Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the series, or anything affiliated with it. All belongs to Stephanie Meyer.
Rated M for "mature".
Edward laid in bed with me and rubbed my arms to soothe all of the worry from the day- I sorely wished that this side of Edward would always be present, not the jackass version of him. "I'm sorry, Edward." I admitted lowly.
"And what are you apologizing for this time?" I wanted to scoff, but I only pursed my lips, seeing as my back was turned to him. Couldn't he just take an apology for what it was? It was already demeaning enough that I had to admit to my wrongs, let alone explain them to him step by step.
"Last week, when your mother took me dress shopping. And what I said to that tailor… I truly didn't mean to explode the way I did." At first, I was sure he was going to let his fury rain down on me when I got home, seeing as his mother was the sunshine in his life and no one could meddle in that. But we merely ate dinner than shared a cigar before bed, with no disturbances or such to disrupt it. Either she hadn't told him, or it just didn't matter to him. "It was just so frustrating the way she was talking… she was such a bigoted woman, it was awful!" I shook my head and felt my shoulders tense up all over again, even if his golden touch had relaxed every last muscle just minutes before. "It's people like her that keep this country so close-minded. The new frontier!" I felt the lump form in my throat with the pride and conviction I had for this cause.
His demeaning chuckle sent a mad color to my cheeks. "Oh, darling, you are too spirited for words."
"So… you're not angry with me?" I felt like a puppet asking my puppet master for permission to be a real boy, but I just felt like I needed this. Like he was only case of water in the Gandhi desert.
"Am I angry? No, I am not. Though I am embarrassed that my future wife dabbles her small nose into political matters that are better left for men to create and alter. Embarrassment quells, anger does not. Do you understand that, Isabella?" He grew cold beside me, so I snuggled my backside deeper into him. Of course I understood what he was saying- I wasn't so sure why it meant so much for me to get his approval, but his words just shot me down. I figured that I would have taken his fury over his shame any day! I saw where he was coming from, as a younger man with a very young wife in this society, but couldn't he just accept my views and support me on this? I never went to him for much else. Weren't Italian men supposed to yearn to meet everyone of their woman's needs? Or was that just a dying theme I read too many times in my secret love novels?
"I am nothing you should be embarrassed of." I wanted to quip with the fact that his mother was the one who sat and said nothing- but I respected her nonetheless, seeing as she was always looking out for her husband's reputation firstly. I didn't know much of her own personal opinions, but I was sure that if we were able to pow-wow together in a controlled setting, we would be two of the same minds. I just knew that she had her own copy of Wuthering Heights, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Emily Dickson poetry… even if she had to hide them inside of her mattress of day purse, I knew she had the same guilty pleasures as I. "You should have been proud that I said something, rather than be mute about all of the wrong the world is." And there I was, chastising and judging my own fiancé right at his face. It wasn't the best way to win over his heart and vote, but we had nothing deeper to go off of.
"You know of all the wrong this world has to offer then, Isabella? You have seen the tyranny and poverty this country has to give? Please, Bella, save the "world is hungry" banter for someone like Alice. I do not care of the things that will never affect me, for there are too many others willing to jump right in front of the steam engine." I collected a fistful of bed sheets beside me head and said nothing, but merely shouldered off his hand. I didn't want a man like him touching me, hell, I didn't even want him to marry me!
"You sound just like that woman, I hope you know!" I could take no more and so I sat up in bed and turned to face him- there was a wild glint in his green eyes, with a playful smirk atop his lips. What, what was so funny about this? "Why do you look as if you want to laugh? Are you that heartless, taking pleasure in other's demise? And so what if I haven't seen the poor in their raw, I have read and heard firsthand about such things! Do not think for one minute that I am ignorant to the horrible of this country, Edward, because you would be sorely mistaken! I know it exists." my chest was heaving up and down, and with every word his eyes grew a little more excited. "What?" I inquired again, wanting to hear any reply he would give me. Rejection, applause, bravo- I would have taken anything but that creepy stare he was giving me!
