forwards, already remembering the next time she had heard that name. The time when words spoken in her mind had sent a chill down her spine and almost froze her to the core. Emrys. He will be your destiny and your doom. This man in front of her was her doom.
"Get out." She hissed. This was too much. There were too many things in her mind to take any more. Too much confusion for her to understand it. Too much to try and make sense of anything anymore. All she knew for sure was the fact that she needed him gone.
"I will go, once you give me your word you still side with Arthur. That you and Morgause will stop trying to bring down the future he will create." Merlin insisted. He knew that now she knew who he was, knew his power, everything would change. He would use it to his advantage to make sure she stayed on Arthur's side. That she stood by her brother. How it would affect everything else he would deal with later. For now he needed to protect Arthur.
"I give you my word. Now leave." Morgana replied, turning her back on him as she did so. She needed him gone. If he needed her to confirm her words to achieve the result she desired then so be it. Right then she would give him anything he wished, as long as it achieved her wish for his absence.
"Thank you." Merlin nodded feeling in his magic that she spoke nothing but the truth. She would stand by Arthur, he had not lost her. He wanted to say more. Wanted to tell her he loved her still, wanted to fight for what they had together, what they could be together, but he knew now was not the time for that. But he would not give her up. Not easily at any rate. But for now he had what he came here for, he would give her the time and peace she needed, for now.
With that Merlin left, and Morgana collapsed into the chair at her dresser as she stared into space, trying to make sense of all that was going on in her mind. Trying to make sense of the ominous words she had heard, and trying to figure out what was to come. But finding she had no answered she slowing stood and made her way to her bed. And for the first time she hoped she would have a dream, hoped she would find some answers to the questions swimming in her mind as she closed her eyes and gave herself over to the sweet oblivion of sleep.