Hi guys. I'm sorry this chapter took a lot longer than expected but sometimes life happens. Anyways, this chapter is one of the longest yet and definitely the toughest to write. (Don't worry... yet) Kidding! Enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 4

Time had frozen for Harvey Specter. Not a single part of him had moved since the doctor paid the group a visit to tell them about her current surgery. His mind was numb causing him to relapse into his past state of darkness, of assuming the worst. They weren't sure if it was the shock from the past events or the pain from his apparent wounds, but the curled-up ball on the floor in the corner that was Harvey Specter, was not going anywhere anytime soon. Not until he heard the words, he most needed to. She is okay. The surgery was a success. There was no way of him being Harvey without that knowledge. If it wasn't obvious before, it was now. There was no Harvey Specter without Donna Paulsen.

The waiting was what was eating away at him. Not knowing, not being with her would be the death of him. Every second that passed felt like a century had gone by. He couldn't eat or sleep or breathe without knowing that she was alright. No one had come out with any updates in hours. The silence was his number one enemy. He knew from his career that when a client was quiet, there was something wrong. The hospital was mute. Of course, his brain immediately went to the worst scenario every time the doors opened, and Doctor Barns wasn't the one entering.

He was no longer aware of the people surrounding him, being tucked away in the corner. He physically couldn't acknowledge Mike or Rachel when they offered him coffee or water. The sandwich she brought him had been sitting in front of him for god knows how long. He had lost track of time. He tried to convince himself that the longer it took the better her chances, but he knew how serious this surgery was. He assumed if they hadn't come out yet that at least they were still working which meant, she was alive. That sliver of hope was all he needed to keep going, but he was still a mess. No one could clean him up except for her. But no matter how much he needed her, she needed him even more. She needed him to be strong for her and to believe that Donna would make it back to him.

She had to. There were too many words left unsaid, too many actions that he regretted, too many opportunities that he had missed. Everything that happened to her had finally snapped him back into his body, causing him to realize his true feelings. He was so insanely in love with her. And now he might lose her.

He was furious with himself for so many things, for waiting, for letting this all happen, for allowing her to believe for so long they would never be anything more. The truth was, he wanted everything with her. Why did it have to take something like this to make him come to terms with that?

He had known from the moment he met her that they were destined to be together. Timing was always their problem. When she first walked up to him in that bar, the only thing he thought about was sex. Back then, he wasn't the man he was today. He was nowhere near ready for everything Donna had to offer and all that they could be together. However, the man from that bar was no longer around, he had done so much growing up over the years. All of that because of her. She was the reason he wanted to be a better man. Donna challenged him, fought for him, believed in him, when no one else did. If he called at six in the morning or twelve at night when he needed someone, she would always answer. No matter the baggage or the flaws that he had, she not only accepted them all, but she loved him anyways.

She was his person, and whether he knew it or not, he was hers as well. All he needed was for her to make it through this so he could finally tell her that.

…

Three different doctors had come through the doors within the past couple of hours, but none of them had been Doctor Barns. It was incredibly strange to him that he had no idea what the first name was of the man who was currently working to save Donna's life. A complete stranger held her life in the palm of his hands and he couldn't do anything to help.

With every doctor that came out to give news to waiting families, his patience grew thinner and thinner. He watched as relief flashed over some families faces while others lost their whole worlds. The idea of either of those scenarios occurring for him drove him mad. The frustration mixed with his lack of sleep was not the kind of mindset they all needed Harvey to be in. There was no telling what kind of reaction Harvey would have next.

Once the eight-hour mark hit, Mike figured he should try and at least talk to Harvey. Maybe not about what happened to her, but anything to take his mind out of the gutter. He found a spot on the ground next to his mentor and relaxed back against the wall. "Band or DJ?"

Harvey's eyes finally allowed themselves to blink at the question, causing him to come back to reality. "What?"

