newsies.ofnewyork: I thought it would be a bit unexpected but I really liked it in this story. Thank you so much!
Guest: I love these boys so much. Thank you!
Guest: The Dreams That We Wish ... such a long title, is next on my list. If anyone were to go back and read it, they'll see I recently updated the last chapter and changed some of it ;). I hope to get back to that one soon! Thank you! I'm glad you like this one too!
Okay, last chapter!
Enjoy!
It amazed Race how still his brother could be. His brother had never been so still in his life. His brother was known for not being able to sit still. Just like Race himself.
They understood each other so well. Jack understood him so well. Better than he'd ever known.
Maybe even better than he understood himself.
"Stop looking at him like that..." Charlie pleaded.
Rubbing at his damp cheeks, Race hardly even glanced up. "Like what?" he croaked out, looking back down at Jack who was laying flatly on the bed. His voice was harsh and watery. He hadn't meant for it to be.
"Like you're afraid he's not gonna make it." The words were spoken with such terror that Race could feel a sob stop in his throat. Charlie was only trying to convince himself that the young man on the bed was actually okay. That he'd be alright.
The truth was that they didn't know if Jack would be alright. He was just laying there, his eyes lazily closed and a tube placed down his throat, breathing for him.
Race didn't look back up at Charlie. He looked down at his hands. "What if he doesn't?" He knew he shouldn't have asked it. But he had to. Because if Jack didn't make it, it was his fault.
And everyone knew it.
The boy sitting on the opposite side of the bed looked over at Race with the most defensive, determined glare he'd ever seen. "Don't you dare, Antonio," he hissed. His little brother's heart stuttered only for a moment at his full name coming out of that boy's mouth. "Don't you dare give up on him like that—!" he shouted, shooting to his feet. Race flinched and sat up further in his seat, unprepared for his big brother to lash out.
Crutchie was supposed to be the calm one.
"Charlie… calm down, baby—," Medda tried, but the young man could not.
"Don't tell me ta calm down when he says somethin' stupid like that!" Charlie cried in something almost comparable to a whisper. The tears came fast for him. He couldn't stop them. His younger brother couldn't either.
Race felt a hand come down gently on his back. He let out a shaky breath as he hunched over and rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I'm sorry..." he whimpered out, tears falling down and dropping onto his legs as he leaned over even further, trying to hide. Though, he wasn't sure if he was apologizing for scaring Charlie even further or creating this whole mess to begin with.
If Jack were awake, he would've taken Race's wrists in his hands and stopped him from tangling his fingers so tightly in his blond curls. But Jack wasn't awake. And Race needed something to ground him.
God knows Charlie couldn't. Not right then.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He couldn't stop. He didn't know what else he could say. Not with Jack laying there so lifeless. So fragile.
"I'm so sorry, Jackie..."
If Jack were there he would've taken Race's wrists in his hands and stopped him from tangling his fingers so tightly in his blond curls. But Jack wasn't there and Race needed something to ground him.
He was practically running.
He couldn't be late. Not again.
Jack had offered to drive him. Crutchie had woken him up two hours ago. But he hadn't gotten up and Jack had more important things to worry about than taking him to school every morning and getting stuck in traffic on his way back.
He grasped at his messy curls with one hand, knowing one more tardy slip meant detention.
He was moving so quickly that the shoulder he bumped didn't register in his mind until he felt a splash of hot liquid on his shirt.
The boy froze, his eyes wide as he whirled around, apology already on his lips as he turned, only to be met with the most charming and beautiful grey eyes he'd ever seen in his life. He stuttered as the man turned to meet him, looking angry only for a split second before his gaze found Race, looking more and more like a lone deer caught in some headlights. That's when his tight jaw loosened just a bit and his lips curled into a sly smile.
"U-um… I… look… I… I'm so sorry! I'm… I just-" the boy tried, not truly knowing what thoughts were flying through his reeling brain. All he could register was this man. This beautiful person in front of him with thick, long brown hair, a perfect complexion and a blinding smile.
And then that laugh. That laugh that made Race want to laugh too. The one he'd hang on day in and day out for years to come. "You're lucky you're pretty, blondie. What's your name?"
Race's heart was beating so fast he was sure he would die. "Uhm," he squeaked, inwardly wincing as he cleared his throat. "It's Tony… Antonio... " he clarified, though he shook his head and couldn't stop his lips from continuing on without his brain. "Tony for short, but no one really calls me that because my brother really likes to, uh, he likes to give people names, like nicknames, an' when I w-was a little younga' he started callin' me Racetrack, but now everyone calls me 'Race' because I guess I'm a fast runner even though I never really liked runnin'-"
Again that laugh. That laugh sounded like bells. It was a beautiful sound that made Race blush and try to hide his embarrassed smile as the man took a small step closer to him. If he had to guess, Race would say this man was in college, or at least of that age group. "Well, Race," the stranger began, smiling down at him with such a perfect glint in his eye. The boy went a bit weak in the knees at the man's gaze. "It looks like you owe me another coffee," he laughed. "Where're you headed?"
