Chapter 8 – Heart to Heart – With Snape!

Two pairs of eyes followed Harry and Ron as they sat down to breakfast. The owners of those eyes would be dismayed to know that they were having the exact same thought as the other in reaction to seeing the redhead:

Why'd it have to be him?

After having the most restful night of sleep since she realised her feelings, Hermione had gone down to breakfast in a slightly cheerful mood. She made sure to go down extra early so that nobody would be able to tell she hadn't gone back to her dorm at all, but instead they'd assume that she had just gone to bed late and woke up early. (Or, so she hoped.) Oblivious to Harry's worry, she munched on her toast idly, thinking about the Charms quiz they'd be getting in a few days.

That is of course, until her friends came down to breakfast, bringing her earlier dilemma to the forefront of her mind.

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Malfoy had been having trouble sleeping ever since The Incident. He was always tired, he found no pleasure in the things he liked (including leading the Inquisitorial Squad and taking points from his fellow students), and he found himself sighing all the time.

He'd had another rough night and decided he'd just forget about trying to sleep in and go down to breakfast early. Surprisingly, someone else appeared to have beaten him to it. There was Granger, sitting at the Gryffindor table all by her lonesome, eating her meal and practicing charms- quite absentmindedly apparently because a teapot was wobbling dangerously next to her and she appeared not to notice it. Her wand was nowhere in sight and Malfoy was struck with an odd bout of admiration. Even if the witch in question was doing it unconsciously, wandless magic was an impressive feat.

He settled for watching her go through a variety of charms while eating his eggs. It was quite amusing. The teapot had floated in the air for a while, going through some interesting transitions. Finally, after being shrunk to the size of a teacup, it righted itself and abruptly settled back on the table as it turned a shade of purple that would have made Dumbledore sing.

He was just grateful she hadn't managed to make it explode.

Of course her Charms session was cut short by the arrival of her friends, who were inexplicably early as well.

As he watched them come into the hall his bad mood returned. No point in sitting there watching the Golden Trio act all chummy, he decided, and promptly left the hall.

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"Hermione! There you are!" said Harry, plopping down next to her and scanning her worriedly. "Is something wrong?" she said, eyes widening at the sight of the bags under his eyes, "Did something happen?" Ron snorted as he took a seat beside Harry, "Nothing's wrong Hermione. Harry just spent—ouch!" He glared at Harry, whose foot had mashed his under the table, "What was that for?" Harry gulped, "Sorry mate...accident." He turned back to Hermione while Ron muttered curses under his breath and bent down to check on his sore foot, "I just couldn't sleep, nothing to worry about." He smiled at her convincingly (or so he hoped). Ron had almost outed him. It wouldn't do to have her find out that he spent all night looking for her on the map, she might think he was stalking her. The last thing he wanted was for Hermione to think he was a creep. "Oh no! Was it the dreams about you-know-who again?" she cried worriedly. Ron, having caught on to what Harry had been trying to do but also taking the opportunity for a little revenge, emerged from under the table with a wicked smile on his face, "No don't worry Hermione it was nothing like that at all. He's just been having a lot of dreams with Malfoy as the star lately." Harry sputtered in indignation but couldn't refute it without exposing that he was lying so he had to let it slide. Shooting a glare at Ron, he completely missed the way Hermione's face fell.

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Draco had left in such a hurry that his breakfast had not digested well. He groaned at the slight stomach-ache he was having and decided he'd just have to go get something from the Hospital Wing. While waiting for Madame Pomfrey to attend to him, he heard a loud thump followed by several derogatory words. Curiosity getting the better of him he peered around the curtains to be met with Professor Snape's angry face looking up at him from the floor.

"Well don't just stand there, help me up!" he demanded.

"Sorry Professor!" said Draco, swiftly offering his aid to the fallen man.

Snape sat on the bed, rubbing his head gingerly. He did notice that he felt a lot better than he had in ages...physically at least. He was about to ask why Draco was in his chambers before he realised that he was actually in the Hospital Wing.

"What happened Professor?" Draco asked, curious and also bit concerned as to why his favourite teacher was in the Hospital Wing. Snape privately wondered the same thing but snarkily replied, "I fell out of bed Draco, don't tell me you're becoming as slow as Weasley now." Draco was taken aback. It wasn't like the Professor to speak to him like that. Crabbe and Goyle maybe but not him.

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As soon as the words left his mouth, Severus regretted it. He saw the slight hurt on the boy's face and softened. "Forgive me Draco," he said, with a small groan as his head throbbed, "I'm not particularly myself at the moment". The boy just nodded a silent acceptance but continued to look worriedly at him as Madame Pomfrey ushered him away for his own treatment.

He'd always had a soft spot for Draco. The boy reminded him slightly of himself if he was being honest. Draco was smart and cunning, but what really struck a chord with him was the fact that the boy was always vying for his father's approval, and to a less noticeable extent, his love and attention. Severus, as a boy, had once craved his own father's approval, but as he had told Lily once, his father did not like much of anything—which included his own wife and son. And while he had no doubt that Lucius loved Draco, the Malfoy family wasn't exactly what you would call warm and cuddly.

Then there was the fact that once upon a time, Severus himself wanted Lucius' approval. It was part of the reason he had used that dreaded word on the love of his life that fateful day. Wanting to fit in with the group of boys who had recently accepted him as a part of them (all future death eaters but Lucius being the 'leader') he had done something unforgivable and lost the most precious person to him in the whole world.