"Earlier today, Donna had asked me the same thing. She was helping Rachel with some of the planning for the wedding and I couldn't decide. I couldn't figure out what was stopping me from answering such a simple question."

The ball of Harvey Specter had begun to open up, allowing his body to turn ever so slightly to face his protégé. He was confused why his friend was telling him about this. Then he couldn't get the question out of his mind. What would he want at his wedding?

"Then I realized it wasn't about what I wanted, but what Rachel wanted. I couldn't decide what she would like better," Mike whispered as he watched his future wife send him a loving look.

"Donna would want a band," he mumbled as he looked down at the floor. Even when the conversation wasn't about her, he somehow managed to bring her up. "She loves to sing even if she's off tune sometimes, but she would definitely get up there and sing along with all of them. I would just sit at the table and watch her in awe. I would be her biggest fan out there." He smiled as he let out a slight chuckle. The image of her rocking out with the guitarist had popped into his head.

A soft smile appeared on Mike's face as he listened to his friend talk about the woman he loved. "I can't believe I'm listening to Harvey Specter talking about his love for Donna Paulsen."

"I can't believe I'm finally able to say it out loud," he laughed. "When I first got Gallo's call I listened as he told me that he would take away the one person who I cared about most in this world. Out of the clear blue sky, it hit me that Donna was that person. She was the only person I could think about in that moment."

Mike interrupted, "Hey what am I? Chopped liver?"

They both let out a loud chuckle that shook their entire bodies. Harvey didn't think he could laugh like that anymore. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Donna's the one. She is the most important person in my life, and I want her to know it. And I think the only thing worse than Donna being where she is right now, is the fact that I can't tell her that."

Mike placed a hand on his back as he comforted his friend. "You will get to tell her soon. Have a little faith."

For the fourth time that evening, the doors opened. This time to reveal the only doctor Harvey wanted to see. All of the feelings flooded his entire being as he quickly rose to his feet to meet the doctor halfway. He wished he had Donna's ability to read people in that moment. The doctor's-tired face didn't give him a sign of whether she was okay or not. The worry began to set as he approached the exhausted man. What would he do if the next words that came out of his mouth were the words ones he would ever hear?

The group had huddled around the doctor who swallowed before he began to speak. "She's out of surgery." They hadn't moved, still intently listening to the doctor's every word. "Donna made it through, but she is still in critical condition. The next twenty-four hours will be important."

The words critical condition lingered around in Harvey's mind. She had survived the surgery, but would she survive the night?

"We are going to watch her closely and there will be nurses posted outside her room at all times."

Harvey finally finding the words, immediately jumped in. "When can we see her?"

Doctor Barns let out a loud sigh before responding. "She's in the ICU right now still not awake, but I can only let one person in to see her at a time right now as it is well past visiting hours."

Harvey's eyes widened as the words set in. He knew he needed to see her and as he looked around at the rest of the group, he knew no one would object to him going first. "Can you take me to her please?"

The doctor nodded and gestured for Harvey to follow as he turned to walk away. Relief washed over him as he followed the doctor's lead. Feeling himself getting closer and closer to her had brought back some of the light he had been missing. His body was aching to see her, to hold her, to know that she was alright. He feared that the sight he was about to say when they turned the corner to her room was going to destroy him. The thought of her lying in the hospital bed, helpless and fighting for her life, made his knees buckle as he walked. When they finally stopped in front of her door, he closed his eyes to prepare himself for what he was about to witness.

His eyes opened as he heard the door do the same. He gasped when his eyes found her. His feet began to move his body closer to her. When he reached the bedside, he allowed his hand to graze her cold cheek. He noticed some of her auburn locks peeking through the bandage surrounding her head. He twirled the end of one between his fingers, feeling the softness of her hair once again. Words had been coming from Doctor Barns, but he was so mesmerized by her that he hadn't even heard. The doctor had disappeared from the room, closing the door behind him.

