Chapter Ten: "Shut Up and Swiss Me" Burger:

After Zeke's graduation party, Tina avoided Zeke, her family, and angry phone calls from Jimmy Jr. Then the angry phone calls from Tammy started. After three days of unhooking the landline in her room, Tina couldn't avoid reality anymore.

"I'm not screening calls for you anymore, T," Louise told her sister. The youngest Belcher had done her due diligence in warding off Tammy and Jimmy Jr.'s fury filled phone calls. Mostly so their parents wouldn't realize what was going on. Bob and Linda talked a lot in the days following Tina's graduation about why their daughter was acting like a hermit. Mostly when they were alone. Sometimes in front of Zeke.

"As much as I love watching people ruin their lives, I don't like it when it's my family," Louise said. She was standing in Tina's doorway, playing with one of the earpieces on her hat. Holding them in her hands and looking at her Ears and not Tina. "Zeke keeps calling, by the way. And showing up at the front door with flowers. It's getting pathetic."

Did Tina maybe perk up at the mention of Zeke's name? Louise thought it sure looked like it.

"And he still hasn't worked up the nerve to ask me out," Gene said, taking up space on the side of the door frame opposite Louise.

Dread crossed Tina's face. She'd only just had the most confusing night of her life and now both siblings knew about it. It wasn't fair. Tina still hadn't had time to fully process everything that happened. She needed about four more notebooks worth of journal space to let out her feelings. All she did was avoid and write and sulk, but it didn't seem to be working so far.

"It's okay. I just wasn't meant to have a nice life," Tina said. "Just nosy siblings and a confusing Grill Cook with a nice butt that keeps calling." Gene and Louise both looked at Tina and then looked at each other, as if telepathically agreeing on a solution.

Gene came into Tina's room and sat next to his sister on the bed. Louise stayed by the door, trying to put space between herself and the affectionate heart to heart she felt coming on. "Maybe Zeke isn't just any old Grill Cook butt," Gene started. "Maybe Zeke is a butt that has cared about you for a long time. Like a lingering fart. You didn't know it was coming, but now it's here to stay and it's warm, too."

"Strong start, Gene," Louise said sarcastically.

"What if that's what I'm afraid of?" Tina took her gaze off the floor and made eye contact with her siblings for what had to be the first time in days. "Plus, he was really good friends with Jimmy Jr."

"Yeah, was. Don't tell me all of this is about Jimmy Jr.?" Louise glared at her sister.

"I don't care about what Jimmy Jr. thinks. I haven't for a long time." As soon as Tina said the words aloud, both her and her siblings knew it was the truth.

Tina felt a little lighter. She hadn't known that it would feel so good to acknowledge it. Had she officially given herself permission to get over Jimmy Jr.?

"Then what are you worried about? Go to him!" Gene commanded. Tina didn't move. Gene gave her a bewildered look "Why are you not going to him?"

"It's just so confusing and awkward," Tina groaned.

"When you've seen someone shit into a crowd from the catwalk in the school auditorium, the list of awkward things really dwindles. You and the 'Mad Pooper' are way past awkward, T," Louise said.

"The 'Mad Pooper' was amazing. I've never seen anything like it," Gene reminisced.

"That butt never even had a chance to go into the butt bank," Tina said.

"You need to talk to Zeke, T. Otherwise you're not treating him any better than Jimmy Jr. treated you."

"How can you say that? I didn't ask for this to happen."

"No one said you did. And no one said you had to grow old with him. Zeke really cares about you and you're frickin' blind for not being able to see it. He never tried to make you feel bad about who you are like Jimmy Jr. always did," Louise said.

Tina had never thought of Zeke in a romantic way. Except when she had. Like the time he went through Hell and Hall Monitor to steal the Wagstaff mascot suit for his grandma. Or when he braved an electric fence to share in a two-butted goat journey with her brother. Or that time he took a shit on the catwalk of the Wagstaff auditorium so Tina could have a damn news story. Or that time he got Tina and Louise a ride to the Boyz 4 Now concert and then helped them sneak onto their tour bus.

But Tina also thought of thousands of other guys in passing. What made Zeke any more special?

Tina fell in love with every guy she saw until she turned sixteen. After that she only fell in love with half of the guys she saw.

Tina spent the rest of her senior year of high school trying to deal with the ridiculing and bullying that Tammy wrought and the awkwardness of existing in the same place as Jimmy Jr. after that final break up. Those things had been hard enough. Add in the immense pressure of her realizing she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. That was enough to make Tina want to bury her groaning head in the sand and write an epic saga in her diary. Now Tina had Zeke to worry about, too?

Tina had a most assuredly unromantic crisis on her hands.

She could see how well Zeke fit into the Belcher family, how easily he had fit in when he started working at the restaurant. She could see the effort Zeke had made. Efforts Tina had previously denied: Valentine's Day flowers, someone to sit with at lunch when it felt like the rest of her frenemies were out to get her, inviting her to his graduation party because he wanted her there and not caring, or seeming to realize, what a stir it caused among mixed company.

