Valka had a headache the size of a Bewilderbeast. She did her very best to remain absolutely still, since every slightest movement sent her brain spinning. Even her hair hurt on their whole length. Her oral cavity felt as dry as a desert, and her stomach as twisted as a labyrinth. On top of that, if she were to believe her rather amused husband, she had somehow managed to throw up and piss herself at the same time when he was putting her to bed. She couldn't remember it to save her life.

"And the best part of it," narrated Stoick happily, "was when I tried to undress you, you started to kick and punch and yelled: 'Paws off, you brute, I'm married!' Hah! That was adorable!"

Valka groaned, thoroughly embarrassed. She took the solemn oath never to drink with the Bog Burglars again.

Stoick kindly fed her a slice of bread with scrambled eggs and some water, assuring that she had done great at the party. He was particularly impressed with the way she handled Bloodybee. That part, to Valka's relief, did ring a bell. She could recall coming back from the latrine side by side with Snotlout's mother. She remember clearly that Bloodybee hopped on the table and announced for all to her that Valka the Dragon Whisperer has shown proficiency in Viking skills, among others bending men to her will, and from then on was to be considered a friend of the Bog Burglar tribe. It was after that particular announcement that the real heavy drinking started.

Valka supposed she should be proud of herself. Vikings thought it compulsory to get drunk during feasts, which meant she performed well. Yet the achievement was overshadowed by mind-numbing pain. And frustration at seeing Stoick with absolutely no signs of hangover, in spite of him having drunk twice as much as she did.

"Don't worry," he comforted her. "You're a little out of practice, that's all. You'll do better next time."

She sincerely doubted it. No amount of praise could make up for the hell she was going through. Not now, not ever.

She didn't tell her husband any of that, though. Talking meant moving her jaws, and that would only worsen her headache. It was not worth it.

Eventually Stoick had to leave. He left a mug of water within her reach, as well as an empty bucket – in case reaching the outhouse proved to be too much of a challenge. She barely registered those facts before turning her mind off. She had to sleep this over. To quietly wait till the alcohol has evaporated from her body. There was no getting around it.

She couldn't tell how long her nap had taken. When she woke up, however, she was welcomed by a round, stern face, with tiny eyes and a pig-like nose.

"My mother is a secret Odin," said the owner of the face.

Valka was so shocked she momentarily forgot about her headache. "Umh, what?" she blurted.

"For the old man from yesterday," explained her guest. "He keeps some valuables in that secret storage room of his, you see. Every year she sneaks in and adds a tiny bit of gold into it. Not much, a coin or two, but still. If anybody finds out, she'll be the laughingstock of our tribe. If you ever need her to do anything for you, threaten her to tell everybody. There's no way that won't work."

As the girl spoke, Valka's sight focused and her brain started to warm up. She managed to establish that the child who disturbed her peace was Avalanche, the daughter of Bloodybee. The old man from yesterday had to be Mildew, whom Avalanche tried to rob. Everything beyond that seemed way too absurd to process – at least in Valka's condition.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked, confused. "And why would she do such a thing?"

She may not have known Bloodybee for long, but she was still willing to bet the Bog Burglar had no reasons whatsoever to be supporting Mildew. This just didn't add up.

Avalanche shrugged. "She didn't move a finger when Snotlout made me look like an idiot in front of everybody. I want to get back at her," she confessed. "Call it making things even with the two of you. As for mom, she sort of is making things even too. Though Bog Burglars really shouldn't be doing that. We take advantage of everything and everyone and if they expect anything in return, they're idiots."

"Wait, slow down," interrupted Valka. "Your mother is making things even with Mildew?"

Avalanche rolled her eyes. "Geez, you really don't get it," she scowled. "None of us would've gone this far for a man, and certainly not one as useless as him. Mom does it, because his granddaughter asked her to. She was my father's housekeeper once and helped raise my brother. THIS is why my mom does the thing. And, for the record: the granddaughter is the one actually earning the gold. Mom hasn't fallen this low. Yet."

Valka could feel tiny eggs of insecurity hatching underneath her skull. The story was starting to make sense, but that might not have been a good thing after all.

"Housekeeper…" she whispered worriedly. "You mean… Diarrhea the Dirty?"

"Yup," confirmed Avalanche. "You know her?"

Valka hesitated. She knew Diarrheas the Dirty had been her husband's lover. That Hiccup had loved her like a mother. That a heated argument with Stoick left her disfigured, which prompted her to leave Berk for good.

"No, not really," Valka muttered, choosing her words carefully. "But she was Stoick's housekeeper too. And Hiccup's caretaker."

"Oh, right," acknowledged Avalanche, unimpressed by her interlocutor's apparent discomfort. "She did work for most of the warriors on this island at some point. It didn't do her any good."

A massive understatement, if there ever was to be one.

Valka focused on reviewing the facts. She had been aware for quite some time that Rhea was Mildew's granddaughter. The topic came up one time when they were discussing the dragon-Viking integration. Back then she worried that the old man could be holding a grudge against Stoick because of his granddaughter's departure, but Stoick assured her it was not the case.

'Trust me, Val' he had said, 'Mildew cared for Rhea about as much as he does for last year's snow, and she returned the sentiment. The way he sees it she lost her mind and betrayed our village. So no, he is not bitter about losing her. He's a grumpy old man and that's all there is to it.'