Harvey had turned around to thank him, but instead was met with the empty room. Instead, he grabbed the chair behind him and pulled it close to her. He sat back in the not so comfortable hospital chair and took hold of her hand as he watched her sleep. Their fingers had intertwined like they had many times before. The memory of the most recent time replaying in his head. "You know I wanted to tell you that night, when Jessica had told us she was stepping down. You were there for me when no one else was. You're the only person who knows me better than I know myself." He pulled her hand up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on the cold back of her hand. "I have been loving you for so long. All of these moments over the years between us just kept fueling that fire that was already burning."

Her chest lifted and fell in the rhythm it had been since he had walked in. He watched her for a moment as if he was waiting for a response, expecting her to open her eyes at such an important remark. But still, she remained unconscious, not hearing a word he was saying, but that wasn't stopping him.

"I not only want you, but I need you. If you thought Louis was a mess, you should see me right now," he paused looking up to see if she would heed his words. "I'm not going anywhere, Donna. You are everything I never knew I wanted. I can't live without you. I already made the mistake of letting you go once and not giving us a chance before, and I won't do that again."

He leaned forward, resting his head on her body, as the tears started to form. He wasn't sure why, but a sudden wave of emotion had come back to hit him. Maybe it was just from the sight before him or the realization that he was talking to himself at the moment, but something had struck a chord. He missed her. There was a need to feel her warmth consume the room like it always did. All he was longing for was to hear her voice again, for her to reply back to him with some quick-witted comment like she always did. Instead, he was met with the sound of his cries in the silent room. The tiredness from the whole ordeal had started to overcome him. As his sobs slowly subsided, he felt himself drifting off, finally finding some peace.

…

The sound of feet shuffling around woke him from his slumber. The morning light hit his eyes as he lifted his head up from the side of the bed. The stiffness in his neck indicating that he had passed out at her side for a long time. As his vision finally cleared up, he noticed the nurse across the way, checking on Donna.

"Is everything alright?" He asked with his hoarse voice.

The nurse was startled by the sound of him. "I'm so sorry I woke you. I just needed to check on Miss Paulsen's vitals, but she's perfectly fine."

Reaching his arms out, he twisted his body to stretch out the tight muscles that had cramped from sleeping in such an uncomfortable chair. He didn't mind getting to wake up next to her, even though it wasn't exactly the way he pictured it. The morning light glistened on her freckle-covered skin. She was starting to get some color back into her. The woman lying before him was finally looking more and more like the Donna he knew and loved. As the nurse moved to head out of the room, he noticed a familiar black bag propped up in the corner. "Whose bag is that?"

The nurse stopped in place and turned around to face him. "One of your friends dropped it off this morning now that it's visiting hours. He said it had some of your clothing in it from home and that he would be back soon."

Harvey nodded and smiled at the nurse as she continued her way out of the room. Immediately he knew this was Mike and Rachel's doing. And by Mike and Rachel, he really meant Rachel. It was a kind gesture reminding him that they also deserved their time with her while they all waited for her to wake. It wasn't just him who was worried about her. Grabbing his bag on his way over, he quickly entered the bathroom to change.

He hadn't even realized he had been in his suit all night. The suit covered in her blood. As he looked in the mirror, he hadn't even recognized the man standing before him. His favorite white shirt was now painted red. Reaching down to unbutton his cuffs, he noticed the H in his initials was darkened by the same stain. He continued with the rest of the process of undressing while keeping his eyes tightened shut the rest of the time. Once he got the clean joggers and black sweater on, he was able to look at himself again, starting to recognize the person looking back at him again. His moment of clarity was cut short by a quiet knock on the door.

"Everything okay in there?" Rachel's familiar voice echoed throughout the bathroom. It was nice to hear a friendly voice coming from the other side of the door.

He opened the entry, coming face to face with his friend. "I'm okay. Thank you for bringing these for me," he explained holding up the black duffle in his hand.

