Hey,
This is my first attempt at writing a fic in English, but I'm really excited to share it with you!
I wanna thank my incredible beta team for their support and lovely words: Amanda ( AmandaLopes_s), Agatha (dailyrafferty), Jimena ( argdarvey) and Elle ( darveyiscanon1).
I'd love to read your thoughts about this story, so please leave a review.
All I Ask
It happened on a Wednesday night at Harvey's office. Harvey had his first panic attack on Thursday morning after a night tossing and turning in bed. He couldn't stop thinking about that night. She left him to work for Louis.
But today he needed to work. He has a busy schedule and he'll do his best to put his feelings aside. When he arrived at the office Donna was at her desk, so he pretended that nothing happened.
"Donna, I need to get in touch with Henderson before lunch, and I need to get Braxton a bottle of wine," he said without even looking at her.
"I took care of all that," Donna answered while entering his office. He looked at her this time.
"Good. Thanks." His voice was soft.
"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" she asked, realizing what he was doing.
"Not that I can think of," he answered.
"Did you really think that if you just act like I've changed my mind I"ll just change it?" She made her decision, but she couldn't leave him like this.
"Oh, come on, Donna. Louis? I mean, how long do you think that's going to last?" Harvey couldn't believe she was serious about that.
"It's gonna last however long I want it to last."
"Donna-"
She interrupted him. "Harvey, this is happening. This is my formal notice. But I have no intention of leaving you high and dry, so let's talk about finding you someone in the next two weeks."
"Finding me someone?" He couldn't even think about working with another secretary. Donna was irreplaceable.
"Yes, I already have a list of the top legal secretaries in the city."
"You mean you made a list for Louis before you decided to abandon me." Harvey answered resentfully.
"I'm not abandoning you, Harvey. I'm doing what's best for me." For the first time since they started working together, she decided to prioritize herself.
"Well, as long as we're doing what's best for ourselves, you know what's best for me? Ripping the band-aid off." He was angry and snapped at her.
"Harvey –" Before she could finish her sentence, he interrupted her.
"So why don't you clean out your desk, walk yourself over to Louis, and take that with you?" He pointed to the list.
"This isn't how two adults who care about each other move on." She was hurting.
"As far as I'm concerned, two adults who care about each other don't move on at all." He was hurting too and he couldn't take it anymore. "So, if you're gonna go, just go."
When Donna left his office he couldn't think, he couldn't see, he couldn't breathe. He made his way into the bathroom, his heart was pounding and his chest cracked open. It was like he was underwater. He ran to the stall, threw up and just waited until it was over. He felt miserable, he washed his face and tried to control his breathing. But before he could fully recover, Jessica entered the bathroom.
He was twenty minutes late to meet a prospective client. The client wanted him to fight for his business. "Then he's come to me on the right day," Harvey said to Jessica. He was the best closer the city has ever seen, after all.
Donna's absence made the day a thousand times worse for him. At eight p.m. he was ready to call it a night when Donna came to his mind. Harvey decided to have a drink at a bar and the only place he could go was the Mezzrow Jazz Club. His father used to play there when in New York. Nights like that, when he feels lonely, he misses his father even more than he does every single day.
He entered the place, ordered a Macallan 18 and sat at a table near the band. He liked listening to jazz and drinking to clear his mind. Donna was the only one he allowed to see his vulnerabilities. The one who knows him better than he knows himself and is there for him every step of the way. But now she's gone and he doesn't know if he's going to overcome it.
Suddenly, a man spoke on the microphone.
"Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a special guest. A lovely lady that's always welcome here and we love to hear singing. Tonight, performing "All I Ask'' by Adele, Donna Paulsen."
At his words, Harvey gasped. He wasn't expecting to meet her tonight of all nights because he didn't know she used to perform there. The lights went off and the spotlights went on when she came on stage.
She was as beautiful as ever wearing a black dress with a rounded neckline, long sleeves, and a flowy maxi skirt with side slit and red Louboutin high heels. Wavy hair and red lipstick on. She was perfect and he couldn't stop staring at her.
Then, the pianist started playing the song and the place got quiet, everyone's attention was on her.
"I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word
They've all been said before, you know
So why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left?"
Her voice was soft and the song seemed to be about them.
"Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do
What lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?"
The chorus hit him like a ton of bricks and he could see that Donna was emotional. Her performance was flawless.
It's already in your eyes
And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that mattered
Tell me, who do I run to?
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do
What lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?
From the moment they met, he knew that Donna was the one, but he couldn't access his feelings for her. So he decided to have her in his life only as his secretary and friend because he believed he wasn't worthy of her love.
He was lost in thought when they locked eyes. She was surprised to see him, and from this moment on, she sang only for him.
Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don't want to be cruel or vicious
And I ain't asking for forgiveness
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do
What lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?
At the end of the song she was crying and he couldn't help but stand up and walk over to her. He got on stage and held her as if his life depended on it. Donna wasn't expecting it, but they fit together perfectly. She never thought she would see him there. Her heart was broken because it was hard to leave him, but she had to do it.
"Donna, come with me, please," he whispered in her ear. She nodded and followed him to the exit.
"Donna, I want to talk to you. Come home with me, please," he said.
"Harvey, I don't know if that's a good idea." She hesitated.
"Please, Donna, I have to tell you something," he begged.
"Ok, Harvey. I'll go with you."
He hailed a cab and they remained silent. Harvey was nervous, but the moment had come and he wouldn't miss that chance.
When they arrived at his condo, he asked if she wanted a glass of wine and she agreed. He took her to the couch and handed her the glass of wine.
"Donna, you know how hard it is for me to open up with someone, but I don't wanna waste another minute not being honest with you. I'm sorry I snapped at you at the office this morning. I don't know if I'll be able to work without you, but most of all, Donna, I don't know if I could live without you anymore."
Donna was astonished by his words.
He continued, "I know I'm not worthy of your love, but I'm in love with you, Donna, I love you with all my heart and soul." He took her hand in his and his eyes showed her that he meant it. "I love you so much that the thought of losing you made me sick because I was afraid of losing you for good. I'm still afraid, but I'm going to do my best to be a better man for you."
"Harvey, do you understand how hard it was for me to leave your desk? But I couldn't keep pretending I didn't feel anything. I'm sorry that I hurt you, Harvey, but I was hurting too. You're the best man I've ever known and I think you're worthy. I love you and I don't want to lose you either. It was always you, Harvey. Now I know why my heart was never satisfied."
Harvey was very happy to know that the feeling was mutual. He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her gently. They interrupted the kiss to catch their breath and he smiled.
"What?" She asked.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world to have you, Donna. I won't ever let you go."
She was affected by his words, she always dreamed of hearing him declaring his love, but it was even better than her dreams. She lifted from the couch and held his hand, "I'm yours, Harvey. I always have been and I'll always be. Now, take me to bed, Harvey Specter."
"You'll always be the boss of me, Donna Paulsen." He said holding her hips and closing the distance between them. He gave her a quick kiss and led the way to his bedroom.
That was the first night of the rest of their lives.