A/N: Thank you to every avid reader re-reading this piece for my own sake! don't forget to take the poll on my page and vote! Hint: it's something juicy! Review and enjoy.
Edited 8/25/15.
I cried into my hands while atop Alice's high bed, one she bragged about having shipped from Italy at dinner, but it all seemed a bit inconsequential. There were no words I could say, there were no journal entries I could scribble, no tantrums to throw that would express the hurt and pain inside of my heart. This was the price I had to pay on behalf of my father and mother. I wiped my wet hands on the sides of my old Minnelli dress and sighed. My dad bought me this dress in Milan when he and my mother vacationed there a few years ago… the mention of my parents made my throat dry and it began to throb all over again. The soft leather shoes I wore were the only things keeping me grounded to Earth, seeing as gravity and the Lord above had all but given up in the last hour. They were, of course, of the latest style, I always gushed. Why had I ever been so consumed with appearance and style? I was close to vomiting, but I knew it was no use to try and keep it in. I was heartbroken, those things were okay to do.
As I rested my body weight against a hard bedpost, I vividly remembered something my mother told me long before all of this.
She was no flapper girl because Rene Swan was no trollop. But sometimes, a woman did what she had to in order to keep her family and home silent and still. Knowing all of this, I still could not see my mom in any other light than the one that painted a dark red "A" onto her dress. Rene pinned her hair back slowly, relishing in the way it felt to have it lay lazily along her back, like a real housewife. When it was up and sparkly with all of her expensive hair combs and clips, she was a showgirl. Not a wife. Not a daughter. Not a mother. "Mom." I murmured. When the sound escaped my lips, she snapped her eyes to meet mine in the heart-shaped vanity.
"Isabella." Her brisk tone sent me a step back. Just a few hours before, she was allowing me to pick out my favorite flavor of ice cream at the local market, where everyone said a polite "Hello, Mrs. Swan" or "See you at tomorrow's Women's Club council, Rene". I knew my mom dressed up and left the house late at night, even though technically speaking I was far too young to. At first, I slept through the noise of her leaving and locking up. Mrs. Hallowell often babysat me, but most of the time I was left to sleep. Sometimes I cried when I heard the gust of wind swish through the large, wooden door to our modern home. But when I awoke, Mrs. Hallowell was always gone and Rene was always waiting with blueberry pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice in a 'big girl' glass cup. That was when I thought my father would be 'away' for just a year, when I was just nine years old.
Now that I looked back, I wondered how she did it. Entertained men all night to make the mortgage and groceries, then come home and take care of a saddened, curious little girl. My father set up a monthly allowance that was sent to us, but it never was enough.
Between paying for my school, the necessities of the house, her Women's Club fees, the house mortgage, and the repairs for our new automobile, there was not nearly enough money. Then there were all of the little things- a toy for an unsuspecting little girl who worried her pigtails off, the paperboy, the milk boy, hospital fees on a payment plan, and the donations to church every Sunday. The petty dollars wired to my mother were not enough. If my mom had not acted as swiftly as she did, we would have been homeless, starving, and exiled out of our society.
But my mother was a fighter, and she was damn cunning when put in the right situation.
"You will understand. Not right now, but when you are older." She bent down, her silk robe flowing beneath her. Thanks to her quick, high paying work she could afford nice things again. I clutched Susie, my all-time favored doll with red, stringy yarn for hair, to my chest protectively and nodded. All adults promised that with time, came wisdom. I was waiting patiently, or so I thought. "This family, you and me, we make sacrifices sometimes. Daddy made his. Mommy is making hers." Come to think of it, there wasn't ever a moment in time where my mother looked down at me fondly. She was always reserved, careful, to herself.
I nodded, finding that perfectly smart. "What's mine?" I knew completely what a sacrifice was. With my mom's wide breadth of a vocabulary, along with my dad's wonderful argumentative skills, I assumed I was highly prepared for life.
My mother's smile was breathtaking as she kissed my cheek. "Being a good girl for mommy is enough, darling." I used to love when she called me that. It made me feel so regal, like I was almost as beautiful as she was. Her curls played against her face, and I promised myself that one day I would have shiny, gallant hair like hers. I also promised myself that I'd open a dozen dog shelters and live in Milan by the age of eighteen… but life had a way of happening off course.
"Bella." Edward's voice came from the doorway, but for some reason it seemed like he was a century away from me. I looked up at him with still eyes, my body tensing, and then relaxing when he sat on the bed with me and grasped my hand. "My father's just contacted Charlie. He and your mother are fine." I sucked in a breath that shook my body. Of course they were fine, why had I ever doubted that? The Swans were stubborn sons of bitches, like my dad used to say. "They're on their way now to a safe house, far away from here."
"You're lying!" I shot at him quickly. He looked taken aback for a few moments. Edward's face contorted with frustration but ultimately, he relaxed again and had another mask in place. It was so easy to rile him up but never to get a real reaction from him.