Before I knew it, he propped up on one elbow and took my cheek in his other hand, a red, hot searing kiss engulfing my lips all at once. I moaned into the lip lock, loving how he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. The new frontier, racism, and poverty all went away when he kissed me hungrily- he was drinking from my lips, and I would have it no other way. I only pulled away when I had no breath left, and he began taking small bites from my open mouth; my eyes were shut in concentration, and my hands were on his chest with me directly atop him. This was a comprising position, and seeing as we were still unwed, a holy sin and disruptive moral clause. I dipped my mouth between his neck and shoulder, sucking his skin to bring to the top of his skin. Affection wasn't very often with us; he was always working and I was always picking fights between us, so this was a nice spin on things. I moaned when he slipped a sleuth hand in the waistband of my nighttime shorts- his other hand was holding the back of my neck to keep my face where it was. Rosalie had warned me a few years back, when she assumed I would start to have likings with boys, how some men had a harsh dislike for love marks.
I had no hate nor like for them, but Edward had never done that to me before. I figured I would take the initiative and see just how sweet his skin tasted under my tongue. And he tasted so divine- like sweetened salt, with a side of a very masculine ambrosia. His infiltrating hand wove though my cotton panties and moved over every inch of skin I had. He just gently brushed over the upper skin of my womanhood, and I arched my body into him with a animalistic hiss of my own. "Does this feel like ecstasy?" Edward murmured into my ear as he pulled on the strands of loose curls at the nape of my neck; I nodded eagerly and sucked harder on a spot right above his collarbone. He wore collared suits everyday, there was no way anybody would be able to see these marks I placed upon him, and for that I was supremely glad. I liked to experiment with him in the bed we shared, but I didn't want anyone to know what we were doing. I knew I would feel the same way once we were married, that shyness and demurity would never die from my soul. "Your body loves the way I touch you, does it not? Things are happening inside of you that you will never understand, Bella- like this, for instance." And he slid one finger inside of me; I tightened instantly and began to feel uncomfortable.
No one had ever… touched me there. My mother insisted that this was such a private place, no one should see it, not even myself until I was married. And then she went on to explain that only my husband would know how to handle my very treasured area, even if I didn't understand her wording. At the young age I was at, I didn't understand why anyone would have to "handle" that area. It was a part of me, it belonged to me! "Relax your body, Isabella, or this is going to hurt." I nodded in understanding, but still didn't make eye contact with him- how could I, when he was doing that? My eyes were downcast at his bare chest; Rosalie had also warned me that some men not only preferred eye contact, but would not finish their husbandly duties if eye contact was not made. Edward didn't make me do anything I didn't want as he continued to add more fingers, and when he stared moving around within me, I couldn't hold back the high-pitched groan I let out. I was embarrassed that I was the one making those sounds, but I had, and Edward didn't look like it weirded him out. "I want you be more responsive, Bella. Tell me when you do not like something I am doing, and make more of those noises. Though this an experience of pleasure solely for you, I also take pleasure in certain aspects. You see, if I do this," he flexed his three fingers inside of me and went at a certain pace, causing me to cry out in pleasure- I made eligible words and jumbled half syllables together, just to rid myself of the building pressure in my lower tummy, "my erection will grow bigger in size at the sound of your voice. Can you feel my erection rubbing against your stomach, Isabella?"
There was a type of precision in his words, and there was this unmistakable fluidity in his motions- he had done this so many times before. Would I be the only woman he was pleasuring once we were married? I chose not to bring a question like that up at the moment. "Y-yes… yes, I can-n- I can feel you." His free hand took hold of my upper leg, right below my bum, and yanked me up, then pulled me down. "Do you want me to-to…" I shut my eyes again at his spinster fingers, but there was a warm liquid zooming around in my stomach- it told me to make his fingers go further on their journey. "Can you… can you push deeper?"
Our eyes connected, and he only smiled. "If I push any further, I will break your hymen." I blushed at his explanation; my virginity was the only thing I had from my old life, and didn't I want to keep that?