So this was it? Tina was just supposed to fall in love with Zeke because she made the mistake of sleeping with him, and listening to all the dumb, wonderful things he'd said leading up to sex? She was supposed to want to be his girlfriend because he got along with her family? She was just supposed to want to be with him because he wanted to be with her?

Tina considered her sister's words. Was she to Jimmy Jr. what Zeke had been to her? She couldn't live with knowing what it was like to be treated the way Jimmy Jr. had treated her and then doing that to someone else.

Her siblings were right. She had to talk to Zeke. Moping around the apartment and ignoring phone calls wasn't working. And her father was starting to complain about her omnipresent state of groaning. Tina wasn't sure if she would be able to get it together. She was torn between what felt right and what felt safe, and safe had been winning by a marathon.

The phone in the living room rang again. "Tell him not to call here anymore, he didn't even pay for dinner last time!" Gene shouted as Louise went to answer the phone.

"Tina!" Louise called from the living room. Tina's groaning stopped in favor of dead silence.

Tina didn't answer. Louise kept yelling and Tina kept quiet. Louise set the burger phone in the living room down and marched into Tina's room, plugging the jack back in. Louise picked up the line, "Answer it!" she ordered.

Tina didn't move.

"Gene, get her!" the youngest Belcher commanded.

"I'll sit on you!" Gene threatened.

Tina groaned.

Louise dropped the line and got in her sister's face, Tina's groaning was now full force. "I got this guy and this guy," Louise said, raising her open palms on either side of Tina's line of vision. "And I will use them if you don't answer the frickin' phone."

Louise shoved the phone into Tina's hand and Tina put the receiver to her ear, still groaning, but more quietly now. The younger sister shoved her head next to the older sister's head so she could hear the whole conversation. Gene slowly moved out of the room, giving his sisters privacy.

"Hey, T-Bird," Zeke's voice came through the phone.

"Zeke," Tina tried cooly, but came out sounding much more panicked.

"Can ya meet me in the restaurant after close, girl? I got a surprise fir ya?"

Tina groaned louder into the receiver.

"Is that a yes?"

"You shouldn't call here, Zeke. I don't want to talk to you." Tina rambled, stringing her words together.

Louise grabbed the landline out of her sister's hand and shouted into the receiver, "She'll be there!" She slammed the phone down into the cradle.

"Why did you hang up? I was listening to that!" Gene exclaimed from a few room away. He'd snuck into the living room and picked up the burger phone to listen in and hadn't felt at all guilty for doing so.

"I'm not going." Tina rehashed.

"The restaurant closes at nine-thirty, you have three hours to get your shit together."

"You can't make me leave the apartment," Tina pointed out

"I can't, but you will. You're the one who always does the right thing. I don't have to force you into anything." Louise said over her shoulder as she walked out of Tina's bedroom.

Tina sat there, drowned deep in her own thoughts. As it grew closer to closing time, Tina felt a tug in her gut, a nagging that she vowed she would ignore.

After what felt like hours of sitting around, Tina heard the voices and footsteps of her parents. It was just after nine. There was a knock at her door, and Bob opened it up. "You're still in here," he said plainly. Not a question. Linda walked in behind him.

"My Teeny Tina. Oh, you just look so sad," Linda announced when she saw her oldest daughter, "What's wrong? I'm starting to get worried."

"Does this have anything to do with Pesto's kid?" Bob asked

"No, Dad!"

Looking at her daughter, Linda asked, "Is it about school? Things feel different after you graduate. I remember the week after Monica and I -"

Tina cut her mother off, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, but I'm still checking on you tomorrow. You're not sitting in the dumps all summer, Miss Missy." Linda said as she ushered Bob out into the hall. Tina vaguely heard Bob ask what to make of their daughter's change in attitude. Linda vaguely said something about reading Tina's diary later to suss out the problem. Tina had thought her mother had stopped reading her diary when she'd hit freshman year. New circumstantial evidence presented otherwise. The Belcher family had always been a very close and very open family, but Tina was beginning to question if they were too close.

The nagging pit in Tina's stomach grew bigger. The thought of staying in the apartment with her parents, especially after this last interaction, seemed suffocating.

Louise had undoubtedly snuck out of the house by now to go to some party with Regular-Sized Rudy or to enact some mischievous prank. Gene was probably with Alex. He seemed to spend all of his time with Alex these days.

Tina got to her feet and decided the first step to figuring out what to do with herself was showering and getting dressed. So she did. Then she found herself pacing in her room debating her next course of action.

"Damn it," Tina muttered to herself, knowing she'd already made her decision. She'd just been trying to delay the outcome.

Bob and Linda were sitting on the couch in the living room watching a baking show and drinking a bottle of wine. Tina tried to sneak past her parents, but she knew they heard her. Her footsteps were not quiet and she had never mastered "the art of subtly getting away with things" like her siblings had.

"Should we try to stop her?" Bob whispered

"I'm just glad she's getting out of the house," Linda whispered back.

Tina could hear her parents whispering as much as they could hear her footsteps. If she was horrible at "the art of subtly getting away with things" her parents had never mastered the "art of whispering."

