Believe it or not, but the first thing I felt when I finally regained my senses, was the hunger. Again, THE hunger, if you realize what I mean. It had almost turned physical now. Every single cell in my body protested to me in immense pain and unexplainable craving. I trembled and shivered, my nails digging into the flesh of my palms. My mouth was dry and I parted my lips, whispering in a shaky voice, "Hungry…"

"Oh, look who's awake," I heard a voice and a familiar face lingered in front of my eyes. Pam. It was Pam.

I shut my eyes and whispered weakly again, "Hungry…"

"Hmmm," Pam let out a sigh, "I'll call Eric and see if I can find some human food for you."

I swear I could hear disdain in her voice when she said the word 'human'. But I was in no condition to comment. As soon as she left I tried sitting up. My chest hurt and I could see it was bandaged. My mind cleared up a bit and I sighed, thinking Pam had clearly misunderstood me. No human food would help me this time.

Oh, boy, was I hungry by now. I would gobble up any living thing that I could actually put my hands on. Too bad there was no one around. Absolutely no one. I gulped down in panic and fear, tears almost slipping down. I was just so hungry. It was as if there were no other thoughts inside my head. Why was this happening to me? Why?

The doors opened and Eric strode in, heading towards the bed that I sat in. But I did not notice him. He did not exist in my world any longer. I couldn't see anything around me. Everything was hazed in a reddish mist and my mind was occupied with one thought only - getting life force.

Right now, I needed to get out of here. I needed to feed. I needed to suck someone. I just needed to…

"You look better now," his calm voice penetrated my slippery mind, but its meaning did not reach me.

My senses sharpened to the point I could hear a fly buzz on the other side of the street and my consciousness just faded away. There were only the sensations. Only the faraway tingling scents of life. The auras of the living ones. Ah, their enticing scents reached out even to here and my body jumped up from the bed, ready to follow it. Not even the crucial pain below my chest was registered by my brain now.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized this was so not good. I was slowly losing it and my true nature was cautiously, but certainly bearing its claws and fangs.

"Lily?" A voice made its way through the haze and the daze of the hunger and I tried focusing on it, tried averting all my attention to it.

Someone's strong arms pushed me down, "You're too weak to go anywhere right now. And just where do you think you are heading to?"

"Hungry," I breathed out heavily as my mind struggled to get back the control over my own body. I focused on his voice again, whispering hoarsely, "Talk to me, Eric, just talk…" and I fought with my inner urges as hard as I could trying to push them all back.

If Eric found my plea strange, he did not say so, he merely talked to me as I asked of him, "You need more rest. You're hallucinating, Lily. The wound was more serious than I thought. You lost your consciousness, so we couldn't do much. Now that you're back, drink my blood. It will give you strength. "

Oh, his voice… His voice was like a clear stream of water, a breath of fresh air. So firm, so strong. So real. I kept my focus on it, forcing myself to gulp down my cravings and to my immense surprise I felt my survival instincts retreat.

My vision cleared up and I could see Eric, leaning towards me. I let out a soft sigh, my eyes staring at his blue orbs. He was a vampire, a predator like me. Perhaps, perhaps, he could understand me. Perhaps… I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. I just didn't want to run berserk again. I just did not want to feel that immense craving and that satisfaction of sucking someone completely dry again. Once in my lifetime was enough to realize what a monstrosity I could become if I did not keep my urges under control.

"It will be dawn soon, I have to leave," Eric whispered. "Drink from my wrist, quick."

My eyes focused on his wrist with streams of blood oozing from it, but I shook my head. What good will the blood do to me? I needed something else, something entirely different.

I did not want to loose myself. Not here, not now. And suddenly, I realized it was not worth keeping my secret at such a price. At that moment Eric gritted his teeth angrily and tried pressing his wrist to my lips. He truly believed that his blood could help me get better.

I grabbed Eric's arm firmly, and pushed it away from my mouth. The vampire looked surprised at my strength and I glanced up at his eyes, pleading, "I need… a man."

