Chapter 36

Zero can't deal with his feelings and or what Yuki did to him. All he sees is red. He puts the white long envelope in his desk and walks away to go home. Not wanting to hear or see anything from her. The pain he feels is unbearable, yet he won't give in to it.

Zero has been staying with Yagari since he left Yuki's home. He never went back to his apartment not wanting to relive the person he had to become, and even though now he has plenty of money he knows where it came from and doesn't want to use it. So he took Yagari up on his offer to stay with him for a while. Not wanting to give in, but really need the companionship even if its just a hi here or there.

Three months go by and Zero is no better then what he was before. The thoughts of being with Yuki in the way, he always wanted to take over his mind and soul. That she gave herself to him and he shared his virginity with the woman he truly loved all along. He still can't believe it. Zero tries to through himself into work more and more not letting anyone see what is taking over inside of him. Still wondering if she is ok? Where she is? And most of all if she is thinking about him as he does her?

Back at the Mansion Kaname does his best, to ignore what is happening in front of him. Yuki hasn't gotten any closer to him over the few months she has stayed here. If anything she has gotten farther away. No matter what he tries it doesn't seem to work. The little girl that always wanted to be around him, and threw herself at him, is no longer. She hides in her room or her office working only seeing Kaname when need be like at dinner or work. She is very quiet and keeps to herself. She is even colder than Kaname, which he never thought he would see. She always was warm and filled with joy. It just seems all that was slowly taken away from her.

Kaname sees that her love for Zero isn't fading, no matter how hard or cold she wants to protray. Kaname can read right through it, feeling her true wants and desires. Which only makes him hurt deep within that he isn't either of those anymore. He knows she just stays out of duty, which isn't what he wants at all.

"Yuki my love, you been couped up for weeks now working in this office. Maybe we should get out and go to dinner or something?" Kaname suggests walking into her office.

"I am a bit busy with work, I have a lot to get through. I have a lot going on." Yuki answers.

"I know my love. You are doing wonderful with all that you are doing for our family. I just think sometimes you need a break. I see you're not happy here and I want to change that. I want to spend more time with you, become friends at least like we were." Kaname says.

"I know you do Kaname. I am still not ready for anything like that. I don't think I ever will be. I will live here with you and do what I need to. I just don't think a relationship with anyone is in my cards. I would prefer to stay alone." Yuki admits.

"Alone? There was a time you wanted me, desired me. I couldn't do any wrong in your eyes. Does he mean that much to you that you can't try to love anyone ever again? What does he have over you?!" Kaname snaps.

"I have done something I shouldn't have, I tricked him into a relationship with me, just to get what I wanted. I wanted to be with him so badly I saw nothing else. I wanted to protect him, give him everything he needed, yet I failed. I hurt him, and he won't even talk to me now. Which I understand, I just don't like. He holds my heart in his hands Kaname, and I will never let anyone be able to control my feelings like that again. I rather be alone." Yuki states.

" I know your hurting from this, but I want you to be happy. I want you to live on and have all the things you wished for him. We can do that, I know you're scared of being hurt but I promise I won't." Kaname answers.

Yuki gets up from her desk and goes over to Kaname, placing her hand on his cheek. "My love It's me that doesn't want to hurt you. I do see everything that you have done for me. I see how much you love me, and I hurt you. I hurt everyone I care for, and I won't do that anymore. I think it may even be best to leave the Mansion and go far away. I stayed in case he would have changed his mind and I see now he isn't. Being here just makes it worse. I need to get away. Then I know you need me and I also have stayed for you." Yuki comments.

Kaname stands there not sure what to say. He sees that she won't give in to him, that Zero is still there in her heart but so is the pain of everything that has happened throughout the years with both of them, and that he is holding her back and only making it worse.

"I guess a little break away from here would be a good thing. I just want you to come back and I want to know where you're going so I can visit. I love you Yuki and no matter what you do that doesn't change." Kaname replies.

"There are some things I have done, that I can't change or take back or even want to. But if they come to light will hurt you, and even myself. I need to go away for a long time Kaname. I will tell you where I am and you can visit but no one else can. And only when you are sure what you see won't hurt you." Yuki responds.

Kaname is a little unsure of what she is talking about. "I am not sure what you're saying my love," Kaname says.

"You will see in due time." Yuki answers kissing his cheek and walking away.

Kaname knows Yuki is hiding something, not telling him the whole story or what is going on. He hates it that she won't confide in him, or trust him. He knew he had to let her go if he ever wanted her to come back.