Tina closed the apartment door and walked into the restaurant. The bell ringing above the door got Zeke's attention and he moved toward the service window. His face lit up. "I didn't think ya were coming."

"My brain didn't think I was coming either, but my heart said 'yes,'" Tina said evenly. The restaurant was cleaned and closed. The floor where Tina was standing was still streaky and wet from mopping.

She could smell amazing smells coming from the kitchen, then she looked towards the booths and noticed that one of the center booths had place settings laid out. No one had ever done anything like this for her. To say it was overwhelming was an understatement.

Tina stood there, not entirely sure what she should do with herself.

Zeke came out of the kitchen carrying one of the serving platters they hardly ever used in the restaurant. He set the tray down on the set table. Steak and potatoes, heavily seasoned. He took out a pocket lighter and lit a single candle resting in a jar on the table top.

Tina began to groan.

"Sorry it ain't all that fancy," Zeke sat down, still wearing his apron that he'd probably had on all shift. It was covered in grease spots and other stains. He rubbed the back of his neck, "Sorry I don't look that great, either. I just got done closin'."

Since when did Zeke really care about what he looked like? The three things Zeke cared about were cooking, wrestling, and hanging out with his friends, in that order. Zeke never cared about impressing women. Yet here Zeke was, trying to impress her.

Tina felt like she had been hit with the serving platter. Was she a terrible person for avoiding Zeke because she wasn't sure if she was ready to see him yet?

Tina finally sat down in the booth, looking directly across from Zeke, "We should talk."

"That's what I been tryin' ta do. 'Cept ya won't answer the phone." Tina looked away for a minute. "Did I hurt ya? Or do ya regret it or somethin'." Zeke choked a little bit, trying to steer away from the awkward turn his demeanor had taken.

"No," Tina looked Zeke in the eye as she said it. She didn't regret sleeping with Zeke, even if it was a drunken accident.

"Why won't ya talk to me, then?"

"I wasn't ready. And I keep getting all these angry phone calls from your friends."

"Ya know, J-Ju is pretty mad at me."

"I don't care about Jimmy Jr.," Tina shouted. Why couldn't anyone see this wasn't about Jimmy Jr.? I was about her and how she felt. How nobody seemed to care about how she felt, but everyone was ready to criticize her, or give her advice, or force her into a situation she didn't want to be in. No one was letting her have time to process all the major life changes she was going through. And no one was letting her process them in her own way.

"I know." Zeke said. Neither of them touched their food.

"Then why did you bring him up?" Tina asked defensively.

" 'Cause people keep pushing me, too. And everyone's angry at me right now. But I don't want ya ta be one of 'em." Zeke explained.

"Okay." Tina said, pushing the steak around on her plate.

"Tammy's mad at me, too, for some reason," Zeke began to cut into his steak, but didn't lift a fork to eat.

"I don't care about Tammy, either," Tina was still pushing the food around on her plate, mostly to give herself something to do that didn't involve direct eye contact with Zeke.

"I know," Zeke repeated.

"Then stop bringing them up."

"I don't- I d-."

"Spit it out, Zeke," Tina's tone was intended to be aggressive, but there wasn't a broad range in her monotone.

"I don't know how to do this."

"I don't know how to do this, either. You're loud and annoying and kind of gross."

"That's pretty harsh, T-Bird," Zeke stopped slicing into his steak. His expression fell. Tina thought about apologizing, but in a rare moment of defiance, decided against it. Everyone has been pushing her for the last few days, including Zeke. Tina should finally be able to speak her mind for a change.

"Why are you doing all this?"

" 'Cause I want ta."

"That's not a good reason."

"I like ya, girl, is that a good enough reason?" Zeke said.

Tina had always known Zeke liked her. She knew she ignored him because she liked Jimmy Jr. and Zeke was his annoying friend who's presence she willing to just barely tolerate. She also knew that Zeke would never admit how he felt, because Jimmy Jr. had been there first.

Zeke was a good friend.

Jimmy Jr. was not a good friend and he was an even worse boyfriend.

Tina sensed Zeke had figured that out sometime after they had all started high school, but Zeke was loyal to a fault. Just because Tina was done with Jimmy Jr., didn't mean Zeke was.

"I thought ya kinda liked me, too. After what ya were sayin' the other night," Zeke started after Tina didn't reply. Tina fumed a little bit. Drunk Tina was a liar with her own ideas about what she thought she wanted.

Drunk, minimally confident Tina had espoused how she thought Zeke was a good guy. How he'd grown into his once awkward butt. It was a nice butt. She was a butt person. Tina may have mentioned an appearance or ten that Zeke had made in her compendium of erotic friend fictions.

Drunk Tina might have casually mentioned how she liked that he seemed to naturally fit in with the Belcher family. How great it was that he got along with Gene, since Gene didn't seem to have many friends his own age. And that it was great how he got along with Louise, both of them natural troublemakers that were really just big softies.

Drunk Tina waxed poetically about how loyal she noticed Zeke could be to his friends and family even when they were jerks. How he added an element of adventure to the Belcher siblings lives. Drunk Tina told Zeke occasionally he could be funny, too.

