The Light Renewed: Chapter 4
The Ghost sped through the hypnotizing whirl of hyperspace, but Ezra Bridger, slumped in the gunner chair of the Ghost's nose turret, simply stared out at the mesmerizing sight with unseeing eyes. His thoughts were spinning in a thousand different directions, all seemingly in a grand conspiracy to rob him of his peace of mind. They were finally on their way home to Lothal after a detour to drop Zeb off at Lira San; Sabine had said her goodbyes to them at Yavin and flown her own ship back to Mandalore from there. This left the Ghost mostly empty, and Ezra knew that this time it was likely to be permanent. Zeb and Sabine had responsibilities on their own worlds; and now that the War was over, those matters would take up ever-increasing amounts of their time, causing occasions for the crew's reunion to become more and more rare. Ezra understood this; he was 23 years old, not an immature teenager, but that didn't mean he enjoyed the thought of the closest thing he had ever experienced to family being scattered all over the galaxy. It was true that Luke was here now, and he was already a close friend, but their friendship was still new and lacked the settled familiarity of his relationship with Zeb and Sabine. It was the more or less permanent nature of the current situation that brought a tightness to Ezra's throat when he thought about it.
Then there was the matter of his master's abrupt announcement from just a few days earlier, that Ezra's apprenticeship with him would soon be ending. Ezra was still trying to wrap his brain around that particular bit of information: it had been a figurative kick in the gut, and his emotions ran in a regular and unrelenting cycle of excitement, confidence, pensiveness, and abject terror. Kanan had seemed so cavalier about it too! If Ezra was being honest with himself, he had to admit that was part of why this announcement was bothering him so badly; it almost seemed as though Kanan was glad his apprenticeship was almost over. Ezra's head kept telling him that was ridiculous, and his heart usually agreed with his head, but sometimes he felt a little twinge at the casual way his master had said it.
In his lowest times, he wondered if Kanan was attempting to shunt him to the side to make room for Luke. Luke was intelligent, extremely strong with the Force, and he had a natural talent for lightsaber combat; a worthy student in every possible way. He would be a formidable Jedi once fully trained. Ezra always mentally scolded himself; such thoughts were extremely disloyal to Kanan and unfair to Luke. He knew Kanan didn't feel that way; Kanan had proven his dedication to Ezra's training over and over again, and he loved Ezra like a son. But, still...a bit more sadness from Kanan would have helped, maybe? Ezra roused himself up with a short, sharp laugh and shook his head. He was getting maudlin; maybe a good game of dajarik with Luke would remove these stupid thoughts. He rose from the gunner chair to go in search of him, but as he walked down the hall past the crew lounge door, he overheard Kanan speaking to Luke.
"...have to wonder, given your level of combat training, how you defeated Darth Vader and the Emperor, Luke. I know, and not many people do, that Darth Vader was at one time a Jedi Knight named Anakin Skywalker..." Kanan's voice trailed off and he stared at Luke. Ezra's curiosity was piqued, and he slipped quietly into the room; Luke glanced at him but did not object to him being there, so he sat down to listen. Luke returned his attention to Kanan, who was still staring at him incredulously. Ezra had to stifle an urge to chuckle; he had never seen his master so nonplussed, but he sensed that now was not the time for levity.
"Yes, Master Jarrus." Luke answered Kanan's unasked question. "Darth Vader-Anakin Skywalker-was my father."
Ezra caught his breath, all thoughts of laughter gone. Luke was the SON of Darth Vader?! How was that even possible?! And if he was, how in the galaxy had he ended up fighting in the Rebel Alliance? Ezra blinked, his thoughts taking a darker turn. Was it possible that Luke was, or had been, an agent of the Empire all along? Had he been a Sith apprentice, planted deep within the Alliance, positioned to do the most harm at the best opportunity? Ezra's eyes narrowed. No one else had gone with Luke to the Death Star to face the Emperor; no one else could verify his story. Were the Emperor and Darth Vader TRULY dead, or had they, aided by Luke, escaped the destruction? Were they now in hiding, waiting to strike at an opportune time? He glanced sharply at Kanan, but Kanan was nodding his head slowly, as though pieces of a puzzle were coming together in his mind.