"Isabella, you have to trust me-" Edward started.
"Trust? Trust!" I cried incredulously, staring him down with sullen eyes. "You expect me to trust you? I don't know what you're playing at, but it can't be the truth! My mother and father would never leave me like this. They'd never just abandon me." I whispered, simmering on the idea that they just might if it saved their asses.
Edward kept a steady grip of my hand, making sure that I knew he was much stronger, and tipped my chin up to meet his gaze. "They did not abandon you." He rubbed the pad of his thumb across my hand, soothing me little to none, but I appreciated the intention behind it. "You were left in our care." When I sent him an angry look, he quickly covered up his misstep. "I didn't intend to speak of you as a child, Bella. I merely meant that Charles left you with connections- you aren't alone here." Edward seemed to collect his thought before he continued. "There are only a handful of details I can divulge, one being that your father is in a lot of trouble-"
"With the law?" I steadied my breathing, trying to hide all of my conflicting feelings. But if he was in trouble with the law, he would be on the Wanted posters they put up at corner lampposts and public market walls. I would be lucky if I got a job in this damned forsaken city after such a scandal! Would I be able to live alone? Of course! Of course, I could, if I really wanted to. I could go back to Washington, my home state, and be thankful of the people who pitied me. When my dad had come back from vacation when I was close to the summer of my twelfth year, the whole town was abuzz with rumors of the scandal; at the time, my mother and I were nearly blind to it and just happy that he was back with us. A couple years later, Charlie moved us to Illinois, where he had somehow got taken up as Chief of Police. I scoffed at that to myself, in quiet mental musings. Who would hire a man to run a police station when he had just been investigated himself?
"No." Edward's mouth formed into a stern line. He inhaled deeply and exhaled quietly. His thick hand ventured to my face and held it, my cheek pressed affectionately to him. "For reasons beyond your grasp, I can't say." He scooted closer to me and pulled me so that they were as close as humanly possible. "But whoever was responsible for last night sure as hell wasn't shooting at my family." His tense shoulders and the dark circles forming under his eyes reinforced the rare ideal of mine- was that worry etched in his features? Not fear or nervousness or fright. Why was he so worried? I was sure his family had seen enough shootings for a good penny worth.
"How in the world could you possibly know that?" I didn't mean to come off defensive, but I couldn't help but feel a little in over my head here. "They didn't necessarily leave a note." He chuckled at my petty words, somehow making me more angry than I would have if he had screamed at me. "I've never done a wrong deed to someone in my life! Why in the world would my family be targeted?"
He paused a breath before looking down at me, truly looking at me in my face. "Do you not know how influential your father is?" I nodded. He had a lot of influence in Washington when it came to the law and social matters, and especially our country club where he was a local celebrity, but not here in Chicago. When I voiced this, Edward smirked and shook his head. "Not that kind of influence." He sighed and looked at me again. He was so ready to explain everything to me, I knew it- and I was anticipating it. I was always brushed off, put to the sidelines when it came to the facts about the man my dad truly was.
"Isabella…" Edward's breath hitched ever-so-slightly, so slightly that I wouldn't have normally been able to catch it, "we should be married." He spoke as if he were allowing a silent, deadly breath escape him. I rolled my eyes and tried to not let go of then reigns on my temper in front of him- teasing me about getting married might have been acceptable at dinner when the mood was light, but this was no time to joke around!
"Married?" I parroted. "That's so outlandish to say! We hardly know each other. And I am no man's mistress." I replied fiercely, snatching my hand out of his. A true gentleman would never speak so freely of intimate things like marriage and being together to a lady! Was this some game to him? Did he assume that by "marrying" everything would change? That I would somehow fall into step with the madness that was most definitely the Cullencianos? I didn't need him or his help or his family!
"Isabella, I don't think you properly understand the circumstances you currently find yourself in." Edward was short and sweet, a brooding look in his eyes.
"Is that so? Enlighten me." I bit back, earning a frustrated growl from him.
"You are at the mercy of the city of Chicago, Isabella! Do you truly believe you're going to be welcomed in with open arms after the tabloids get wind of your family's leave?" I cringed at his words. I could not call him out about it, he was speaking the truth. I bit down on my lips, thinking back to my mothers 'sacrifice' for she and I when I was a young girl. Would I have to turn to midnight entertaining in order to keep myself afloat, as well? The thought absolutely terrified me. My college education wasn't paid for yet, and I surely wouldn't be able to afford schooling if I hadn't known how I would even live yet! No skills, no real world experience, I hadn't ever even spent the night alone somewhere yet. "Where will you go?" His voice was agitated, if not slightly mocking. "My family is willing to take care of you, to protect you, to educate you on the realities of the world we live in. But only if you allow us."