"Do you want me to move against you… like that?" I demonstrated by grinding my hips against his own, and he nodded with a nasty growl in his throat. "I need you to… can you push deeper, Edward? I want to feel you there." I wasn't so sure where "there" was, but I wanted him at it. My body went on it's own accord as I pushed harder against him, making his face go from cool & collected to absolutely maniacal.
"Allow me to be inside of you, Isabella? I want the penetration to be own manhood, not this way." I hadn't thought that we would… real sex? Like the intercourse we were warned of in high school? The kind that brought pregnancy and disease, not the kid-type of deal we had dabbled in? But my right mind wasn't there and I nodded. He flipped my body to beneath his own and began to undress me. First went my shirt, than brazier- next my thin bottom wear. Edward put his mouth over my right… oh, I just couldn't see it for my own eye! I shut my brown opals and only allowed myself to feel what he was doing. He coaxed one perked breast with a hand, and with the other he used his expert mouth. I never dabbled in… pleasuring myself, and so all of these new gestures and feelings came to me in shocks of a baker's dozen. "Respond, Isabella. Tell me I am the only one to have tasted your skin."
How was he able to make sentences with us like this, so close and upfront? "You… you are the first man to touch me. And this feels… so well." I shuddered when his moist mouth left me to trail down my stomach, and then right above the hemline of my panties. His eyes caught my own, and I merely nodded to let him know that I was still on for what we were going to do. There was absolutely no telling what he would feel like… was it as painful as Rosalie said it was? I waited not much longer, as he devoured my womanly parts with first his mouth and then his hands again. I climaxed many times before he actually situated himself above me and pushed in.
When he did, I saw stars and nearly passed out. He felt awkward and far too large inside me- how big was a woman's vagina, anyway? His penis looked far too thick to fit into the thing I thought I owned. But inch by painful inch, he tipped his erect penis in and finally shuddered when his end touched against my very inner walls. "Edward, it hurts!" I felt myself saying, but the blood pulsing in my ears didn't allow me to hear myself; he pulled out and kissed me a few more times before slamming back in, and had I paid more attention or cared enough to listen, I might have heard my virginity being ripped in half. I cried out in pain and gripped his shoulders for dear life; when I could his strokes any longer, I buried my forehead under his strong jaw line. "Edward… oh!" But then it started feeling good, not because I liked constantly pulsing around him, but because a small piece of comfort came with his penis fulfilling the missing piece of flesh a vagina had. "I need you there." I muttered in his ear, and here I was talking about "there" again!
He nodded- I figured that I could ask him any favor in the world, and in the state he was in, I would be granted my very wish. Edward brought both of my legs around him and prompted me to hold onto him tight. "If I begin to hurt you, please tell me. I would not have chosen to be this rough with you, Isabella," he whispered huskily against my throat, "but you seem to have an insatiable thirst beneath your inexperience." Another blush graced my skin, but this time I gnawed sensually on his shoulder and wound myself under his arms and my fingers dug into his skin the harder he pounded into me.
"You're irresistible, 'tis why." I spoke playfully into his ear. His booming laughter sent a smile to my face, but the next thing he did with our bodies wiped it right off. Edward broke away from my hold on him and pushed me against the bed before lifting my hips- I was confused as to why, but then he slammed his lower body into mine harder and faster than he ever was capable of doing with my latched on his upper body. He was on his knees with my area right over his, and I found that I couldn't look away from what we were doing. I gripped the white sheets beneath me, trying to hold onto every last bit of sanity I had left. "Edward! Edward!" His name was the only on my mind, and I felt it was necessary to call out to him. Something exploded in my lower navel, sending bright fireworks shooting behind my eyes and my grip on everything loosened. My fingers and toes went numb, but the rest of my body convulsed around and beside his body. This feeling was heavenly- with just enough spice to assure me that heaven wasn't even this great! "Ed- Edward." I murmured slowly, dragging out every last syllable in his name. "I love…" He was still slamming into me, trying to collect every last drop of my climax with the tip of his penis, and I was speaking so low and incoherently, I was sure he wouldn't hear. I needed to say how me made me feel, in those three simple words I couldn't regret.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," I felt like crying, but I wasn't going to ruin the greatness we were sharing.