"Since being with you and Ezra and seeing just how lacking I am in lightsaber combat, I am convinced that Darth Vader was holding back with me; merely defending against my attacks, and not truly attacking me," Luke continued. "It's the only thing that makes sense to me. He wanted me to join him, and so he did not attack at his full strength or ability."
"But why did he kill the Emperor?" Kanan asked.
"Because he was killing me." Luke said simply. "My pain was the thing that finally broke through the hold the Emperor had over my father."
Kanan nodded again. He seemed to accept Luke's explanation at face value, with no thought of any deceit. Ezra didn't speak, but his thoughts were even more convoluted and tangled than they had been before. He watched Luke from the corner of his eye. Why had he not thought to question this before? Ezra was also angry with Kanan: he was always telling Ezra to search for the truth, to look at each situation from all angles before making a judgment; so why wasn't HE making an effort to find out more before just accepting what Luke said as truth? Ezra stood abruptly and stalked from the room. He knew his action would be interpreted as rude, but he didn't care. He was becoming more convinced by the moment that they had been played for fools and that Luke was not who or what he claimed to be, and he needed to leave before he said or did something that would perhaps be regretted later.
Luke and Kanan watched Ezra leave the room. Kanan's forehead was furrowed with concern; he didn't believe he had ever sensed Ezra in this much turmoil. Somehow there was more to this than just Luke's revelation. Kanan admitted it had been a startling one, but it shouldn't have produced such a strong negative reaction in Ezra. He himself had been taken back by the revelation, but he had focused on Luke and, through the Force, had sensed the honesty in Luke's words.
"Master?" Luke spoke quietly. "Did I say something to offend Ezra?"
"I'm not sure what's bothering Ezra, Luke. Something clearly is, and it's bigger than anything I've ever sensed in him, but I don't see how your revelation could have anything to do with it. I will talk with him. Perhaps it's a simple thing or merely a misunderstanding of some sort." Kanan didn't truly believe that it, whatever it was, was simple, but he would attempt to find out. "You'd better go get some rest, Luke. Morning comes early."
"Yes, master. And thank you."
"For what, Luke?" Kanan asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
"For listening and understanding; for believing me. I know it sounds crazy." Luke answered.
"No thanks are necessary, Luke. I sensed your honesty while you were talking, so believing you was easy. In fact, it makes a lot of sense. Your strength in the Force, your natural talent for flying and lightsaber combat; these are all things your father excelled in."
"Did you know my father when he was a Jedi, Kanan?" Luke asked, a mixture of hope and wistfulness in his voice.
"Know is perhaps too strong a term." Kanan answered. "Know of, certainly. I was an older Youngling when the Clone Wars began, and it seemed that nearly every week a new story about the adventures of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his daring Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, would make its way back to the Temple. I, and several of my peers, had a strong case of hero worship for the duo and would listen to these tales with avid fascination. I only met Anakin personally on one occasion, but he was friendly and attentive to my fellow Younglings and I. There was nothing in his attitude that would indicate a desire for power or control; indeed, he seemed rather embarrassed at the attention we were giving him. Some older Jedi disapproved of Anakin's recklessness, but most felt that it was simply a combination of the circumstances of his training, youthful impetuousness, and the Galactic chaos of the time. They assumed that when the war was over and peace returned, he would settle down and become a "proper" Jedi. And he may have, who can say? It's obvious, from the evidence of your birth, that he did not follow the Jedi Code to the letter, but I myself have never felt that love is a negative emotion. Consuming passion, of course; possessiveness, certainly. Jealousy. Overwhelming desire. Fear of loss. These are the emotions that cloud the mind and darken the soul, not love. I'm not sure what circumstances drove Anakin Skywalker to the extreme of becoming Darth Vader, but he never exhibited any un-Jedi-like tendencies that I ever heard about or saw evidence of. Unconventional, maybe, but not un-Jedi."