Then, I felt darkness creep closer to my consciousness. It took the last of my human strength to push back the hunger and now I paid it with my dimming consciousness. I tried fighting it, but I knew it was futile. Something was churning inside of me, something primeval and ancient. I could feel it rising steadily and overpowering the last bits of reason I still had. History was repeating itself and I shuddered, gripping Eric's arm like the last straw. Panic was rising in me as I fought to regain control of myself.

Eric stared at me baffled, his eyes like dark pools of anger and confusion. I only had a minute, perhaps not even that but I had to try and so I whispered again, "I beg of you, Eric… a man."

And then, everything was dark again and I floated away from the reality and even Eric. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped that Eric would answer my plea.

I did not know that the next time I'd open my eyes, there would be no Eric by my side. There would be only the unquenchable hunger and my biggest nightmare coming true.

Just as soon as Sookie reached the house, she knew something was wrong. There was this creeping feeling of things going haywire somewhere in her head and it was nowhere good. And the moment she pushed open the doors into the dimly lit bedroom she just knew that everything had just gone very wrong. Very, very wrong.

The bed was empty. The covers were tossed to the floor and the pillow lay somewhere in the middle of the room on the dark brown carpet. There was no light in the room, even when she tried switching on the lamp. The window was open wide and the wind blew through it fiercely. There were chips and pieces of bicoloured clay of a once magnificent vase lying on the floor by the small bed table. The carpet had a stain of water almost dried up on it and the flowers lay there sprawled all over it. The chair beside the bed was turned over and lay in the middle of the room.

For a short moment, Sookie just stood on the doorway, her eyes scanning the room frantically. Her heart-rate escalated considerably as she realized Lily was gone. But why? Was she kidnapped? Very unlikely. Did she go all by herself? Just plain impossible. She should have been too weak to even move. And then it dawned on her. She must have been hungry.

"Oh, boy…" Sookie whispered, suddenly remembering how Lily told her that whenever in state of famine a Succubus goes on a ruthless hunt for living souls. This was so not good. So not good.

Sookie quickly turned around and descended down to the living room, where she had heard Bill and Eric, who had just woken up from his day slumber, enter after her. She still didn't know how she should tell this to them, but she had to tell something. And yet, she felt reluctant to reveal the secret of her friend to Eric. But… did she even have a choice?

As she reached the living room, Bill turned to her surprised, a questioning look in his eyes.

"How is she?" Eric asked calmly, his voice cold and emotionless, but somehow Sookie knew he was worried, if a vampire like Eric could actually be worried.

"She's…" Sookie paused for a moment and then decided to just come out up straight. "Not here."

The two vampires stared at her in disbelief for just a short second and then Eric was gone and Sookie could hear a loud bang of the doors up on the second floor. She then thought she heard a grunt or a growl, but at that time Bill came to her, surprise and wonder in his eyes.

"What do you mean by 'not here'?" He asked calmly.

"I don't know," Sookie whispered. "But I… fear the worst."

She wasn't lying. She did fear the worst. If what Lily said was true, then right now somewhere in the city there was one overly hungry succubus roaming around and looking for men to prey upon.

"The worst?" She heard Eric from behind. "She just ran away from me. Again. She's taking me for a fool!"

He banged his hand into a wall and Sookie flinched at the sound of the wall breaking.

"That's not true," she rushed. "She didn't run away! She just… had to."

"Had to," Eric echoed and then added with disgust in his voice. "Had to do what? Hunt men?"

"Yep, you can call it that way too," Sookie shrugged, still reluctant to tell all the truth, yet, fully aware there was no other way out of it.

Bill and Eric both glanced at her questioningly and then Bill broke the silence.

"What are you saying?" He wondered. "Do you know something that we don't?"

Sookie gulped down and then glanced at the two vampires. "There is something that Lily wanted to keep a secret from you two."

Eric narrowed his eyes down on her and Sookie sighed. There really was no other way out of this.

"You must have noticed Lily takes quite a liking to men," she started. "Well, the thing is she really can't help it. Men are what keeps her alive."

