Chapter 6 – Heart Scares You

Harleen's lungs were on fire when her eyes sprung open. She coughed, vomiting up water and maybe some food as her stomach twisted painfully. She spat out the taste as she pushed herself up, legs staggering while she tried to get her bearings. There was the building a little further away. The pounding in her skull was the sirens. Red and blue. When she glanced down to her reflection she saw the red and blue contrasting on her face. It made her colourful like him. She giggled and then began to cry. He'd shoved her away again. She'd thought she'd been making progress but like always she'd gotten nowhere.

No. That was wrong. She had made progress, she had. He was just trying to shut her out, to push her away because he knew he had a weakness for her. She was special. She just had to be persistent. Eyeing the cops distracted by what they had found she staggered into the shadows where she belonged. She'd lost her glasses. That didn't matter. It was easy to navigate the city streets. If strange men leered at her she'd sneer, lashing out like a wild dog if they got too close. She belonged to one man.

And he'd shoved her out a window. A fresh wave of tears blurred Harleen's vision and she began to cry. She was a mess by the time she stumbled into her home, shaky hands reaching for the little orange capsule. They shook too much. When she tried to take her medication it fell uselessly to the floor.

"Fuck!" She cried out in frustration as she threw her medicine bottle across the room. More sobs were drawn out of her as she took in her surroundings. The messy apartment, the water pooling around her. Her gaze eventually fixed on the photo frames.

"Daddy…why did you let mummy in? What do I do to make him let me in?" She asked but received only silence as answer. No, no. She couldn't accept that. She loved him, she really did. He was her puddin'. He'd shoved her out that window because he was scared. He was, he had to be. Because Joker didn't rely on anyone. He didn't trust anyone explicitly, not even himself. So of course he'd be afraid of someone loving him with so much devotion. She had to keep showing him, she had to convince him to let her in. And she would. He would let her in. She was his Harley Quinn. A vague smile dusted across her lips, ignoring the red and blue flashing on the apartment walls as she grabbed a spare pair of glasses and her bat. What club today?

Joker rubbed his hands together like a banker scenting money and profit. Like a kid on Christmas he could hardly wait to see Batman's reaction. But he had to of course. Bats would be very, very excited with his gift basket. So excited he might not know what he was doing and Joker wanted to get a few things done before his jaw got broken again. For one thing, if he ended up in Arkham again he was not going to be having an extended stay. That had been extremely frustrating.

"Oh, Jonny boy!" Joker cried out enthusiastically. It had been a while since he'd felt so alive. Adrenaline still coursed in his veins but he had nothing else to do. No more punchlines to make. He'd finished his current jokes wrapping them all up in one neat little finale until next time. He let his group celebrate, drink and happiness flowing, gesturing grandly as he did little dance numbers. Freedom and retaliation hand in hand. Such beautiful bedfellows. A blonde woman caught his eye and Joker's jovial mood sunk. It wasn't Harleen. Some other dancer shaking her arse for money. But there was an annoyed growl.

Blonde hair had made him think of her. The look on her face when he'd shoved her out that window. It made him want to laugh so he did no matter the looks he earned for it. The cautious glances of people terrified of his next whim. Then the sneer was back because his gaze flitted from dancer to dancer, all blonde, none of them her. He'd created something beautiful but she had gotten boring. What was this? Why was he thinking of her. An irritated scowl conveyed his disgust at his own train of thought. He moved to leave, obedient Frost moved to follow.

"I'll call you if I need you." He warned not wanting anyone around. The presence of others annoyed him which was aggravating of itself. He was meant to be enjoying the applause of a great performance.

He shoved people out of the way, ignoring their screams as he beelined for his car. A drive would do him some good. Nothing like the thrill of speed and potential death to get the blood pumpin'. Maybe Bats would come to play.

There he was. She hadn't expected to find him so quickly. Not with Batman on the hunt for surely he was. But there was Joker getting into his car. The smell of burnt rubber, screeching tires as he took off like a gunshot. She couldn't lose him.