It was evident that he felt uncomfortable talking about Rhea, so she refrained from further questions. It wasn't like finding out more about her husband's former lover ranked high on her priority list anyway. The woman was gone forever. There was no need to dwell on it.

Now, however, confronted with somebody perfectly unaware of the housekeeper's involvement with the chief, Valka felt obliged to pursue the topic. What happened to Rhea was partly her fault, so she might find some comfort in knowing the other woman is doing fine.

"How is she? Did she join your tribe?"

Avalanche shook her head. "Neh. She works for us every now and then, does some cleaning and woman skills workshops, so she calls it. Then she leaves and looks for different jobs elsewhere. You may call her our friend, but she's not one of us."

"I see," nodded Valka. "Don't you know if she ever considered coming back to Berk?"

If Rhea refrained from setting down, it might be because she still considered Berk her home. After all, she continued to secretly support her grandfather, even though they weren't particularly close. That did speak volumes.

But Avalanche rebutted the theory.

"Never in her life. She says it's for the best if everybody thinks she's dead. That's why we never speak of her while we're here. So, in case anybody asked, you didn't hear it from me."

Valka had mixed feelings about this. Bloodybee must have known that Hiccup and Snotlout adored Rhea. Must have known how hurt they were by her departure. And yet she never once mentioned to the boys that their beloved housekeeper was alive and well. This simply wasn't right.

But then, how could Bloodybee possibly refuse the request of the woman who had cared for her son? Valka knew she wouldn't. If this was what Rhea wanted, they had to respect her wishes. They owed her that.

"Your secrets are safe with me, Ava," assured Valka sadly. "So are Rhea's. I understand why she doesn't want anything more to do with us. But she could at least visit her grandfather. I'm sure he would appreciate it."

She actually doubted it, but if Rhea still seemed to care for Mildew, despite everything, there was a tiny chance that he returned the sentiment.

Avalanche snorted at the idea. "Hah! If he knew the gold was from her, he'd throw it into the sea! They hate each other!"

"And yet, she cares about him enough to support him in a way he would accept," insisted Valka. It might have been pointless to dwell on the subject, but she suddenly felt like reaching out to Avalanche. Talking to this child sparked up her motherly instincts, and she was going to put them to some good use.

"Look, Ava," she started, "relationships in a family can be very complicated. It is perfectly normal to love and hate a person at the same time. My boys and I have our ups and downs, but we always do care about each other. Your mother loves you, and wants the best for you, even if she shows it in strange ways. You are angry at her right now, but I'm sure you still love her very much. Your father and brother too, even though they are men and annoy you. So maybe you could try and convince Rhea to at least write Mildew a letter? At least she will have tried."

The speech did nothing to change Avalanche's mind.

"Not a chance," assured the girl smugly. "She'd rather be remembered as an egoistic pig who cut all ties with her family to search for gods know what in the big world, and probably sunk in her first storm, than a stupid lass who tried to improve her life by porking with the big guys and ended up with a child out of wedlock. And I can totally see why."

"W-wa-wait!" Valka stuttered. "Hold it! A child? I heard it right?"

"Yup. Rhea has a son," confirmed Avalanche. "That's why she can't be a Bog Burglar. She'd have to dump the boy with his father, and apparently, there is no such option. Not even my mom knows the whole story, but it's the end that really matters. You get it now?"

As the girl spoke – very much in a matter of fact way – Valka felt as if all the bones in her body crumbled. Every rational brain cell she had was telling her to withdraw. To disregard the revelation. To pretend this was all a drunken dream. But she could already see cracks in the ice beneath her feet. And she knew there was no escaping the frozen water underneath.

"The boy…" she whispered in a weak voice. "How-how old is he?"

Avalanche thought about it. "Six. Maybe seven. Something like this."

'Odin almighty!' – roared Valka's brain.

"How does he look like?" uttered Valka's lips.

Avalanche shrugged. "Like a boy."

"Ava, focus!" demanded Valka, grabbing the girl's shoulders. "What color is his hair? His eyes? Anything special?"

Avalanche freed herself in a violent squirm. "Geez, you think I'd bother remembering?" she cried, irritated. "It's a boy, not a box of jewels! And why do you care, it's not like you'll ever see him!"

Valka sobered up instantly, terrified of her outburst. "Sorry, I got carried away," she blurted, her mind racing for excuses. "I just… I'd like to help her… them, somehow."

It might have been a poor justification, but Avalanche bought it.

"Neh, don't bother," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "They get by just fine. It does get hard at times, but this kind of life is still better than one they'd have here on Berk. You get it, right?"

"Yeah… I guess."

"Good," concluded Avalanche, jumping to her feet. "Well, I will be going." she said, heading for the door. "T'was nice talking to you. And remember," she chirped, sending Valka a wink of joyful conspiracy, "don't tell anybody."

"Yeah," muttered Valka. "I won't."

Then, as suddenly as she had arrived, Avalanche disappeared, under the conviction that she had equipped the chief's wife with a solid leverage over her mother. Little did she know that the Dragon Whisperer was totally unconcerned with plotting against Bloodybee. As she lay down, staring absently into the ceiling, there was one message vibrating within her head.

Stoick had a son. She knew while he did not. And she had no idea what to do about it.

AN:

And thus begins Arc 2 out of 2 ^_^