Drunk Tina was a liar. A liar that told the truth and exposed Sober Tina's secrets. Things that Sober Tina would have eventually talked about, she might have just needed a little more time to admit to it. Some time on her own, maybe at college. Away from the sway of Jimmy Jr. A chance to miss the things she hadn't realized she took for granted, especially things about Zeke.

Tina had spent all her teenage years trying to figure out what kind of guy would make her happy. Who her destiny was. Tina had begun to realize after Jimmy Jr. broke up with her, that she didn't need someone else to make her happy. She was done trying to find love for the sake of finding love. She just needed to learn how to let Jimmy Jr. go first, and that was the tricky part.

Tina didn't budge on her stance, something had changed after Thanksgiving. Something new she wasn't sure if she liked. Tina could fall in love with almost any boy she saw, it was biologically proven, by her.

Tina had never found herself expecting to like someone she formerly couldn't stand. She had never found herself liking somebody for more than superficial reasons. Someone who wasn't Jimmy Jr. Or Josh from Fresh Feed, even though the whirlwind puppy love only lasted for a week, and was ultimately overshadowed by a jealous and weirded out Jimmy Jr.

Then Tina got flowers on Valentine's Day. She tried hard to stay in denial. It had to be Jimmy Jr. It was the only logical explanation. If it was Zeke, Tina didn't know what she would do. She would have to face Zeke and have this conversation and acknowledge her growing feelings she was trying so hard to push down. She never commented on the flowers. And Zeke never brought them up. If Zeke never said anything, then of course it couldn't have been him who bought the flowers. Crisis averted.

Then he had his stupid graduation party and her stupid siblings forced her to go along so they could go to a high school party and have a good time. Tina kept drinking and drinking to give herself something to do and to try and make the horrible situation less awkward.

Louise had been a good sister, sticking by her side all night. Then she left. She had just left Tina there by herself in her own personal Hell. Well, Tina has chosen to stay in her own personal Hell on a drunk, flight risk idea and her sister tried to convince her otherwise.

Damn it, though, if it didn't feel good to be mad and blame someone else for all of this. Especially when Jimmy Jr., who had crashed on the couch, walked into Zeke's room the next morning and found Zeke and Tina sleeping next to each other, and had the nerve to act like all of it had something to do with him, like they were going around on him behind his back.

"T-Bird?" Zeke asked, voice sounding a little nervous.

"What?"

"Do ya not like me or somethin'?"

"I need time to think. My heart says 'yes,' but my brain says 'no.' "

"Ya already said that," Zeke gave a nervous chuckle.

"I mean it. I need time to think about things."

"No pressure, T-Bird, take all the time ya need." Zeke said with an air of determination. He began to dig into his now cold dinner. He looked at Tina and she also began to eat. The food may have been cold, but it was the best steak she'd ever had. It brought her back to the days of the Home Ec-straunt. Her and Zeke joked about it a little bit, it was really the only thing that kept the dinner from being completely silent.

Zeke didn't force Tina to talk. It was another checkmark in the "Zeke is good" box, and that scared Tina a little. She wanted to be mad at Zeke, mad at him for making this all seem so easy, mad at him for how natural this all seemed.

She made herself a promise, as she was eating a delicious home-cooked steak, that she was not going to lie to Zeke. Above all, she was not going to lie to herself.

She would feel whatever she felt. She realized that she deserved a chance at happiness and owed it to herself to not possibly miss out on a good thing. But she also promised herself she would let things take their natural course, to go slow, and if it didn't feel right, she wouldn't force it.

She had a feeling Zeke was going to be an important part of her life. She wasn't going to be able to get rid of him that easily. And even though it would be a slow drive down a long road, she didn't think she wanted to get rid of him, either.

Alex Papasian was the only person who understood RoboWizard Quest and how crushes on annoying Courtney Wheeler were nothing but a regrettable downfall. Alex was also the only person in Gene's life, aside from his mother, that never questioned the legitimacy and artistic value of his music, even if Alex didn't always agree that it deserved to be called music.

Alex and Gene both hated exercise, diets, and adventures that couldn't be had if you couldn't ride in a car. The mutual disdain for adventure had been discovered after the horrible evening in Alex's Alpine Oasis for Boys, the shimmering institution that it was.

They both loved food and staying at home. The biggest difference between the young men was Gene's love for being the center of attention and Alex's desire to sometimes remain part of the background.

After the night at the Roller Rink with Courtney Wheeler and her nagging father, the boys agreed they would never let a girl come between their friendship again. Neither of them realized how prophetic that promise would prove to become.

By high school, Alex and Gene would spend their nights and weekends at the Papasian household playing with Donut, who'd come to love Gene since the night of the disaster sleepover. It may have had something to do with all the peanut butter his sisters had fed the dog, but Gene chose to believe it was all him.

When they weren't hiding out at Alex's house, they were in the restaurant, with Alex coming by to do his homework while sitting at the counter as Gene worked his shift. Alex came to the restaurant often enough, he had his own custom burger. A burger sandwiched between two bottom buns. No sesame, no problem.

The first time Gene saw the improvisation to accommodate Alex, he called it the "Bottom Butt Bun Burger" and it made Alex laugh so hard, his soda squirted out his nose.