The closest vehicle was a bike, the rider still leaning on it. Her father had taught her to ride motorcycles. It was a fond memory. She didn't have time to lose herself in it.

"Keys, now." She ordered. The man stood up all ill intent and threat. She hit him with her bat until the pretty red flowers bloomed and took the keys while he was still recovering. Then she was off, weaving in and out of traffic. There, there was the car she wanted. She hadn't lost him. She just needed to catch up.

Was he sick? Had she done something to him? Implanted some twisted contraption in his brain when he was still out of it after the electroshock therapy? He tried to focus on the road, on just driving but still he thought of her. He should have shot her to make sure.

A vehicle came up to match his speed; he could see it from the corner of his eye. Some idiot wanted to race him. He glanced across to his dance partner and nearly lost focus in the split second of surprise. Was it? He closed his eyes for a brief second. You're seeing things again.

But when he looked properly out his window he saw her there looking at him with those puppy dog eyes as the wind whipped at her hair and clothes, no longer wet from the unexpected swim but it had left her locks with a slight curl. He stared at her in amazement for a brief second before frustration sunk in. Why couldn't this dumb bitch take a hint? He growled under his breath bringing his left hand up to obstruct her from his view in a theatrical act of 'she's not there if I can't see her'. He heard an aggravated shriek of her own and then the rev of her bike.

He wasn't going to block her out; she wasn't going to let him. He had to look at her, he had to. Her mantra repeated as she overtook his vehicle putting herself in his line of sight and gaining a hefty lead. Joker sighed placing both hands on the wheel. He suspected he was going to need quick reflexes in a second.

Harleen glanced back. She had to do something, something else to prove she knew he loved her, knew the reason he never actually killed her. He couldn't. He never would be able to because she meant too much to him. Then she looked forward steeling her resolve. A sliver of fear made her heart skip but she ignored it. No regard to her wellbeing as she deliberately tipped her bike sparks flying up as it fell on its side and scraped along the tarmac from momentum alone. Then when it came to a stop she hopped off with a confident walk and held her ground in the middle of the road.

Women and their theatrics, am I right? Joker rolled his eyes growling annoyance under his breath. He should hit her, he should. See how pretty she looked after being hit by a car. But after the roll of his eyes he slammed his foot hard on the breaks stopping just in front of the madwoman like she'd been positioned perfectly for another play. He sneered at her through his windscreen wondering just how he was going to get rid of her. "You…" He half growled half sighed. He had to do something permanent. She looked like an avenging goddess standing at the front of his vehicle, body shifting with heavy breaths. Intrigue tugged at his mind, where was all her strength coming from? This stubborn resolve; he kind of liked it.

"You're not leaving me. You're not leaving me!" Harleen shrieked as she slammed his bonnet.

"You, you're a little pain in the ass." He muttered to himself somewhere between amusement and annoyance.

Her breath hitched when the door opened. She had to plead her case, ignore the frown on his face, the incredulous look as his mouth hung theatrically open not even aware of the truck pulling up behind them.

"I have done…everything you said. Every test, every trial, every initiation. I have proved I love you, just accept it." She declared stepping back instinctively though she was trying desperately and stubbornly to step forward or at least hold her ground to show him her conviction if her voice or her tears could not. Joker impatiently held his hands up and waved them down in a 'just stop' command.

"Got it, got it, got it, got it." The words were low and mocking like always. He didn't believe her still. She felt the tears running down her face. How did she prove herself, how did she show him she was telling the truth? He was just so stubborn. The theatrics began; he put on his show, locking her behind the fourth wall.

"I am not someone who is…loved." He said the word like it was a fancy dream he could never believe in, rolling his head. Then in an attempt to startle her or perhaps just to emphasise his point he smacked his hands together in a clap that reverberated in the overpass. "I'm an idea." He declared, eyes rolling up in amusement. He sincerely didn't want to have anything holding him to the ground. Someone he might care about. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. It was okay, he would be safe loving her, it was okay.