It took a moment for the boy to remember. Where was he going? "Uh… Roosevelt… High School… Roosevelt High School…"
Nodding along, the man thought for a second. "Okay… why don't you meet me after at the coffee house just around the corner from that? You can buy me another coffee and maybe afterwards we can hang out and you can tell me why you're running so fast?"
This man was clearly older than him. Clearly out of high school, at the very least. But, Race could only dumbly nod his head, trying hard not to think about what his brothers would say.
"Okay, pretty boy…" the man grinned. "See you then…"
Then the man made to walk away. But it only just occurred to Race that he'd never gotten the man's name. "Wait!" he called, rushing back over to the beautiful stranger. "I… I never got your name…"
"Drake…"
Drake. Drake. Drake. Drake. Drake. It was all Race could see. It was all he could think about. Those grey eyes and that smile.
And that goddamn laugh.
A laugh he'd never hear again.
He curled up in a ball back in the waiting room, completely unsure of what to do with himself. He felt sick, like he could vomit any minute now. He felt angry, like punching a wall. He felt devastated and lost and confused and maybe it was his fault. Maybe something he'd done had changed the man he loved somehow. Maybe Drake would have been better if they would have never met.
One thing's for sure. Drake would still be alive if they'd never met.
The waiting room chairs were uncomfortable and confining but with the rigidness of the kid's whole body, he hardly noticed. He could hear himself trying to breath. It sounded like he was wheezing. He couldn't feel the oxygen trying to reach his lungs. He so desperately wanted to be with Jack, but he couldn't take Charlie lashing out at him again.
It wasn't Charlie's fault. Charlie had every right to be angry with him, to want him away from their big brother.
He just couldn't handle it.
He heard the door open and he tried to get control of himself as he untangled his body from his fetal position, looking up only to find that officer standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand and a sorry look on his face. Race sniffled and viciously wiped at his face with his sleeves, irritating his skin. His cheeks were red. The tears didn't stop. "Wh-what're you still doin' here?" he hiccuped.
Sighing and pulling up a chair across from the boy, Conlon shrugged. "Just wanted to ask you a few more questions… another officer is gonna be on his way a little later, just to try and put all of this together himself-"
"Put what together?" Race spat, shaking his head. "I told you everything," he insisted, his voice rising in volume and pitch as he just tried to understand for himself what was happening. "I killed my husband. There. Take me ta jail, I don't care! I killed him and this is all my fault n'-"
"You saved your brother's life," Sean interrupted, his voice almost emotionless. "You killed your husband to save your brother. You made a choice."
Tears spilled faster down his face as Race let his head fall into his hands. "I didn't mean to kill him… I just… I loved him… I was neva' gonna leave him… I…" he let the sobs fall, feeling the guilt rolling around inside of him. "I just needed a break..."
All Spot could offer the young man was a sad smile and a small cup of coffee.
And Race took it.
"Drake… it's beautiful…"
"Yeah…" the other boy sighed.
Race was gazing up at the stars.
Drake was looking at him.
For as long as Race could remember, he hadn't been able to see the stars. Not in New York.
But this wasn't New York.
Drake had taken him on a trip. It had been a couple months now. A couple of months of promising his brothers that they'd meet him eventually.
Race had given Albert a twenty to convince his family that he was staying at his place for the night.
"I… I'm in love with you…"
Race turned at that. "What?"
They were laying in the bed of Drake's old pick up truck, snuggled up in a blanket. But now Race was propped up on his elbow and he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. But Drake was looking at him like he was the most precious and fragile thing in the world, like if he made one wrong move, Race would just up and leave.
Race completely melted.
"I… Antonio, I'm so in love with you…" the man repeated, reaching to brush the boy's hair. Race couldn't take his eyes off of him.
He wished he could just stay in that moment for the rest of forever.
"I wanna be with you everyday… I wanna make you laugh everyday… I wanna see that beautiful smile everyday… I wanna spend the rest of my life with you…"
Those words made Race's heart stutter with excitement. And he felt tears in his eyes. "Drake… I... I love you too, baby."
The pure joy that sparked in the man's eyes was unlike anything Race had ever seen before. And before he could comprehend what was happening, Drake was up, scooping him up into his arms. The boy squealed and laughed, clinging to his boyfriend as Drake held him tightly.
"I promise I'll always take care of you, babe… I'll never hurt you… never… I promise…"
Race grinned and pecked his lover on the cheek. "I love you, Drake…"
The tears had slowed. At least, for now. And Race sat alone, an almost empty coffee cup in his hand as he fought to make his mind go blank. He sat more still than he'd ever sat in his life, focusing a bit too much on breathing and feeling his whole body wanting to give out on him.