Upon the mention of butt and burger in the same sentence, Louise promptly made it "The Burger of the Day." Bob didn't notice this until after closing, his two youngest being some form of incorrigible duo that still exhausted the Hell out of him.

Linda made a point of commenting on what a nice young man Alex was or that Gene should invite Alex "here" or "there." Alex and Linda bonded during the boys' junior year of high school when Gene joined the drama club and put on a few plays in addition to his work with costume crew. Linda would spend the whole week talking about Gene's play to whoever would listen, telling them they should go and see it and support Huxley High's young prodigies.

Linda only ever managed to rope Teddy and Alex into going. On the rare occasion Louise went, it was on the principle that someone would mess up their lines and humiliate themselves.

"Father, I was born to be in the limelight! No, the limelight was born for me! And if you can't bother to show up for me, I won't leave you anything in my will when I become famous!" Gene said, marching around the restaurant after close.

"Oh, Bobby, you should come to one of Gene's plays. It would mean so much to him," Linda said as she counted the money in the register.

"Yeah, Dad, one day Gene is gonna mysteriously disappear. Like that other girl who claimed to be our sister," Louise's sarcasm came from the back booth as she was wiping down the table.

"Tina didn't disappear, Louise. She's off at college. I know because I'm paying for it," Bob said as he passed the last burger of the night through the service window. Linda placed the plate in front of Teddy.

"As far as you know," Louise muttered under her breath.

"I heard that," Bob said.

"You were supposed to," Louise said, muttering a little lower the second time.

"Bobby, you know how much you love Cake? Well, it's like Cake, but totally different and your son is there," Linda said. Bob pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You only ever think about yourself, Bobby! This is your son. Your son! You need to be there for him!" Teddy's voice got louder with every syllable. Bob grimaced. "I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm really sorry, I just got a little heated there. I don't know what came over me."

"I would love to go, but we'd have to close the restaurant. We can't afford it right now."

"I feel like this conversation is about me," Gene said. "But I want to let you know, I'm not really listening."

"I'll watch the damn restaurant next time so you can go. I mean not like you pay me anyway," Louise said in a tone that suggested she was doing them all a huge favor.

"Awe, how sweet. My little Louise, stepping up to be the woman of the house," Linda put a hand over her heart.

"Yeah, yeah, Mom, don't rub it in. I might change my mind."

"I do pay you," Bob told his daughter, "You get a roof over your head."

Toward the Holiday break of junior year Gene had begun spending more time with Darryl. Darryl saw what Gene could do as part of the drama club. The two had noncommittal talks about reviving the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee. Gene played some of their old stuff for Alex. Alex tried to be supportive, but dog barking, fart noises, and the ability to only play two notes weren't exactly something to behold. Alex told his friend as much.

Alex was grateful Gene had started taking music more seriously in seventh grade with a lot of guidance from Ms. Merkin. Alex was grateful Gene's music didn't sound like the relics from Itty Bitty Ditty Committee that had been showcased for him.

By New Year's, Darryl and Gene had unexpectedly recruited Peter Pescadero and Regular-Sized Rudy into the revival of IBDC. Re-branded as Pi. An equal measure of Darryl's passion for math and Gene's passion for desserts.

Pi practiced in the basement of Bob's Burgers, with Alex as the prime audience. Gene, who may have only been slightly less dense than everyone credited him for, was sure the only reason Regular-Sized Rudy agreed to be in Pi was because practices were held at Bob's Burgers. Bob's Burgers meant Louise Belcher would be there. Anything to do with Louise Belcher fascinated Rudy Stieblitz.

Within months, Pi was performing in small talents shows at Wonder Wharf, had performed a short set during Art Crawl, and was booked to play Huxley High's senior prom. All of this was wonderful, except for the part where Gene was not only spending more time with Darryl and Pi, but was spending virtually no time with Alex.

"I'm lucky if I see you once a week anymore," Alex told Gene one night after a Pi rehearsal. It was the first practice Alex had been to see in weeks.

"I know. I'm a star now!" Gene quipped as he put his keyboard in its case and stored it next to the basement's walk-in freezer.

"It's like we're hardly friends anymore."

"We're friends. I'm just really busy."

"This is just like that time you ditched me to be Courtney's roller dancing partner," Alex accused.

"That was you! You did that to me." Gene fired back.

"Well, you tried to give me diarrhea with that sesame drink thing," Alex was starting to sweat a little.

"I said I was sorry! And I stopped you from drinking it!"

"If the shoe fits!"

"Why are you bringing this up? It's like you don't want to be happy for me."

"I am happy for you," Alex said weakly, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he might have started something and it went further than he meant for it too. He had wanted Gene's attention, maybe to start a small fight with him, but nothing that would touch the real heart of the matter.

"Then why don't you act like it? You stopped coming to my practices, you stopped coming to the restaurant. I only see you in class and that's just because we have to be there. Maybe we should -"

"Should what? Stop hanging out for a while?" Alex asked.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Fuck you, Gene."