"State of mind…" He continued interrupted by the impatient honk of the truck driver behind them. But neither of them paid the stranger any notice looking intently at the mental case opposite them as one tried to plead with the other to change their point of view. Fresh agony twisted in Harleen's chest. Why was he still rejecting her?

"I execute my will according to my plan and you." Here he extended the word after circling her. She closed her eyes to the denial. She had to make him see. "Doctor." That impersonal word again. She wasn't his doctor anymore. She was his Harley Quinn. "Are not part of my plan." He finished. But she wasn't letting him win, she wasn't backing down. She brought her hands up to either side of his face and took a hold of him, revelling in the soft locks, the cold skin, forcing him to look at her. She watched his eyes, his lips. She wanted to kiss him but he was already pulling away.

"Just let me in, I promise-" Here he danced and twisted away in disbelief, laughing at her words, laughing at her like a little girl who didn't know what she was saying. Too desperate to let him interrupt her she shouted louder. "Let me in! I promise I won't hurt you."

"A promise, promise?" The question was like a joke, a child's lack of understanding, a fairytale for him to laugh at as he danced and flitted away from her. She tried to follow.

"Hey, dick face!" The impatient truck driver had had enough. He'd hopped out of his vehicle with a tyre iron completely oblivious to who the man with green hair was, the laughing man who glanced over his shoulder to assess how to deal with the extra uninvited guest. While he was distracted Joker missed Harleen reaching. She pulled his custom gun from its holster and without even looking she shot the third wheel in the head. Joker didn't react more than his shoulders slumping. Maybe in astonishment, maybe in a sigh of 'ah well'.

"I was gonna say I wouldn't do that if I were you, but…" His joke died on his lips as the pale, laughing man turned back to find Harleen was aiming the pistol at his head. An expression that communicated 'really?' crossed his face. There was a hint of admiration in his gaze that she would even have the guts. Sometimes he wanted to revel in this thing he had created. Her blank stare was deliberate. Maybe she wasn't even aware of what she was doing anymore or maybe the thought of shooting him was actually crossing her mind. Now, wasn't that exciting?

"Don't hurt me. I'll be your friend." He played, hands up in submission as he grinned at the game. She pressed the gun against his forehead harder or maybe he walked a little closer. Details. Joker growled and awed in amazement that she'd even do this much. "Do it. Do it, do it, do it." He repeated in chant as if daring her. He wanted to see if she would. Maybe this would be the joke he had played on himself?

"My heart scares you and a gun doesn't." Harleen observed, smiling at the twisted truth of her final words. This annoyed him. She was psychoanalysing again. He hated that.

"Do it!" He roared hoping she'd at least put him out of his misery, snarling and then his hand had shot up, pointing the pistol to the sky and snatching it out of her grip. The opportunity had passed, the moment was over. He laughed, placing the end against his temple tempted for a split second to do it for her just to see the look on her face.

Harleen swallowed. It had crossed her mind. She'd wanted to pull the trigger. Some of the voices, the whispers she was beginning to hear had said do it with him. Begged her to. For revenge, out of spite because he wouldn't let her in, to see the pretty roses bloom. She swallowed at the macabre laugh she had heard so many times before, the theatrics telling her he was pushing her away again.

"If you weren't so crazy I'd think you were insane." He declared. There was something close to pity in his gaze then though it was smothered in impatience. Her heart twisted like a knife had been wrenched from it only to stab in again. More tears in her eyes but she blinked them away.

"Go. Away." He growled letting his glare linger as he slowly stepped back towards his car. Had she finally taken the hint? Was he finally free of her?

Nope.

"I can prove myself to you, I'll do anything. Anything." She begged desperately. She couldn't let him leave. Not again. He was sparing her life again. That meant something. Anyone else he would have shot them by now. But she was special, she had to be. Joker hissed in annoyance, finger itchy on the trigger as he considered ending this all now.