He couldn't sleep. Not now. He was terrified of what might happen if he fell asleep.
So he took another sip of the coffee that was hardly warm anymore.
And he didn't look up when the door was pushed open.
"Racer…" someone sighed.
The boy still didn't look up. He bit his lip. He should be done crying by now. The tears had to run out eventually.
Within seconds, Race could see someone's shoes and the end of a metal crutch in front of him. And then his big brother was sitting in the ground at his feet. And Race's gaze didn't move. "Kid… I'm sorry. I didn't… this isn't your fault. It's not."
The younger man shook his head. "Ya know, Charlie… The worst part about this is that… it was… it is... it's all my fault n' you got every right ta hate me," the boy stated, his voice letting out as a squeak by the end of his sentence as he imagined a world without Charlie. Without Jack. Without his brothers.
It was no world he wanted to be apart of.
But Charlie's face softened immediately. "Tony… I couldn't neva' hate you, kid…"
Race didn't respond. He just looked down at his lap in shame, not knowing what else he could say. Because maybe Charlie didn't hate him. Maybe Jack would one day forgive him. But that wasn't the biggest problem.
The boy couldn't figure out how he'd ever be able to live with himself again.
"Hey… can ya look at me?"
Race shook his head, swallowing hard. And before he knew it, arms were around him and his head was tucked into the crook of his brother's neck. He sniffled and tried to relax into the embrace. The cup was taken from his hand and Charlie shushed him when he tried to protest. "You're okay. You're here with me an' we're okay," the older boy promised.
So Race closed his eyes, focusing on the steady breaths he could feel brush over his hair.
"Please, Jackie, just wait one minute and he'll be here-" Race begged as Jack rushed around the room, pulling his grey jacket over his shoulders and shoving his wallet in his back pocket.
"Racer, you know I'd love ta meet him, but I promised Kath I'd be over to work on illustrations a half hour ago n' she's freakin' out a little bit right now because we're supposed ta meet with an editor today, so I really don't have time ta wait, I'm sorry," Jack rambled as he grabbed his bag of art supplies, slinging it over his shoulders as Race pouted at him from his place in the middle of the living room. "I'm sorry, kid. But if you really like him, I'm sure I'll like him too," Jack stated, as he walked past his little brother and ruffled the boy's hair.
Race didn't make a move to stop him. Jack was finally doing what he'd always wanted to and today was the opportunity of a lifetime. He was about to open his mouth to concede when there was a knock at the door. And Race's pout melted into a smile. Before his brother managed to reach the front door, the kid was rushing to it, opening up just to jump into the arms of his boyfriend who only laughed and swept him up off the ground. "Hey, babe!"
"Hi, Racer," Drake chuckled, kissing him and then lowering him back down to the ground.
"Babe! This is my brother Jack! Jack, this is Drake," the youngest of them introduced with the sort of energy only he could possess. He turned back to his brother to see the young man offering him an amused smile as he sighed and held his hand out towards Drake.
"Hi, nice ta meet you," Jack greeted kindly. Race couldn't help but notice how professional he sounded. Jack was growing up fast. The boy couldn't help but miss the goofier side of his brother. It was still there. Just, not quite as often as it once had been.
But it was okay. Jack was still Jack. And he would never lose Jack.
"Nice to meet you, Jack. Race talks about you a lot," Drake smiled. Race grinned and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's middle. Drake kissed his head and placed a hand on his shoulder. Jack's eyes flashed towards that hand, a look that the younger boy couldn't quite place rushing across his features for only a moment before Jack's eyes were back on him, as if he were making sure Race was okay.
Then the oldest boy smiled and nodded. "Could say the same thing about you," he joked. "Alright, Racer, I'll see ya tomorrow, okay?" he stated, moving to press a kiss to Race's hair. The arm around him tightened.
Jack seemed to notice. But he didn't say a thing.
"Bye, Jackie!" the boy shouted as the older boy made his way out the door.
Jack paused in the doorway, suddenly hesitant to leave. He turned back, sighing as he saw his brother grinning at him. And he managed a smile. "Love you, Racer."
"Love you, Jackie!"
"Tony… wake up, kiddo…"
Tony hummed, feeling reality crash back down on him as he opened his eyes. He was laid out over someone's lap. Charlie. Charlie was there.
And so was someone else.
"Hey, Tony… how ya doin', pal?"
David.
Tony didn't move. He closed his eyes again and sniffled, wishing he could just sleep forever. He'd never have to face this. His friends. His family. Once they all heard the full story, they'd never speak to him again.
God, Jack would never speak to him again.
"Antonio?"
"Katherine?"
Katherine. Race opened his eyes. And there she was. The closest thing he ever had to a sister. And Race let himself sit up and embrace her without even thinking about how much she'd hate him. There was just something about her. Something about that woman that made him feel safe and okay.
Katherine was Race's partner in crime. One of many. Definitely the most frequent.
