Come Back When You Can
'You've Done Nothing At All To Make Me Love You Less, So Come Back When You Can"
Barcelona
Her whiskey brown eyes felt heavy and sore and her teeth worried the bottom of her lip, her thin fingers were blue and numb from the chill in the air. She had travelled so far and for so long to get here, she was half afraid he wouldn't come. The wind was cold and harsh as it whipped around her, freezing her despite her black coat that swallowed her small frame.
"Rose, darling, are you sure 'e's comin'?" called her mother loudly, pulling her fur coat around her tightly, her face pinched in displeasure at the coldness of Norway. Jackie could not understand why that damn doctor had to pick some wet bay in Norway over a tropical beach somewhere hot like Bora Bora.
"'Course 'e is, mum! You know 'e'd never let me down" snapped the younger blonde, glaring at her mother, who nodded pacifying her whirlwind of a daughter.
Rose knew, of course, that her mother was not doubting that the doctor would not jump at the chance of seeing his companion again. She merely realised that her mother was presuming Rose had had some kind of nervous breakdown and had imagined the voice that told her to travel all the way to Dårlig Ulv Stranden in Norway. But Rose knew otherwise, he was coming. He was coming to take her with him and everything would be okay again, everything would be just as it was.
"Rose, we've been here almost three ho….".
Her father…well her parallel universe father's words were drowned out by a familiar sound. He was here, he was coming, and she would travel the stars with him again. After all, she had promised him her forever. Her teeth broke the skin of her lip, tearing through it with ease as she saw him appear.
"Doctor, where are you?" she called, her face lighting up before her smile fell. She couldn't understand why he looked…well that way. The doctor was almost transparent as he stood before her, his face solemn.
"In the TARDIS" he replied softly.
"Doctor", confusion marred her pretty features, "you look like a ghost?".
"Hold on" he murmured, fiddling with his sonic screwdriver. She could hear the buzz of the sonic screwdriver, but she couldn't see what he was working on. Suddenly his image became clearer.
"Can I…"
His response cut off her question, "no, I'm still just an image. No touch".
"Can't you come through properly?" she inquired, his slow shake of the head confirming her fear.
"No, The whole thing would fracture, I'd be responsible for two universes collapsing. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye".
Her heart sunk then, he wasn't coming back to collect her, he was appearing to give her his farewell. A single tear streaked down her cheek. How could she forget her life with him? How could she live without him? Who would look after him? She bit back a sob, choking it down.
He shifted awkwardly, kicking his sneaker across the floor, "so, urm…where are we?".
"Outside Burgen, Norway. In a place called Dårlig Ulv Stranden. Which translates as Bad Wolf Bay, funnily enough" she sniffed, rubbing her nose onto the sleeve of her coat.
He chuckled morosely at the name, his hand reaching out for her before he withdrew it suddenly, remembering he wouldn't ever be able to hold her again. This was the end of them; the end of her smiles that made him dizzy with delight, the end of mornings of domesticity with their cups of tea and croissants, the end of her out-of-tune singing…
"How long have we got?" Rose managed to squeak out, her throat full of unsaid words and her eyes burning with tears. She dared not blink, desperate to drink in every last bit of him, scared that if she closed her eyes for a second, he would be gone again.
"Two minutes".
"There's so much I want…I need to say…" her voice cracked then, and he closed his eyes, so she couldn't see the anguish lurking in them.
"So, I see you found Mickey Boy" he laughed slightly, desperate not to see her cry.
"Yeah…Well, he found me dad and then me" she murmured, glancing back at the three figures behind her on the beach.
Mickey's face was twisted into a grimace by anxiety as he watched his ex-girlfriend, peering round as conspicuously as he could to try and gauge her face and her reactions. Her dad was standing tall, his face straight as he stared ahead. He looked almost emotionless from this distance, but she could see the tight grip he had on her mum's hand. Her mum, Jackie, was by the far the most distraught at their farewell, her own eyes filling with tears as she watched her daughter bid goodbye to the doctor.
"There's five of us now".
The doctor's brow raised quizzically at Rose's numeracy skills. There were clearly four of them; Rose, Mickey, Pete and Jackie.
"Me, Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby" she whispered.
It was what she had been dying to tell him. She was pregnant, only by three months, with his child. Her hand closed round the scan photo in her pocket, feeling the crinkly paper beneath her fingertips. She was just about to pull it out and give it to him when she noticed the despair on his face.
"You're not?" his voice trembled with emotion and she could see the desperation, the terror, the sadness rising on his face. His brown eyes widened, filling with tears as his nostrils flared. He knew he had been the only one with her and that it would only be his baby. His baby that he'd never be able to see again.
"Nah, it's mum's. She's three months gone now. More tiny Tylers' on their way" she lied, telling herself that sometimes a lie was kinder than the truth.
He only had a few seconds left. She could give him this, feed him this tiny lie so she could see the relief on his face. As she had predicted, his desperation turned to happiness. She could see him fading now, and she was glad to bring him this final release. She could hold onto this secret for him and leave him free. If he had known, he would've ripped the universes apart just to get to them, to stay with them. His image flickered, and she knew he was disappearing forever.
"My Doctor…" she smiled sadly, a single tear trickling down her cheeks, her tongue resting between her teeth, "I love you".
"This is my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I" …
Rose watched him disappear, her heart fading away with him. He hadn't managed to say it, she realised, but she knew what he would've said. She realised she had known it all along. A cry tore from her mouth as she fell to her knees. She barely noticed her mum's warm and welcoming arms wrapping around her, pulling her closer.
Back on the ship, the Doctor realised he could still see her for a few seconds as the gap closed. He watched Jackie rock his crying girl gently and Pete run over to his family.
"Did you tell him?" he heard Pete ask Rose, who shook her head.
The Doctor's soft brown eyes flickered over the screen, his head hurting as he forced himself to think…What hadn't she told him?
It clicked suddenly, and he felt the sick rise in his throat. It wasn't Jackie's baby, it was Rose's. Which meant it was his. His baby. His baby that he would never see…