"God, I could throw acid in your face and you'd still come crawling back." He complained. A bubble popped. Acid. That was poetic. A nice punchline, a good way to go. One final hurrah, the end game for him to win. The wolfish grin spread over his face.

"Come with me." Harleen wanted to smile. But she couldn't. Not yet. He'd put his guard up. Tears still in her eyes, fear heavy in her gut miserable at the idea that she still hadn't shown him. But she could, she would change his mind and do it dutifully. Follow his orders, follow his words, follow his ideas. Black and red and blue.

Bats was probably still out looking for him but Joker still had his lost puppy to deal with before he could go into hiding for the oncoming day. She stopped crying while he was driving to an industrial part of the city; isolated, dark. No one around especially at this time of night. Now she had this vacant smile on her face like there was nothing in her head. His intention almost felt like a mercy. That was irritating.

She followed obediently when he stepped out of the car, shadows flaring up to look like monsters from a disjointed memory. He opened his arms as if greeting an old friend and heard a breathy laugh like she was in on it too. She hadn't guessed the punchline though.

Weaving through a maze of structures and grated catwalks Joker led his puppy high up above the bubbling containers filled with a milky white liquid. His skin prickled at the memory of the acid burning his skin and he growled under his breath letting Harleen slowly step up the edge to sate her curiosity.

She'd heard of this place. A lifetime ago when a starry eyed Doctor Quinzel had dreamed of putting the pieces of his broken mind back together he'd told her a story. A story of a man whose cold white skin had been burned into existence. Looking down she felt the steam rising from those pits stinging in her nose, sour and bitter on her tongue. This was somewhere private, personal, flawed. Was this it? Was he finally letting her in? Were all her deepest desires being granted because she'd begged so prettily? Colours winked back at her from the white; red and blue like the water's surface some hours ago, like the walls of her apartment as she had left earlier tonight. The red and blue that chased after Mr J's carnage; her puddin'. He had been born here.

"You know this place? You know why I've brought you here?" They sounded like statements once again phrased as questions. He expected her to work it out and staring down at the bubbling goo she clicked the pieces together. She had to be reborn here too. But would she survive? Would the burning and itching drive her so far into her insanity she never came back from it again?

For one hazy minute Harleen was on the surface, curiosity and apprehension making her chest rise and fall. Then she heard Joker draw in breath behind her and Harley came crawling back.

"Question." He growled out like a threat. Her skin came alive as he gently stroked the back of a finger down her arm forcing her head to swim with adoration and she turned to look at him. She wanted to smile, to kiss him but she had to stand firm. Kissing could come later when she'd proven herself.

"Would you die for me?" Wide eyed he searched for doubt, for hesitation. For the lie in the inevitable confirmation. Harley knew it, saw it there and did everything to convey her conviction.

"Yes." She said like the loyal soldier standing to attention.

"That's too easy…" Joker responded looking off to the side like the air held the better question he was grasping for. Death was release, relief, and freedom. Dying didn't take heart. It didn't mean showing her adoration over and over again, just in one fleeting moment. But living…living took guts.

"Would you…" Theatrics, a glance over her that betrayed his doubts, his hesitation. Was he aware of it? Was she reading too much into it? No. She'd broken down his walls, she could see it. She just needed to slip inside them before they could be put back up.

"Would you live for me?" Joker's head tilted back like he was regarding her curiously. A hum of query, an expression that seemed genuinely interested in her answer.

"Yes." Tears were in her voice, the start of desperation screaming for him to understand that when she said she would do anything for him she meant anything.

Joker almost laughed. Would this broken thing really go so far? Would he trust her to? No. He trusted no one; hardly even trusted himself. But he hid his sneer. Couldn't give away the game plan, no.

"Careful." He warned. "Do not say this oath…thoughtlessly." Theatrics again and then he'd placed his smile over her face. Joker's smile, the clown smile, the insane smile.

"Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power." He said the words like a prayer and Harley felt her heart shift, drawing her in, reaching for the darkness. To make herself disappear into the deep dark with him. And he saw it, she knew. In his eyes was the recognition and something; that urge to lean forward that he shared. He'd deny it, oh he would. But she saw it. It was betrayed in the way he caressed her chin, her lips.