She stumbled a bit at the force, but held him back even tighter. "Hey, my little prince…" she sighed, hugging him closely.
Race whimpered, tangling a hand in her hair as he looked past her shoulder to his big brother's best friend. Davey looked terrible. So Race reached out for the man. And Davey clasped his hand. Race pulled him forward just as Crutchie wrapped his arms around him and Katherine from behind. He didn't deserve these pure people.
But somehow he had them.
"I'm so sorry…" he apologized for what must've been the millionth time.
No one said anything. They just held him tighter than he was sure they ever had before. And all he could do was let them.
Race's knee bounced up and down rapidly as he stared down at the book open on his desk. He'd read the same page seven times now. And yet he had no idea what it said.
His pencil twisted around in his shaking hand. He was ready to scream. He blinked, trying to center himself.
Twelve hours left until finals week. It was his senior year. He had to focus. He had to do this.
He felt a hand trail over his shoulder. But he shrugged it off, feeling a shiver run down his spine involuntarily. "Babe, not now," he said, reaching up and taking a sip of the Gatorade that was sitting above his books and mess of papers.
They were alone in Medda's house. And Race loved that Drake wanted to be with him. But he had to focus right now
"Cmon, Love… take a… thirty minute break?" the man asked, leaning down to kiss and nibble at the base of Race's neck.
The boy relaxed beneath the touch a bit, but then moved out of it, shaking his head. "I don't have time, D… I gotta get this right. I'm barely holdin' a C in Trig right now," he stated, not even looking back at the young, beautiful man behind him.
But Drake pulled away from him and growled a bit in frustration. "Come on, seriously?" he grumbled. Race only turned to catch the young man crossing his arms over his chest. The pout on his lips was adorable and made Race's heart melt. But he shook his head and turned back to his books, pushing his classes up further on his face.
"Baby… you know I love you, but I really gotta focus right now." He felt butterflies rolling around in his stomach. He was nervous about these tests. If he didn't pass, he didn't graduate. If he didn't graduate, he'd never get anywhere in life and he'd be stuck working retail for the rest of his life.
"Tony, I'll make it fast," Drake promised.
Tony didn't answer. He just took a few more notes, clearly ignoring his boyfriend.
He tried to get into some kind of zone. Tried to focus. God knows he'd never been good at focus.
But when a hand grabbed the back of his chair and forcefully spun him around, Race gasped only for lips to come down harshly on his own. He sat stunned for a moment, his brain not fully able to comprehend what had just happened before he was automatically kissing those lips back.
It lasted for a good minute or two. But eventually, the younger boy had to pull away. "Drake, I said no," he whispered again, feeling a sort of guilt rise up in his chest.
But Drake didn't stop.
He kissed his boy again. And Race couldn't help himself. He kissed back. Just for a moment. A moment before his stubbornness kicked back in and he pulled away. "Drake, baby, I love you, but I really can't right now—" He was cut off by his own gasp when his lover forcefully pulled him up, passionately biting at his lip. The boy felt himself tense for a moment, not quite used to the roughness after all these years.
Then, without a word, Race was being carried over to his own bed. He felt something in his chest jump at the hunger in Drake's eyes. Though, he couldn't decipher whether it was fear or excitement.
Or maybe he didn't want to.
The man dropped him down onto the bed, moving to suck at his neck as his hands fiddled with Race jeans. "Drake, I can't—"
Drake cut him off with a rough kind of kiss and it was only at that moment that Race knew his wrists were pinned down by his boyfriend's hands.
Not quite sure why Drake wasn't listening to him, the boy stopped trying to speak and instead watched as Drake pulled away with a mischievous grin on his face. He must've seen the slight alarm in Race's eyes, because he softened merely seconds later. And he let go of the boy's wrists. "Hey… c'mon…" he coaxed, offering Race his perfect smile. "We can make it quick…" he promised, reaching up to caress his boy's face.
Race sighed. He glanced over at his desk full of work and books and then back at his pleading boyfriend. And he managed a strained smile. "Okay…"
Drake grinned.
"He's awake... you should go in, baby… he wants to see you…"
Race could hardly look up at his mother. He managed. Barely. Not without the nudge he got from his brother.
Charlie rubbed the younger boy's shoulder and Race looked up to him as the other man gave him an encouraging nod. He looked over to Katherine. She just offered him a sad, watery smile. "Go on, Tony…"
Tony sniffled, but reached up for his mother's outstretched hands. And he let her lead him into the hallway where she pressed a request button on the wall and waited for the doors to open towards her. Race's legs were shaking. But his mother held his hand.
The hallway felt long and narrow. The walls were closing in on him. He didn't know what he was going to say. He didn't know what to do to fix this.
Jack was hurt. Possibly dying.
And it was all his fault.
But his mother walked comfortably into the room where his brother was lying all alone, unable to move, unable to speak. There were slow tears falling down his face.