Bill just stared at her baffled and Eric raised his brow, so Sookie breathed in and then let it all out, "She feeds on men. Literally."

After a short pause, having let her words sink in, Sookie added, "Lily is a Succubus."

I opened my eyes groggily, feeling my head pound terribly. My entire body ached and I closed my eyes once again, trying to calm my mind first. My body felt so heavy, as if a whole ton of metal was weighing me down. I could hardly feel my limbs, but I did feel pain. Crucial and bare pain. I was in so much of it physically, that I found it rather hard to concentrate and relax my mind.

Only after a few minutes or so did I finally manage to gather some inner strength. I reopened my eyes once again and took in my surroundings first. How queer. It was dark and I could hardly distinguish that I was in a very big room, which seemed rather empty, if of course my sight was not deluding me. My eyes scanned the premises over and over again and suddenly a very bad feeling sunk in.

I looked down and tried moving my arms or my legs, but I could not. I gasped slightly and felt tears gather in my eyes as I finally realized the reason to this.

I was chained. I was wrapped in small and big metal chains and secured tightly to the wall. The floor was just a bit beneath my feet, but I was bound so tightly I could hardly move a finger. My arms were stretched out and suddenly I realized I was crucified. If this was a joke, it sure wasn't funny, and if this was a dream, it would be right about time to wake up.

Yet, I knew this was no dream. Slowly but surely the fuzziness in my head was clearing up and memories of my last night were coming back to haunt me. I still could not recall how I left Eric's house, but my last memory was even more vivid when I wished for.

I killed a man. I sucked him dry in an alley behind some local club. I seduced him and then ripped him away from his life. And he wasn't the first that evening. He was just the one I remembered. I was too hazy and dazed to recall any other men that I murdered. But there surely were at least a dozen of them. I was so hungry I'd have needed about that many men to satiate my hunger enough to regain my own consciousness. I closed my eyes, realizing it was way too late for regrets. Apparently, Eric disregarded my plea and I must have woken up in an empty house so hungry I could not hold it in any more.

I'll have to skip the town. Again.

But this was the least of my problems. I opened my eyes and looked around sadly. The room looked like some kind of a basement and as my eyes slowly got used to the darkness, I realized it was a large underground room with heavy metal doors on the right wall from me. I hung on the wall, supported with chains and as I tried moving, I realized I was secured so tightly I could hardly lift a finger.

The Order sure did their homework. I wasn't sure of what metal the chains were made of, but they were heavy as hell. They were wrapped around my body tightly and their cold surface etched into my soft skin painfully. I cursed silently under my breath for it was my own stupidity that got me into this.

At the moment that I regained my consciousness and realized I've killed another human, regret flushed over me like a huge wave. And that was my biggest mistake. I was willowing in sorrow so much I did not feel the Knights of the Order come. They shot me in the back. Twice.

That was my last memory of the time, but I was sure the Order was responsible for the ordeal I was in right now. And surely enough, I was right.

The heavy doors creaked open and a middle aged man walked in, grinning as soon as he saw me look at him. The satisfaction on his face was just… sickening.

And right at the moment he walked in, I already knew the fate that awaited me. The Succubi were hard to kill. Very hard. But there was one way and the Order knew it even too well.

They were gonna make me starve to death.

I watched the so called priest walk away and disappear behind the heavy doors, while my mind fought an inner battle with itself. My body ached all over from all the burns and the cuts the priest had inflicted onto it and I had to gather all my strength to keep myself conscious. I wasn't sure how much time had passed since I was locked in here, but I knew it was two or three days at the very least. The priest had come a few times to torture and interrogate me or to simply make fun of my state. He found it amusing, he found it… pleasurable. He saw me as the devil incarnate, as something that was not supposed to exist in this world. Something that represented evil itself. Something different, something inhuman.

And it was a good thing I wasn't human, I sometimes thought to myself with a tint of irony. Otherwise, I would be dead already. If not from the physical wounds and blood loss, then from plain sheer thirst. The Order did not feed me and didn't even give me any water to drink. I was kept there as if I was just some kind of a thing, a non living object that did not need any care. Well, I could live without that. What does human food mean to me, after all?