"You want this?" It almost sounded like he was asking himself but Harley raised her head showing her conviction in the way she gazed back at him.

"I do." She declared. The smallest sigh; was it surprise? Amusement? Disbelief exiting his lungs?

"Say it." Joker's head tilted back like someone relishing in delight or preparing to. "Say it. Say it." He growled baring his fangs. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty…" The word continued in a whisper like a suggestion floating in the air. He was drawing her in further and further.

"Please." Harley begged fixated on her Mr J before her, wanting nothing more than to say the thing he wanted most. To be the thing he wanted most. She watched his expression as he made a noise of adoration.

"God, you're so…good." He praised. There was a look in his eyes, one she had never seen before. There was something bittersweet about it. Like someone saying goodbye forever. Then he gestured toward the edge of their platform and her legs moved with the puppeteer's strings. Harleen felt doubt but she buried it under devotion. If this didn't work, if she could not survive the process she had to look at him at least one last time.

Joker watched her back. That brief wave of…something was gone now. The only emotions swirling inside were excitement and relief. The joy of being rid of one more annoyance as she finally took the leap and would be gone from his life.

When she turned to face him he grinned in what he hoped was convincing reassurance, arms held up like he was beholding her beautiful moment of rebirth. He received a vacant smile in response and then relished in witnessing the theatrical moment of a beautiful performance as Harley spread her arms and dropped back to fall.

She was flying. Her thoughts tumbled inside her for one brief second and she felt free. Bliss. And then the sharp, acrid taste of the liquid as she hit the surface in bruises. Black and red and blue. All smothered quickly in the dark of unconsciousness. Red and blue. Red and blue chasing after chaos.

Joker stepped to the edge to watch her disappear under the surface. The puppy was gone. He thought he'd enjoy it but his mind wandered after her. She truly did worship him, dedicating not just her body and soul but her mind to him as well. Her everything. This broken thing he had created unwittingly. It was so beautiful in its insanity. And now it was gone; he was done.

The pale man turned to leave like he had always intended but thoughts tugged at his back putting weight in each step. He came to a stop. She had done all he asked over and over again. She was an annoying addition to his plan but she had proven to be cut from the same psychotic cloth. For a brief second he struggled between the desire to be rid of her, to go it alone and something else. Something he didn't like. And that something won out.

Irritation growled out of his throat as he struggled with these thoughts, with the acknowledgement that Harley had won. She was right. She was his. They belonged together. She had been made for him, hadn't someone said that?

Cursing to himself he turned around and stripped his suit jacket away. No use for extra clothes to weigh him down in that muck. It was hard enough to move in as it was. His skin prickled in anticipation, a memory of what was to come. Then he had jumped after her.

It burned less this time around. But it stung his eyes something fierce as he reached through the thick liquid for Harley's lifeless body. Then he was pulling them both to the surface. She was limp in his arms. No, she couldn't die now. Not when he had changed his mind. The world danced to his whim, he always made sure it turned out that way. He leaned down trying to breathe life into her, losing himself in the way her lips met his. The taste of the acid stinging his tongue.

Life came back to her in reds and blues. Sleeping beauty and true love's kiss. Her prince was holding her in his arms, clothes half melted and skin no doubt prickling the same way hers did. She adored him. When he leaned back down to kiss her again her arms reached out instinctively curling over him, around him. That laugh that was all his own, that was his solitary howl of isolation echoed through the warehouse and her giggles followed after. Right where they belonged.

((A/N: I think I got a little lost from my usual style with this one, flitting between the two a bit too much. Hopefully it's still enjoyable. I'm not sure I did the original scenes justice either.

One more chapter left then a brief epilogue. We're nearly there peeps. Thank you Red Reaper88 for continued reviews and thank you to others for follows and favourites. They're what encourage me to keep going. Thanks again and as always, constructive criticism is cherished.))