The person he'd confessed his love to just the day before, his brain supplied, and his eyes widened in horror at the memory of what landed him in the Hospital Wing in the first place.

"Oh no..oh no," he gasped, and rubbed the bridge of his nose to try and alleviate the migraine that was fast approaching. What had he done?!

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"Professor!" Draco cried, "What's the matter?" He had gone to drink the potion for his stomach and was about to leave but upon hearing the Professor's pained cries he doubled back. He found Snape rocking back and forth slowly on the bed, and ran to get Madame Pomfrey. "What's wrong with him?" he asked nervously.

"He'll be fine, the Professor's just having a stressful time right now," said the nurse, coaxing a calming draught down Snape's throat, "Be a dear and keep him company for a while would you? Just until I come back to determine if he's ready to leave." "Yes Ma'am," Draco gulped; coming from her, it wasn't a request but rather an order. She was one terrifying lady when she wanted to be and he dared not disobey.

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"Ah Harry my dear boy, just who I was looking for," said Dumbledore, popping out from behind the Golden Trio. Ron startled so badly his sausage flew straight off his fork, only to be caught smoothly by Dumbledore who proceeded to eat it right then and there, completely unaware of Ron's heartbroken look.

"My sausage," he whimpered to himself, pouting at the loss.

Hermione glared at him and gestured pointedly to the entire breakfast spread that was on the table before them.

Ron had the good sense to look abashed.

"Yes Miss Granger, I did notice," continued Dumbledore, as if Hermione had meant to signal him rather than Ron, "Marvelous job you did with that teapot. It's simply magnificent! Why I may have to commission one for myself! I've never quite managed to get that shade of purple on anything." It was enough to make him want to sing delightedly, however, he did have some more important things to discuss than the wonderful teapot—singing would have to come later so he filed it away in his brain's to-do list and got back to the matter at hand.

"Dear Harry, do forgive me for interrupting your breakfast, but I simply must have a word with you," he said.

Harry wasn't inclined to speak to Dumbledore, especially after the night he'd had, however the headmaster could not be ignored and so he reluctantly separated from his friends and followed Dumbledore back to his office.

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Meanwhile, Draco was pleased that the calming draught worked and the Professor was somewhat normal again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Draco asked, in a small voice. He didn't know what was plaguing Professor Snape (though Madam Pomfrey had said stress but he felt there was more to it than that) but he would be an ear if one was needed, just as the Professor had been for him so many times before.

Severus sighed, he really didn't want to recount the memory again. The shock of the fall that had woken him up had momentarily driven the previous day's events from his mind, but the thought of Lily brought it right back. What he did was inexcusable and also, completely humiliating. It burned even more because of who exactly witnessed his breakdown.

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with Draco, I'll be okay now. I just haven't been myself for a while. Yesterday was a particularly bad day," he said.

"If it makes you feel any better Professor, I know the feeling," said Draco despondently.

Genuinely worried he missed something going on with his student while he was attempting to drown his despair, he coaxed the boy into elaborating.

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Draco was reluctant to share at first; it wasn't exactly something he was used to, but eventually he cracked.

"I...I just don't know. Lately I've just been so tired. Nothing brings me joy anymore. And Crabbe and Goyle have been getting on my nerves more and more. It's like they have one brain cell between them!" he cried in frustration. "What's more...I," he stopped. He wasn't sure how to say it and certainly not how it would be received by the man in front of him.

"Go on," Severus said, so gently that nobody would ever believe this was the same man who tormented so many on a regular basis.

"I feel like...well, I don't really have friends do I? Not the way Saint Potter and crew do. Crabbe and Goyle follow me around but...well it seems more true what the Gryffindors call them...they do seem more like lackeys than friends. Even when I'm together with them, I still feel...alone. Father always says that it's better to be around those less intelligent because then I'm the one in control but—"

"But you need proper companionship. Equals who can keep up with you," Snape finished for him, "And most of all, people who actually like you for you and not your family name. Not people you have to control, but people who can actually enrich your life." In other words, Draco was terribly lonely.

Draco just stared. He nodded, unsure of how the Professor could have read him so easily when even he didn't know how to express the feelings he had. Did he use legilimency?

Severus sighed, "No, Draco, I can simply read the look on your face." Draco flushed, had he been that obvious?

"More to the point," Snape continued, "I know this because once I was also a boy with similar feelings. Unlike you however, I had that companionship. I had it and I threw it away while seeking the approval of others." Others like your father, he left unsaid. Lily may have been his love, but she was also the best friend he ever had. Probably the only friend, if he was being honest with himself.

"Don't be like me Draco. You asked why I was here? I was reminded lately of the very friend that I lost, and it was too much for me to bear. I am not proud of the way I have been acting but it is what it is. If you can learn from my mistakes then at least some good will have come out of my loss. Don't wait until it's too late. You're at school now, the only real chance you have at making friends. Especially when considering what is going on outside of these walls," he said meaningfully, and Draco caught his drift with a solemn nod of acknowledgment.

"I've never made friends without father's approval," Draco admitted, slightly ashamed, "I don't even know how to make friends. People just gravitate towards me, I've never had to look for any."

"Well has there never been anyone you wanted to be friends with? That your father may not have approved of but you thought you could be friends anyway?" Snape queried.

Draco blushed brightly. There was only ever one person. And he had in fact tried to befriend them, before he was sorely rejected...in favour of Weasley no less!