A/N: don't forget to look up "Miss Nae Malfoy" on Facebook and 'like' it! Also, those lovely reviews are a fantastic bonus.
The next time I opened my eyes, I was staring up at a criss-cross patterned ceiling, dull and white- where was I? Surely not heaven, seeing as I wasn't so sure God was awaiting my arrival anymore. I had shamed him, defiled his sight by having to witness all of the wrong I had done before him. He was my Father, my Brother, the Holy Ghost; he was everywhere around me, and knowing that, I still continued to fornicate and smoke and drink and say dirty things. I could only imagine what my parents would have said if they knew just a smidgeon of what I had done… not that I could care any less about them, but the matter still stood. I made a strangled noise as I shifted over, feeling as though the entire right side of my body had been hit by a freight train.
"No, no! Don't move, Isabella." I shut my eyes at the sound of that voice, so soft and husky all at once. My lip wobbled dangerously at the thoughts that began to flood my system- he thinks your trash, he's seen the worst of you, you're nothing to him, you look disgusting right now, aren't you woman enough to just open your eyes? I was beyond mortified with myself and the way everything had happened. If I could just go back, I would have done everything differently. I would go back to that moment when I stepped inside of Don Von's- I wasn't sure what exactly I'd do, but I would definitely have avoided Edward at every turn. I would have stood up when the bullets flew through the Italian restaurant, ending my innocent life before I turned into the nasty harlot that I was now. It may have sounded harsh, but nothing was as harsh as waking up to a sterile hospital room with needles and the smell of antiseptics in the air after an overdose. "I understand if you don't want me here with you… I can leave."
My head was twisted in the opposite direction of his voice (thankfully) so I didn't have to see the rare look of vulnerability on his face when he spoke like that; he was trying to lay it all down on the table with me. And those moments were rare, incredibly rare, but I couldn't care to take advantage of it now. I couldn't let him see me like this, even if he had been in the room for longer than I was conscious. I couldn't bear the thought of him giving me a look of pity of sympathy, it would just destroy whatever was left of the dignity I had. So for minutes on end, we stayed like that in painful silence. Hadn't he said he would leave if I wanted him to? Did he take my silence as "yes, please stay with me"? He knew I was a stubborn creature, he knew this from the very beginning. I was so wrong in the things that I did, just as he was, but I wouldn't bring any of that gobbled-gook up. Alice was right, I suppose- he had moved on and I would eventually follow in his footsteps. Moving on didn't mean bringing up the painful past and all of those awful memories. There was months between us and that stupid fight… we were three months too late for that conversation.
I couldn't see why else he would want to stay in the room with me if not to talk. Why had he even come? And how in the world did he know where I was, anyway? Surely he was fully preoccupied with that girl, his newer, more improved fiancée? "Are you just going to pretend I'm not here?" There was slightly more aggression in his voice now, but he was not yet the angry Italian man I knew.
Still I said nothing, squeezing my plump upper lip over my smaller bottom one to keep the gut-wrenching sobs in. Why couldn't he just leave me be? Edward was like a beautiful nightmare- he could pull me into his angry, bitter world whenever he felt like it and I enjoyed it every single time. It was like a dark love ballad, expect this was the twentieth century and Edward was a far cry from any character Shakespeare fabricated. "Please…" my voice sounded like another woman, so weak and despondent that I almost didn't recognize it, "please." What exactly was I begging for? A part of me wanted him right here in the bed with me and the other wanted him escorted out by security. Mostly I just wanted to be alone, left like that for the rest of my lifetime. Being alone was well, lonely, but it didn't hurt half as bad as being with someone that loved you differently from the way you loved him.
"Whatever you want." Edward's voice was shaky, his footsteps halted just before my bed. He had assumed I was pleading for him, didn't he? If this had been anytime before the hotel fight, I would have. Without a second thought, he was the one I used to call for. But things were different now. I had learned, albeit the very hard way, how to finally depend on myself. I no longer needed the gifts and power of a snap of his privileged, mafia fingers and I would never again rely on any other for my own emotional needs.
"I want to be alone." Forever, I forgot to add.
Edward was spluttering at my bedside, not touching my physically but his presence was just enough. "Why? Why won't you just let me stay with you?"
I pursed my lips and forced back the watery tears that threatened to spill. "And the girl? Won't she need you sometime soon?" It sounded innocent enough, but I put so much venom and hate into it that even he was taken aback.