His whole family had that kind of money and power- they could take strays like me off the street and pamper and primp us for society. Though the Swans lived comfortably, we didn't own more than two homes and Christmas in Cabot was never an option. The Cullencianos could have another country under their Christmas tree if the baby girl Aliciana so pleased.
I shook my head. "I can't marry you, Edward. I don't know you." I answered honestly. I didn't hate him; he knew that much from our encounter at dinner. "I've rejected proposals for far more than a safety net." I offered a polite smile, not feeling very comfortable with this topic. I was too young, too fresh, too keen on experiencing life to be married to a man like Edward Cullenciano.
"You want to marry the man you love, then?" A contrary snort escaped his nostrils. "You will love me. It may take time- but I have all the time in the world, Isabella Swan. You and your parents do not." He brought me closer to him so that I could smell the scotch on his breath and forced my face nearer to him. "Your destiny has already been bartered, Isabella."
"Bartered?" The word stumbled off my lips unwillingly. I knew it wasn't right for a lady to repeat everything a man said, and it could be right annoying, but I couldn't help that the magnitude of ridiculousness of his words was off the charts! How in the world did one barter their own destiny? That was the equivalent of saying 'you sold your soul', things just didn't work like that!
Edward looked thoughtfully at me, and a curious hand went to a loose tendril of my hair. "Yes, cara, you've been promised to my family."
We stared in silence at each other for a minute or so, until I couldn't take the heat of his stare for a second longer. "You're a liar! You're a crook and a liar! Your whole family is!" I screamed at him, likely busting both of his ear drums to pieces.
"It's a deal that has already been struck." His voice was dripping with thinning patience and high agitation, not truly furious yet but I sure did plan on taking it there. "Cross me by refusing your end, and you and your parents likely won't live to see tomorrow's nightfall." It was a heartless monotone he was taking, as though I were some dirty beggar on the corner of his street that he no longer was compassionate with.
I eyed him wearily, not quite believing my ears. "You mean to say that you would hurt-"
"No. I would never hurt you." He held me softly then, forgetting his cold composure from a second ago. The varying moods he possessed were making me dizzy with confusion. "But if for a minute my people aren't watching for them, and we aren't with you, the likelihood of the Swans surviving are slim to none." So basically I was dead meat, along with my mother and father?
"But are they even my parents?" I spat angrily, retching myself from the bed and into a rhythm of pacing instead. I didn't want to be held or whispered sweet things to! I wanted definitive answers and I wanted them now. "What kind of father would sell his own daughter? What, for protection? Am I truly so insignificant that I'm bartered around like livestock and marketed goods?" The words poured from my lips like a busted hydrant, and there was no slowing down or pacing myself. My mother had said that I was born without a filter, and that God had damned me from birth because of it.
"Do not think of this so selfishly." He admonished me from the bed, still not breaking a sweat at the things I was saying. "Your father realized he could not take care of you the way that a father should." Edward looked at me from across the room, so cross that I almost apologized for nothing in particular. "From here on, you're one of us. Every blessing, privilege, and opportunity the Cullencianos receive you will as well. And speaking of the future, our children would have the best opportunities of all." I internally made a sour face at the word "children".
"Children? Have you gone mad?" I huffed. Did he truly think that I would even consider such a ludicrous thing as this? I would die a coward if I opted to marry him rather than face the evil that threatened my life. "I don't mean to be selfish, truly- I appreciate that your family would take me in so suddenly." I started off slowly, not wanting to burn bridges so soon and without much thought. "But I cannot stay with a man I don't ever intend on marrying, or loving for that matter."
"Then don't." His voice was sincere, his face was beautifully sculpted, and his hold on me was so reassuring. "Don't feel the pressure of one day marrying me- a man so monstrous that the idea of matrimony is far worse than being killed." Was that a hint of bitterness in his voice? I didn't have time to analyze his tone because it shifted so suddenly. "I only wish that you would consider this- consider what's best for your future, and what's best for your children and so forth."
I closed my eyes and leaned into the cushioned headboard. "Why, Edward? Why are you doing this?"
"I want to help you. Not as a friend, but as something much more. As a lover." He murmured into my ear. "I want to know that you spend the rest of your life in safe arms. I certainly cannot promise love for you, or overwhelming happiness, or a perfect existence…" His breathtaking look made my heartbeat jump and skate around in my throat. This was all jive talk, sure, but it got my brain going a million miles a minute. He couldn't, wouldn't, ever love some girl like me I knew that much. But surely, I wasn't expected to love him in return then? We could just be indifferent adults parading around the city of Chicago, without so much as a loving look in each other's direction. "But I will treasure every minute of everyday with you, Isabella Swan. That is what I can promise you."
A/N: Okay so Bella is putting up a fight but I'd just lay there in his arms forever… hmm, well I hope you all enjoyed this! Editing is not easy! I would even go as far to say that it's harder to than writing the original piece!