Nothing could have prepared the boy for the way those green eyes lit up when they found him standing like a lost puppy in the doorway. Then Jack reached for him, his hand shaking. It was clearly painful for him to move. A sob escaped Race's throat once again as he all but fell forward. He rushed to the man, taking his calloused hand in his own and bringing it up to the bridge of his nose. He didn't say anything. He just cried as Jack did. Medda's hand came down on his back just as he fell into the chair behind him.
As he held Jack's hand, the man relaxed and let his eyes fall shut. His fingers twitched and brushed over Race's cheek. The boy sniffled and helped his brother caress his cheek. "Jackie…" he breathed, holding the man's wrist and hand so carefully against his own skin.
Jack sighed and let his head lull to the side. But Race refused to let go of the man's hand as he began to drift out of consciousness once again.
Race stirred at the smell of bacon. He could vaguely hear someone moving around beside him. And he allowed himself a sleepy smile.
"Drake…" he sighed just as arms encircled his torso. He turned into the embrace and let his eyes open. A kiss was pressed to his forehead. "What're ya doin', Love?"
"I'm making my beautiful boyfriend breakfast. Is that a crime?" the man laughed, brushing at the boy's hair.
Race snorted and watched as Drake lay down beside him. The older man placed a hand on his hip. And Race just studied him.
He had no idea how the man was so handsome.
For a long while they just lay there, watching each other and laying with each other.
Drake reached forward to caress his cheek. And Race smiled. Drake seemed to melt. "Would you just marry me?" he whispered.
Race froze. "Wh… what?"
Drake sat up, still staring down at him. "Marry me. Please, Antonio… I… I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you… you're my everything, baby."
Still, the shock had not worn off. Race slowly sat up in Drake's bed. And he looked at the man like he'd grown two heads. "Are you serious?"
He barely finished his question before Drake had surged forward to capture his lips desperately in his own. "Antonio… I… love… you…" he muttered between the sloppy kisses. And then he pulled away. "I think I'd die without you, Tonio…" Those words. Those words were what made Race stop. He looked up at his man. He studied him finding nothing but the truth in his eyes. "I wanna fall asleep next to you every night and kiss you first thing every morning and make you breakfast in bed and goddamn it, you beautiful boy, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."
Stunned didn't even begin to describe Race in that moment. He felt like he couldn't breathe. His mind was running much faster than it ever had before.
He loved Drake. He really did.
"We can go down to the courthouse tonight. We can go to Europe tomorrow for all I care. Babe… I wanna be yours and I want you to be mine…"
But he was only nineteen.
"Baby…" he began, unsure of how to continue when there was so much hope in those mesmerizing grey eyes. "I…"
Before he could continue, Drake reached back into the top drawer of his nightstand. He opened it.
And Race couldn't breathe.
"Antonio Isaac Higgins… will you marry me?"
It was happening so fast.
It was too real.
But Race found tears gathering in his eyes at the thought.
Someone loved him. Someone wanted to be with him forever. Someone was promising him everything and more with one simple question.
And all Race could say was, "Yes."
"Hey… Tony?"
It had been hours by now. Race was sure of it. Jack was in and out of it. Katherine sat on the other side of him, stroking his hair and shushing him when he whined every time he woke up. Crutchie was by the window, reading a book and gazing up at Jack every now and again when he remembered why he was trying to distract himself. Medda was down grabbing some coffee.
Tony looked up to the door to find Davey peaking in, gesturing for him to stand. The boy looked back down at his big brother, wiping at his nose before leaning down and kissing the man's cheek.
Following the man out of the room, Race found himself face to face with that cop again. And he froze, feeling a cold fear rise up in him. Spot seemed to sense that. And he shook his head. "Hey, you're not going to jail, okay? But I do need ta explain ta you what's gonna happen next…" the man stated, gesturing for Race to sit down in the waiting room.
He did. And Davey sat next to him.
"Okay… I know this is a tough time for you. But I need ta tell ya that you are gonna wanna get a lawyer," Spot advised, leaning towards him as he sat in his own chair. Race shook his head, about to argue, but Spot put up a hand. "I'm sure he'll tell ya the same thing I'm tellin' ya now. You didn't have time ta call for help. You did the only thing you could do ta save your brother. It's pretty straight forward. But you're still gonna have ta go in front of a jury and be exonerated—"
"But—"
"Race…" Davey called, his voice calm and light as he rubbed the boy's back. Race looked up at him. And Davey nodded at him, silently telling him that everything was going to be alright. Then the man turned back to Spot. "Thank you… is there anything else he needs to do?"
Spot sighed and thought for a moment before shrugging. "It might be helpful if he were able to write out a statement, just a recollection of what exactly happened. It's important that he recalls as much detail as possible."
They continued to talk about him, as if he weren't there. And Race couldn't help but let his mind wander.
