A/N: As always, I appreciate you loyal readers more than you know!
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Just a little snippet to keep you guys on your toes. Feel free to re-read the first few chapters if you have the time! I'm slowly but surely making my way in editing them!
Edward's POV
Everything hurt.
Not so much physically anymore, but there was this deep, internal ache I felt- and it didn't seem as though it were going away anytime soon. In a weird, perverse way I almost welcomed it; it reminded me of slow, sweet summer nights and the countless kisses we shared. It didn't matter if I was dead asleep or in the middle of a business meeting- the ache would grow so loud and so near that I assumed one of these days it'd swallow me whole.
I would be lying if I said I wouldn't welcome it.
"Edward, are you there?" My mother called from the receiver, her prim and proper tone so alike to Bella's that I almost pretended it was her on the line.
"Yes, mother." I tried not to sound too preoccupied, lest the woman would start prattling on about 'where my head was these days' and I didn't need anymore female nonsense than I already had.
"Hmm." Her small sound made me wince in regret. She strongly believed in female intuition and even though I was successful in putting as much physical space as possible between family members and myself, my mother always had a way of squirming in. "Would you like me to come up there this weekend? Perhaps keep Nicalette company?" At the mention of her name, the fingers around my short glass of cognac tightened until the very tips turned white. Nicalette made all of this so much more damned complicated; I almost detested the sound of her beautiful name now.
"No, mother, that's not necessary." I purposely bought a property seventy-five miles away from them for just space and away from her so that I would be less inclined to… visit.
She was quiet on her end for a few more seconds than normal, causing me to swallow throatily; it was a dangerous thing when Esme Cullenciano was quiet and contemplative. But as I said before, I didn't need bullshit like this on my plate right now. "This is about Isabella then? Eddie, honey, it's been almost six months-"
"Enough." I hissed. "Don't speak of her." If I couldn't say her name or daydream of her anymore, than nobody else could either!
"You can't keep going on like this, son! You'll surely die of heartache." Esme's voice was hoarse and heavy, as though she were relaying grave news to a stranger. "You have something- someone to live for now. Don't forsake Nicalette because of your mistakes with Isabella-"
I couldn't take it anymore so I hung up the line promptly, sliding my head into my hands and focused on breathing. Yeah, I wanted to choke the fuckin' daylights outta her when she made a scene in Stuggnaro's and then turned a barrel on me when we were back in the hotel room… but there was almost an asinine, perverse part of the man in me that fell madly in love with her for it. What other broad out there had that kinda balls?
You'll surely die of heartache, you'll surely die of heartache, you'll surely die of heartache… my mother's words played over and over again in my head until it was all I could hear, until Isabella was all I could feel and see.
She played with the wet curls of my gelled back do, and I was too content lying against the bare skin of her chest to move either of us. There was a span of maybe an hour after I found myself between her legs, and found that spot, but even when our breathing evened out and sense came back to us, we were still happy like that. "You want me to get off?" I muttered against her breast, planting small kisses everywhere. I mapped out the plains and curves of her body, storing every little detail of her.
If I had only known that was the last time I would make love to her… I might have stored a few more important details like the exact way she smelled or the way her lips curved into her breathtaking smile.
"No!" She shot out, bringing a smirk to my face. So she liked being this close just the way I did? Part of me had always assumed that she only allowed herself pleasure in the middle of the act when she completely lost herself, not when we were staring at each other in the aftermath of what she considered sin. Her sweet face blushed a rose red as her fingers dipped down to my shoulders, trembling when my muscles flexed instinctively. "I like your weight on me. You're warm…and comfy." I chuckled at her innocent revelation, liking the fact that she liked it… was it soft of me to admit that? "Edward?"
"Hmm?" I answered her but was rather distracted by the mounds of pure serenity resting just beneath my chin, giving them my undivided attention instead of the face of the woman i didn't deserve.
"Edward… look at me." She shifted slightly, as if moving would make me any less aroused. It had the opposite effect, pushing her breasts against my mouth in a manner that was too tempting to pass up. I devoured every piece of her that afternoon, not leaving one patch of skin untouched- and all the while, she tried to fight her pleasure… she tried to push away the wants of her body to have a civil conversation with me.
But I was stupid, and so undeserving of her.
It wasn't until I was finished a third time that I rolled off of her, bringing her body to halfway sprawl over me. Whether or not I would ever admit it to her, when she was lying like that on my chest with her wild hair all over the place and her tiny hands drawing small shapes on my skin, I actually felt warm and comfy. "Edward?" Her soft voice, filled with uncertainty and anxiety, went so nearly unnoticed to me that I considered not answering her at all and just pretending to fall asleep. "Edward, don't ignore me."
"What, Isabella?" I tried not to let the irritation in my voice, but couldn't she just enjoy sex for once and not think so much about everything? Almost immediately I felt her try to retract her body from my grasp; she was young, delicately young, and so I knew I needed to give her more patience than any other person I had ever come across. She was a beautiful little flower I plucked, and I needed to care for her accordingly- which I would do with relish, as soon as I figured out what the hell her subtle little hints and hidden meanings meant.
So I rubbed soothing circles into her back and coaxed her back into my hold, asking her what she wanted in a less brash manner.
"Um, well, I think… why don't we go back home? Don't you miss it?" I was slowly dozing off, too content with my life and having her naked body within the vicinity of mine to argue with her about anything. "I miss our routine, and the way the house smells and feels at night. We can leave now that the funeral stuff is done, and we can start on that garden we talked about…"She knew I had work to finish up here in Atlantic City, and hadn't she and Alice been inseparable since they met? Surely she'd want to stay and console my recently widowed sister, even if she was doing it for the second time. Sometimes Bella just thought up stupid arguments to goad me into a quarrel with her- I brushed it off.
So like the worthless fiancé I was, I all but ignored her pleas and shushed her into silence and then sleep.
But if I had just listened to her, if we had just gone home… perhaps we'd be in that garden she was always griping out. She'd make freshly squeezed lemonade or that herbal tea she liked so much, and we'd make love in that house I bought just for us. We'd be on our way to making a family, a normal one so unlike my own- maybe we'd be married by now and she'd stop bitching about God watching us having premarital sex? Even if it meant Nicalette would still have shown up in my life… Isabella would have been there right beside me, helping me figure it all and prattling on about how God did everything for a reason.
That brought a smile to my face, however miniscule it was.
She'd teach Nicalette to be a beautiful young lady, with manners and morals and a heart so full of kindness just like her. She might have been here with me, talking about the rest of our lives.
A/N: I really hadn't ever planned on writing a POV of Edward's… but reviewers mentioned that it would add another dimension and a little more clarification to the story and his feelings.
Hope you liked it? Next update coming… whenever I feel like I've edited enough of the previous chapters.