"You know." Edward swallowed soundly, making that serious face he was keen on making when the conversation was going in the direction he wanted. "How?" He seemed perplexed. I couldn't rat out Alice, even though I had been furious with her for delivering the message in the first place. She was giving me a heads up, and I now respected her for that. "Never mind that- Isabella, it doesn't matter how you know. I just… I wish I could have been the one to tell you-"
I snapped my head in his direction. "What for? To see the look of agony on my face for yourself?" I scoffed at him, not caring to pay attention to his reaction. "I hate you! I hate you, Edward!" My words were watery but fierce, because I knew no other way to be. "And I'll hate you for all eternity! I wish I had died in that worthless house- hell, I wish you had been there to see me snort your coke and die! You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Words spewed from my mouth like vomit. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. "Then I'd be out of the picture for good and the both of you could move right in and take over what was supposed to be our house- just me and you, Edward! But now you can have your perfect little family and I'd be dead-" My thoughts, the deep, dark ones I had at nighttime right before my restless sleep and horrid nightmares, came forth out in the open. I was yelling like a maniac at him, not an ounce of inhibition inside of me.
"Stop saying that!" He screamed down at me, now looming over my form like the boogeyman Chicago knew him to be. "I'd thought you'd be understanding… I thought you'd be happy for us-"
"You thought I would understand?" I screamed back. "You thought I would be happy for that little whore-" I gasped when he grabbed my shoulders with both hands, looking like he was ready to strangle me. Why had I ever fancied myself his lover, his girlfriend, or even his future wife? He hadn't ever loved me, had he?
"Do not call her that." Edward's chest was heaving up and down like a madman, just like he had been back at the hotel. Would he kill me? I almost wanted him to. I had rather die a million deaths than hear him defend her, whoever the hell she was. "She's…" his sparkly eyes roamed over my face, as though he were investigating the Mona Lisa rather than a broken Swan, "she's like you, so rare and so beautiful."
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" I cried out.
"I just want you to accept her! The Isabella I fell in love with would have accepted her and loved-" Edward looked close to tears; was I in a parallel universe here? I was the one being tormented and held down on a bed, being forced to hear how happy and joyous the man I loved was. He was happily in love with another woman, and now he was comparing her to me. How much more could I take?
"Stop saying that word! You don't even know what it means!" I cried out again, hoping he'd get tired of hearing the Siren in me. "I will never accept her."
"Can't you just do it for me? Please? I've hurt you and you've hurt me, but please don't take it out on her! She's one of the most beautiful things to happen to me, Isabella. She could fix us-" He got closer, as though he were ready to plant a kiss on my lips.
I shot him the dirtiest look I could muster. What sort of rules did the men in Italy play by, anyway? Was this "I want my ex-fiancée to accept my new fiancée" a running joke or something where his family came from? When he refused to move, I sat up as far as I could with the tubes running through both of my arms and got all in his face. "If the both of you could drop dead tonight, then I'd be happy. If she never even existed, I'd be the happiest gal on the planet. Then I'd accept her." I spat in his face. "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Room." His eyes were different, so stormy and so perplexed by something. Shouldn't he have been blurringly furious and stomped out? And why in the world hadn't a nurse come to my rescue yet? I was ready to be rid of Edward Cullenciano for once and for all.
What I had been anticipating for weeks on end was now right in front of me… the chance to redeem and explain myself, to get everything out in the open. But with everything said, I could give a shit what he thought of me anymore. "You're awake! Bella? Is everything okay?"At the sound of her voice, he let me go and straightened himself out. Rosie's voice called from the door way, her strong perfume striking my senses before her baritone voice did. "Edward? What's going on?"
When he said nothing in return, I looked back at the side of the silver machine controlling my heart beat. "He was just leaving."
The pregnant silence between the three of us was pathetic, but I didn't care. They could both take a long walk on a short bridge. She had let him in my room, knowing the history between us? Why was everybody on his side lately? "I… um…" Rosie stuttered. She never stuttered, not in all the time I had known her. "Bella, maybe you should-"
"No, don't, Rosalie." Edward cut her off. "Isabella obviously made up her mind. She wants nothing to do with me and Nicalette." I rolled my eyes in feigned disdain at that name. Nicalette… that was a beautiful name for a likely beautiful woman- a woman that had won out Edward in the end, without even being present. The only thing worse he could have done was bring the slut along with him… though I didn't want to try my luck and question it.
"Bella!" Rosalie cried incredulously.
I ignored her ramblings and close my eyes against the noise, begging the sweet release of death upon myself. There was no way I could handle this journey the Lord had "gifted" me with, I just wasn't strong enough. Edward was too much for me to take, and this Nicalette was just the icing on the cake. I was a weak individual, who wasn't even adult enough to send Edward off with a farewell when he was obviously seeking my approval and acceptance. Somehow, I was able to shut off my mind into nothingness. Nothing mattered, nothing made sense.
But it was one hundred times better than the situation in reality I was currently facing. It was so painful and awful, I just couldn't take it. So I kept my eyes closed, and I stayed nowhere for awhile longer. It was where I belonged.
A/N: you must be confused! Nothing ever is as it seems, though, am I right? That probably doesn't help the confusion whatsoever, but that's kinda the point of cliffhangers!
More to come VERY soon. I can't wait for you all to see the next two chapters! They're explosive, dynamic, tear-jerkers, painfully loving… you know, basically what the rest of the story has been full of. Please review, I appreciate every comment.