"Drake, I wasn't flirting with him. He just asked a question. That's it!"
"You were practically throwing yourself at him!"
"I was not! I was just bein' polite—"
"He wanted to get in your pants and you were gonna welcome him in, weren't ya?!"
"Drake!" Race shouted, appalled at the accusation. He stood stunned in the middle of their living room. Drake was pacing in front of him. Tipsy and angry.
Not a great mix.
He'd been getting jealous lately. Apparently the ring around Race's finger did nothing to tell the man that he had promised Drake his future already. He could understand Drake wanting to protect him. But Race didn't understand why his husband was making such a big deal of this.
"You know what's worse, Tony?! You're practically asking for it! Wearing those stupid tight pants and your muscle shirt n'—"
"I came from the studio, D! What d'ya want me ta wear? A bag?" Race spat back, sarcasm dripping from his lips.
"I want you to stop drawing that kind of attention to yourself! You—"
"Drake, listen to yourself! I was wearing the same things I always wear! I wasn't flirting with anybody—"
Drake had walked Race home from the studio. They'd stopped to get a drink. Someone had asked Race about the band logo on his shirt.
It wasn't a big deal.
Drake seemed to feel differently.
Without warning, he grabbed a stray glass off the counter and turned, swinging hard.
The cup cracked and broke against the boy's skull.
Race didn't remember much after that.
He recalled feeling himself fall. Arms around him. The panicked voice of his husband above him. Sirens, bright lights, unfamiliar hands and voices.
But when he woke up, it wasn't Drake who was sitting beside him.
"Hey, kiddo…"
It was Jack.
"Jack?"
"Shhhhhh…" the man soothed. "You took a bad blow ta the head, Racer. Ya got a concussion…"
The boy looked around. A hospital. "Where's… where's Drake?"
Jack sighed and looked towards the door. "Buddy… look… can you be honest with me n' tell me what happened?"
Race gave him a subtle glare. "Where's my husband?" the boy asked again.
Jack looked like he was about to cry. And he shook his head. "He's just talkin' ta the doctor, Tony. But I really need ya ta tell me what happened…" he asked again.
Race reached up to feel his forehead. But Jack gently grasped his wrist. He held it gently and looked at his brother like he thought he might break. "Jack, it wasn't nothin'—"
The door opened, and in walked a guilt ridden Drake. The man rushed to his husband and embraced him. Race let him, only hardly flinching at the quick contact. "Oh baby… I'm so glad you're awake…"
Race wrapped his arms around the man's waist and relaxed into him. "It was just n' accident, Jack…" he explained quietly.
And Drake nodded. "Yeah, Tony was putting the dishes away and he didn't push one of our cups back far enough. It fell out and hit him on the head…"
Race squinted a bit in surprise. His husband had just lied. Flat out. And Race was quite certain Jack didn't believe a word of it.
But all he could do was nod.
And Jack sighed. "Okay… you need ta rest, kid. Mama's comin' down lata' n' Crutchie wants ta call ta make sure you's ok…"
Race nodded again and reached a hand out for his brother. Jack took it, refusing to look up at Drake.
The room was tense. And Race didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything. And he tried to relax into the company of the two people he loved most in the world.
But it wasn't working.
"It looks like he's gonna pull through. We must've gotten to him just in time. He lost a lot of blood and is still very weak, but the tube can come out soon and he should be able to go home in a week or so if all goes well."
Race allowed himself the sweet sense of relief at the words of the nurse who had come to give them an update on his brother. He looked down at the man on the bed, still looking exhausted, but awake nonetheless. He nodded and let out a breath, watching as Katherine leaned down to kiss her man on the head. Jack smiled weakly and then closed his eyes again.
And Race felt like crying all over again.
"Um… when… when can the tube come out?" he asked, his voice cracking as he'd hardly used it in the past day.
The nurse paused, a sad smile on her face as she turned to him. "Hopefully tomorrow if he's a little stronger by then," she said before walking out of the room.
Race nodded and ran a hand through his mess of curls. Crutchie had finally gotten him to change his clothes. He still hadn't changed into them. He didn't want to move again. It was all too much.
"See, pal? Everything's gonna be okay," he promised. "Now, c'mon… ya gotta get outta those clothes okay?" The older boy stood with the help of his crutches.
Race shook his head. "I can do it myself, Charlie…" At that, the young man laying on the bed reached over to him, weakly holding his hand as drowsy green eyes looked up at him. Race felt himself beginning to break again. And he shook his head. "I… It's almost healed…" he said, earning sad look from Jack and a sigh from Crutchie.
But Crutchie nodded towards the door. "C'mon, pal… you're gonna be alright…"
For the first time in months, Race started to genuinely believe it.
Race was sitting on the subway. His was the next stop. He didn't want to get off.
He would rather sit here with these strangers than face his husband at that moment.
His studio wanted him to star in their next ballet. Him. It was huge. A huge deal.