"Don't talk to me like that. Don't even apologize. Not unless you have chocolate apology cake. And maybe not even then!" Gene yelled as he stomped up the stairs into the restaurant kitchen and slammed the door behind him. Alex emerged a few seconds later, following heavy footsteps pounding up the staircase. He opened the door and followed Gene through the kitchen muttering a string of apologies. Gene plugged his fingers in his ears and hummed as Alex followed him through the kitchen trying to apologize.

Bob shouted at the two, but his voice was lost in all of the humming and mumbling that seemed to grow louder by the second. "Enough!" Linda boomed, slamming the door to the alley as she came into the kitchen. "You boys make me so mad I could stomp! Take it outside or don't take it at all."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Gene crossed his arms.

Alex opened his mouth to apologize again, but was cut off by Bob. "Alex, maybe you should go home."

Alex didn't argue with the patriarch, he walked out into the dinning area and out of the restaurant with hunched shoulders and a defeated look, bell ringing above the threshold as he exited.

"That was intense," Regular-Sized Rudy said. He sat on the stool at the counter, the seat closest to the cash register. Louise happened to be working the register. If asked, Rudy would deny the two were related.

Gene came into the dining area with a plate full of fries he'd commandeered moments earlier. He sat down next to Rudy and started mumbling about "the nerve of some people."

"That was really mature. So, you're fighting with your boyfriend now?" Louise smirked at her large brother. Louise had been insinuating Alex and Gene were an item since the infamous night of plastering Jimmy Pesto's storefront with his most incriminating secrets. This was just the first time Louise had directly used the word "boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Gene exclaimed

"Sure," his freshman sister rolled her eyes.

"If I did have a boyfriend he would be much more sophisticated," Gene announced. "Like Tim Curry or Fran Drescher."

"Fran Drescher's a woman," Rudy pointed out.

"I know that. I meant someone like her," Gene said as he slathered more ketchup on his fries.

"I don't belong to this family, I just work here," Louise told a customer as she rang them up. The customer gave the teenage clerk a horrified look as he exited the restaurant.

"This is why we don't get any business. It's your crazy kids," Bob said to Linda.

"My kids? They're your kids, mister. They wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you," Linda wagged a finger at Bob. Linda walked out of the kitchen and went to sit down next to Gene, trying to figure out what happened in the basement.

"You coddle him too much," Bob said.

"Oh, mind your own beeswax," Linda told her husband.

Bob pinched the bridge of his nose and disappeared into the kitchen.

"He's just jealous of my talent and success," Gene said.

"I don't think Dad's jealous," Louise chimed in. "At least not of your success."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gene asked his sister.

It had been a month, maybe more, by Gene's count since he and Alex had talked to each other. Alex didn't make eye contact with him in class. He didn't try to find him at lunch, either. Gene started spending his lunch in the band room practicing Pi songs on one of the keyboards and stuffing his face with the lunches Linda would pack for him. Occasionally Louise would come and sit in the band room with Gene, but then quickly she would claim boredom and wander off in favor of Jessica or Harley.

A week before Huxley High's senior prom, Darryl came into the band room after school. He ran in, trying to catch his breath, "I have..I have...good news."

"Is there a bake sale?" Gene asked.

"No, but what if I told you we could go on tour?"

"Like, to Wonder Wharf?"

"No, like all around New Jersey. Well, around some of New Jersey, mostly southern."

"No, thanks. I don't do sleepovers."

"Gene, this is a way to get our names out there. Pi could start to be something big." Darryl said, his voice getting a little tight and high pitched like it did when he was excited or angry.

"I dunno…"

"What if we already had our first show booked?"

"Where?"

"Bog Harbor," Darryl said, "The first night of summer vacation. Peter's dad is gonna let us use his van for all of our equipment."

"I dunno, I guess Bog Harbor isn't too far away. How long is this tour supposed to be?"

"I'm still working it out. I'm booking most of these venues myself."

"Eh."

"So, are you in?"

"Eh."

"Think about it?" Darryl begged, "I still gotta talk to Rudy. I'll catch you later."

"I think you should go," Bob told Gene at the dinner table a few nights later, surprising the entire family that he seemed in such easy agreement with losing an extra set of hands in the restaurant.

"Are you sure? It's so far away," Gene looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe he shouldn't have brought it up so soon.

"You're not even leaving the state. You're seventeen. You need to get over your fear of sleepovers," Bob told him.

"I think you should go. It'll be good for you. My little handsome Gene, a big star," Linda said.

"Whose side are you on, Mother?" Gene asked.

"Oh, let Gene go and do whatever he wants. I'll just work in the restaurant all summer while my childhood slowly dwindles away," Louise said, voice acerbic.

"Oh hush, Miss Missy," Linda waved her fork at Louise.

"How else am I supposed to keep you off the streets and out of prison?" Bob asked without a hint of irony.

Rare as the moment was, Louise couldn't find a good enough comeback. So she kept her mouth shut.

"I can barely afford to pay Zeke. He might already be looking for a second job," Bob revealed, "Tuition is expensive and it might be easier on expenses to have Gene out of the house for the summer. Just a little."

"Tell me how you really feel," Gene quipped.