What I couldn't live without was the pure and delicious life force of a living being. I needed it. I craved for it. I was slowly going crazy for it. And every time the priest or his lackeys came, all I could see or hear was their pulsating life force. I recalled I screamed at them and begged them to release me. I remembered how I tried warning them, I tried telling them what a huge mistake this all was. Tried persuading them and then, intimidating. But none of them listened. They were sure their methods were flawless. They were sure I'd die here slowly and painfully. Very painfully.

The hunger was etched into every cell of my body, every molecule, every atom. They were screaming for life force and biting back my lip I struggled with mixed emotions, still trying to hold it back. Why? Why was I still putting all of my strength to remain conscious of myself, to retain those grains of humanity that I had planted into my mind over thousands of years of my selfish existence? Why was I trying to protect the very men who wanted me dead from none other than myself?

Indeed, why?

I did not know the answer. Did I become too soft? Have I betrayed my own nature? Was I waiting for something? For someone? Was I expecting help to come? A saviour? A knight on a white horse?

Don't kid me. There are no knights on white horses any more. Not now, not ever. And who would come for me? Eric?

Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha!

My laughter resounded creepily in the empty room. I did not realize it, but I was already loosing it. My voice cracked and I laughed so hard I thought I might actually end up dying from laughter. My head pounded and my stomach ached, every cell of my body protesting to me regarding this cruel laughter. It shook my entire being. The laughter echoed across the building as an eerie and otherworldly sound. As something that came from the Beyond.

I was chained to the wall, tortured and half-dead, craving for life energy… and I was laughing. I was roaring with insane laughter merely because I forgot what I was. I forgot there was not a living soul that would care about me now. Have I lived in the mortal world too long? Have I forgotten the true nature of a human being?

Humans… they lived shortly and died quickly, bringing down history with them, bringing down all of their beliefs and prayers. They had called forth gods and prayed to them. They had said they would give their everything just to appease their deities. And then, they'd forget them just as easily. Gods would be crushed under human ignorance and arrogance, dethroned and humiliated. Forgotten. Abandoned. Forsaken. What is a god supposed to do when it is cast away with no remorse? What is a god to do when it is left begging, left fighting for itself and its own life in a world, where no one believes in it any more?

What is a god supposed to do when it is a god no longer?

I… have already been there and done that. Summoned from the depths of the Universe, ripped away from Life itself and cast into the world of mortal humans, I was crowned as Goddess. I was worshipped and glorified, idolized and praised. And then, I was needed no longer and so I was thrown away.

Like garbage. Forgotten. Exiled.

My crackling laughter finally stopped and hot tears rolled down my cheeks, soaking my tender skin. My cackles turned into sobs and I wept. I wept and wept, crying at the memory of the times when I stood on the top. The times when I was their Goddess and their Queen. The times, when I was needed… and loved.

And then, the remembrance of love cast me into another fit of laughter and so I laughed. I laughed and I cried and then I laughed again. What kind of love can a Succubus have? How many times do I have to try to finally realize it was impossible for me? I was so tired of it all, so exhausted and so depleted that I was losing it. Slowly, surely, surely…

Tears were obstructing my view and everything around me dimmed in a red light, a mist of lust and hunger. Faces and voices lost in that fog, not reaching my mind any longer. There was nothing else, but the longing. The hot, scorching craving, etched deeply into my existence, my soul, if I ever had any.

The last thing I felt was my body burn in flames of hunger and pruriency.

The last thing I heard was a scream when the chains sliced across the air, hitting everyone and anyone in its path.

The first thing I saw was the simmering and pulsating life force, just in arm's reach away from me.

"Ohhh, yeeeessssss…" I purred, the air vibrating around my luscious body, my eyes glistening with carmine red. "Come to me… Come…"

The first thing I tasted was the bitterness of blood and the sweetness of life, a mix of the two driving me insane…