But it meant long nights. It meant rehearsal for weeks straight and training for hours every day. It meant going a couple days without seeing Drake.
He wanted to do it.
Drake would not feel the same.
He thought about calling his mama. Maybe it would be worth it to just hear the excitement in her voice. She was always so happy for him when these things happened.
Drake hadn't wanted him to audition in the first place. But he had. And he hadn't told the other man.
He dreaded the conversation he was about to have.
So he sighed when his stop came. And he didn't make any move to stand.
Instead, he opened up his phone and dialed.
"Hello?"
"Hey, D…" Race muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. "I… I gotta… um… I… I got it, babe… I got the lead…" he said, feeling the excitement rise in his chest as he said it. Of all the dancers in that studio, he'd gotten it. And that was exciting.
A scoff came on the other end of the line. "You're kidding right?"
"Drake… I know we said—"
"No, babe. No. I'm not doing that again. I hardly got to see you for two months last time. Tell them no."
Race could've sobbed right then and there. In the middle of the train. Surrounded by strangers.
He wanted this. He wanted to do this. It was important to him.
"D… It's a good show n'—"
"Antonio. No."
He swallowed hard. Without even arguing, he just hung up the phone in defeat and pulled his hood up over his head.
And he sat on the subway for an hour, not wanting to move.
Until someone walked in and grabbed his arm. Race didn't stop him.
"Tony, I can't believe you. After we talked about it you still just…"
Race tuned him out. He didn't want to listen. He knew what they'd talked about. He also knew he'd pleaded with his husband to understand how much he loved to dance.
But Drake didn't want him dancing in the studio. Not without him there.
"Are you even listening to me?!"
They were on the street. Almost home. And Drake still had a harsh grip on Race's wrist. He pulled the boy with him until they made it inside.
And before Race could even speak, he was thrown onto the couch.
"What the hell happened to you passing this one up?!" Drake demanded. "We talked about this! You said that—"
"I said I wanted to n' you didn't listen! They were holdin' auditions today, I just happened ta be there n' they asked me ta come in! Do you have any idea how big of 'n opportunity this is—"
The slap caught Race off guard.
It stung.
He willed himself to just go numb as he took off running.
It still hurt.
But now he sat, curled up in Charlie's old sweatshirt and sweatpants from college. He watched as Jack sat up on the bed, holding Katherine's hand as the nurse talked to them.
It was time for the tube to come out. Jack was strong enough to breathe on his own.
And Race could only sit and watch.
"Alright, Mr. Kelly-Larkin. Let's get this over with…" the young woman said, smiling at him as Jack winked at her.
The process was quick enough. And for a moment, Jack just sat there, remembering what it was like to breathe on his own. But then Crutchie laughed. "Alright, Jackie… say somethin'," he prompted, knowing his brother wanted to.
And Race leaned closer to the bed, waiting for the voice that always seemed to calm him.
Jack looked around and every person in that took until his eyes landed on Tony's own. And he managed a smile. "What, ya miss the sound a' my voice already?" he joked.
Katherine laughed. David rolled his eyes. Medda smiled and Crutchie grinned. Race just stared at him, almost like he was afraid his big brother would disappear. And Jack reached out for his hand.
Race took it without a second thought.
Race's cheek stung. He didn't know how he'd gotten here. It had been slow going. He hadn't truly seen it coming. Not even after all the signs.
Not after the charming smirks and the well placed words and sneaky hands. Not after the possessive behavior or outbursts.
He'd missed it somehow.
Maybe he just hadn't wanted to see it.
Drake had hit him again.
It wasn't so frequent. It wasn't like Drake went out of his way to make Race his punching bag. And… maybe it was just an accident. Drake hadn't meant it, after all. Not really. He never did. Something just took over. Something Drake couldn't control. And maybe Race shouldn't have been so loud and harsh towards him.
But it still hurt.
The hits. They still hurt. His ribs. They still hurt. His body was still sore for being thrown every which way. Into walls. Onto the bed. Even after he'd told Drake to stop.
He didn't know what he could do except get out of bed and pull some pants on.
It was one in the afternoon. Race had to get up.
Drake had been drunk. He hadn't meant it.
Part of him wanted to call someone. His brother. He wanted Jack. He wanted Jack to tell him it was okay to be scared. It was okay to want to leave. He wanted to tell Jack everything.
But the second Race reached over and clicked open his phone, still laying flat on his back on his bed, he saw the picture that was posted there on his lock screen.
Him and Drake. And damn, they looked so happy.
Crutchie had taken it. The day that Race had gotten married to the man. Both of them wore suits and they were standing just outside the courthouse, holding each other and grinning.
Drake hadn't wanted them to come. He'd said they didn't need anybody. But Race has insisted. His family was coming. Drake might have left his own behind. But Race couldn't.