"You can always hire Andy and Ollie. They're too dumb to know how money works, so you won't have to pay them and their dad wouldn't even notice they're gone," Louise pitched.

"I'm not kicking you out, Gene. I'm being supportive. I'm trying to give you more reason to go," Bob said, ignoring Louise's comment about the Pesto Twins.

"I'll think about it," Gene groaned.

"Awe, I'm afraid if you don't go, you'll regret it," Linda told her son.

Gene eventually agreed to Darryl's proposition with dramatic flourish. He had his reservations, he had made that perfectly clear. But the decision was easy. It made itself. Gene knew he didn't want to miss out on this, even if Pi never would make it big.

Three nights before Pi's big prom performance, and two weeks before their show in Bog Harbor, Gene was in Bob's Burgers after rehearsal busing and wiping down tables. Regular-Sized Rudy sat at his usual perch in front of the cash register as Louise was working.

"I want you to know, when I leave, I'm going to be thinking of you the whole time," Rudy said to Louise. "Every time we play a love song. Every time I need my inhaler."

"Shh, shh, Rudes. Honey. Baby," Louise stage whispered. "We're not together. I won't miss you that much, buddy." She patted him on the shoulder.

Rudy's face fell and he sat there at the counter staring into his soda. Louise couldn't bring herself to feel all that bad anymore. Rudy had been breaking his own heart for the last year. When Louise and Rudy had started high school, they spent a lot of time together. They also went to parties together with Jessica and Harley. Dumb freshman parties where people still played "Spin the Bottle," "Suck and Blow," and other games that were designed purely as an excuse to make out.

Rudy, Louise, and company had participated in a game of the legendary "Spin the Bottle," influenced by a few beers and a desire for Louise to find an activity that did not involve Harley chattering her ear off all night. Louise spun the bottle and it landed on Rudy. Louise had kissed a few other people since the Chloe Barbash incident in elementary school. To Louise, kissing didn't carry much meaning.

Regular-Sized Rudy was of a much less cavalier inclination. When Rudy locked lips with Louise for the second time in his life, he felt a spark.

When Louise kissed Rudy, she didn't feel much of anything. It wasn't the most awful experience of her life, but whatever spark Rudy felt was once-sided. She was honest with Rudy from the start, there was nothing in that kiss for her. Nevertheless, Rudy Stieblitz persisted, seeming to think time was going to change Louise Belcher's mind.

Gene noticed Louise making a phone call while he was in the back, washing dishes. When he came back out, she hung up quickly.

Louise made idle chatter with a crestfallen Rudy for a little while longer, until he left when the restaurant was closing for the night. Louise mopped, Gene wiped down more tables. Bob and Linda had left the kids to close. It was an experiment they were trying, giving the two younger and less responsible kids more responsibility. "Your babies can be trusted with your baby," Linda had to remind Bob on more than a few occasions.

Gene was on his last booth when a familiar car pulled up in front of the restaurant and out stepped Alex with a bakery box in his hands. He came through the door and Gene stood up, mouth agape.

"I'll leave you two alone," Louise said, slipping out through the front door, still wearing an apron.

"Is your mouth open because you can smell the cake?" Alex asked.

"I told you to stay away from me," Gene huffed.

Alex set the box down onto the table and opened it, "It's chocolate, you said it should be chocolate cake. This is me saying 'I'm sorry.' " Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out two sets of plastic wrapped forks.

Gene sat down in the booth and Alex followed suit.

"Why're yo-"

"I owe you a better apology," Alex cut Gene off. "When you stopped spending time with me and started spending more time with your band, I should have been happy for you. I should have been more supportive. You were really happy and you guys sounded great. But all I could pay attention to was that you weren't spending time with me. You were definitely spending time with Darryl, though. And I got jealous."

"You were jealous of Darryl?" Gene asked incredulously, in a rare serious moment.

"Yeah. I thought you liked him more than me. I didn't understand it all at first, but after we had that fight, I realized that it was losing you that I was actually afraid of. That and you not wanting to be around me anymore. And losing you is basically what I'd done."

"What'd you mean?"

"Your sister called me a little bit ago and told me you were leaving this summer. She told me I better 'get my fat white ass over here and fix things' before I permanently mess it up and 'Gene finds someone better, because you know he will.' At first I thought she was pranking me, but I guess I believed her, because I'm here."

Gene had already started on the cake, but stopped somewhere around "your sister called."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss you. And that I-I like you."

"Damn right you do. I'm the whole package!" Gene smiled.

"Yeah, you are," Alex smiled back. "Eugene Belcher, will you go to prom with me?"

"If this is a prom-posal, you could have done better."

"Gene…"

"I can't go to prom with you, I'm playing prom."

"Eugene Belcher, will you be seen at prom with me?"

"Fine, but you better not wear anything that will embarrass me!"

Alex's smile split ear to ear, "You know I hate anything fussy. No buckles or bows," Alex promised.

Both of the young men stayed at the booth and ate chocolate cake until it was gone, catching up on the month of lost time.

It took being apart to realize that being apart from one another didn't suit either of them.