"That's actually very comforting to know, Kanan." Luke replied. "Even though most people don't believe me when I say it, I always sensed good in my father. I think his soul rebelled against the atrocities he was committing and that caused him a lot of inner torment. I'm not excusing him for the things he did, but I do feel he was more remorseful for his crimes than most would believe. But anyways; I'm heading to bed now. Good night, and thanks again, Kanan."
Kanan nodded. "Good night, Luke." After Luke left, Kanan sat in the darkened crew lounge. He was deeply troubled over the intensity of Ezra's emotion; the darkness and strength of it had shaken Kanan to his core. Kanan closed his eyes and reached out with the Force, attempting to read his Padawan's emotions through their bond, but he couldn't connect with Ezra. All he could feel was a sharp edged, hard wall. Kanan drew back in shock; it almost felt as though Ezra had severed their bond, but surely he wouldn't do that; not without an explanation. Tentatively, Kanan reached out again. This time, he realized that Ezra had sensed him trying to reach him and had softened the wall between them just a little, enough that Kanan could sense that the bond was intact, but still hard enough that Kanan couldn't get through to him. Ezra obviously didn't want Kanan to contact him in that way or for his emotions to be read.
Kanan drew back again and sat deep in thought, his hand absently smoothing his beard. He was reassured that Ezra had not severed their bond and, even more importantly, that he had cared enough about Kanan to allow him to sense that it was still there, but that hard wall troubled Kanan. Ezra had never shut him out like that before; if anything, Ezra had always exhibited almost too much dependence on Kanan's goodwill and approval. Even though he had matured a lot, sometimes the lonely kid who longed for a family would still manifest himself, despite Kanan's best efforts to reassure Ezra of his continued support and affection. It didn't happen often; Ezra was much more self reliant and confident than he had been at first, and he was not needy or clingy. But those early experiences had still made a mark on Ezra's personality, and he had always shown a desire for an open connection with Kanan. Kanan sat back in his chair, eyes closed and brow furrowed, in a state of mind that was half deep thought, half meditation. He heard soft footsteps enter the crew lounge, then Ezra's voice cut through the darkness.
"You wanted to see me, Master?" Ezra's words, though quiet, were clipped and short. "I sensed you reaching out to me and assumed you wanted something."
"No, I was not necessarily wanting you, Ezra," Kanan began.
"Yeah, I got that." Ezra muttered under his breath.
Kanan frowned slightly in confusion, but continued. "I sensed you were disturbed when you left the crew lounge and was wondering..."
Ezra interrupted. "You were wondering what my kriffing problem was? Is that it, Kanan? We just found out that your new Padawan was Darth Vader's SON and you wonder what MY problem is? Don't you think his story is just a little bit convenient? No one else can corroborate it; how do we know that Darth Vader and the Emperor are really dead? Luke's the only one who knows the truth, and you're so...so...pardon the expression, Kanan, but you're so blinded by your "shiny new apprentice" that you didn't even attempt to find out whether he's playing us false or not." Kanan opened his mouth to speak, but Ezra steamrolled on, his voice a hissing whisper. "I'm not convinced that he really is on the up and up, and I will be watching him for one false move. I hope he doesn't turn around and bite you when you least expect it, Master, but I would be careful if I were you." Ezra started to walk out of the crew lounge, then stopped and half turned back to Kanan. "You know, maybe it's a good thing I'll be out of here soon. You'll need to devote all your attention to your new student; make sure he keeps to the straight and narrow." Without another word, Ezra turned on his heel and strode quickly from the room before Kanan could voice a reply.
"Ezra. Ezra, wait…" Kanan's voice trailed off as he sat dumbfounded. "By the Force, now what do I do?"