He let his screen go dark again as the phone dropped down to his chest. He winced. Glancing over at his husband, he sniffled, watching as Drake slept much too peacefully. The younger man pushed the blankets off of himself and held his breath as he sat up on the edge of the bed, carefully swinging his legs over the side.
He took a deep breath and let out an airy grunt as he tried to stand. He ground his teeth together, trying to stay quiet.
Drake had been rough last night. Way too rough.
His wrists hurt from being held down. He'd tried to get away. He'd tried to lock himself in the bathroom. He hadn't made it in time.
The door was broken now.
Race held himself around the middle as he swallowed hard, choking back sobs. He didn't know what to do now. So he carefully got himself dressed before he pulled himself into the bathroom, not daring to turn the light on. He didn't want to wake Drake.
There was a bruise forming around his right cheek. His hair was a mess. He was terrified to lift up his shirt.
So he didn't. He just pulled his curls down and brushed through them with his fingers
It wasn't the first time. That's what made it so much worse.
It had built over time. The violence. The way Drake craved him. The way he had to have him.
He didn't know what to do.
He loved this man. He did. Drake was his everything. Drake made him so happy. Drake loved him. Drake wanted to buy him a house and start a family with him.
Drake was his family.
He washed his face. It was slow and agonizing to move. But he did it. And he felt a little better. A little more awake.
So he dragged his feet as he made his way into the kitchen. There was a pinch in his stomach. He was hungry.
Drake would be hungry too, when he woke up.
Race grabbed some vegetables from the fridge and a can of broth.
Soup sounded good.
His arms were still around himself as he moved. It hurt.
They were alone. At least, mostly. Charlie was asleep in the chair by the window. But Race knew there was no waking him at this point. And that was a good thing.
Jack was sketching lazily in one of his old art books. Kath had brought it to him only a moment ago before David had taken her to get something to eat. Medda was on the phone outside the door, talking to someone. Race didn't know who.
But he was here, with Jack. And he didn't know what to say.
So he didn't. He just watched his brother tiredly draw out outlines for Katherine's new book. But Jack could feel his eyes on him. It only took another moment. Another moment before Jack was placing his pad on the side of the bed along with the pencil. And he turned to look at the younger boy.
Race felt tears pricking at his eyes again. He was sure he should be fresh out of them. And yet, here they were, ready to fall all over again.
"It's okay, kiddo…" Jack promised. "It's okay ta be angry and scared and upset."
Race didn't know how his brother did it. How Jack read his mind so easily. But he sniffled and shrugged. "You were right, Jack… he… I was scared a' him… n' I don't know why… but I still loved him so damn much…" he whimpered, unsure of how he was supposed to feel. "N'... he nearly killed you because a' me… how 'm I supposed ta—"
"Okay, come here…" Jack coaxed, stretching out his left arm as much as he could without causing himself too much pain. Race did as he was told and he lay his head down carefully on his brother's chest. Jack placed a hand on his hair and thumbed at the boy's cheek. "Ya hear my heartbeat?" Jack asked. Race sniffled and nodded. "Just focus on that…"
The tears began to fall at that. Race closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath as he did so.
"You lost your husband, baby brother… you're allowed to be scared. But you saved my life, ya hear me?"
The boy let his brother tangle fingers in his hair. "I promised him I'd neva' hurt him…"
Jack looked heartbroken at the statement. He looked like he didn't know what to say. And Race allowed himself to fall apart again. "Oh kiddo… hey… you are gonna be okay… hey…"
"I-I thought…" Race hiccuped as he looked up at his big brother. The man who'd been a father to him for the past nine years. "I th-thought I was gonna lose you..." the boy admitted.
The hand in his hair brushed his curls. And Jack melted. "I'm right here, Tony… n' that's because of you… I ain't goin' nowhere… we're gonna get through this together, okay?"
There was so much sincerity in his brother's eyes. And all Race could do was believe him. "Okay…" he whispered. "I love you, Jackie…"
"I love you too, Racer… more than you could ever know…"
Race's life had never been perfect. In fact, it had been anything but.
But he had Jack. He had Charlie and Medda and Katherine and Davey and Jack.
He might never be able to accept what he'd done. But Jack would.
And maybe that would be enough.
Ohhhhhh this story. It was a time and a thrill to write even though it's so super sad.
Here is the original request:
1.) "You're okay. Breath. Just breath. Open your eyes. Come back. It's okay. It's over now. Your okay. Wake up. Please wake up. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. I love you so much. Come back."
2.) "hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."
3.) Would you kill to save a life
4.) Race is the focus ( sorry Race)
5.) Drake
Again, thank you so much SinfullySimple for this beautiful request! Much love to you!
I hope you're all staying safe and healthy and not bored. This whole shut down is inconvenient for the lot of us and it's a little scary, not gonna lie. But I hope you guys are handling it well and using this time to relax and take a breath.
Thank you all so much for following this story! I love you all so much!
As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, fansies!