Logan hadn't been home in months and he was pissed at himself for having been hopeful that things were going to be different this time. Cynthia and Tom were horrible at virtually everything, unless it involved fighting and one-upping each other. As far as Logan was concerned, they were even more spectacular failures at parenting. The twenty-one year old had a whole summer of bickering parents, regrettable drunken hookups, and therapy sessions with Dr. Swanson to look forward to. The therapy sessions were something Logan thought he had grown out of when he had gone off to college and left his volatile parents in his wake.

He had been wrong.

Trying to wrestle your significant other off the cliff of divorce should not be a lifestyle choice. Yet here his parents were, pursuing it. When Logan was a teenager, he wished his parents would use him as collateral against one another, fight for him and try and get him to pick a side. As fucked up as it was, if they had been more proactive about using him as an emotional weapon, he would have at least gotten some of the attention he needed.

Instead, he spent his preteen and teenage years lashing out and bullying other kids because it was the only way he felt powerful. It was the only way he felt seen. And wasn't all that hostility he was feeling supposed to be totally normal? Dr. Swanson had said as much.

Logan got to college and realized he wasn't powerful or big. He was just a tall, rich kid with a bad attitude. He knew right away he was in trouble. A chronicle of Logan's first year of college was a series of pranks committed by some frat bros with Logan on the receiving end, people standing up to him for the first time in his life, a few broken hearts, and several cases of having the living shit beat out of him.

Logan Bush had a hard time admitting he had gotten his shit shoved in. He also had a hard time realizing that he wasn't a good guy. He was okay with that for a while. He blamed his parent's fighting and general neglect of him as the reason for his mean streak. Then Logan grew up a little bit more and he decided he wanted to change the things he didn't like about himself, most of all his career as a bully.

He was trying, he really was trying. He was making progress, too. Then Louise Belcher came along and temporarily ruined that progress.

Logan could only handle so much of Cynthia's screaming and crying into the phone, venting to her own mother about whatever awful offense Tom had been guilty of at that particular moment.

Logan had dragged himself out of bed at noon, got dressed, and immediately skateboarded down to Wonder Wharf. He found himself lazily wasting away the afternoon playing different gimmicky fair games and sampling the spoils of concession stands. He was stuffing his face with popcorn and toying with the idea of seeing a Wonder Dogs game when he saw her and he wasn't sure what evil thing came over him.

Louise Belcher was walking from the exit of the Scream-I-Cane, fueled by adrenaline and looking a little green in the face. He could easily say he has not seen the Belchers since he'd started college. Louise was taller, if you could call it that. She was wearing ripped jeans and flannel, a mimicry of nineties grunge.

She was older, too. That threw him off. But the pink rabbit ears tucked in her pocket remained a constant, and they were unmistakable.

Logan took a piece of popcorn and flicked it at his erstwhile nemesis. He missed the first few times, then he hit her square in the nose. It got her attention. Louise looked around for whatever sorry asshole was responsible. When she saw Logan, her eyes widened with recognition and she marched over to him without a second's hesitation.

As she advanced toward him, he continued to flick pieces of popcorn at her. When she got to where he was standing, she knocked the red and white popcorn box out of his hand, spilling it onto wooden slats of the wharf.

"Did somebody miss me?" Logan cooed acridly.

"Did your balls drop? Because your voice isn't as high pitched as I remember," It was a little predictable and a little of a low blow, but the fuming look on Logan's face let her know she had him trapped. He fell right into her childish game.

"You're voice is high pitched...and stupid," he struggled for good leverage.

"Your voice is stupid."

"No, your voice is stupid."

"Your face is stupid."

"Your face is stupid-er," Logan heard himself say. He tried to kick himself mentally out of this situation he had so easily fallen into. He was a grown man fighting with a sixteen-year-old, and by all appearances, he wasn't winning.

Logan was desperate, he needed to think of something drastic to cement that he meant business. He reached out and tried to grab the pink bunny ears hanging out of her back pocket. She slapped his hand away. Hadn't they been through this charade before?

"Don't you even -"

"Aren't you a little old to be so attached to that hat?" Logan cut Louise off. "You're in high school now, right?"

"You're a fucking creep," Louise announced as she spun around in the other direction.

The insinuation in Louise Belcher's voice made Logan Bush seethe. He stepped forward and propped out his leg just shy of her field of vision. Louise went down hard, slamming onto the wooden slats of the wharf. When she looked up at him, he had a wide, smug smile on his face.

Louise stood up quickly and lunged at Logan as soon as she regained her footing. He felt the smack of the wooden slats against his back, as he fell with force. Louise was straddling him, her hand forming into a fist, preparing for impact. Logan pushed Louise off of him as quickly as he could manage and got to his feet, his cheeks pink. Louise was rising to her feet as well, forming her hand into a fist again. The wharf was nearly empty, but people were starting to stare.

"You're not a kid anymore! Yo- you can't just do that! You c-can't just c-climb on p-people!" Logan's face grew darker as he stuttered through his words.

Louise lowered her fist and stared at him, bewildered. Logan took off quickly down the wharf in the opposite direction wondering that the fuck had just happened and why he felt so strange.