"How'd you know it was me?" Her brows lifting as she asked the question.

"Lucky guess." He dropped the bag back off in the corner and looked back around, noticing they were both now staring at Donna as she continued in her peaceful state. "Are Mike and Louis still out there?"

She nodded, not taking her eyes off of her friend. He could tell this was the first time she had been in the room with her since everything happened. Knowing how much he needed time with Donna, he knew her best friend would need the same.

"I'm going to go out there and find them. You should stay here and watch her," he smiled as he started strolling towards the door. He paused in the doorway. "Talk to her. I like to believe she can hear us." Walking backwards, he continued watching them both as he exited the room.

It was strange for her when he left the room, she felt so alone. Yes, Donna was there but she really wasn't. Her friend was not the same perky, kind woman but a still motionless figure. It hurt that she couldn't hear about how her morning went or what ridiculous thing Harvey had her doing. She was her best friend, the person she confided in when she needed advice and yet there was no guidance coming from Donna. Instead, Rachel was speaking to her friend uninterrupted.

"You know normally we would talk about the things Louis had said that day, but the real gossip is what Harvey is saying," she joked as she watched her friend lacking a reaction. "The man who convinced himself that caring made a person weak, finally admitted the truth. For years, we've all seen it, but I never thought the day you couldn't hear him say it, he would," she paused allowing herself to catch her breath. "Harvey Specter is in love with Donna Paulsen. He might run out of ways to tell you how much he loves you if he keeps saying it this much."

Rachel was hoping that maybe if she waited long enough, her words would cause Donna to finally come back to them. It wasn't fair that this was happening to her. Her best friend was one of the kindest people she had ever known. No matter what was going on in her life she always made time for her. There was never any take with Donna but only giving.

"Not only does he need you back, but I do too. There's no Michelle Ross without Harriet Specter." Reaching out, she grabbed a hold of her friend's hand. As she continued to watch her friend unmoving, the noise behind her startled her. The nurse had come back into the room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to run a few tests on Miss Paulsen," the nurse whispered as she moved closer to the pair. Rachel stood up and reluctantly let go of Donna's hand, walking out of the room.

…

Harvey had been waiting for Donna when they brought her back from her tests. He was hoping by some off chance, the tests had caused her to wake up. Though, he was not surprised when they brought her back in the same state, the disappointment was still there. He craved to look into her beautiful eyes and list off everything that he loved about her. To finally admit to her the way, he knew he had been feeling for years.

As the nurse dropped her off, he resumed his previous position at her bedside, hand in hand with her. There was a need to be close to her, to know that she was safe in his arms once again. After everything that had happened, he would never let her go again. He couldn't wait to be there for her, to care for her the way he wanted to. The recovery process would be that much easier because he would hold her hand through the entirety of it. He would be at her beck and call, prepared to help her however she needed.

That was what a person should do for the woman they love. And god did he love her.

He sat back watching her, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. There were no more leaving things unsaid for Harvey Specter. As he started to open his mouth, the sound came to a halt. The tight flinch in his hand nearly caused his heart to stop. Her hand had moved and as he looked up to search for her hazel eyes, he finally found them. Overwhelmed by happiness the tears began to fall. The sudden happiness caused him to leap up from his chair. "Donna," he cried out, cupping her face with his left hand.

Moving slower than ever, she allowed her eyes to adjust to the light. Her mind was clearly at work trying to adapt to her new location, when her eyes landed on him. The smile he thought she would give him, never appeared. Rather, a look of confusion swept over her face as she swallowed and carefully opened her mouth. "Who are you?"

I'm sorry:( I know a lot of you will probably be disappointed with the ending but this is the way the story needed to go. I promise it will get better. With that being said, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and if you did don't forget to leave your review! All of the feedback has truly warmed my heart and I genuinely appreciate you all, not only taking the time to read this fic, but taking the time to comment as well! Xx